PDA

View Full Version : What is a reasonable amount of time to expect a 4 year old to eat in?



amirose
16-10-2009, 05:00 PM
I have a 4 year old mindee whose driving me and the other kids I look after mad. Been looking after him a month and its the same drill everyday. Today for example, chicken, penne pasta and sweetcorn.

4.26pm give him is tea,
5pm still over 3/4 of it on his plate so tell him at 5.10pm TV goes off,
5.10pm TV goes off
5.30pm there is still at least 3/4 of it on his plate - throw half of it in the bin (:rolleyes:) and give it back to him and tell him if he eats that he can have his dessert
5.48pm he must of eaten at the very most 2 bits of pasta I said enough is enough he wasn't going to get dessert because he had taken too long so he said he wasn't going to eat what was on his plate - so that went in the bin too :rolleyes:

He just seems to sit and stare at his food, its so irritating. His mum tends to feed him at home :rolleyes:

So I am thinking if I get a reasonable amount of time to eat in my mind I can then time limit before he loses his dessert. Then, in future, I won't tell him his lost dessert until his finished. Have to do something as its just ridiculous.

OrlandoBelle
16-10-2009, 05:11 PM
Poor you. I know exactly how you feel as I had a 4 year old like this earlier this year. Him and his younger brother used to mess about so much at the dinner table and would rather sit there giggling (at nothing) than eating. I tried everything from bribing them with puddings, splitting the two of them up so they couldn't mess about... you name it. The younger one would always eat his dinner though. It used to take over an hour for the eldest to eat a quarter of his and then he'd whinge he'd had enough. I think he was just lazy and was used to parents feeding him.

I used to reward the younger brother with a sticker when he had eaten all of his - an extra special gold one if he cleaned his whole plate. This seemed to sink in and soon the older one began to eat. There's no puddings until plates are empty in my house too.

I hope he gets better soon. I know how frustrating it can be!

jaja
16-10-2009, 05:13 PM
am mean i wont let the kids have more than 30 mins, the food goes cold and i yuke...... my dd is 4 and takes less than 30 mins for main and pud drink.... another mindee is 3 and she eats within 15 mins.... my 7 year old takes forever but then he doesnt eat much anyway....

i would speak to mum about it and do not feed him, this would keep him delayed, hows he going to manage at school? mum needs to be made aware of what is happening so that she can help this lo.......

good luck xxxx

Hebs
16-10-2009, 05:31 PM
am mean i wont let the kids have more than 30 mins,

i'm the same and they get even less time to eat lunch in school :thumbsup:

from the age of 3-ish i encourage them to eat quicker to prepare them to eat lunch in school as i think they only get 10 or 15 mins to eat :)

Pudding Girl
16-10-2009, 05:41 PM
What does mum say? I'd be suggesting a quick snack to mum and that she gives them main meal at home.

And turn off the TV!! :eek: :laughing:

Helen79
16-10-2009, 05:46 PM
I give about 30mins too for main & pud.
I've they've not eaten all or had a good go at the main they don't get pudding.
It's so frustrating when they take ages.

I would try turning the tv off to begin with & give him a smaller plate.

Alibali
16-10-2009, 05:51 PM
I had one lo who was collected at 5pm so dinner was about 4.20-4.30, we always have a cooked meal and fruit or yogurt for lunch so she wasn't ready for dinner. She was so slow and didn't eat so I ended up talking it through with parents and agreeing to give her snack instead and then they give her dinner at home. I no longer do dinner for any of mine and I feel it is really important for them to eat together as a family at home especially if parents work full time.

Oh and definitely no TV during meal times:thumbsup: :)

Winnie
16-10-2009, 05:58 PM
Turn the TV off before serving dinner, i think you will be pleasantly surprised how quickly the food will dissappear.

Princess Sara
16-10-2009, 06:01 PM
Turn the telly off for a start! No child will sit and watch telly AND eat their dinner (unless you have my mindee 3 who just eats and eats and eats!)

30 minutes is a perfectly normal time to allow a child to eat a full meal. Because of his age I would explain to him before any food is served that he has 20 minutes to eat his meal and if it is all gone/good amount then he has another 10 minutes for a dessert. Don't talk about it while he's eating, just leave him to it and take the plate away after the allocated time.

