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View Full Version : How do you say 'NO' to your friends.........



button68
03-03-2008, 05:41 PM
..... and remember I'm a rubbish liar :(

Just bumped into a friend I haven't seen since half term. She told me she had got the job she was after last time I saw her and guess what ..... I'm the lucky childminder :panic:

The job is a mentor for people with learning difficulties 18 hours per week - works on a rosta and sounds like her hours will be quite higgledy piggledy and change from time to time.

She said her mum and mum-in-law will help so it will be an hour here, half day there, full day whenever.

Now I KNOW I wouldn't want this kind of work of ANYONE but quite frankly if she offered me her 2 kids for 5 full days I wouldn't want her kids - her DD imho is horrible (mother thinks she is a little cherub :rolleyes: )

However, she was all bubbly and excited when I saw her and I know she offends easily. She is going to call around tomorrow to see what I charge etc.. Other than telling her I charge £100 per child per day - how can I let her down gently.

What do you all say to your more sensitive friends??

Banana
03-03-2008, 05:47 PM
I would be totally honest.

Say that you have do not want to work for friends or family as you have heard too many stories about bad outcomes from it. You could always say that you had a call from another parent who has seen you and wants the space and you cant turn her away as you pormised the space already?

But in my opinoin i'd say it was best to be honest

Good luck

xx

Spangles
03-03-2008, 05:48 PM
I don't know what I would say but I would be as helpful as possible to her by getting names and numbers of other childminders for her to try and maybe recommend some I thought were good.

Would have to get out of it somehow though!

Sorry I can't help.

wendywu
03-03-2008, 05:48 PM
Tell her you have been struck off:laughing:

Tell her you have no spaces. My friend used to be an emergency minder for the large drugs company Pfizer. She got paid a retainer and had to keep places open then was paid the going rate if she was used. You could always use this as an excuse if she questions your numbers.:thumbsup:

angeldelight
03-03-2008, 05:49 PM
I agree with Lana

Lana also speaks from experience so I would def go with what she says

Good luck

Angel xx

allinatiz
03-03-2008, 05:49 PM
I think I would have to tell her that as the hours weren't regular I wouldn't be able to take her child on, or that I didn't look after friends children. I think that whatever you say if she gets easily offended you aren't going to be able to say anything that won't offend her ;)

deeb66
03-03-2008, 06:02 PM
I am afraid I agree with Lana and Angel ........I think you need to be honest.

But also say what Allinatiz has said as then it doesn't seem personal

miffy
03-03-2008, 06:05 PM
I'd say be honest but be prepared that she will be offended because in her mind you are already doing the job. She will get over it and it's not worth risking your sanity

Good luck tomorrow

Miffy xx

Annie_T
03-03-2008, 06:18 PM
you said her hours are all higgledy piggledy and will change from time to time, this could affect you really due to other kids.. are you following?
you only have '*' amount of hours a week due to the other children and mixing hours each week could prove diffecult for both you and children.

say you have a retainer fee so space saved for '*' in '*' time. that way you can only other '*' days hours,

other than this i really dont know hun sorry xx

'*' = blank so u can fill it in lol

button68
03-03-2008, 06:23 PM
I'd say be honest but be prepared that she will be offended because in her mind you are already doing the job. She will get over it and it's not worth risking your sanity

Good luck tomorrow

Miffy xx

Your right she thinks she is 'supporting me' in my new venture.

I don't need another worry to my ever growing worry list ... I'm going to save that moan for a thread in the lounge :rolleyes:

Lou
03-03-2008, 06:26 PM
Good luck with this hunny, i agree you should be honest, even if she is offended, if she is a true friend she will get over it xxx

flora
03-03-2008, 06:42 PM
if she is so easily offended, I would tell her that you have mapped out the hours for all your minded children and that you just can't offer her the care she needs. You could fib a bit and say you have a full time enquiry.... do you need the money??
Say that it's probably a blessing as you have heard horror stories of it all going terribly wrong working for friends.... you could say you like her too much to risk this??? if she says it won't happen just say you don't want to go there just to find out.

But overall you probably need to to be as honest as possible as the truth will always out. :thumbsup:
I worked for friends when I first started and it's so difficult to pick them up on anything. late drop off, late payment, kids coming without stuff etc. You do resent it cos you feel they know you so should take the p less not more :)

LittleMissSparkles
03-03-2008, 06:43 PM
I agree with what everyone has said babe xxx good luck xxx

miss muffit
03-03-2008, 06:44 PM
Hi I would be honest with your friend and tell her you are very sorry but you do not take family and friends children.

