Advice needed on what to say to parent [Archive]

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hayleychildcare

19-10-2009, 10:14 AM

I have this one parent .......................

Mindee is 2 1/2 and at pickup he always wants to open my front door to leave with mummy.

I live on a main road and i dont allow any children to open the door.

Ive spoke to her before about this and she stopped him for about 1 week, then i just thicnk she couldnt be bothered with the fight he put up.

Now my front door is always locked but i unlock it for mum to come in for collection and then its when she is leaving that she allows him to open door and if she gets to door first she allows him to slam (and i mean slam) it shut so he can open it. :censored:

I have a sticky note on the door just above the handle saying "no children allowed to open door"

Im planning on saying someting to her tomorrow morning (if i feel better) but dont know what to say without sounding horrid.

Ive already tried the "Could you make sure R doesnt open the door at my house please, he knows he isnt allowed to because the road is really busy and i dont want him squashed".

Im thinking of saying

" I know ive said before, but can you please stop allowing you 2 year old son to open my front door which goes straight onto a main road, you stupid stupid women" :laughing:

aly

19-10-2009, 10:16 AM

could you lock it when mum comes in so that way he cant open the door?

Ripeberry

19-10-2009, 10:17 AM

Don't blame you. As you keep the door locked anyway, is there no way that you can lock the door when the mum collects, then she has to be with you at the door when leaving and then you can unlock it?
May make you feel like a jailer, but better than getting run over :panic:

hayleychildcare

19-10-2009, 10:21 AM

Ive tried doing that aswell............. mum showed him how to turn the key :censored:

So i tried locking door and taking keys with me ..... i kept losing them :panic:

miffy

19-10-2009, 10:27 AM

Ive tried doing that aswell............. mum showed him how to turn the key :censored:

So i tried locking door and taking keys with me ..... i kept losing them :panic:

I was going to suggest locking it after mum comes in and taking the keys with you.......................

You'll have to have them on a string round your neck :laughing: You'll look even more like a jailor then!

Miffy xx

peanuts

19-10-2009, 10:31 AM

put a hook by the door, but high enough that only an adult could get to it on a strick or plastic keyfob. the lo one knows that is where my key is and stands by the door to go to the park looking up at the hook with the key on it. All my parents at the moment use my back door so they can only run into my back garden, my inspector actually put on my report that my house is very child safe as there are no roads for the children to run near .

Pipsqueak

19-10-2009, 10:38 AM

I think you just need to be insistent that no-one other than you opens the door and if you have to be blunt about it then so be it.
I would pop it in a newsletter so all parents can see it too.
Get one of those stretchy keyrings to clip the keys to and keep it about your person.

Daftbat

19-10-2009, 11:11 AM

could you lock it when mum comes in so that way he cant open the door?

Seems like the solution to me - gets the point across well.

I had a parent who just opened my back door and waltzed in!!!!! I soon stopped that by putting the bolt on when she was due to arrive:p

Daftbat

19-10-2009, 11:18 AM

Sorry you have tried my suggestion:blush:

I agree with Pip, you need to blunt and explain why you don't want him to do that.

Its amazing what parents teach their kids to do - a dad told me that mum was showing their nearly 3 year old how to switch on the washing machine at their house!!! .......Thanks mum!!!!:rolleyes:

Bevbeetle

19-10-2009, 11:39 AM

why do parents think its ok to do what they want i always make the children hold hands , one mindee soon as they leave he runs down road shouting i dont have to hold hands the mum says he always does that, any way one night i fed up with it and asked the mum to make sure he was holding hands because the other children were watching him her reply HOW DO I DO THAT HE WONT LISTEN TO ME :angry: :angry: :angry:

youarewhatyoueat

19-10-2009, 12:22 PM

While any child is still in my house even when the parent is present I will continue to disipline the child. I have a gate which is double locked on the outside but a child can put their hand through and fiddle to try to get out(they can't but they like to try). I am quite happy to say 'No, we do not touch the locks, that is mummys job'.
I would just be very obvious and speak to the child in front of mum, and be ready to take her hand off the handle saying that is mummys job only.
When its an issue of safety just do it, if mum doesn't like it tough, use the other children as an excuse say you do not want the others to learn, show her the risk assessment for the door etc. If that doesn't work you could add your bit, I like that.
" I know ive said before, but can you please stop allowing you 2 year old son to open my front door which goes straight onto a main road, you stupid stupid women