TheBTeam
16-10-2009, 06:20 PM
Same here, I think that 30 mins is enough in general, i allow a bit longer if they are still actively eating. I took 3 weeks to get a child down from 1 3/4 hours for his packed lunch gradually down to 20 mins as he needs to do it in around 10-15 mins for school which he starts in January so we are now slowly showing how to open some of his packets, which should shave the other 5 minutes or so off of the time.

sue
16-10-2009, 06:21 PM
What does mum say? I'd be suggesting a quick snack to mum and that she gives them main meal at home.

And turn off the TV!! :eek: :laughing:


l agree TV is turn off before meal time here and back on once everyone has got down from table

georgie456
16-10-2009, 06:38 PM
my 3 and a half yr old mindee eats SOOOO slowly - he drives me mad! When I am trying to get him to finish the lunch he has been eating for an hour because we will be late for pre-school he just plods on!!!

I now give him a time limit and then it gets taken away.

It is almost physically impossible to eat a banana as slowly as he does - it truely is a talent!

little chickee
16-10-2009, 06:40 PM
I would suggest giving him half the amount you are giving him at the moment - calmly explain that he is to eat at roughly the same speed as the others - when everyoneelse has finished just ask him "are you going to eat your dinner?" if he says no remove the plate and tell him he can leave the table - no fuss, no bribery, no stress - if he eats -good, if he doesnt - no big deal.

Just let his Mum know if hes eaten of not. Maybe with less fuss and attention he will gradually learn to eat - this worked with my son who was dreadful at eating as soon as the stress and fuss disappaered he started eating more and more - took several years to get him to eat the same as eveyone else though!!! patience, patience, patience.

amirose
16-10-2009, 07:46 PM
Thanks guys, I honestly all thought you were all going to say at least an hour so half hour seems great :D Though of course we are way off that at the moment!!!

So from Monday its going to be no TV (and I can blame it on you guys when they all moan :p !!!) - the reason they watch it at the moment is that I have no dining room (dining area is used as a playroom) so they all sit around the television to eat seems funny to sit round an off TV!!! Its partly Ofsteds fault (lol) because the older ones use TV tables which they need to sit on the sofa to use - Ofsted told me not to sit the younger ones in the play area (I have a through room - lounge/diner) where the little childrens table actualy is because it wasn't "inclusive" therefore I have to physically move the small table into the lounge area so they are sitting with the older ones (both 8) - who I really think would rather they not sit with them!!! (table manner issues - youngest are 18months and 2 ha ha) Oh might I add the 18 month old and the 2 year old eat faster than the 4 year old :rolleyes:

So its TV off 30 minutes for main meal (start them off easy) then 10 minutes dessert :thumbsup:

amirose
16-10-2009, 07:47 PM
Just to add his with me until 6.30pm so not giving him dinner is not really an option :thumbsup:

FussyElmo
16-10-2009, 07:49 PM
What time does he have lunch at school as he may not be hungry and if Mum is feeding him at home I would say there is no point in you feeding him :thumbsup:

angeldelight
16-10-2009, 07:51 PM
Oh it sounds like the little 4 year old who started with me a few weeks ago

She puts one pea on a fork it then takes her about ten min to whizz the fork around then study the pea then put it to her mouth then take a small bite
I have seen her take about 5 bites from a pea and I am not kidding :laughing:

I tried giving her less food - she has no tv on but nothing seems to work to be honest

Hope you have better luck

Angel xx

Daftbat
16-10-2009, 07:56 PM
Hi,
I sympathise with your position but i am puzzled about the number of replies where people seem to have the TV on at mealtimes. Call me old fashioned but the children NEVER EVER watch tv whilst they are having a meal with me. I am fortunate that i have a six seater dining table but i always insist on using the table. Even if i had to use the area where the TV is i would still swith it off anyway.

My children and mindees take about 20 mins to eat their meals - any longer than this and i would say the meal was cold. Does this child take lots of time with all types of food?

I give the children the chance to eat properly - if they are messing about i give a warning, possibly two and then i put the food in the bin - and there is no pudding. If they are hungry before the parents collects i will offer fruit and let the parent know what the score is.

I don't charge extra for meals and hate bad table manners.

amirose
16-10-2009, 08:09 PM
Hi,
I sympathise with your position but i am puzzled about the number of replies where people seem to have the TV on at mealtimes.

Nope just me everyone's been saying turn it off! lol
However would like to add - doesn't make an iota of difference t how fast he eats!!!