I would give her some phone numbers of childminder in your area.

good luck

let us know how you get on
Karen:) :) :)

berkschick
03-03-2008, 06:58 PM
I had a similar thing with my brothers girlfriends sister ( still with me?!!)

It would be a Thursday and Friday some weeks, not at all the next, Thurs morning another time, etc.

Mum came round and we went over everything then I explained to her that I would have to charge her for full day thurs and fri as I can only have 2 under 5 anyway due to Ella and that I couldnt afford to loose 2 full days a week like that.

Funnily enough, she didnt take me up on it and the kids are shipped off to other family members who help out as and when.

People dont understand that we are limited to how many kids we have. I think once you explain this to her she may see it from your point of view, well hopefully anyway!

Let us know how it goes!

sarah707
03-03-2008, 07:46 PM
I can't add much except I know Lana has been there on this one... so I'd trust her advice :D

allinatiz
06-03-2008, 08:26 PM
Hiya. Just wondered how it went?

disney
06-03-2008, 08:49 PM
just had this problem myself and i agread to have my friends boy and it didnt work im afraid , firstly he was a right so n so and her hours were hear & their and as we were friends it got worse . found it difficult to talk on a business level. also because the child was coming and going it messed up my other spaces .really sorry im not helping but think you need to be honest with her

hope you get it sorted all the best of luck :)

Michelle M
06-03-2008, 08:51 PM
Hi

Did you speak with your friend and how did it go huni?

lisat
06-03-2008, 09:08 PM
Good luck with this hunny, i agree you should be honest, even if she is offended, if she is a true friend she will get over it xxx

I agree, plus tell her you'll have to charge for the full week as she's taking up valuable spaces, a little deterrent i used to use! worked a treat!!!

Good luck

Lisa xx

button68
06-03-2008, 10:40 PM
Well she came around as she promised :cool: Spoke about her job and how she wasn't sure of the hours - but she's didn't actually come out and ask me about taking her two on :phew:

So the awful conversation has been delayed :(

Delly
06-03-2008, 10:43 PM
it is very hard, to say no to friends, i have found it impossible and my 2 new mindees are both to friends.

One of which i'm sure will be fine the other could be a bit dodgy..

the only thing i can say is just be honest with her, i called my friends bluff and she bounced right back doing what i expected her not to do. which kinda has left me stuck minding the little one, which i could really do without.. lol


hope it works out for you, if you find a solution how to deal with it, let us know :D

miffy
06-03-2008, 10:48 PM
Well she came around as she promised :cool: Spoke about her job and how she wasn't sure of the hours - but she's didn't actually come out and ask me about taking her two on :phew:

So the awful conversation has been delayed :(


Although she didn't ask you to take her two on do you think she is still just assuming you will have them anyway? or did you manage to side-step?

Miffy xx

button68
06-03-2008, 10:51 PM
Although she didn't ask you to take her two on do you think she is still just assuming you will have them anyway? or did you manage to side-step?

Miffy xx

:doh: Never thought of that :(

Yes maybe she didn't mention because she assumes it's a forgone conculsion :eek:

miffy
06-03-2008, 10:53 PM
Oooooooooooooh sorry Mandy

didn't mean to scare you - hope I'm wrong

Miffy xx

Tily Bud
06-03-2008, 10:57 PM
Just be honest that is all you can be xx

Heaven Scent
07-03-2008, 12:54 PM
I agree be honest, steer clear explain how you need regular days or will have to charge etc. I've made that mistake and it was the worst thing I could have done thankfully it was only a temporary arrangement but friend very controlling and wanted to call the shots I was fuming because I gave her a brillian rate £20.00 per day for both children before and after school for 8 yr old and before and after morning nursery place for 3 year old, They are dropped off at 7.30 and collected at 5.00 most Wednesdays but not all. Both children right little b***ar's make a huge mess wont't tidy up, fussy eaters, bossy with other children don't share shout all the time, don't listen to anyone else and little one runs off so have to be really firm with them which is just not enjoyable. Mother always in a rush at drop off and collection and fussing them to get ready and not listening to them. Then one day she came in late and shouted at me for feeding her children - all I'd done was give them some toast and apple while the others were having tea and that was in front of new parent and she stormed out in a strop so I sent her a text explaining to her that I couldn't leave them in the playroom alone while I fed the other two even if I wanted to and that she herself gives food to all children who visit her house. If she turned up early she expected them to be ready and if she turned up late it was the same. Poor kids I know now why they behave the way they do. Don't get me wrong mum is a lovely person and would do anything for anyone most of the time hence the silly cheap rate I think if I charged her more she would have valued the service more - does that make sense to you. Her mum has retired now and is taking over.

Celine