View Full Version : Done first week nearly and am not sure!!

06-12-2007, 08:54 PM
I started childminding on Monday - the day wasnt' too bad, a bit stressful at times but the kids are nice and relaxed.

Tuesday & Weds great

Today stressful with my son and the other elder child fratching.

I know it sounds silly but I am not sure if this is for me,

The elder child I have taken on acts strangely - I don't mean that nasty but he shouts screams, runs around like he's crazy etc etc. and is being assessed at school.

I feel some kind of chain round my neck if you know what I mean. Although the kids are lovely it's like I feel kind of restricted & not as relaxed as I was when there was just the three of us.

I also feel like a guilty bad parent, like I am neglecting my 19 month old son, although I am not.

Is it normal to feel like this, I am also so tired and having to go to bed at 10, boring but have to be up early.

Used to that but not to being so organised.

Did anyone else feel like this??

Sorry to moan I'm just not sure.

06-12-2007, 08:58 PM
Welcome to my world LOL

Yes sometimes the children fight... yes sometimes you get a difficult child... yes often you need to go to bed very early...

Then, instead of being at work, you catch your child's first word for something or the smile on their lips when they see the ducks at the pond and you know you did the right thing by being at home

Give yourself some time to settle to the job - it's hard work, but can be very rewarding as well

Hope it settles down for you!

Oh what's the condition the boy is being assessed for? I'll see if I've got any stuff on it for you... or a link or something x

06-12-2007, 09:03 PM
I can remember feeling just the same when I first started last year, and even now I still have days like that!

like Sarah says, give yourself time, if after a couple of months you still feel the same then re-assess the situation.

Good luck!

06-12-2007, 09:04 PM
Hi , Firstly don't panic ! we've all had , and still do have weeks like this . Its bound to feel wierd cos its a new situation but give it a little time . Maybe this boy is acting like he is cos its new for him ? I know what you mean about going to bed early lol i have to do that too and i am the most un-organised person in the world , but things get done in the end . Why not set yourself a target of maybe a month and see how you feel then ? And don't forget its nearly the weekend !! :laughing: This site is brilliant for de-stressing too . Hope you feel more sorted soon x

06-12-2007, 09:18 PM
Believe me it gets better over time, just think what it was like when you started a new job outside the home, once you know the parents well and of cause the child you will wonder what al the fuss was about

But you will also have bad days (aspecailly rainy days!!)

06-12-2007, 09:20 PM
It's perfectly natural so don't worry. You've had your world turned upside down, had the responsibility of someone else's children, your own children are trying to come to terms with it all and are perhaps confused. You are bound to feel like this.

It might last for a few weeks but slowly it will become so part of the norm that you will wonder what you did before.

I remember the first weekend after starting minding I sat and cried thinking 'I can't do this' - that was 23 years ago so trust me, it will be alright!!

Take some time out this weekend for you and your children, pamper yourself, treat your kids on the extra money, let them see the positive side of you working. You will get there....promise :)

and feel free to moan all you like!

06-12-2007, 09:26 PM
Thanks everyone for your replies! it's really nice of you to reply.

I have a part time catering business that requires a lot of evening and weekend work, and I've got to the point where I was fed up and wound it down so I could spend more time with my family. Jence how I got into childminding, plus I've nannied before and love kids.

But still have that to fall back on if I want.

Unfortunately I can't afford to give up any work as we are struggling financially, also I am hoping we can buy our first house soon so need the money even more lol.

I HAVE to give this a go, but my patience this morning was worn thin when the two were fighting and the elder child sort of attacked mine. It's hard when you have no time to chill, wake up, etc. How do you stop yourself getting cross when someone else's child is jumping all over your furniture and not listening?

The child I think has ADHD, not sure what he is being assessed for as a lady is going in to monitor him.

He's just so hard to get through to, rude, won't eat breakfast etc, constantly falls over, although at the same time a lovely child and can be very loving. His sibling however is gorgeous, no problem at all I could easily do this with just her but their mum wants to keep them together.

Having a drink tonight as nearly end of week one and by am I looking forward to Saturday!!

06-12-2007, 09:33 PM
Forgot to say that I really want this to work, it will help me contribute towards the mortgage, and it's in the day, no evenings, I can look after my kids the best I can, as the others in fact I worry about them more, that I am looking after them OK, is that normal?.

It justs feels alien and quite lonely, but I managed to get out today and feed the 18 month old and little one with no problem, I got a few comments and stares which I laughed off. I just feel more relaxed with the two littler ones than the bigger ones (i.e. mine and the elder one)!

I've snapped at my DH a few times this week as he seems to be getting cross with the elder child. He doesn't like him as he says he's disruptive.

I suggested DH eat his breakfast upstairs tomorrow, lol!! But I was serious.

