do you allow play fighting? [Archive]

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newandlearning

10-09-2009, 05:55 PM

I'm wondering if I'm expecting too much.. but when in the garden my own 4yo and the mindee often play fight.. some times this gets out of hand.. the mindee today was using the bottles for water play as weapons, then they got into rough fighting.. oddly no one got hurt..:rolleyes: .. I'm trying to ignore all bad behaviour at the moment.. but I don't really agree with this type of behaviour.. sometimes they couple up on other kids in the park which I stopped them from doing..

my question I suppose..
1. when is play fighting ok for you?
2. how do you deal with it when its not?

thanks alot xx

sarahlou

10-09-2009, 06:01 PM

I had an incident tonite my mindees were play fighting and I just warn them that they could get hurt they all said no we wont we will be ok - yeah right - one got puched in the mouth after asking the other to box I sorted it but told them they were warned that it would go too far. I think you should tell them the dangers and let them set their own boundaries - they will learn when they go to far. My mindees are only 4 and 5 though may b different if they were older and stronger:)

sarah707

10-09-2009, 06:02 PM

1. No it always ends in tears...

2. Distraction... come on let's run to that tree, sing a song, jump over a puddle, let's see who can jump the highest... I can hear a plane (we're on the flightpath) can you see it yet?... look at that bird isn't he funny... start reading a book so they turn round to see what I am doing...

... will you please leave your brother / friend alone Sarah has had enough now!

:D

newandlearning

10-09-2009, 06:07 PM

I feel like I'm having a bit of a month of it at the mo :) .. I am today however at least feeling a bit more in control .. everytime I find a solution to one thing .. the mindee and my own 4yo seems to find something else which is not really appropriate.. I think I'm getting better as each day passes.:laughing:

miss mopple

10-09-2009, 06:24 PM

I dont allow it at all. As Sarah said, it always ends in tears so better to ban from the start

newandlearning

10-09-2009, 06:37 PM

how do you ban it.. do I say no play fighting or you sit on thinking step...

sometimes recently I have felt like saying please stop:
- running inside
- shouting insdie
- play fighting in garden

... have all fallen on deaf ears and to try to stop all 3 of these things as
they are all not really what I want or ever have been seems taxing...

how do you stop this type of behaviour..? :panic:

mushpea

10-09-2009, 06:42 PM

I allow play fighting but what i say is 'if you are gonna fight then you will get hurt so dont come crying to me when it happens' most times are ok but when they do get hurt i just say 'if you dont want to get hurt then dont fight' we've had a few tears but they seem to be learning not to play rought and all of mine know its not on with the younger ones, they also play fight with sticks when we are over the woods but we have rules such as no body contact with the sticks , gently not rough etc.
as for stopping it do you have somthing they really like , like mine love the wii and are allowed half hour a day on it but if they play up then they loose 5mins playtime on it each time they do somthing wrong, they can also gain 5mins for being good so positive too.

LisaH

10-09-2009, 06:57 PM

I don't allow 'play fighting' either. It's one of my house rules!!! Still have to remind some of them occasionally tho:)

miss mopple

10-09-2009, 07:11 PM

I just get tough with them and if they dont listen then they get separated and I find them something else to do. All the kids learn very early on not to test me where my rules are concerned- I believe I can be quite scary when riled :laughing:

newandlearning

10-09-2009, 07:59 PM

hmm.. tomorrow we will do things differently again.. today as we waited for the school gates to open the boys went to play on the grass .. I told them they could play on grass but to stay where they could see me.. they went around the side of a building. When I went to call them back they were both HITTING another boy :angry: :angry: .. and the boy hit my boy to the ground.. I asked my LO who started it and he said he did .. the mindee was merrily hitting this boy to.. to say I was shocked doesn't express the shock enough..:eek: ...
tomorrow the mindee is going to be sitting in the double buggy and my boy will only be able to play once in the gates of school.. its a shame .. I want him to fit into school but not if he is going to hit/play fight. my son on his own would not hit another child .. its like he's getting courage from the mindee (his best friend).. :angry: .. tomorrow I reclaim who's in charge!!

Rubybubbles

10-09-2009, 08:10 PM

how do you ban it.. do I say no play fighting or you sit on thinking step...

sometimes recently I have felt like saying please stop:
- running inside walking legs inside please
- shouting insdie inside voices
- play fighting in garden WE DONT FIGHT IN EMMAs HOUSE... have all fallen on deaf ears and to try to stop all 3 of these things as
they are all not really what I want or ever have been seems taxing...

how do you stop this type of behaviour..? :panic:

lo I don't like play fighting, for boys a good game of cricket or football, or set up an game of what the time MR WOLF:D that way they still get to run around!

I have looked after plenty of 'ruffty tuffty boys' and once I say NO they know I mean it:angry: :D

balloon

11-09-2009, 07:36 AM

Definitely no fighting or hitting of any kind. it's in the house rules, kind hands, kind feet, teeth are for eating etc.

I just say 'no' and they know I mean it as I never ever back down from no.

Tam's Tribe

11-09-2009, 09:03 AM

I used to allow my two (9 and 4 yrs) to play fight as I felt it is part of growing up, especially for boys BUT all I ended up doing was being referee as invariably my eldest would end up hurt and crying coz the little one goes full out, while the older one was playing so I now ban it.

There are lots of other activities to keep them occupied.

I definately do not allow play fighting either with mindees.

I had 6 boys a couple of days over the summer holiday ages ranging from 4 to 10 and not once did they play fight.

Lady Haha

11-09-2009, 10:38 AM

New and Learning! This is a very similar problem to my recent one! I have two girls who are rough and tough and it's not so much fighting as wrestling on playroom floor! 90% of me is not happy with it as it nearly always ends badly and they aren't allowed to behave like that in the classroom! But the other 10% of me thinks, well, when can they release that energy then??? They aren't very good at just sitting nicely playing with a toy!

But reading your replies here has made me decide that my gut feeling is right, I'm not happy with it and it is going to be banned as of today!

FizzysFriends

11-09-2009, 11:51 AM

New and Learning, how about a new set of house rules/goals, involving these 2 and all the other children and allow them to decide on the consequence of breaking the rules/goals. Get them to write them and draw pics and then laminate it and put it on the wall to remind them?

youarewhatyoueat

11-09-2009, 12:13 PM

Play fighting is a perfect opportunity to teach children about rules and feelings. Get the children to make up the rules with you, suggest a signal for the children to use if they want to stop. Always only outside and they should also be taught about respecting everyones feelings, if there is a child that doesn't like it then they shouldn't have to watch it. When children are allowed to do it and follow the rules they soon get bored of it. There are some interesting courses available about super-hero and weapon play, if there is not one near you ask for one to be put on.
I honestly have found that now I allow it, we do not have tears, they have learnt to respect each other and I found when I tried to stop them in the past it made the fighting more agressive when they did do it, now its more like organised wrestling matches and they remind each other about the rules etc. It might be quite controversial but keep an open mind, I do not allow it out of anger that is different situation and is not playful.

youarewhatyoueat

11-09-2009, 12:16 PM

Spangles

11-09-2009, 12:18 PM

I'm not minding at the moment but my son loves play fighting. He does it with his dad and his friends. He's got some foam swords from Tesco that they have sword fights with!

I keep an eye on them and they have certain rules but I don't worry about it, probably as I know they will listen to me.

I think it's good for them for co-ordination, arm control and strength, learning some control and not to hurt others, etc. They have a whale of a time in their superhero costumes playing swords.

Must admit I don't let them have proper fights, that wouldn't seem right. That probably doesn't make sense does it!

By the way, my hubby doesn't dress up as a superhero just the children! Ha ha!