She kept going on and on and on ....

[Lainey Lou]

Hi all, I've started looking after a 6 month baby two days a week, the mum is a friend of mine. Anyway, on the second day, she said that something is playing on her mind and she then went on to say that she is really concerned that my dd who is 2 years would maybe get jealous and harm the baby when I am out of the room (poke her with a pen was an example she used!). I must admit my dd was abit moody and probably jealous the day before and that is possibly what sparked the idea in the first place, so I can understand why she brought it up. But honestly, I can't tell you how much she went on and on about it and just basically wound herself up, she was almost pleading with me in the end, saying please, please, please make sure nothing happens ... by this time she was really annoying on me!! I just said that if ever I have to leave the room for abit of time, ie. to make lunch, I will take the baby with me and put her in the pram in the kitchen, but I can't carry her everywhere and she would have the same concerns wherever she left her ie at a nursery, another childminder etc. She was happy with this but she brought it up later on over the phone and then when she picked her up (said she had spoke to a friend and her friend said she was over reacting, so she is obviously really getting herself in a tiz about it). I just KNOW she will bring it up again, what shall I say to just nip it in the bud as it is winding me up, its not as though my dd is a little monster but that is how she started making me feel! Your assertive suggestions would be appreciated!! :) x

[Helen79]

Sounds like she is feeling guilty about leaving her lo and that she can't be there to protect her & is transferring that anxiety onto your ds.

Not sure what you can do to reassure her apart from what you've already told her.

[mrsgreen]

maybe trying saying you understand her concerns, but you are a professional and know how to keep her child safe. she has to learn to trust you otherwise she will drive herself mad. maybe she might calm down after a bit of time. just stay confident so she feels you know what your doing. good luck x

[Madminder]

Many years ago when I had not been minding for long I took on 4 month old twins and had a 2 yr old mindie. I was worried about leaving her alone with them as she would not leave them alone and I had to go to the loo and make luch etc. I had a playpen which I had used in the past for crawlers when I had to leave the room, but what I did was get the older one to help me decorate it and then made it her special place. When I had to leave the room I popped her in it and she was quite happy! Worked much better than popping the babies in as they could roll to the edge where she could reach them.

By the time she was big enough to get out of it she was much less interested in them and I was much happier to leave her with them.

[gigglinggoblin]

I kept my 2yo with me when I looked after a baby. If they are your own child you can take them with you much easier and if there is any jealousy it should make it better that you want them with you, not the baby. I do think she is overreacting but I can completely understand her, I am a bit over anxious about leaving my kids with other people too (even the 10yo)

A friend had a baby and a 2yo (both hers) and she heard the baby cry then go quiet while she nipped to the loo. She came back to see the 2yo had covered the baby with cushions because she was making too much noise! Baby was fine but the kids werent left together again!

[youarewhatyoueat]

I would take a series of photos throughout the course of the day and then show her at pick up time.At least she can see what her baby is up to. When I took on a 6 month old I took photos of snack time, eating lunch and even sleeping and mum felt much better.

[Sally G]

i would be qute assertive and say that you have had training to deal wth these situations, you are aware of her anziety (spell) that the two of you have discussed it and youll speak to her should you need to in the futre.:p

[gegele]

when i started the 9 month old baby i was the 1st person the child had ever been left with. before starting the mum was a bit wary but on the 1st day i text her mid morning to say everything was fine, little one had settle to leep and i took picture of my son with her and the baby laughing through the day and i e-mail them to her as she pick her up. so when she went home, turn computer on she saw that her baby had a good time and it removed a bit of the negative feeling she may have had.
:thumbsup:

just guide mum's eyes toward the good times rather than your DD. or take a pic of the baby looking at your dd smiling........before she grab the pens ah ah ah ah ah
I took a pick of my 14month old giving the baby a cube, on the next one he whacked her with it :D :D

[miffy]

Sounds like she is feeling guilty about leaving her lo and that she can't be there to protect her & is transferring that anxiety onto your ds.


I agree, it seems mum is finding the separation difficult.

Gegele's idea of photos is a good one and might reassure her.

I'd try and be patient for a few weeks and see if things settle down.

Miffy xx

[Daftbat]

I agree that she is probably feeling anxiety over leaving her child but to be honest you will get no peace unless you get this sorted quickly. She needs to be told that you are fully aware of her concerns but if she cannot accept your reassurance then she must decide whether she wishes you to care for her child. You must make the point to her that you cannot accept being constantly checked about how you are safeguarding her child. Get her to imagine how she would feel about someone questioning her judgement in her job so much.

Its natural for parents to need time to adjust to leaving their child but there has to be a line in the sand, so to speak!

[balloon]

Sorry to wade in and be different but...

I'm wondering if since she is a personal friend and obviously knows you dd quite well if there's possibly something about your dd's behaviour when she's "moody and jealous" that is worrying her and making her think she (dd) may hurt her baby either accidentally or on purpose when she's upset? (Please understand I'm not saying your child is moody, just picking up on what you said in your post, lol!)

Maybe your dd has behaved in some way in the past that she's worried about telling you? Perhaps may work better to sit with your friend and gently ask her if there's something in particular that is bothering her?

I may be barking up the wrong tree here but from your post it sounds as if she wasn't worried until the day your daughter was a bit moody (as 2 year olds are prone to be, bless 'em ;) )...

[Lainey Lou]

Sorry to wade in and be different but...

I'm wondering if since she is a personal friend and obviously knows you dd quite well if there's possibly something about your dd's behaviour when she's "moody and jealous" that is worrying her and making her think she (dd) may hurt her baby either accidentally or on purpose when she's upset? (Please understand I'm not saying your child is moody, just picking up on what you said in your post, lol!)

Maybe your dd has behaved in some way in the past that she's worried about telling you? Perhaps may work better to sit with your friend and gently ask her if there's something in particular that is bothering her?

I may be barking up the wrong tree here but from your post it sounds as if she wasn't worried until the day your daughter was a bit moody (as 2 year olds are prone to be, bless 'em ;) )...

Hi there, the children don't really know each other to be honest, we are mates but don't meet up that often. I just think because my dd was being abit moody at the time, that is what sparked the idea off in the first place which I can understand, as I would be exactly the same leaving my lo somewhere. I'm sure it will be fine, I took some piccys at the park and a video on my mobile of her lo on the day she mentioned it, just so show that she was happy and having a nice time. My dd will get used to it, I will just try to involve her as much as I can 'helping mummy look after the baby'. Fun and games! :) X