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View Full Version : Need some encouragement....what have I done?



mumx3
07-08-2009, 04:54 PM
I registered in June and I have my first mindee starting in September, a 7 month old baby girl.

I have my own children... a 14 month old boy, plus 2 older ones

I have been doing a couple of hours a week settling in. The baby is fine, as long as she is fed on time and gets to have a sleep she is ok.

The trouble is my own 14 month old son! He is super jealous and I cannot put the baby down or he tries to smack or grab her. I have tried bouncing both on a knee each and also sitting beside both of them...7 month old with cushions around her and teething toys my own son brumming cars and reading books. But it is soooo hard!

I have only had her a couple of hours a day and always at home...not out and about...which would break the day up a bit. But I am panicking about handing the baby back with a mark on her....not that anything has happened...I am just really feeling stressed out about the whole thing. It is only 3 days, but I am still getting enquiries for the other 2 days (alwauys babies it seems) and I keep saying no...even though I need the money as I dread to think what my son will be like.

Sorry for the monologue please advise. The registration bit was easy but now the reality of the responsibilty is making me wonder if I have done the right thing.

Hebs
07-08-2009, 04:57 PM
your son is just learning to adjust with having another LO in the house, just as if you'd had your own :thumbsup:

he'll calm down once he knows mum still loves him :D

Pipsqueak
07-08-2009, 05:01 PM
lots of reasurrance for your son, lots of praise for him sharing his mummy, praise him for little things like giving baby a teddy or talking to her nicely, getting him to 'help' you. Be firm and consistent - no we don't bump baby etc.
As Hebs says he is getting used to sharing you and he is worried that someone is trying to take his place or take his mummy. He is just learniing social niceties. Bless him.

He will calm down, he will get used to.

ChocolateChip
07-08-2009, 05:07 PM
My own dd was 18mths and my first mindee was 9mths, my dd used to be terrible! She would push her over when sitting up, snatch toys etc and I didn't dare leave them together to go to the loo or to get a drink or anything. I used to worry about the lo getting hurt aswell. But it just takes time, they soon got used to each other, and as soon as the lo was walking my own dd left her alone after that. They are now great friends and run around toddler group and the park together.
It might pay you to try and go out to a toddler group or park, give your own son something else to focus on for a while, he might forget the baby's there!
It's always hard at the beginning, but keep your chin up and good luck! thumbsup:

Lo0py
07-08-2009, 05:10 PM
Ditto what ever one else has said. It is a shock for him and a tad confusing. The settling in period is as much for you and him as for the mindee, IYSWIM.

I'd say you need to treat it in the same way as sibling rivalry.

When I was nannying I had a 14 month old who was very jealous of his new brother - lots of praise and trying to encourage him to help soon solved the problem and they became great friends.

nannymcflea
07-08-2009, 05:13 PM
This is normal, it would be the same if you'd had another baby yourself.

As others have said, keep up with the praise and get him to be "big brother", fetching nappies,toys etc.

Don't give up, it will all work out,give it time.

Daftbat
07-08-2009, 05:14 PM
This is such a common issue and honestly it will ease as everyone gets used to the new regime.

No new advice from whats said - Pip as usual has given sound advice along with others.

mumx3
09-08-2009, 03:24 PM
Just wanted to say thanks everyone for making me feel like it will be ok and that I am not the only one to have these worries.

Your brill :thumbsup:

Hebs
09-08-2009, 03:36 PM
Just wanted to say thanks everyone for making me feel like it will be ok and that I am not the only one to have these worries.

Your brill :thumbsup:

my kids are 12 and 9 and still like this at times :laughing:

100% normal :D

helenlc
09-08-2009, 03:54 PM
my kids are 12 and 9 and still like this at times :laughing:

100% normal :D

Mine too!! Although mine are 11 and 9 strictly speaking.

As others have said, just plenty of praise for your son, make sure he has equal attention.

Do you have room for a playpen/travel cot downstairs? That way you could put baby in there with some toys and know he will be safe if you have to leave the room for the toilet, prepare lunch etc. You could also put baby in there and give your son 10 minutes of play time and then fetch baby out so you all play together. You might not need to do this for long but just long enough for your son to get used to it and for your to feel more confident about baby's safety.

Also, whilst you dont want to be sending baby back with marks from "interactions" with your son, the parents must accept that the baby will come into some mischief with others. If not, they would have got a sole charge nanny to have him on his own at home. I am sure they will accept you saying that your son was a bit over zealous in trying to give cuddles, play with baby etc. Let them know what you are doing to encourage your son to be a bit gentler and how you are safeguarding their child.

Another option would be to give your son his own baby - let him choose a dolly from the shop and get him a bottle and some first size nappies and he can do the things you do with the 7 month old with his "baby". Might be worth a go!!

I might have a little baby starting soon and am already worried about how my 14 month old and 2 yr old mindee are going to be with her.

I think that as long as you are aware that your son has an issue at the moment and you are doing things to make the situation better/safer etc then there's not much more you can do. Relax!!!

mammumof4
10-08-2009, 11:58 AM
my kids are 12 and 9 and still like this at times :laughing:

100% normal :D

my 14 and 12 year olds are worse than any toddler, i honestly think they will cause each other harm one day!:blush:

It's a small world
10-08-2009, 12:04 PM
Try and get your little one to help ie: shake toy when baby having nappy changed. When baby has a sleep if your little one dosen't sleep same time read a favourite book (something that he enjoys to let him know that he is still special) sing songs with them both together..just make sure that he's involved and not left out as he's still quite young and obviously doesn't understand why this baby has suddenly arrivesd on the scene.

Not sure that helps ..

LeeAnn
10-08-2009, 12:10 PM
ooh I have felt the same as you. I started in July and my DD has taken a lot of settling in. Some days are better than others, if I am out and about they are fine but in the house can be a challenge. Which is totally unavoidable! Good luck, I like the playpen idea. Although you may notice that your DS will want to play in it instead ;) but I owuld say either of them being in there for 5 mins or so has the same result

xx

ZoeAlli
10-08-2009, 12:47 PM
My problem was not when the Lo's started with but NOW!!! my DS seemed to be fine with them, however now the LO's are more mobile my DS is getting a little more rough with them!!
The advice you have been given is what I have done in the past! I have a playpen which I put the baby in, with toys and encouraged the others to play with the toys and baby through the bars (I have a wooden one), this way they learn to accept each other as well as baby is safe!!!
Be consistent with your praise and discipline ( it won't last forever!). Also when baby is having naptime or playing happily without you, spend some time making a fuss of your LO's, your LO may get to liking the baby going for a nap as they get their mum to themselves!!!
I have sent LO's home with marks- al you can do is explain that you have spoken with child in question and will try not to let it happen again.
You will find it is not just your LO that does this, you may have another child that joins you that will do it too!- most parents are understanding of this- they are only finding their position within your setting!- The same thing would happen if they sent their child to nursery!!
Sorry for long reply. HTH!
:)

mandy moo
10-08-2009, 01:00 PM
my 14 and 12 year olds are worse than any toddler, i honestly think they will cause each other harm one day!:blush:

Mine are almost 11 & 8, and I think the same!!