PDA

View Full Version : I need to vent!



LeeAnn
13-08-2009, 09:23 AM
I will preface this by saying I am feeling quite unwell this week so I am possibly over reacting :blush:

aaaaaaaa! I am so hacked off. I have no idea how I am going to explain all this without giving out too many personal details and coming over as an awful person. :blush:

My rant is about the mum of one of the LOs I mind for. I knew this family before I started and I knew it was going to end up like this. The parents of this wee one are shall we say not "natural" parents. I would say they struggle very much with their toddler, who is a sweet little thing. The only reason I took her on is that a. it would have been awkward for me to say know because of the way I know them (her DH gives mine a lift to work) and b. I really want to give this little girl a little insight into a more normal and relaxed way of life.

Yesterday she was booked in here at 12-4 (mum wasn't working just wanted time away). I was at the beach with my own kids and another mindee at 10am when my phone rang, it was M's mum wondering if I could take her there and then. They were sitting outside my house and wondered if I owuld be able to come home. I said no sorry I was at least 30 mins away and the kids were playing etc. I would see her at 12.
When I got back she arrived and said that she hadn't minded me not coming back for M (what?? SHE hadn't minded??) and tha she had just been getting on her nerves so she wanted her in early. Anyway she then asked if I could keep her until 5pm instead, I said ok as I was working til then anyway.
Well the wee one is a sweetie, but very hard work. She basically gets no freedom at all at home so she kind of pushes her limits a bit wherever she is. but overall a good kid and gets on great with my DD.
So 5pm comes, my DH gets in from work and I am frazzled, I felt really unwell and just wanted to go to bed. But no sign of M's mum.:rolleyes:

Eventually at 5.30pm I called her house to find out what was going on, Dad said oh it's ok she is on her way up. I told him I was worried something had happened as she was supposed to have been picked up at 5pm and it was now 5.30!!
Mum walked in all smiles etc, I told her I had called looking for her as she was half an hour late and she just said "oh I must have lost track of time" :angry: they live about a 5 min walk from my house, she hadnt been working so didnt get caught in traffic or anything she was just taking the you know what!


Then to cap it all off this morning she dropped her off again. She asked me not to let her eat anything after 3pm as she isnt eating her tea. I should have been quicker and said "well if you would collect her at a decent time then the poor soul wouldnt have been hungry watching my DD eat her tea!!"
The wee thing has some issues with food as they only allow her to eat at mealtimes and not in between, they will make her go from 12-6/6.30 with no snacks. She is only 3!
I am going to have to say tonight that I can't do that.I wont let the pothers have a snack and not let her join in!
I only ever let them have a fruit snack after that time anyway , surely it is more important to teach kids to listen to their bodies and learn when they are hungry than to force them to watch other children eating and not let them do it?
Am I wrong? do I have to do what mum asks?

~Chelle~
13-08-2009, 09:30 AM
Blimey, mum sounds horrible. Her child was getting on her nerves so she brings her two hours early:eek: Why did she not try and call you first.

I would say that it is not fair on her if the other children are eating a piece of fruit and she isnt. If she wants to leave her that long without food, it could be that the child is over hungry and eats a little then feels full. I know I have done this on a few occasions and feel starving, only to eat and not want it.

I would talk to her again and say that you feel that she should have an afternoon snack, which is only a piece of fruit anyway and see what she says.

It seems that she is not interested in the well being of her child, just what suits her! :angry:

Poor little one :mad:

LeeAnn
13-08-2009, 09:32 AM
It seems that she is not interested in the well being of her child, just what suits her! :angry:

Poor little one :mad:

oh you have no idea! This is just the tip of the ice berg! Thanks Hon for your reply. I shouldnt even be on here but the girls are next to me doing a puzzle and I had to get my frustration out! x

little chickee
13-08-2009, 09:40 AM
i have had a similar issue to this myself - trying to follow the wishes of the parent for their child but struggling to cope with different kids all having different routines - it can be impossible to do it.

if one child usually has lunch at 12.30 another at 1pm another at 1.30pm etc what are you supposed to do - feed them all separatly at their own times? no you pick a time that they canall adjust to eg 1pm.

there is no way i could allow a child of 3 to go 12-6 with no snack esp if others were having. i would have a chat with parent and explain that whereas you endevour to follow her wishes as much as poss when the child is at your house you have a timetable and routine that the kids all fit into.
try to make it lighthearted and explain that her child will benefit from having snack with the other kids - its a good prep for going to nursery for example when they all sit for snack together.

you both need to agree on fixed drop off and collection times - this is to enable you to plan your day and for consistency for the child etc. suggest a late fee that might help her be on time.

i realise that it is difficult when you have a personal relationship with the parent that you don't want to affect but you cannot allow this to cloud your judgement and let her take the p*** of you.

Hope this helps.

ZoeAlli
13-08-2009, 09:59 AM
Minding a friends'or someone you have a personal relationship with's child is never easy- been there!!
Keep it professional, explain to the parent that she has asked you to mind her child and that is a business relationship. Yes you need interactions with parent but you have a business to run and cannot be at their beck and call!!!
Check your contract- if she has signed for specific hours keep it to those, anything outside of these can be charged at the non-contracted hours fee (if you have one)! You can suggest that if she wishes to change the hours you mind her child for, you would be happy to accommodate this but she will have to pay the full fee even if she does not use the hours she has chosen (except for the exceptions in your fees eg holidays).
Most importantly, START AS YOU MEAN TO GO ON, I know her husband is doing yours a favour but, this is YOUR business and you have others to think about, this mum needs to understand this. Don't feel you have to take her child out of contracted hours and make sure you get paid on time and the amount you ask for.
Sorry, I've done this and regretted it (parent didn't pay me!!), I wouldn't want to see anyone else go through it!!
HTH :)

LeeAnn
13-08-2009, 10:27 AM
thankyou for the BTDT. The sucky thing is that mum's hours of work change on a week to week basis, so we basically have an as and when contract, as this isnt my main income, really just an added extra. but I do require to know in advance of the days and times. Usually we work it out about 4 weeks in advance when her rota gets done. I will definitely be billing her for the extra half hour.

I think she thinks of me as a friend and has started phoning on her days off wanting to come round etc. I have started avoiding her calls as there are only so many times you can say, sorry I am working. Also I dont want to spend all of the days I am not caring for her DD with her DD.

Ugh I knew this would be a nightmare I should have said no but it isnt the LOs fault and I really like having her.

nannymcflea
13-08-2009, 01:34 PM
It's so hard when all you want to do is provide a caring enviroment for your mindees. I do think you need a chat about her eating, you say she has issues now but these will only grow if she is not allowed food when she is hungry in the afternoon. I guess she is not eating her dinner? Can she have it at yours and then go home so parents just have to provide a snack at bedtime?

You sound very caring towards this lo and she is lucky to have you.:thumbsup:

LeeAnn
13-08-2009, 03:59 PM
when mum came in to collect LO tonight and I passed her the total for the week. When she realised I had added on the extra half hour she paid me up to 6pm (another half hour) seeing as she had "inconvenienced" me.

Oh well at least she seems to have realised now that I mean business and will not let her off with taking advantage of me.

Am so glad I have a day off tomorrow. I am done in !

thanks all for your replies, I think I may delete this later on, I am totally paranoid that she will read it and know it is me! chances are slim I know but you never know! xx

miffy
13-08-2009, 04:11 PM
Glad you're feeling better now

Enjoy your day off tomorrow

Miffy xx