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View Full Version : What do I do?????? URGENT



LisaMcNally09
18-12-2009, 01:39 PM
After my earlier post about lo that swears....today is his worst day yet. I have had:

lots of swear words all repeated throughout the day. Ive also had lashing out, hitting my dd, shouting, losing his temper and this all from a 2 year old!!

No matter how much i talk to mum its all laughed off. She doesnt work just uses me for a rest and i dont think this little boy gets much of anything at home, least of all attention.

Im so stressed with it all....after today i just want to hand a warning letter over explaining the consequences if she doesnt help me to work through this...i just dont know how to word it.

Please help

Lisa

venus89
18-12-2009, 01:42 PM
Don't want to read and run - poor you, especially at such a busy time of year. I think you definately need to do this warning letter and I hope somebody will be along soon whos' better than I am at wording such things x

cuffleygirl
18-12-2009, 01:47 PM
How long has this behaviour being going on - is it related to a major change at home?

How old/impressionable are other lo's. If there is no obvious medical condition terrets? (sp) and even then it has to managed with Mum's input and if Mum is not being supportive I would be inclined to give notice as to safeguarding others, rather than lose the business of other well behaved mindee's and endure the stress.

Good luck it is unpleasant language to hear from a person of any age particularly a lo.

Blackhorse
18-12-2009, 01:48 PM
Dear Parent

I would like to arrange a meeting with yourself to discuss the recent deterioration of your LO's behaviour. We need to work together to put a behaviour management together to try and get this resolved.
As I also care for other children as well as my own it is not acceptable to have bad language etc in my setting.
If we cannot work together to resolve this issues I will need to consider terminating your contract as I cannot let one child's behaviour impact on all the other children in my care.
I hope that it will not have to come to this and that we can work together to improve LO's behaviour.

Kind regards
Childminder


Not sure if this is any good...but something on these lines is what I would write if I felt I had to write a letter. I would usually just try and discuss with parent face to face but certain circumstances may warrent a letter

LisaMcNally09
18-12-2009, 01:54 PM
How long has this behaviour being going on - is it related to a major change at home?

How old/impressionable are other lo's. If there is no obvious medical condition terrets? (sp) and even then it has to managed with Mum's input and if Mum is not being supportive I would be inclined to give notice as to safeguarding others, rather than lose the business of other well behaved mindee's and endure the stress.

Good luck it is unpleasant language to hear from a person of any age particularly a lo.

This mindee is passed from pillar to post at home. I hate labelling but he is from a very socially deprived area and mum is only interested in whos babysitting next so she can go out!:eek:

Mindee is almost certainly picking this up from home....mum laughs off everything he does even when its hurting another child. He has such a temper and really lashes out when something doesnt go his way.

He is really behind in everything....he follows the 8-20month bracket in the EYFS even though he is 34 months old. Ive been working really hard to bring his level up and give him loads of experiences he doesnt get at home but he's just not interested. Because i only have him for 15 hours a week all my hard work gets undone when he goes home.

Whats really getting me down is the other mindees are picking up on it now and are copying!!

I cant cope and i havent even got a break over christmas to sort things out in my head! This mum even asked why i wasnt working xmas day and no she wasnt joking:eek:

Pipsqueak
18-12-2009, 01:57 PM
Whats really getting me down is the other mindees are picking up on it now and are copying!!

:

you have your answer there - its impacting upon the care of the other children and that is unacceptable. you tell (yes tell) mum that either she takes this seriously and works with you to overcome this problem or you are hereby (from todays date) - Blackhorses' letter is good - terminating.

helenlc
18-12-2009, 05:14 PM
TBH it doesnt sound like mum is going to take seriously any suggestions you make for behaviour management. I had a LO who was terribly disruptive and mum reckoned she was consistent at home and did time outs like I did but I doubt she did.

Where you have this one for so few hours, its hard to make an impact when he has so much time with other people who are allowing the behaviour and also encouraging it by laughing. Also if LO is spending so much time with lots of other people, how can mum ensure she will be being consistent with any plans you make?

I, personally, would give notice from today or Monday. I have worked with children for 16 yrs and this LO I mentioned about was the worst I have ever looked after - and I LOVE kids but this one was getting me and my own children down. And he was impacting on the care I could offer the other children I also looked after.

You mentioned in your other thread that one child was already going home repeating what this LO was saying - you dont want to lose a "good" mindee for the sake of this one.

The relief I felt after giving notice to my disruptive one was immense and it totally changed my view of childminding and the atmosphere in the house - suddenly we werent all on edge and stressed - the house was calm and fun again!!

Good luck whatever you decide.:thumbsup:

Ripeberry
18-12-2009, 05:53 PM
If this letter does not work and the mindee is still being disruptive and causing so much stress, then terminate. For 15 hours a week is it worth all the stress?
As others have said it's not fair on the other mindees and if they pick up the bad words then you might get complaints from the other parents :(
As for asking why you are not working on Xmas day, am so :angry: for you.
Suppose the mum wanted to party all day....poor kid.

jumpinjen
18-12-2009, 06:15 PM
I agree with the others that for your own health and the safety and well-being of the others you shoudl give a warning then terminate. I had to terminate in the summer as an older school child was causing distress to my own daughter. recently I had very inetnse tantrums from one LO that were causing all the childrent o becomke distressed. Thankfully the mum was grateful for my input and we worked consistently together and two weeks later the situation is vastly improved.

i can understand your hesitation though as it sounds as if you are the only one who actually gives a damn about this young boy and it is heart breaking to think that if you give notice then some consistency in his life is lost, but as you said that he does not respond to the things that you offer, then maybe you need to accept that you cant be his saviour and change the course of his life.... it sounds dramatic i know but you have to put your children and other mindees first!

I hope you get somke peace from this soom!

jenni x

Desi-101
18-12-2009, 11:21 PM
Quote "This mindee is passed from pillar to post at home. I hate labelling but he is from a very socially deprived area and mum is only interested in whos babysitting next so she can go out!"


What worries me is what you said above! yes he is disruptive, swearing, abusive etc. for a 2 year old to behave in this manner is scary, something must be going on for him to be behaving in this way. Easy option is to do nothing and just give notice. Maybe you should take this further as its our duty to protect children in our care. You can give notice and then he will go to another minder and be passed on from pillar to post again...another one slipping through the system!!! Have a word with your development worker in your area. I would still give notice as its not fair on your child and the other children but if it was me I would make someone higher up in the system aware of what is going on.

LisaMcNally09
19-12-2009, 07:32 AM
Quote "This mindee is passed from pillar to post at home. I hate labelling but he is from a very socially deprived area and mum is only interested in whos babysitting next so she can go out!"


What worries me is what you said above! yes he is disruptive, swearing, abusive etc. for a 2 year old to behave in this manner is scary, something must be going on for him to be behaving in this way. Easy option is to do nothing and just give notice. Maybe you should take this further as its our duty to protect children in our care. You can give notice and then he will go to another minder and be passed on from pillar to post again...another one slipping through the system!!! Have a word with your development worker in your area. I would still give notice as its not fair on your child and the other children but if it was me I would make someone higher up in the system aware of what is going on.

Ive already passed his case on....like i said earlier theres more too it than what ive said. Im not the sort just to give up...i dont do things lightly and i hate the thought of giving notice but it is affecting my other mindees and i need to put them first. I do feel better that i know things will progress though as i have made his case known and things are in hand!!