My children and mindees take about 20 mins to eat their meals - any longer than this and i would say the meal was cold. Does this child take lots of time with all types of food?

Yep, everything. Even his favourite - fish fingers



I wasn't allowed to watch TV when I was a kid either but I haven't lived at home for 10 years - me and my other half always eat in front of TV so has become the norm for us - we have no kids of our own.

Pudding Girl
16-10-2009, 08:14 PM
Do you have a coffee table and some small chairs that you could all sit round instead? Kind of tricky to eat a hot meal off your lap or sat on the floor, it might help, and certainly would make meal times more pleasant, conversation and all that.

amirose
16-10-2009, 08:21 PM
Do you have a coffee table and some small chairs that you could all sit round instead? Kind of tricky to eat a hot meal off your lap or sat on the floor, it might help, and certainly would make meal times more pleasant, conversation and all that.

They don't eat off the floor?
I have a small table and chairs for the little ones and the older ones eat of TV tables - wouldn't expect the kids to eat off the floor!!!

Pudding Girl
16-10-2009, 08:24 PM
lol not OFF the floor, assume you have plates LOL!

I got confused reading your post, been a long day :)

devoncm
16-10-2009, 08:36 PM
My mindee started with me like this, she was nearly 5, and at times she would take 2 hours, In the end i wouldnt say anything to her, if she ate within half hour/45 mins she got pudding, if she was still eating id give others their pudding to see if that made her hurry up so she'd get some then id take it away, if she had a plateful left depending what it was and i had left overs in pan she'd have next day, this ive dsone with my kids and the next day i give the others a treat meal like pizza or something -they dont seem to take as long when they have it again

Id just let him finish in his own time, no tv throughout meal and if he takes too long but finish just say meal time finished a long time ago ill save your pudding for tomorrow if you eat it before mealtime ends.

The Juggler
17-10-2009, 08:25 AM
sorry haven't read all your replies so sorry if repeating what others have said.

TV off first and foremost. Sit and chat with them instead.

I think 3/4 hour is enough. I would suggest that if he is not eating it might be unwise to take half off his plate and still allow him pudding (as others might think it unfair). However, you could negotiate a smaller portion size to start with. speak to mum/look at guides for portion size. After an hour take plate away and offer him a fruit maybe and thats it - dinner over.

LOL

uf353432
17-10-2009, 12:53 PM
See I agree with the no TV, all kids sat round a table together is important.

But I never expect a child to eat everything on their plate, if they have had enough they have had enough. If a child doesn't appear to have made any inroads into their meal i'll ask them to have X more mouthfuls - X = age - so if they are 3 - 3 more mouthfuls. I don't bribe them with desert, they are all offered afters and this is normally a yoghurt or fruit. I don't look at food taken in one meal I look at food across the day and get the balance on the day. Sometimes children don't eat alot, sometimes they eat loads. Maybe work with the child to find out what fav foods are with actvities, see if child wants to help cook the food. I would say no attention for not eating and if they don't eat at the meal times then there is nothing else until the next mealtime.

Chatterbox Childcare
17-10-2009, 02:57 PM
I feel that until you turn off the tv and sit up the table fron the start of the meal the child will be distracted and continue to be slow to eat.

I put the microwave on timer for 30 minutes and my little ones get used to the ping. I feel that is long enough and after that time we all get down.

As the child gets faster the timer gets shorter.

This may seem harsh but at school they won't get this long.

Rubybubbles
17-10-2009, 04:08 PM
I feel that until you turn off the tv and sit up the table fron the start of the meal the child will be distracted and continue to be slow to eat.

I put the microwave on timer for 30 minutes and my little ones get used to the ping. I feel that is long enough and after that time we all get down.

As the child gets faster the timer gets shorter.

This may seem harsh but at school they won't get this long.


use a egg timer much cheaper :laughing:

Good luck with the eating! my dd gets 30 mins then it's gone:D she has really lost her appitate of late, butjust finished a growth spurt so putting it down to that art she was eating LOADS:D

Daftbat
17-10-2009, 05:31 PM
I feel that until you turn off the tv and sit up the table fron the start of the meal the child will be distracted and continue to be slow to eat.

I put the microwave on timer for 30 minutes and my little ones get used to the ping. I feel that is long enough and after that time we all get down.
As the child gets faster the timer gets shorter.

This may seem harsh but at school they won't get this long.

