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View Full Version : Advice please? I have a biter...



balloon
11-08-2009, 07:41 AM
he's 18 months old.

He started off by hitting his fellow mindee across the head with anything he could lay hands on. Then pulling her little legs out form under her, pushing her over and grabbing her toys from her. Anything in fact that would make her cry. I think it was the reaction rather than him being mean if that makes sense. He's always been told off for it here and sat away for a few moments, (even during my inspection, lol!)but it has little effect.

I've talked to mum about it all loads but tbh it's not very helpful. She does tell the child off (in a flat, even, almost caressing sort of tone, and I don't mean to be disrespectful, they are just not the sort to shout or be really firm unless really wound up, what would be known as a 'good' family before all this political correctness made it wrong to say so and they are both in fact lovely people)

Now the little darling has started to bite. He took a chunk out of me (drew blood) first of all and now he's bitten my own children 3 times too. Each time I tell him off very firmly and he goes into floods of tears (which will get him a cuddle at home) but I stay firm and just ignore the 'noise' and it soon stops.

he knows its wrong cos the first time he bit me I shouted at him in shock and put him on the sofa for time away. After a few minutes he came over and kissed me where he'd bitten me.

He hasn't bitten a mindee yet but I'm petrified that he will.

Mum says to child 'dont do that xxx, cos the last thing I need is for Blue to not look after you any more' which shows me she is worried but also feels a bit like emotional blackmail so that I do not terminate due to his behaviour.

Any suggestions on how to go forward with this? I really don't want to terminate but seem to be getting nowhere. Child even hits me and his mother over the face at 18 months old so I have to do more than I'm doing already... (He's been with me since tiny)

Neither he or his older sister take any notice whatsoever of anything mum tells them to do and I think they just see me as an extension of their mother, i e somebody to be ignored...

Mollymop
11-08-2009, 07:54 AM
I have never looked after a child that bites so I really have not advice about what to do to help you stop him from doing it.

One of my c/minding friends had a biter, she drew blood and bit the other mindees which of course upset the parents of the injured mindees. One came close to leaving unless the biter stopped. My friend ended up terminating contract of biter. But she used to bite very often, most days my friend would tell me that the child had bit/hit/slapped another child in her care. The child was 3.

I know you don't want to terminate but if it were me and the child was to carry on biting I would have to terminate, it can't be nice for your own children to get bit in their own home or you.

Pipsqueak
11-08-2009, 07:55 AM
Have you commenced Obs to see if anything is triggering this behaviour?
Any common denominators?

I'd firmly whip him away from the situation and put his a bit further away and make a HUGE fuss of the victim. Ignoring him for a few minutes, then I'd bring him back into the fold and tell him quite firmly that biting hurts and makes people sad and encourage him to give a cuddle or say sorry.

I'd document this plan of action and give it to the parents.

Is he an only child, does he display this behaviour at home? What do parents do if he does? oopps just seen you have put he has an older sister and both ignore instruction - you need to find that something that makes them tick - makes them listen to you the adult - whether its getting tough by removal of privialages etc.



Ok to not being shouty parents, they can't punish him or tell him of twice for something that happened earlier in the day but you are right it needsto be nipped in the bud.

Again he is testing out his senses and children often use biting as a form of expressing emotion (they don't have the verbal skills or understanding of how express themselves), its also a sensory experience for them. Although its not very nice for anyone unlucky enough to be the bitten.

Hope you get it sorted, I am sure you'll get lots of other advice and methods as well:thumbsup:



oh forgot - teeth removal or a hannibal lectre type mask might work well;) :laughing:

balloon
11-08-2009, 08:08 AM
Have you commenced Obs to see if anything is triggering this behaviour?
Any common denominators?

Yes, no apparent trigger, just walks up to people and bites them or hits them...

I'd firmly whip him away from the situation and put his a bit further away and make a HUGE fuss of the victim. Ignoring him for a few minutes, then I'd bring him back into the fold and tell him quite firmly that biting hurts and makes people sad and encourage him to give a cuddle or say sorry.

This is exactly what I do

I'd document this plan of action and give it to the parents.

Have done this verbally, but will put in writing id it continues, thank you

Is he an only child, does he display this behaviour at home? What do parents do if he does? oopps just seen you have put he has an older sister and both ignore instruction - you need to find that something that makes them tick - makes them listen to you the adult - whether its getting tough by removal of privialages etc.

Mum tells off in a calm even tone (almost whiny if that makes sense) dad is much stricter and both children listen to him and do as they are told.



Ok to not being shouty parents, they can't punish him or tell him of twice for something that happened earlier in the day but you are right it needsto be nipped in the bud.

