Help!!!! I could cry!!!

[LisaMcNally09]

Hi guys.

Im really stuck with how to handle one mindee I have. He's 2 and a half and ive posted before about him.

Everything is a competition for him....he wants to choose toys first...when we have dvd hour he wants to choose...if another hcild has the toy or chair he wants he lashes out! He pushes until he gets to where he wants to be...shouts that its his turn...gets right into the other childs face and shouts that he wants it or its his turn!

Ive tried talking to him...he nods in all the right places but 5 minutes later he's repeating the behaviour.

Ive talked to mum a little about it but im struggling how to be positive when i tell her. I really need to tackle her today when she picks up because its my sons birthday today and i know if i dont ill be stressed all night! I just dont know what to say????

Im beginning to dread him coming!!! Im consistent with everything, we do time out, i ignore behaviour...heap praise on good behaviour...etc etc...nothing is working:panic:

Thanks everyone in advance

[LittleMissSparkles]

have you tried introducing time out for couple of miutes ? x

[LisaMcNally09]

have you tried introducing time out for couple of miutes ? x

Yep im being consistent with that...when we have a chat afterwards he nods and says the right things but it doesnt change how he acts IYSWIM

[LittleMissSparkles]

just keep being consistant in what you have been doing, have a chat with mum or dad and ask how they manage his behaviour at home and tell them you need to work together xxx hth xxx

[Blaze]

I would introduce a rota for who gets to choose/go first for the day (just something simple - but visual that you can refer the child too- that way he'll learn to take turns or you could make it a reward - someone on her has flower charts for each child - the bug moves up the leaves IYSWIM - so you could do whoever gets to the flower gets to choose for that day.

HTH:)

[Hebs]

awww hugs hunni,

dont know what to say but i hope your son has a nice birthday x

[tracey36]

have you tried using a egg timer or something similar so he can see when his turn is? iv had the same sort of problem and really think it was age and stage thing especially if they have what they want when they want it at home with no other children to have to share with. i would speak to mom in a positive way asking if she has the same problem at home and how does she think its best to deal with the behaviour at yours, doing this will tackle the problem but also showing that you respect she knows how best to deal with her child.

[LisaMcNally09]

Thanks everyone

Its the talking to mum im really struggling with tbh. I dont know how to put it? Because he's lashing out at the others i know she needs to be told about it because my other 2yo mindee is at the brunt of it and i know i need to talk to his mum in case he mentions it but i need to have dealt with the mindees mum that is lashing out IYSWIM

[balloon]

If he's hitting other kids it should be recorded in your incident book and mum should be being asked to sign each and every time. With this in place it should be easier to chat to mum about it as you have to draw her attention to it. (should also be recorded for the victim and his parent asked to sign too). I know this sounds ridiculous and at one point I was going through an incident book a week so not cheap either but its what Mrs Ofsted told me I had to do so I do it, lol! If you're already aware of the procedure I apologise for telling you again,lol! (I didn't know until my inspection!)

I have just been through a similar thing with a mindee and tbh got a very lackadaisical response until I started putting it in the book. I chatted with mum and said it was possibly just a phase he's going through but that we needed to work together to deal with it as it wasn't nice for the mindees her child was hitting.

If you haven't been recording it as an incident and want a way to broach the subject tonight why not start today and use the signing of the book to explain that its been happening for awhile now but you didn't realise you should have been recording it and that its a difficult and emotive subject but the to of you need to discuss how you're going to work together to stop this behaviour, hopefully the parent will take the next step (which may well be to say it doesn't happen at home!)

[LisaMcNally09]

If he's hitting other kids it should be recorded in your incident book and mum should be being asked to sign each and every time. With this in place it should be easier to chat to mum about it as you have to draw her attention to it. (should also be recorded for the victim and his parent asked to sign too). I know this sounds ridiculous and at one point I was going through an incident book a week so not cheap either but its what Mrs Ofsted told me I had to do so I do it, lol! If you're already aware of the procedure I apologise for telling you again,lol! (I didn't know until my inspection!)

I have just been through a similar thing with a mindee and tbh got a very lackadaisical response until I started putting it in the book. I chatted with mum and said it was possibly just a phase he's going through but that we needed to work together to deal with it as it wasn't nice for the mindees her child was hitting.

If you haven't been recording it as an incident and want a way to broach the subject tonight why not start today and use the signing of the book to explain that its been happening for awhile now but you didn't realise you should have been recording it and that its a difficult and emotive subject but the to of you need to discuss how you're going to work together to stop this behaviour, hopefully the parent will take the next step (which may well be to say it doesn't happen at home!)

Thankyou i didnt realise i needed to be recording the incidents in the book :panic: I will do that today!

It will give me a way of broaching it aswell!

[terrydoo73]

Thanks - you have definately given me an idea of recording in an incident book too - we don't really have to keep such records over here in NI but I have a 4 year old and her 2 1/2 year old brother who really fight the bit out sometimes. The little boy is at the stage of temper tantrums and the sister seems to be aggravating him all the time. I tell her off but 5 mins later she is at it again. She always says "but you have to share it with me too" although she never actually shares. Even if I record the incident and my response to it without the parent signing the book I think it might help me personally to be more consistent in my response. Also it would help me record both childrens behaviour throughout each day and then I might be able to pinpoint certain things that are triggering this off.

For instance today the little girl has come in from nursery and I have purposely put the brother down to sleep before she came in - this works for me as it gives her time to adjust and by this stage of the day the boy is starting to get tired and grumpy anyway - usually ends up with him being so tired he cannot eat his lunch. Mum puts him down to sleep at 2 on Saturday and Sundays but that is what suits her - she doesn't have any other mindees and no school run to do!!

I know by the little girl that she is tired and I would say all hell will break loose just after lunch time when the boy gets up again and has had his lunch too - it always seems to be that crunch time from 1.30 to mum comes at 5. To be honest I never found it easy talking to mum - she thinks I making such a big thing of such a little incident and I hate continually telling her about it all!

[The Juggler]

have you tried using a egg timer or something similar so he can see when his turn is? iv had the same sort of problem and really think it was age and stage thing especially if they have what they want when they want it at home with no other children to have to share with. i would speak to mom in a positive way asking if she has the same problem at home and how does she think its best to deal with the behaviour at yours, doing this will tackle the problem but also showing that you respect she knows how best to deal with her child.

that's a really good idea. I've a little girl who takes things out of other children's hands and no matter how many time we talk it doesn't stop. But she happily waits when I tell her it will be her turn in x minutes. The sound of a buzzer or sight of an egg timer is an added visual bonus though to help them understand.

I've used the oven timer for turns in the garden with toys before now.

[helenlc]

Thankyou i didnt realise i needed to be recording the incidents in the book :panic: I will do that today!

It will give me a way of broaching it aswell!

I did this with a mindee I had of a similar age. It is an easier way to get to discuss it with parents as you can just elaborate on the facts that you have written down in your book.

I also used to write it in his daily diary as well. Again, it drew mums attention to it (if she read it that is!) but it also served as a written record.

If you ever get to the point that I did (ie I could not continue with this child due to their disruptive behaviour), then you also have written records, signed by mu, to show just what sort of behaviour he has been doing regularly.

But just keep consistent and do as you are doing.:thumbsup: