View Full Version : putting my hands up

23-10-2009, 08:45 AM
on that one I just don't know how to cope and I need help from experienced, calm, objective people:

some of you may know from previous thread that i have a mindee (5) i'm not fond of but i get on well with her mother.
in my eyes she is a spoilt brat, only child ect... but i decided to be professionnal about it and just get on with it hoping i would be able to change her a bit and starting school would help as well...

it's all little thing in her behaviour that drive me nuts: she'll go and ask my DD (3.5) to join her in a game, start the game and when it's my DD's turn she walks off and say she doesn't want to play anymore...which obviously upset my DD.
when they talk about what they're ging to do or make up stories it has to be all her way or she walks off.
she treat my DD like her skivvy
she takes balls which are favorite of my DS (15months) so he screams in front of her and ahe just stay put, looking at him. so i ask her what does she think makes him upset she says "i have his ball!" so she knows!!!

now my DD is no angel, she can whine for england and all but it's so frustrating to see her do all compromise in her house, with all her toys...

i know children are not nice between them etc but what i need to know it's how do i address it with her? we did have words and at the minute it's EVERYDAY in the car and she's driving me insane.


help please


23-10-2009, 08:56 AM
If you are being honest with yourself do you really want this child in your setting?

I presume you took on this job to spend time with your family,get some cash and enjoy yourself. Yes theres always issues with kids,which can usually be resolved by working with the children and parents BUT sometimes you get a child that just doesn't fit in,we've all had at least one and it's ok to admit you cannot deal with that child.

Talk to the child and to the mother,be honest with them both and let them know how her behaviour is affecting your setting. It will be good to get it in the open if nothing else.You might get a solution,you never know.

Good luck.

23-10-2009, 09:12 AM
thank you nannymcflea, i supposed i just feel obliged as i don't know any other minder doing that school, and i really don't want to put them in trouble.

a part of me also feel orry for the kid as it's mainly the adult that made her this way. mum totally babyish her and when mum is around she is unsufferable (if there is such a word!! LOL). they all get a bit mad when parents collect but her she becomes a 3stones toddler on sugar rush, tantrum, demand, tears the whole lot in 10-15min!!!!!(yes it does take her that lomg to get out of my house!!!:( )

i have her all day during the holidays, we'll see how that goes and then i'll talk to mum....i already have my excuse for not resigning contarc next year can't do drop off at DD school and hers!!!:thumbsup: but that's lots and lots of moon away.

23-10-2009, 09:30 AM
In my experience i think there are times when, if you have tried all the nicey nicey routes, then you just have to be firm about things.

If she won't play failry with the other children then you have to point out to her that she either DOES play fair or else she doesn't get to play at all! When she is taking balls from your son then try the same tactic on her and take something away that she is playing with to demonstrate how she might like it.

Sometimes children only seem to learn by practical demonstration and a change in voice tone can work wonders too. I would also give time outs for taking toys away from others if she doesn't listen to what you are saying.

The firm but fair approach is the way i have always worked and the children have usually caught on very quickly.

Hope you manage to get things sorted out x

23-10-2009, 09:35 AM
Poor you it is really hard when personalities clash, especially when your little one is affected as well.

I think you need to be absolutely clear on what is acceptable behaviour and let the rest go.

So if you sit with the child and set 4 or 5 clear, firm boundaries in place, write them down, stick them on the wall, refer back to them time after time like a broken record... she should start to get the message.

Let's go and look again at what we agreed... see here we said there wouldn't be any shouting / kicking etc...

Also of course praise the positive - a good car journey, a quiet going home session etc.

Meanwhile, try and ignore / bite your tongue with some of the smaller stuff. If she takes your child's ball - just take it back, say nothing. If she stands on a toy, just move it out of her way and try not to get upset - she's doing it to press your buttons, so don't let her!!

Talk to mum about home time - it shouldn't stretch on that long. If you need to share information, you can do a diary or send an email later. Coat, shoes, bye bye see you tomorrow.

Be strong, sending hugs xx

23-10-2009, 09:44 AM
home time takes that long because mum come to pick up as we come back from school run so she argue with mum that she didn't play etc.... sometimes i don't even stay with them, i just walk off and go to do snack, play with smaller ones etc as i can't stand the way she is with her mum...sssssoooooooo disrespectful it's unbelievable. mum sometimes get a bit cross (usually if having been physically hurt by her DD) but never follow through so it's like peeing in a violin.

i'll try the rule thing for the holiday and i'll try to have days well planned. I want to go to visit family during holiday so she'l have to come if mum agree but there is 45min car journey!!!!:panic: :panic:

thank you ladies:thumbsup:

Chatterbox Childcare
23-10-2009, 10:01 AM
Sounds like she is one spoilt brat and knows that if she whines long and hard enough she will get her own way

I think you need to set some boundaries in your house and she needs to learn what is right and wrong.

I had a 5 year old come to me and was a pain in the backside. I sat with him whilst the other played and eventually he understood that if he kicked off he would not play with the others.

it takes time but it does work and is worth it.