06-12-2007, 10:00 PM
Oh! you poor thing a child with ADHD is hard work even for those with lots of experience. Do you know any other minders? It would be worth seeking some out, there is nothing like the support of other minders when you are having a tough time- thats one of the reasons that this site is so good - but you need to have someone during the day to chat to and socialise with, it can be a lonely job otherwise. Any new job can be tiring at first and any one with 2 or 3 under fives all day will tell you how exhausting it can be.
I remember when I started minding I felt so guilty that my own son wasn't getting all of my attention. And then I was worried that I would favour my child over the minded one...so much angst!
It will get better. x

06-12-2007, 10:07 PM
i don't want to put the cat amongst the pigeons but
you may need to accept that the disruptive child is not in the best setting for him and give notice
if you are enjoying working with the other child it sounds like it's not the job but this particular boy that's stressing you.

try it for a month it's also a very stressful time with xmas nearly here then maybe review the situation

another thing don't get cross with him when he jumps on the furniture but be very firm try to make him realise that it is unacceptable behaviour in your house

good luck though it is a great job and worth sticking with

mandy xx

06-12-2007, 10:07 PM
Yes I do worry I don't give the others that much attention compared to my own, but I do try really hard with the little one to give her lots of cuddles, play games, sing etc - she is happy as larry

I found my 18 month old had quite severe nappy rash this evening, it wasn't there when I changed him at 4pm but I blame myself for not paying him enough attention.

You can't win!!

The elder one is also very happy, tries it on can I have a biscuit after breakfast kind of thing, comes for cuddles when he constantly falls over and bumps himself

Very cute!

My mind has turned into mush, I keep forgetting where I put things - is this normal too???

06-12-2007, 10:11 PM
Thanks Mandy for your excellent words of advice there, I will see how it goes if it becomes too much with elder I will suggest my client move him or something, but word it in a nice way.

Only problem is the other local childminders are full to the brim round here and you can't get your child in for love or money kind of thing

Anyway I will give it a month with the elder one, if I am honest he is the one stressing me and I knew he would be as he is a hyper kind of child, bless him.

06-12-2007, 10:18 PM
Thanks Mandy for your excellent words of advice there, I will see how it goes if it becomes too much with elder I will suggest my client move him or something, but word it in a nice way.

Only problem is the other local childminders are full to the brim round here and you can't get your child in for love or money kind of thing

Anyway I will give it a month with the elder one, if I am honest he is the one stressing me and I knew he would be as he is a hyper kind of child, bless him.

it is hard when you're starting out as you think quick stuff them in get as many as i can possibly have, but when you step back a bit you realise just how hard the job is and that having 3 under 5 is really hard work.

i have 3 of 2 and under every day but i am losing the 2 year old next week and my husband has forbidden me to advertise as he wants me to slow down a bit but i will see whether i replace him if the right child comes along

06-12-2007, 11:15 PM
Sorry I am only just catching up
Had to lie down after watching my man Enrique on tv earlier ha

You have been given some great advice by everyone

Do not give up just yet - you had a bad day - we all do

As time goes on though you will see that there are always more good days than bad

Hope it all works out for you

Now you have found us at least you can come and have a moan and know that we all understand

Good luck keep us posted

Angel xx

07-12-2007, 08:28 AM
You have had some great advice here. I too have found it hard to adjust to the different hours, parents taking advantage at times and feeling guilty about neglecting my own three. I know that I'm not really and I would much rather be there to pick them up from school. I just think that the extra money will help me to do more activities with them at the weekends to make up for the fact that they don't have my full attention in the week.

Mel x

07-12-2007, 11:20 AM
ADHD is very very hard to deal with - and if he's falling over a lot, there could be an element of dyspraxia in his diagnosis... have a look for some advice here -


and for adhd here -

http://www.adhd.org.uk/ (the picture says it all I think!)

Do some obs on the child and share these with the parents... they must tell you what he is being tested for and they should have given you a list of their behaviour strategies already... they should be helping you!! Call an urgent meeting and discuss your concerns now, before it gets any worse... you should not have to 'cope'... xx

07-12-2007, 12:58 PM
Thanks everyone, had a better morning and only a half day today - yah!! Off for my hair doing tonight looking forward to that.

Will have a look at the websites. xxx

07-12-2007, 07:42 PM
Hi there,

I just wanted to say that my son has ADHD and dyslexia, so if you ever want to discuss anything, just pm me and I will try and help you. My son is now 14, and wasn't diagnosed until the age of 9. We had a tough old time, I can tell you, and I am still fighting his corner at the school, but he is the most loving son I could of ever wished for.

With regards to being new to childminding. I started in March this year, and I have had many a day where I've thought 'is this for me?' - but then the next day I'll have a lovely day and realise that yes it is. Its important to try and get out and about,meeting other childminders - else it can be quite lonely. I've only just really made friends with the local childminders, and today have been invited to their term time 'night out'! So feel quite chuffed!

Good luck