View Full Version : please read l need advice

25-11-2009, 08:47 PM
This may be long but l really need to get it of my chest.Ive taken on a 9 year old boy. l have him before and adter school on tuesday and thursdays he has aspergers syndrome.Yesterday was my first day with him he was quiet at first and l thought he will settle.But when my 2 year old got out bed and came down he was saying get it away from me meaning my child :angry: he was really nasty to ben in what he was saying and doing with his toys he would not let ben have them.When he was sitting down he puts his feet in bens chest and starts to push him away to this ben got very upset and so did l to be honest.I explained to him that doing that is not very nice and not what l will allow.His parents let him get away with every thing even putting on his shoes they do every thing for him even cut up his food.After school l have a 18 month old come to me ive had him since he was 4 months old on a tuesday every week.He was doing the same to liam as he was to my son.Ive spoken to his old child minder and she said she would be worried about him around young children she even said that the special group he gose to at school, one of the teachers know the old childminder and said there worried about how he will turn out in the future as he comes out with sexual comments.I could not leave him with the young children at all as l could not trust him l could not believe how he was with toddlers OMG his mother dont seem to care as long as her child has some where to go.

25-11-2009, 08:52 PM
If it were me I think I would have to terminate, is he on a settling in period? You obviously have a duty of care to all the children and it sounds like he could not be trusted with the young ones. It seems a bit early to say this after just 1 day but personally I couldn't take that risk.


25-11-2009, 08:53 PM
To be honest if you are worried about this child with the younger children then i think that you are not going to be able to continue care, the eyfs says we must not allow our care for the older children to effect the younger children, if this child is upsetting or a potential hazard to the younger children, then it may not work out for you.

25-11-2009, 08:54 PM
did you state a settling in period on your contract?? and also do you have a policy regarding taking on new mindees?? id just say to mum that he is not settling with your other mindees and that their needs must come first as they have been happy and settled with you. oh must be so hard though you poor soul. poor boy aswell, he obviously knows no boundaries if mum and dad just let him get away with everything :( xx

25-11-2009, 08:58 PM
You need to continue to tell him that he shouldnt do it and explain to mum that your duty of care is for all children but especially for children in the eyfs and therefore if he continues with the behaviour then you will have to terminate the contract with immediate effect as this has a determental effect on your child and your children you mind... Point this out and pre warn her... He may settle but i feel that he needs boundaries and rules and he doesnt know where he stands at the mo, he needs to made aware of your rules and expectations and be prepared to hand notice in within the usual 4 weeks notice due to his behaviour...

Do what is right for your child as this is the reason why most childminders childmind, good luck and sending big big hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

25-11-2009, 09:08 PM
I have just read a little about aspergers syndrome and it sounds like a very complicated disability, perhaps the child would be better off with a child minder with older children but lets face that may be hard to find. You do have to put your own child and the others first and actually you probably are not able to meet this young boys needs either(might be a good way of putting it to mum).
I always do a trial run to see if all children get on and the routine works and if parents/child are happy in my care and take it from there. We are human and have to take alot of things into account before signing a contract.
Good luck

25-11-2009, 09:13 PM
Children with aspergers can be frightened of other children and they can also be very heavy handed.

They can also know too much about the adult world and come out with inappropriate comments.

It is very important that you feel the little ones are safe.

The Eyfs and the Childcare Registers are clear - your duty is to put the little ones first.

If the child is impacting on your care of the little ones, then you must give notice.

Hugs xx

25-11-2009, 09:23 PM
I think you need to ask mum or dad what they do to control his behaviour!! maybe give it a week with similar means of control therefore providing continuation of care. if this fail them I would call an end to the contract.

26-11-2009, 09:58 AM
Well this morning l was firmer with him and he seemed to calm down and do as he was told.Or tho he started saying that he has a head ach and feels sick he hates school and looks so unhappy when on the way there so l think it had somthing to do with it.I have him latter for 3 hours going to bake some cookies with the children adter school today so hoping that keeps him amused for a bit :rolleyes:

26-11-2009, 10:20 AM
just posting to wish you luck, its hard to care for older children when you have little ones aswell let alone those with additional needs.

my little ones leave me at 3pm making space for older afterschoolers, 3 have additional needs and it is hard work, I do not feel I could have a younger child around with one of them but it works for me with the hours everyone does.

ALWAYS put your own child and the younger mindees first xxxx

26-11-2009, 10:56 AM
I is hard work having older children and even more so when they have special needs, My son is borderline aspergers and most days prefers to go to his room and be on his own till the others have gone, he does this at weekends too when its just us, he just prefers his own company.
other children are unpredictable and therefore can be scary for children with aspergers.
I find with my son and with older children in general a firm approach is needed, dont let him get away with the slightest thing to begin with so he knows that he wont get away with things, remember he is just learning your rules and ways of doing things so this will have somthing to do with it aswell, and also he is not used to having younger children around so this will take time too.
whilst the younger ones are occpied and happy how about engaging him in somthing like maybe sit and play lego with him or like the cooking you are going to do and really praise him when he is good to encourage the good behaviour.
You obviously have a duty to your younger children and they must come first but at the same time it might be worth letting him have more time to settle in and once he knows your ways and rules you may find you have a pleasnt (but hard work still) young man