arrgghh advice help please

[gegele]

i have my first mindee, only child divordec parents.....overprotected probably doesn't cover it!!!!!!
anyhow she was with a childminder for 21/2 yrs, she starts school next week and old mindee doesn't do run to her school so she came to me.

she 's for ever bickering with my dd, starts game and once my dd join in she walks off, push dd's button so she react and i tell her off and mindee "enjoy" my dd being on the step and keep on wanting to be "the good one".
it's frustrating as i know what's happening but i can't get out of the circle!!!!

she's 5 and didn't even know how to wash her hands alone :eek: :eek:
realised in park toilet yesterday that she doesn't use paper:eek: :eek:

surely the childminder should have taught her that?? she's been with her full time since she was little toddler?

anyway my questions are:

do you think i could/should get in contact with old mindee to have details about kid?

how do you stop/reduce the bickering?

how am i going to not lose my mind next tuesday when on top of the arguing couple i'll have my 1yr ds and new mindee 8months old?????:o

:( :( it's so not how i imagined my childminding experience!!!!!!

[LittleAcorns]

5 year olds know everything dont you know!! lol, as does my 7 year old, it all started around the age of 5....

with regard to the bickering, best advice from me is ignore the bickering and praise the good behaviour, its quite often like this in the early days, you get a thick skin (and ear plugs! :laughing: ) as the time goes on.

[helenlc]

I am assuming the old cm has been doing EYFS with this child for the last year? Therefore, she should have been doing a learning journal - has this nor been passed onto you or the parents? Maybe ask the parents.

I had a 9 yr old who would wind up my also 9 yr old dd - I tried to ignore it as much as possible as they say you should let them resolve their own differences. Just be fair and consistent and praise when they are good.

How about giving them some responsibility for doing things together ie help get things ready for lunch, put toys away etc. Maybe do a reward chart but a joint one so they have to work together to achieve their sticker/reward?

If all else fails, a reward chart for each for NOT bickering. Break it down into 2 hour slots or things like breakfast time, morning, lunch time, afternoon, dinner time etc. I know some say we shouldnt encourage children to be competitive but it might help them to want to get more stickers than the other.

I would expect a 5 yr old to use paper and wash their hands independently - maybe the old cm gave them too much independence to the point where she never accompanied them to the toilet so never knew they were doing it right or wrong.

[MissTinkerbell]

How about using a marble jar rather than sticker chart?

You have 2 jars, each with 12 marbles in. Break day into 2 hour slots. Every time they argue a marble goes from 'good' jar to 'argue' jar. If within the 2 hours period they haven't argued they get to put a marble from the 'argue' jar into the 'good' jar. At then end of the day if more marbles are in the 'good' jar they get a treat. At then end of the week if more are in the 'good' jar they get to choose a big treat.

Rather than encouraging competitiveness this actually encourages them to co-operate and get on with one another as they have to work together to fill the 'good' jar.

[gegele]

thank you for all ideas, i'm going to give it a try. to be honest it will only really a problem during school holidays, so i think the marbles are a good ideas, (away from my 1yr old!!) and we;ll have a big treat/outing at the end of the week.

i feel a bit guilty to feel so annoyed, it is a lot for them to get use to. the mindee just changing cm them is going to big school...the lot within 3weeks!! that's a lot of growing to do.
and dd has to share her univers... bless them tomorrow i punish myself and treat them to soft play"!!!!!:clapping: :clapping: :clapping: IF they don't argue before breakfast LOL:laughing: :laughing: