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terrydoo73
30-11-2009, 11:08 AM
I have 2 little mindees - a girl who will be 4 next month and her little brother aged 2 years 5 months. They are only with me term time and the sister attends nursery every morning until 11.30 when granny leaves her with me. The little brother is with me from 8.30 am. They usually leave anything from 4.30 onwards.

When they came back in September, for convenience, I put the little boy down for a sleep at 11.15 - just to give the girl time to unwind when she came in and he would have peace to sleep. I noticed that when he went down to sleep he cried, chatted and finally went over about 1/2 hour afterwards. So I always counted 1 hour from the time the monitor went quiet which was good timing really for lunch.

A couple of weeks ago I realised he wasn't sleeping every time I put him down so thought nothing of it just let him lie there until 1.00 and got him up for lunch. I did mention to mum that he hadn't slept and her reply was - well I don't get him to sleep at the weekends either. I asked should I stop him sleeping to which I got no response. I decided there was no point in continually putting him down for him not to sleep but tried the method of getting him to sit up on the couch for a quiet time before his sister came in and this worked fine. Some days he was crouchy in the afternoon and I thought nothing more of it.

On Friday afternoon before I got the door opened to the mother I was asked quite directly "did D sleep today?" I said I had stopped putting him down for his sleep in the cot but just having a quiet time on the sofa. To which the response came "well he really would have needed his sleep, he got up so tired this morning and crying with it." I was going to say "well why didn't you tell me that this morning" but I bit my tongue instead. It annoyed me all that evening that I was somehow failing in my care to the little boy (I do take things very much to heart).

Anyway child came this morning, mum never mentioned whether he slept during the day at the weekend or anything but she did say that there was Calpol in the bag and to give him some if I thought he needed it. I asked "oh has he been sick this weekend or is he getting a cold or something." To which she said "no he just got up crouchy these past 2 mornings and I gave him the Calpol to keep him quiet, it seemed to work yesterday so I gave it today again." I was so shocked and couldn't say anything as she ran back to her car!

Now I don't know what exactly I am supposed to do - put him down to sleep or just hope the Calpol does the trick of not making him sleepy?

I had thought of starting a little daily journal to keep myself right as far as my actions but I think I would let myself in for more verbal attacks from mum about why I did that and not this etc. I hate this when parents don't exactly tell you what to do and then if you do do something it appears to be all wrong in the parents eyes?

Carpet Monkeys
30-11-2009, 11:13 AM
I would just go with the flow and see how you feel he is, does he need a sleep or just some quiet time.

IMHO giving the child any medication just to "keep them quiet, or make them sleep" is not done the thing!!

terrydoo73
30-11-2009, 11:27 AM
You see it is hard to tell with the same little boy. Because I have no one else here he just goes off to the toys and plays on his own. I have more of a watching role in the morning - unless he invites me to do something for him or play with him I don't get involved as he is quite happy on his own. However he will keep going back and forward to the couch and stare away into space yawning at times so I never can really tell if he needs the sleep or not. I have a monitor on him at present while he is in the cot and he is just sobbing himself out but that is the way he used to do - eventually he would get fed up and lie down and sleep. Problem is when sister comes in and hears him on the monitor she starts shouting and singing at the top of her voice - I think she hopes he will hear her!

I cannot believe that this mum would just give him Calpol - she is always so particular and does not resort to medicine unless instructed by her doctor - many a time I think the 2 of them would need it when they have an awful cold but no!

This particular mum is hung up on the little boys eating habits - hubby and I think it is pure laziness now and we time it - if he hasn't eaten his full lunch and doesn't appear to want to eat we set him down after half hour without saying anything. We found that continually prompting him just made him stubborn. Hubby also tried feeding him and that helped but we came to realise that this was what was happening at home just to speed things up - we talked it through and felt that at this age he shouldn't really be fed, he should be doing it himself. Also his mum said to me 2 weeks ago "oh it is so good he has stopped taking or looking for his bottle of milk in the mornings now". I was gobsmacked that at this age she was giving him a bottle and thought to myself "no much wonder he doesn't want to eat anything with that in him." She told me on Friday that this was another reason why he needed to sleep during the day - so he would eat better!

Goatgirl
30-11-2009, 11:52 AM
I cannot believe that this mum would just give him Calpol - she is always so particular and does not resort to medicine unless instructed by her doctor - many a time I think the 2 of them would need it when they have an awful cold but no!

This particular mum is hung up on the little boys eating habits She told me on Friday that this was another reason why he needed to sleep during the day - so he would eat better!


Hi Terrydoo :-)
You have my sympathies :( : sounds like this mum is making it up as she goes along, but putting the responsibility at your door. In your position I would sit down and have a good think about how you can feel that you offer him the best possible care. For yourself. Then think about the Mum's wishes, where they may differ from what you want to do and maybe find a way to get things in writing... some kind of sleep/rest agreement, based on... how he slept the night before, etc..
It is a difficult situation, but you can't be expected to read her mind. If there's something in writing which she has signed, maybe she'll think twice about blaming you for not having a crystal ball.
Regarding giving the LO calpol when he is not ill, I'd refuse point blank, ask her to sign that she's given it to him before arrival and re-state whatever your policy is for sick children.

Good luck with this one. I hope you can at least sort things to the extent that you're happy. You can't make the Mum behave reasonably, but you can take steps to ensure your own actions can't be taken out of context and you scape-goated for the parents' lack of success.

Best of luck,
Wendy :-)

nokidshere
30-11-2009, 12:08 PM
As far as I am concerned the majority of 2.5 year olds still need a sleep in the daytime. Sleep promotes sleep so, generally, if a child has a nap during the day they are more likely to sleep well at night. One of the main reasons parents cant get their child to sleep well at night is because they are overtired from the day. And of course we all know how grouchy a tired toddler can be.

It sounds to me like he is going down for his nap too early or too late. I would put him to bed as soon as he shows signs of tiredness.

I am not sure why you are "gobsmacked" about the bottle either. Plenty of children still like the comfort of bottles or breast way beyond the age of 2. Whilst it isn't something I would do myself I certainly wouldn;t be concerned if someone else was doing it.

youarewhatyoueat
30-11-2009, 01:30 PM
I would try to take him out in the morning so he is with others and this should make him tired, go home both children can have lunch earlier and together then down for a sleep, and the older child can then have a quiet time.

terrydoo73
30-11-2009, 02:04 PM
Thanks for your replies and suggestions - does anyone have a sleep/rest agreement with parents? I would be interested in giving this a go. Also a medication system - I have given mum sheets of these to fill out before she comes to me each morning and sign them but it doesn't seem to happen. I was wondering if I should make up my own little medicine book with my logo etc and ask her to keep it in the bag and this would be primarily for her children - what do you think?

As far as the bottle goes - I was only saying this in relation to him eating at dinner time - he still have the bottle of milk in him, no breakfast, no snack and he doesn't eat. He still has the bottle of milk every night before bed. It is comfort food and handy - that is what I mean by difficulty in getting him to eat.

The difficulty in going out in the mornings is the sisters timing from playgroup. I live 6 miles from my nearest toddler group so to get there and back for the sake of perhaps 3/4 as most of them start at 10.30 would be virtually impossible. I was thinking of maybe asking the mum after Christmas to ask her mother (who collects the elder sister) to keep her until say 12 2 days a week to allow me to get to toddler groups - what do you think?


As an aside - he did go down to sleep very quickly this morning - 20 minutes after putting him down and slept for the full hour - waking himself just before lunch time!

mushpea
01-12-2009, 06:57 AM
My daughter slept durng the day till she was three years old yet my son stopped his daytime naps at 19months, all kids are different in everythng they do so it may just be that he is in the proccess of giving his sleeps up but every now and then it catchs up with him and he needs a nap. I would just see what happens, if hes tierd let him sleep if not dont worry about it.
as you are so far away from todler groups are there any other parents or minders that you can meet up with in the monrings that live near you so he can be with other children? or if not how about a nice walk in the fresh air or even a play in the garden. this should all help him to build up an appetite for lunch.

terrydoo73
01-12-2009, 03:03 PM
I chanced it today and took my 3 mindees out - I have twins aged 1 1/2 years old on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday as well as this little boy. I decided not to put this little boy down for a sleep when I came home but we had lunch and then he became very whingy so have tried him down now for an hour.

Talk about lack of communication between myself and mother - heres another case of it! The eldest child has been late in coming home from nursery these 2 mornings so I tackled granny when she arrived as to the reason for this. The granny was so surprised that mum had not told me the child is now in for extended play time 2 mornings a week now - this means an extra 3/4 hour. If I had known I could have stayed until the end of toddlers today!

I am going to mention to mum in the new year that if is OK I will be going every Tuesday and staying until 12.00.

I really do need a method of sorting out this lack of communication - would a daily diary work do you think? I was thinking of getting an ordinary small A5 page a day diary for both sets of mums for the new year and recording in that all the important stuff like sleeping times, how they ate, general behaviour, if they appeared to be coming down with a cold and even starting and finishing times each day. I would then keep my own diary and record the information in that too. Do you think this would work?