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helenlc
18-09-2009, 11:53 AM
I have a 2 yr old mindee (2 in August) who has always been fed by Mum. Mum said this was so feeding was quick and not messy! LO can feed herself a yogurt with a spoon but thats about it.

I made sandwiches, pitta breads, toast etc last week for her lunch. She picked them up, nibbled but that was it and I really had to prompt her to pick them up.

This week I have done pasta for lunch on Monday and Tuesday hoping she would fare better with these. No, she just stabbed at the pasta with her fork.

Once I presented her with her lunch (a stew Ready Made meal thing sent in by Mum). I fed her a couple of spoonfuls then made my excuses and left the table. She just sat there. When I came back a couple of minutes later, she just looked at me expectantly! I put some food on the fork and then put the fork in her hand. She just put it back in the bowl.

Today, I have made her sandwiches, cocktail sausages and carrot sticks. I sat her down 25 minutes ago and she is still sitting there. She has nibbled a bit of sausage and now has a sandwich in her hand but is playing with it - squishing it, turning it all over to look at it.

Now I understand that as Mum has fed her, her handling her own food is all new to her, so she is curious about it. But I dont want her playing with it as I dont want the others to copy her (who are not here today - just me and her). I dont think that at 2 yrs old she should still be playing with it.

She can obviously use a spoon and feed herself the yogurt, so its not that she cant do it. But its so frustrating that she wont feed herself anything else. (Although she will feed herself a biscuit VERY slowly as she did at Toddlers the other day!)

The other day, I was eating a croissant and her and the 16 month old came wandering over, so I broke off a bit for each of them. The 16 month old took it with her hand and ate it straight away. The 2 year old leant forward with her mouth open for me to put the croissant in!!:eek: I said No and placed it in her hand and told her to put it in her mouth and eat it. Which she did. So I gave her lots of praise.

I just need some help and advice of ways to encourage her to feed herself. And how long do I leave her there? I expect the children to eat their main stuff (or at least most of it) and then give yogurt/fruit etc. So she is not eating much at meal times. I dont want to give her her yogurt when she hasnt made an attempt with the main or she has just sat there and played with it.

(I should also add that Mum does everything for her and this shows. She is a bad walker because Mum carries her everywhere. She has trouble with problem solving tasks as she is so used to someone else doing them. I am trying to teach her some independence and confidence in her own ability because she is very bright and I think capable of a lot more than she does)

miffy
18-09-2009, 12:00 PM
I think you need to get mum on your side with this or it's going to be very hard for you to change things.

I found this website that has lots of ideas and might help you.

http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p=114&np=302&id=1756

Like it says she won't starve if she got the chance of food.

Good luck

Miffy xx

Blackhorse
18-09-2009, 12:27 PM
I am quite harsh that way I think but I would just not feed her but offer food and wait until she eats it. she is obviously old enough to do it.
with a mindee you obviously have to agree with mum what is best to do...but I think children need to learn to feed themselves and be independent.
Once she knows the only way to get food is by eating it herself she will be doing it quite quickly..

I have a 3yr old that was fed for ages by mum (other health issues there) but she CAN do it. So I told mum I stopped feeding her...but she loves food so she is happily eating herself. ..at the start she expects me to feed her, but I just give her the fork/spoon and praise her for eating herself...worked find with her. Mum was happy with this too though!

kellym3
18-09-2009, 12:29 PM
that a good web site for advice miffy:thumbsup: sorry helenlc no answers mt ds is 2 also aug he can feed him self realy well but dont eat much though but he wont starve ( sleeping is another matter up 4/5 times asking 4 milk MY FOULT TOTALY got to controll cry next week wen dp away 4 a week) sorry whent off the topic a bit:blush:

helenlc
18-09-2009, 12:37 PM
Thank you Miffy. I have just read that and found it interesting. I am relieved to know I am doing some things right :laughing: . The 16 month old eats pasta with a fork really well, which is why I served it to both of them on Monday.

I do offer different things on different days but generally offer the same thing. I was told that you should offer children something 10 times before concluding that they dont like it. But this article says up to 15 times. So I shall keep offering some things over and over.

I have spoken with Mum on a couple of occassions. She works 5 days now but the LO is home with her by 4pm. I have encouraged her to make LOs dinner, put her in the highchair and leave her to feed herself. I told Mum that she can still get on with things while LO eats, even if it takes her an hour! Its just so she is getting used to feeding herself. I have said the thing about she wont starve by not eating a whole meal or not eating for a while etc.

Mum is very senstive and is often offended when LO leaps into my arms and wont say Bye to Mum:blush: . But LO grins when she does this so I think she is aware of what she is doing to Mum. Mum then says Oh dont you love Mummy and Kiss Mummy and makes LO give her a kiss. She is very aware of what other peoples children are doing and thinks her LO should be doing the same ie toilet training. She bought her Pull Ups when LO shows no signs of wanting to use the toilet. I gently told Mum that LO might not be ready and might not be ready for another year or so and that there is no need to be concerned at all yet.

I think she thinks that she is letting her LO down by not making sure she has eaten a meal, if you see what I mean? So for Mum I think she feels better for having fed her her whole meal rather than leaving her to feed herself and she may only eat some of it.

The LO doesnt like food mess on her hands, any crumbs or spread etc but this is obviously where she has not handled her own food. She wouldnt pick up banana today when it was offered at snack time at childminder drop in.

I may try her with helping me to make lunch and snacks and see if she handles it any better from doing that. I am going to go through my Annabel Karmel books and find somethings we can try out - both to make and eat.

helenlc
18-09-2009, 12:40 PM
I am quite harsh that way I think but I would just not feed her but offer food and wait until she eats it. she is obviously old enough to do it.
with a mindee you obviously have to agree with mum what is best to do...but I think children need to learn to feed themselves and be independent.
Once she knows the only way to get food is by eating it herself she will be doing it quite quickly..

This is what I have starting doing this week. Last week she was not eating her main but I was allowing her her yogurt which she then fed herself with a spoon!!!:angry: I am going to put it infront of her, leave her a set time and then take it away.

I have said to Mum that she is expected to feed herself here and I will leave her to get on with it. I tell Mum when I hand her back how she has eaten that day.

miffy
18-09-2009, 12:49 PM
I may try her with helping me to make lunch and snacks and see if she handles it any better from doing that. I am going to go through my Annabel Karmel books and find somethings we can try out - both to make and eat.

I think this is a good idea - she needs to see food can be fun

Give her a knife, a small amount of butter and a slice of bread or a roll - have the same yourself and show her how to spread the butter on the bread and then eat the bread.

Provide some chopped up fruits and veg and make animals out of them - like cucumber circles to make a caterpillar, use raisins for eyes, carot sticks for antennae etc, etc

Good luck

Miffy xx

youarewhatyoueat
18-09-2009, 01:15 PM
I think you're just going to have to be patient and both of you have a spoon, and slowly she will do more herself especially with your praise and watching the other children. Not all children bother feeding themselves properly, some older children need encouragement.good luck

The Juggler
18-09-2009, 01:18 PM
Now I understand that as Mum has fed her, her handling her own food is all new to her, so she is curious about it. But I dont want her playing with it as I dont want the others to copy her (who are not here today - just me and her). I dont think that at 2 yrs old she should still be playing with it.




I know you don't want others copying her but she will still need to go through this stage of handlign her own food in the same way babies do. Hopefully it will pass quickly and she'll want to do the same as the others. They already know they shouldn't so maybe just tell them she hasn't felt foods before so needs to know what it is before she eats it? No so helpful but I think stopping her doing it may cause further problems.

So many mums do this with the lo's feed them because it's cleaner - it's crazy!

helenlc
18-09-2009, 05:33 PM
The other mindee I have is 16 months so wont understand me explaining about the other one being able to play with her food. The 16 month old feeds herself brilliantly even with a fork, so I dont want to risk her going backwards, if you see what I mean.

But I do realise that she has missed this stage and so needs to go through it if possible. But I might do cooking activities with her when 16 mth old has her nap after lunch. That way, she can play with the ingredients and feel their textures etc that way. And hopefully also want to eat her creations!!

Do you think I should just let her sit there playing with the food or should I prompt her to eat, maybe saying it to the others as well (even though they dont need it but so she doesnt feel I am singling her out?) And what amount of time is acceptable to leave her sitting there? She doesnt seem to be fussed whether I let her sit there or take it away and tell her to leave the table.

miffy
18-09-2009, 05:42 PM
Do you think I should just let her sit there playing with the food or should I prompt her to eat, maybe saying it to the others as well (even though they dont need it but so she doesnt feel I am singling her out?) And what amount of time is acceptable to leave her sitting there? She doesnt seem to be fussed whether I let her sit there or take it away and tell her to leave the table.

I'd gently prompt her to eat or it seems she will just sit there.

Personally I think 30 minutes is long enough at the table - hot food will have gone cold by then anyway but if she shows interest and is trying bits and bobs I'd let her carry on.

Miffy xx

Helen79
18-09-2009, 07:45 PM
I have exactly the same thing at the moment.
My 2 year old mindee is exactly the same as your mindee & my ds is 19months eats really well so don't want him to be copying the 2 year old playing with food & being fussy with it too.

I have tried all the tactics that you have too & slowly we're getting there. I have gently explained that I cannot feed him and shown him how to pick up food. He often doesn't like the feel of food so with things like bananas I cut them up & give him a fork to pick them up with.

Could you try messy play with food. Fill the tuff spot with jelly, cornflakes, rice crispies, custard, lentils, pasta etc so they can all explore & play with the food at appropriate times rather than at mealtimes.

You could practice feeding dolly with her with the toy kitchen stuff to help familiarise herself with forks and spoons.

helenlc
19-09-2009, 08:10 AM
Thank you for the suggestions.

I, too, think 30 minutes is more than enough. I think she will soon learn that if its not eaten in that time, then it is taken away.

I think I will do messy play with food, as suggested. As you say, hopefully that will allow her to play with food without her having to do it at meal times.

The Juggler
19-09-2009, 05:55 PM
Thank you for the suggestions.

I, too, think 30 minutes is more than enough. I think she will soon learn that if its not eaten in that time, then it is taken away.

I think I will do messy play with food, as suggested. As you say, hopefully that will allow her to play with food without her having to do it at meal times.



It might help if when she is playing with it you try to help her describe what she is feeling - she might get through the stage quicker particularly as she has (I assume) got some speech. Say 'are you feeling how gooey/cold it is before you put it in your mouth?' if you do that she might be satisfied with the explanation of what she is feeling and put it in her mouth quicker. Might not work but worth a try!:thumbsup:

helenlc
19-09-2009, 06:56 PM
Yes, she does have some speech so I think I can introduce her to some describing words for the different things.

I have been telling her not to play with her food (as its a pet hate of mine:blush: ). But I shall make a point of saying "play" a lot when we do messy play with food, but "eat" when its meal time. Hopefully she will begin to realise the difference.

It should work well if I do messy play in the afternoon with just her as the 16 month old doesnt seem to like messy play.