I ask them not to tell him off for what has happened here already as that is unfair, the comment was about what happens when parent drop off /pick up. Both children do exactly what they want, the little one less so cos I will step in and say 'no' to him but the bigger one wont listen at all to Mum (but does listen to me occasionally)

Again he is testing out his senses and children often use biting as a form of expressing emotion (they don't have the verbal skills or understanding of how express themselves), its also a sensory experience for them. Although its not very nice for anyone unlucky enough to be the bitten.

Hope you get it sorted, I am sure you'll get lots of other advice and methods as well:thumbsup:

Thank you for answering, much appreciated cos its good to know I'm on the right track even though its not working.


oh forgot - teeth removal or a hannibal lectre type mask might work well;) :laughing:

thank you for your advice :)

FussyElmo
11-08-2009, 08:15 AM
Could he be doing it for a reaction. I posted about this several months ago as my dd had started to do it. Once i started to observe her she was doing it to get attention and I do believe she likes seeing me and her dad yelp.

She gets a look on her face and we now know she is coming to get you and distract quickly. Not easy for you but always a possability.

Other than that explainig that there as to be consqueneces (sp) from his behaviour that everytime he displays violent behaviour he will be put staright into time out.

Do you make the parents sign an incident report everytime he does bite and then you have it written now what happened and how you dealt with it might make them realise hoe serious it is.

Hope you get it sorted as there is nothing worse than a behaviour.

sweets
11-08-2009, 08:19 AM
i had a biter once and followed all the correct advice above but he carried on doing it, TBH i think its just a phase that some children go through, keep up with the telling off and one day he may just get it into his head thats its not a good thing to do! its hard i know but follow him round like a hawk if you can and try and stop him before he goes in for the bite! lol

balloon
11-08-2009, 08:24 AM
Do you make the parents sign an incident report everytime he does bite and then you have it written now what happened and how you dealt with it might make them realise hoe serious it is.

Hope you get it sorted as there is nothing worse than a behaviour.

No I haven't done this because it didn't happen to a mindee but I will fill in for yesterday and get mum to sign later. If I filled out an incident and accident form for every time he hurt somebody though I'd be paying out more in accident books than he brings in...

He's a sweet little thing apart from these unpleasant tendencies so I'd rather i was able to help him (and mum) through them instead of terminate.

georgie456
11-08-2009, 08:48 AM
Oh dear - you have just described my 21mth old newest mindee!!!! Even the parents sound the same. I had a BIG problem with his biting, which started at 18mths - he bit another CM's mindee on the face at a soft play area and scarred the child. That was the only occurance whilst out with me, but at every single drop off and collection he would bite one of my own children.
First of all the parents told him off in their way, but I eventually insisted that in my house I did the discipline even if they were present, which mindee did not like one bit.

He is now over the biting (apart from the odd attempt) but can pinch a bit sometimes - as do most children!!!

In my instance, I think it is all down to him reacting to being left and he was almost telling his parents off.
Strangely enough we had an incident yest, where I had DS (who is 1) on my lap, and I was talking to MIndees mum. He walked over and slapped my DS right across the face out of nowwhere. Both parents were mortified and his dad was very angry with him, and luckily my DS didn't even cry, but I did suggest at that point that maybe they stop prolonging the collection process.

They then admitted that he is still regularly biting them at home and proceeded to show me an alarming number of bite marks :eek:

I really feel for you because I nearly gave notice so many times. I still haven't regained my trust in him yet and that is actually a bit of a shame, because they are times when he approaches other children and I stop him - and it might be that he just wants to be affectionate.

Anyway, I'm waffling sorry. I think you need to have a proper meeting with his parents and explain that dealing with this needs to be done consistently - they need to agree to a 'punishment' that you will all stick to, or he will be getting mixed messages.
Personally I think you are dealing with it in the right way - ignore, ignore, ignore! I stopped even saying 'no' to mindee would just pick him and sit him elsewher, before fuss of the 'victim'! He soon got the message!

Hope you get a result hun xxxx

little chickee
11-08-2009, 01:58 PM
this may be contraversal but maybe the child needs someone to bite him. kids who bite often have no idea how unpleasent it is to be bitten and if on the receiving end of a bite will often stop biting all together. this obviously cannot be you who dishes out the bite but maybe another child or the parent?

just an idea please don't all shout at me:(

georgie456
11-08-2009, 02:15 PM
I know it's a method some people use but I just can't see it.

IMO it just tells the child that yes, biting hurts, but it's ok to do it.

When my mindee was biting a few other CM's kept telling me to bite him back when no one was around :eek: but I could never live with myself if I bit someone elses child... Sorry that's just me :)

cuffleygirl
11-08-2009, 02:15 PM
My son was a biter the phase lasted about 3 months, he was 18months old at the time and it coincided with the birth of my youngest son. Anything significant in your mindee's life at the moment?