Polly2

19-10-2009, 12:34 PM

hayleychildcare

19-10-2009, 12:46 PM

well she came and he went home crying

As normal he tried to open door and mum was just going to let him... so (i think id had enough) i said sorry R no. He started crying (as he does with mummy here) and shouted mummy let me. She just looked at me like i was evil :(

So she picked him up and took him home screaming (oh well)

Ive sent her a text saying that im osrry for making R cry but i cannot continue to allow him to open a door that goes straight onto a main road. (no reply yet) :p

cuffleygirl

19-10-2009, 12:54 PM

could you say its a requirement of your insurance that you the childminder has to have sole control of the front door when minded children are on the premises... or words to that effect?

nokidshere

19-10-2009, 01:23 PM

I would have done what you did and told the child no - regardless if mum agrees or not. I always discipline the children whilst they are in my home. One little boy opened the door and ran to the car while his mum was in the hallway talking to me (we have the same rule about not going outside without the adult) and I brought him back in, closed the door and told him that he wasn't to do that again.

And I wouldn't have text - texted? lol to apologise either. If he cries its only because he knows you mean it and she doesn't. Stick to your guns. You don't need "excuses" either. Its not allowed because... is totally good enough!

ChocolateChip

19-10-2009, 01:46 PM

Agree with everyone else- also at the end of the day it's your house so your rules, if she can't understand the safety aspect of it perhaps that little phrase will sink in? :rolleyes:

Just remembered I'm sure I saw something on Bromley about 'handing over of responsibility', a nice little policy that states that your rules stand until children have left the premises, regardless of whether parents are there or not, or something along those lines - would that be of any help?

MissTinkerbell

19-10-2009, 03:03 PM

Ripeberry

19-10-2009, 03:23 PM

That parent needs her head tested :angry: One day that poor kid is going to run straight out and guess who's fault it would be then? :rolleyes: She should be grateful that you are taking her child's safety seriously as she clearly does not :mad:
Also sounds like she lets him do what he wants because he may 'cry'. Too many parents are too scared of their little ones experiencing dissapoitment.
My daughter had a friend over to our house for a sleep over at the weekend and all evening it was 'Why can't I do this, that, the other thing?' Was even jealous of my daughter sitting in the front of the car and said it makes her feel sad and not loved :eek: !
You can see how some kids wind their parents around their little fingers :D

Jellytotzjulia

19-10-2009, 03:26 PM

I have the same rule 'only adults open the door' for the safety of children,but also my dog is an oppertunist!!! if she sees a child open the door she knows so can go for it & have a free fun:panic:
So last week one of my older mindees, 8, who i've had for over a year now so knows the rules,went to open the door whilst mum & me where talking, so I reminded him of the rule, mum even said "you know better than that" to him & we carried on talking, he then opened it again & that was it my dog saw her chance & was away:angry: . well Mum really went mad at & him, & told him my house my rules & he'd better abide by them:clapping: , I was really pleased that she understood & stuck by my rules, she even text later on to check dog was safe.

Sorry bit of a long story:p
Julia

Mummits

19-10-2009, 04:09 PM

Also agree with everyone else. When my parents arrive I lock the door behind them and we share the day, get the children ready and then I unlock and open the door to allow parents to leave.

Its your house so therefore your rules and after all you are doing it it for an extremely good reason and not just being petty. I have the Handing over of responsibility policy and all my parents are aware of this.

I do exactly the same, then once I've locked the door after both parent and child I totally ignore the mayhem that often breaks out on the doorstep when the child doesn't want to go in the car or doesn't want to go full stop!

The Juggler

19-10-2009, 05:24 PM

How about standing by the door when mum comes in (have child all ready to go) and then just say..."I am just going to stand here and hold the door because I worry so about lo catching his fingers in the door if he does it"

Let her pick up his stuff and get him - you just stay by door until they go.

Any good?

was going to suggest this too. when she comes in turn around so YOU have your back to the door and are in control. Hand her the bags etc and have them ready. Then he'd need to get past you! honestly some parents!