My friend grandma used to use her microwave as a timer and it didn't do it a lot of good! However hers is an old one - perhaps the newer ones can cope with nothing in whilst its on. The egg timer is cheaper though - no electric:laughing:

The Juggler
17-10-2009, 05:56 PM
My friend grandma used to use her microwave as a timer and it didn't do it a lot of good! However hers is an old one - perhaps the newer ones can cope with nothing in whilst its on. The egg timer is cheaper though - no electric:laughing:

I blew up one in our holiday cottage doing that! I never knew what would happen. I use the oven timer at home for all sorts of things.

LOl

youarewhatyoueat
18-10-2009, 06:27 PM
4.26pm give him is tea,
5pm still over 3/4 of it on his plate so tell him at 5.10pm TV goes off,
5.10pm TV goes off
5.30pm there is still at least 3/4 of it on his plate - throw half of it in the bin () and give it back to him and tell him if he eats that he can have his dessert
5.48pm he must of eaten at the very most 2 bits of pasta I said enough is enough he wasn't going to get dessert because he had taken too long so he said he wasn't going to eat what was on his plate - so that went in the bin too

He just seems to sit and stare at his food, its so irritating. His mum tends to feed him at home

I've just read this again and if that was my child and had been treated like that I would be quite upset. Perhaps its the way its written but at 5.30 you tell him etc I think thats awful. I'm not critisising but I can just imagine what my son would be like at that time after school etc. He would be tired and want me.
I would def have a chat with mum about likes etc and see whether he would be better with a good snack and dinner at home.
I wouldn't be offering after school meals without a dining area, easier to go with a good snack, and you get the idea about the tv.lol
I had a slightly older child who would also take about an hour to eat his dinner but he always ate it all but was very slow I had to put his dinner on the table half hour before my own children as it drove them nuts. It was easier to not offer meals in the end, he had a snack and went home with mum for dinner it was so much better.
Good luck.

loocyloo
18-10-2009, 07:25 PM
my 4 yr old DD is the worlds slowest eater!

BUT a kitchen timer is amazing ... :D she has proved to me she CAN eat fast! she just prefers to talk, and talk , oh, and talk !!!

we currently have a no talking rule at mealtimes, as although i like to use them as social times, as everyone sits round the table to either have tea or snack, they were taking forever with the chatting, so until half term we are on 'no talking' ... and then will see what happens! but meals are getting eaten so quickly, and with much less mess! :clapping:

Louise_Oaktree
18-10-2009, 09:04 PM
It's only my opinion but I think you need to chill out a bit and just ignore this a bit more. Definitely turn off the TV and sit together, I have a small table for the little ones I move around the place so all can sit down together if not enough room on big table, but perhaps he just isn't hungry or doesn't like the food? Not all children will be open and honest about this...

I have a little girl who doesn't have hot meals at home (well not unless you include hotdogs) and we just have a hot meal once a week or every now and then. Other days we will have sandwiches as everyone likes this and they seem to eat them quicker. They can also choose their own filling and help prepare them.

I think you could be making the situation more stressful than it needs to be. I have a 1 year old who just doesn't eat much at all. He would not be fed and only ate finger foods, some weeks he has a fish finger every day but then some days he will eat peas and a couple of forks of cottage pie, now 2 months on he lets me feed him weetabix or rice krispies at breakfast and eats most fruit chopped into small pieces. He still has his fish fingers but I supplement with other nutritious foods too. If he eats it great, if he doesn't then I just throw it away and forget about it. If he eats something new we have loads of cheers and praise and he joins in clapping for himself :clapping:

Make sure Mum knows he doesn't eat but don't make a big thing about it. As long as you offer the balanced diet if he doesn't eat it it's not your fault.

I suspect Mum may be giving him his dinner once they get home and perhaps it is something 'better' so he is saving himself...I had one of those who got Macdonalds and pizza etc on the way home so hardly ate anything with me.

mrsgreen
19-10-2009, 05:00 PM
i agree with post before, try not to make it more stressful. it will just become a battle. dont even mention a dessert, because your dangling a carrot then taking it away if he doesnt eat it all. so he will just give up trying to do what you say.
if he eats a satisfactory amount, then reward him with praise and a dessert. if he stares at it, tell him it is important to eat so he can play! if he doesnt eat, put it in the bin and say nothing. he will be much more willing if he knows he gets a treat, if he eats it all, rather then get ignored if he doesnt.