As above the 'victim' got more attention which is why I am sure he was biting in the first place! I got used to how he held his chin when he was about to bit and intervened I was on tenterhooks for months. He finally bit a mindee of similar age and mindee bit back - the incident was over in seconds but it didn't happen again

MissTinkerbell
11-08-2009, 02:48 PM
this may be contraversal but maybe the child needs someone to bite him. kids who bite often have no idea how unpleasent it is to be bitten and if on the receiving end of a bite will often stop biting all together. this obviously cannot be you who dishes out the bite but maybe another child or the parent?

just an idea please don't all shout at me:(

This happened with me - my DS is a biter but has never bitten mindee only his sister and then only in frustration. However one day mindee took a chunk out of him. Informed mum and she was mortified and was fairly severe with her - she'd also been doing it at home (incidently new baby on the way). Anyway after the weekend she took another chunk out of DS, once again reported incident. On the Tuesday she did it again but this time DS bit her back.

I was mortified with DS, let both mum and dad know immediately. Both were OK with it and said that maybe that would stop her. Incidently since that day she hasn't bitten again.

I don't advocate biting back when a child bites but in this case it actually worked.

Tired
11-08-2009, 03:06 PM
I know how frustrating it is, blue. I had a biter. In fact, I posted on here quite a lot about him. I tried everything you are doing. You are doing it all right.

It really is a phase. Mine has finally stopped, after about 12 months! It was mainly when he had teeth coming through, and when his last lot arrived he stopped biting.

He still hits and throws, but thats another story!

I think you are doing everything you can, and you just have to persevere.

Rubybubbles
11-08-2009, 03:14 PM
I had a biter

MY OWN DD

when she was 16 months through to 19 months she was wicked:( I stopped going to toddlers, and started hovering all over her when she was playing worrying she would bite someone!

What triggered it? I don't know, I think as I started with 4 mnth old baby, it took attention to her

I was firm, and gave her a lot of time out, as in moved her aside and carried on playing without her. It felt like a life time at the time, I even had to buy a new pushchair, as had a side by side and she would grab the baby's arm and go to bite:panic: (RA can be a good thing, new Phil and teds for me:idea: )

she just grew out of it, she was very advanced with her speech and would hold a full blown converstion with you at 18 months, and slept from 6pm-8am, nap 10am-11am then again 1pm-3pm, the HV said her mind was just on overdrive.

I hope you get it sorted, I do feel lucky (if I can say that) as it really reasurres parents I have had to deal with all sorts:rolleyes:

Rosiemay
11-08-2009, 03:15 PM
hello my youngest child is a biter and I think you are doing everything right.

unfortunately it's a stage and i think if you carry on with what you are doing he'll just grow out of it. my dd started at about 18 months. he's 21 months now and is getting better. the more he's able to express himself with words the less he bites. tho i have to say sometimes he just gets this naughty look on his face and bites for no reason!

Interestingly he only ever bites me, his dad, his 2 brothers or the child of a very close friend that he sees a lot of. maybe you should take it as a compliment!!!:laughing:

Good luck and I'm sure he'll get over it soon. I definitely wouldn't agree with biting back tho. I think it would give him all the wrong messages.

rosie x

Pipsqueak
11-08-2009, 03:17 PM
this may be contraversal but maybe the child needs someone to bite him. kids who bite often have no idea how unpleasent it is to be bitten and if on the receiving end of a bite will often stop biting all together. this obviously cannot be you who dishes out the bite but maybe another child or the parent?

just an idea please don't all shout at me:(

No one will shout at you and that all you were suggesting is that it takes another child to bite the biter back - thats understood.:) :) Blimey I used to beat up my little sister (quite gleefully!! lol) but the day dawned when she retaliated and boy oh boy I never ever done it again!:D Well just occasionally maybe....:rolleyes:

What I will point out though for anyone else reading it, as a childminder we must not ever ever do this (not that I think any of us would) even with permission (and I know of one childminder who had permission from the parent to 'retaliate to the child' - whether it be biting, smacking etc and she saw nothing wrong in doing it) - it would be wrong and illegal and a safeguarding issue.

miffy
11-08-2009, 04:55 PM
Have you tried looking at this book with him?

http://www.waterstones.com/waterstonesweb/displayProductDetails.do?sku=6306697&WT.term=Teeth+Are+Not+For+Biting&WT.campaign=1248&WT.source=google&WT.medium=cpc&WT.content=604347714&cshift_ck=-515536cs604347714&WT.srch=1

Not suggesting it will solve the problem but just something else to explore

Miffy xx

margimum
11-08-2009, 05:08 PM
If you can quickly lift his arm when he goes to bite you, he may bite himself and will know how much it hurts:(