View Full Version : should i put it down as a concern?

18-10-2009, 05:44 PM
Hi all, Could do with some advise please will try not to ramble.

Ok i have a parent aged 20 with two children 3 years and 2 years,(2 different dads) i care for the
children part time one week and full time the next. her hours do require me to work till 10pm 2days a week.
She moved around the area 5 months ago to get away from family she said they never got on and now she is going through courts as the childs nan wants custerdy, their nan has had social services involved and they are around the parents house every week to check up, Social services rung myself two weeks ago and asked if all is well and if i had any concerns i replyed none what so ever.

Recently she has started to see another man, i had only ever seen him in the car when shesto droping and picking children up. untill friday night that is.......
knock at the at 9.55pm parent and her new parter at the door, i said hi and invited them in (both children were asleep) the man walked past me and he stunk of beer and i could tell he'd had a couple, he made him self at home right a way, sat down n was looking around the living room he asked me how old i was and said really nice house:angry: by this time i felt really uncomfortable and just wanted him out.
The mom said 'cant you tell hes had a drink' im sorry but i really dont feel comfortable with him i will be honest he made my skin crawl.

Any way the next day i had the children just mom dropped them off nothing was mentioned about the night before. i was talking to the oldest child in the car and was asking what she will be doing tomorrow as its sunday, she replys ' i dont know, staying with mommy and her bf.
In this conversation mindee said mommy has two bf's gave me both names. she has also said that they stay at her house in mommys bed.

do you think i need to but out or say something?

thanks :)

18-10-2009, 05:55 PM

i'd be speaking to someone, if the kids are aware of it then it isn't good for them :(

Pudding Girl
18-10-2009, 05:55 PM
What exactly is your concern here re the kids and their care as am a bit confused tbh.

18-10-2009, 05:58 PM
well, i would note anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, but i really don't think anything has happened to be concerned about.

As long as one carer was sober, I think the other has every right to have a beer, even though he sounds like he was a bit rude in your house.

18-10-2009, 06:04 PM
There are all kinds of family situations out there.

It's not really our job to get involved, though we obviously hear things the children say and pass judgements in our heads.

If you have a concern about the children - abuse, neglect etc - then it is your absolute duty to pass it on.

If you are concerned for example that the man was drunk and might hurt the children or she was letting him drive them somewhere then it's your duty to tell someone.

I'd say though that what mum gets up to in her own time and personal life is up to her so long as the children are ok.

There's a lady who lives nearby here who has 3 or 4 boyfriends at the same time - she has told me before she is in a free love relationship - I don't understand it but it doesn't hurt her daughter and it's just a life decision she has made.

Hth :D

18-10-2009, 06:07 PM
What's your concern? That a 20 year old has a sex life? For goodness sake don't mention it. This sort of thing leads to perfectly decent children being taken from their mothers.

18-10-2009, 06:10 PM
I would ask for this to be moved to the private area of the forum as this can be read by the public.

18-10-2009, 06:20 PM
I agree with Sarah!

I would also keep a note in my own personal diary not in the childrens folders just so its down somewhere if ever the situation changes.

I have a child who tells me who sleeps in mommy's bed and its quite funny as he names his grandparents by name not by nanna etc so when they stay over its 3 in a bed! only ts not as mom sleeps on the sofa but hey ho I've gone off track yay me.

Pudding Girl
18-10-2009, 06:44 PM
Sounds to me as though you are very judgy about this parent and her personal private life ( key words here, personal and private!) - you may not agree with her morals, doesn't make her a bad person/bad mother.

I had children of same age, by the same age, and yes shock horror with two different dads :eek: :eek: did that make me a potential abuser? that my childminder should be making notes on me?

Keep your ears and eyes primed for real concerns about the children and mind your own business about her private life.

Sorry but I've rather gone off on one now :mad:

18-10-2009, 07:39 PM
I would only be concerned if it was only the bf turing up tp pick the children up under the influence, But if the children seem happy and healthy and if you have no other reason to suspect any froms of abuse then just leave them be

18-10-2009, 07:48 PM
The child does not mean they both sleep in her bed at the same time :laughing:

Its only the same thing as knowing one of your married parents is having an affair, which would mean they were sleeping with two people as well.

Pudding Girl
18-10-2009, 08:21 PM
The child does not mean they both sleep in her bed at the same time :laughing:

:laughing: maybe they do lol

but even if they did, it's still no business of anyone elses nor does it make them a bad parent though

19-10-2009, 05:43 AM
From what you say in your post you have no concerns about the way the children are being treated atm - you don't think they are being abused or neglected? If that's the case then you don't need to do or say anything.

It seems the boyfriend made you feel very uncomfortable - you don't have to put up with that and if he turns up again with mum when he's had a drink then you could ask that he waits in the car.

Miffy xx

19-10-2009, 06:27 AM
I agree with Miffy - its up to them what they do at home but if you dont want him coming to your house drunk then dont invite them in !!!!

I wouldnt like it and I have had male parents in the past that have made me feel uncomfortable so I just dont invite them in any more

Leave them to it and just enjoy looking after the children

Angel xxxx

19-10-2009, 06:58 AM
I think you have a 'concern' here because you have spoken to SS and also the boyfriend made you feel uncomfortable iyswim.
It doesn't sound like, from what you say there is any particular reason for you to have a concern directly about the children at this current moment, but you are the one in the situation and it boils down to your judgement call.
Try to stay in a professional frame of mind and separate out how you personally feel about the boyfriend/situation.
Well done for asking though, its not easy in a situation like this sometimes to differentiate and its always better to ask for a 'second opinion':thumbsup:

19-10-2009, 08:01 AM
As Pip said , you have done right in asking someone else about it. It's good to have the views of other professional carers.

As social services are involved I would make a note of the fact thet BF smelled of alcohol.
It's not your judgement call at the moment, just your job to record the facts.

I agree with Miffy and would not invite him in again as he made you uncomfortable.

19-10-2009, 08:17 AM
but even if they did, it's still no business of anyone elses nor does it make them a bad parent though[/QUOTE]

No but it makes them quite kinky :laughing:

19-10-2009, 08:26 AM
:laughing: :laughing: @ Wendy

In all seriousness tho, good advise given here nothing more to add but as Pip said you were right to put this past others and get some opinions.:thumbsup: