View Full Version : Had to phone mum today .... to settle mindee

26-10-2009, 05:58 PM
I had my 9m mindee here today, for his 2nd full session (an afternoon, once a week) and it really went badly.

About 10 minutes after he arrived, we all sat down for lunch. He ate happily for about 3 minutes and then just started crying, and crying and crying.

I was able to distract him enough to stop him crying, but this was very short lived and he would start crying again. An hour after he arrived, my other two mindees went home and their homegoing was so horrible (2nd time I haven't been able to talk to mum / children). Anyway, 30 minutes later, after he was almost asleep but didn't settle cos he was upset I sent text to mum to say come.

She arrives within minutes, and he was happy as larry within minutes :( :) .

Anyway to cut long story short, mindee cries everytime I tried to hold him thereafter and mum wants him to come again tomorrow (for a bit). I am free in the afternoon so not a problem but I'm inclined to say it needs to be after other mindees have gone (not fair to them) and then should i get mum to stay.

I'm just looking for some ideas really ....

26-10-2009, 06:02 PM
after other mindees sounds like a good idea , but i wouldnt encourage mum to stay. its going to take the mite time to get used to you , little and often is best imo.

26-10-2009, 06:08 PM
I have a 9 mth old who started proper contract this week. Before that we did about 4 weeks of settling in - first a couple of hours, then a few hours and then up to a 6 hour day.

I would say that its only this week and some of last that he has been really comfortable and happy. He has not been crying before then and not distressed but wasnt smiley and happy either.

Having one to one with him after your other mindees have gone home sounds a good idea - you can really give him all your attention. I wouldnt advise mum staying as he will have to get used to her not being there sooner or later.

Good luck:thumbsup:

26-10-2009, 08:14 PM
thanks, i'll suggest this to mum.

half term is such a busy week, all on its own, without this added to it.:blush:

26-10-2009, 08:25 PM
I agree - don't encourage mum to stop, it just makes it harder on everyone.

For a 9month old coming one afternoon a week is going to be hard to get used to so it's a good idea to do some more settling in sessions - try and pick the times so that lo isn't tired or hungry when he comes then you can play with him.

Good luck

Miffy xx

26-10-2009, 08:32 PM
I've found a good way of getting little ones to settle is to put them in a baby seat & let them watch what's going on.

Very often they don't want to be held by you (you're not mum, they're in a strange place etc). I find that they often like the security of being strapped in and not held by you. It means they can see you full on, rather than as this person who's trying to hold them when they don't want to be held, IYSWIM. I sit near them, talk to them or sing to them, play with toys & every now & again offer them the toy.
When they settle down, I undo the straps, but leave them in the seat (obviously watching them closely). It still gives a sense of security, but with a bit of freedom. You can usually tell when they're ready to get out & play.

I doesn't work straight away, but I have had some good success doing it this way.

27-10-2009, 03:28 PM
I agree with Mouse - they may not want to be held. I sat the 9 mth old is the inflatable nest thing and gave various toys. I made sure I sat on the floor with him at his level. The first day I didnt have any mindees whereas the next time I did.

I quickly discovered he likes touchy feely things and being sung to. Once you have identified his favourite things ie things that calm him down/make him smile, then you can work on that.

Ask mum what he likes to do at home ie be in a chair, rolling round the floor, what sort of things he likes to play with.

Good luck.:thumbsup:

27-10-2009, 03:34 PM
I had a 1 yr old start recently, he does not like to be held for comfort but would settle if I sat behind him and stroked his hair and said things like 'its ok', music may help too xx

David Sheppard
27-10-2009, 03:55 PM

Fully agree with all of the above, but another additional strategy for easing any transition into the setting and helping to forge a secondary attachment is to have a large smiling photo of the primary carer (mum in this case). If it is possible to laminate the photo all the better. Baby can have easy access to the face of mum for the duration of the stay.

This smiling face is a far greater comfort when all other stategies seem to fail and has worked brilliantly in my setting on a number of occasions. I have even extended this to creating a mini-picture version that was shaped into a little bracelet that fixed on the baby's wrist to allow 'mum' to still be around whilst the settling in period progressed.


David Sheppard EYP

27-10-2009, 03:59 PM

today went much better.

Mum arrived a bit unexplectedly at noon (I was quite stressed yesterday so probably my fault - but I acted as if I was expecting him).

Mum stayed with him today, except for about 10 minutes towards the end, and he really was a much happier child than he was yesterday. He had a great time with the toys & loved his lunch and mum wanted to put him down for his nap here, but I said no, he had had enough for today and I wanted him to remember being happy etc so she took him home for his nap :)

Going to do 30-60 minute sessions for the next few days, but on his own.

27-10-2009, 04:10 PM
Glad it went well and you are sounding more positive.

Have out what he obviously enjoyed playing with today and hopefully it will be another good session!!

27-10-2009, 04:12 PM
Great news! :thumbsup:

I like your idea David! Thanks for the tip!

27-10-2009, 04:38 PM
So pleased lo is settling now. hope it gets even better soon. Fabulous tip David, I hope you don't mind if I use that idea and pass it on to a childminder I know who's struggling to settle a newbie.:)

David Sheppard
27-10-2009, 04:41 PM
So pleased lo is settling now. hope it gets even better soon. Fabulous tip David, I hope you don't mind if I use that idea and pass it on to a childminder I know who's struggling to settle a newbie.:)

Sure, I will be very happy, and pleased, if anyone would like to use the tips and ideas I post. :jump for joy:


27-10-2009, 04:53 PM
It will get better and you will soon wonder what all the fuss was about!
The advice about sitting them in a chair/bouncer/car seat is very good and that is what I do. You might find that the mindee has trouble settling though doing just one afternoon a week. You might want to ask the mum to increase this to at least two sessions a week.