Help needed

[solly]

This may be a long one just to warn you

I look after 2 boys who are 3 1/2 & 18mths they are brothers and there are 3 other siblings so the mum has 5 children, she has a girl of 11, twin boys of 8 and the two i look after The 18mth old is developing fine and quite outgoing i suppose he gets lots of attention from his brothers & sister as he is the youngest.

My worry and frustration is with the 3 1/2 year old, he is a lovely boy but is so quiet he prefers to play by himself rather than with any other children. He does not talk to me and when i try and do observations and activities with him he just sits there not doing anything.
He is toilet trained but will not ask to go to the toilet so i keep on having to ask him to go otherwise he will just wet or poo himself.

I have spoken to mum and she says he is like it at home but not as bad and does play with his brothers and sister she doesn't seem overly worried about it, and says not to worry about doing activities and observations with him. I have also spoken to playschool but they say due to confidentiality they can not discuss him with me even though the 2 days he goes i take him and pick him up.

He comes in quite happily and i have him Tues - Fri 7.30 - 5pm so its not like he doesn't want to come it's just when he is here he doesn't want to interact with me or the other children in my care.

I really don't know what to do apart from force him to do the activities which i won't do as i want it to be fun for him i have tried giving him a sticker if he achieves something but he is just not interested.

Where do i go from here?

[loocyloo]

hello! didn't want to 'read and run'.

firstly, do you have permission to talk to pre-school from mum/sharing information form with pre-school? as under EYFS, we should all be sharing/talking information about the child ( confidentially of course ) can you ask mum to ask them to talk to you?

i look after a 3 yr old, who can take himself to the toilet, but doesn't always, and so i remind him. i think sometimes they are easily distracted, also at home, there may always be someone who asks him, so he hasn't ever really thought about it himself. (that is something else i would ask preschool)

can you just take photos/writtens obs whilst he is playing alone? maybe set up activites that he is interested in and can play on his own. does he play alongside other children? maybe it is so busy at home, that he enjoys the peace when he with you!

i'm sure someone will have some other ideas about how to engage the child.

good luck

xxx

[sarah707]

It can seem hard work with some children, like whatever you do tehre's nothing coming back.

However if they are surrounded by activities and learning experiences and quality interactions they will learn... it's all just going on quietly inside them.

So long as he is happy to be with you, let him play.

Meet his needs by taking him to the toilet if that's what he needs you to do.

If the play opportunities are there and he knows he can join in, then he's possibly just very reserved.

The other setting should communicate with you - it's a legal requirement. Parents need to give them their permission...

I think you need to speak to them again :D