View Full Version : Baby wont go to Mum? Help

Manda L
07-08-2009, 12:25 PM
Hi All,
i became a childminder in Nov 08 and love it.
But i am having a little child psychology issue. One of my boys is now 11 months and he is adorable to look after, being with me since May.
We have a very good relationship, but in the last few weeks, when Mum comes to collect, he wont go to her.
I have heard that this is common, but it is upsetting Mum.
I have tried new tactics, by not picking him up and taking him to door, as usual, and letting Mum coming into playroom. He is all smiles when he see's her, but then crawls over to me.
Please please can anyone help me help Mum, as she is lovely and i dont want to see her upset, as we all get on really well.
M x

07-08-2009, 01:54 PM
I had this when nannying, the child would cry for me and not his mum!

I think children are very good at playing people off each other, even as babies, he could be saying "sorry mum but you left me here, therefore i'm going to ignore you" or "sorry mum but I love it here and don't want to go home!"

I'd say it's a phase, though not a nice one for mum and it won't last.

can you do things for mummy like a drawing, or chat to her on the toy phone when it's time to be collected, can she leave a special toy in her car so he has that to go to?

Chatterbox Childcare
07-08-2009, 02:20 PM
If the baby is with you more than mum this is quite normal. I make a fuss half an hour before saying "mummy is coming" and by the time mum arrives baby has his arms out ready to go. It will soon be all smiles for mum and tears for you..

Manda L
07-08-2009, 07:49 PM
Thanks for replies... I do do what you have both suggested.
About 10 mins or so before Mum comes, i say Mummy coming soon, and when doorbell rings i get him all excited saying Mummys here and he's all smiles, then when she comes in nothing.
I had heard it was common, but i thought i would ask the experts to see if there was something else i could do.
But like Debbie S i also fly to Turkey on Monday for 2 weeks, so when i get back he will be different.

08-08-2009, 09:04 PM
Although older than your one, when I started with a 2 yr old he used to cry when it was home time. I think it was really because we had such fun and then mum would come and all they did when they got home was have dinner, bath and bed. Not mums fault but that was how the day looked to the 2 yr old.

As you say, things will probably be different when you come back from holiday.

Have a nice time!!!

08-08-2009, 10:03 PM
My daughter was with a childminder from 5.5mths until 2.5 yrs and she used to do this - and actually for quite a long time. The problem is that when I picked her up she was tired and she also knew that me picking her up is the slow march home to bedtime and away from the family environment she was previously playing in.

I think you have to be very matter of fact about the handover - have everything ready to go and even have baby out of playroom and in transition to the door for when mum comes. I am sure if mum is collecting from playroom - then baby maybe feels mum is taking him away from play and all the familar toys - if he was removed from that environment already then perhaps it will make the handover easier as that connection is removed by you. Also keep the handover quick and to the point, I would suggest you prime mum in case she feels rejected by you through a no nonsense handover.

Mum will be upset - I know I was - but the baby won't do it forever - but also it won't change overnight - so work with each other and reassure mum that you want to make it easier for her :)

08-08-2009, 11:17 PM
I had this happen with one of the children I looked after as well and it was awful!

It was upsetting her mum and I felt so helpless because nothing I tried made any difference! I felt so bad for the mum!

I stopped carrying the mindee to the door to greet mum but that made no difference as lo would just run away from mum and mum had to go after her. That seemed worse to me! I would talk about mum all day and tell her that she was coming to collect her for about 10 minutes before collection.

I just emphasised to her how the little girl would watch her when she went and wave to her in the mornings and I asked for family photos so that she could look at them throughout the day. She would often carry around the photo of the mum so I would tell her that too. I would talk about her mum and show the photo.

Also, did crafts with the mindee for gifts for the mum, more than I would have done normally!

I think it was a phase and eventually it sorted itself out but it was so upsetting so I can totally sympathise with you and 'your' mum.


09-08-2009, 09:05 AM
I have often had this situation happen.
As already said a 'no nonsense' approach has worked best for me. As I hand baby over I have to turn my back and ignore the outstretched arms and crying.
I can see lo's point of view. Had all this fun all day, now I have to go home to boring bed!
I'm sure mum is really grateful that her lo has such a good bond with you, but I must admit I would be very jealous If I were the mum:(
I admit to being a real hypocrite.. I expect mums to hand over their baby to me... but I could never do it with my own children.... hence why I became a registered childminder!
18 years on, I'm still here and loving it:clapping:

mandy moo
09-08-2009, 11:00 AM
The little one I mind (hes 2 this month) doesnt want to go home at the end of the day either, we have tears, and 'no go home'
Im glad hes enjoyed himself at mine, but I do feel for mum,
So i try get him ready (shoes, jumper,coat) for when she arrives, so if she needs to get home and cant stay for a chat, hes ready to go.
I will also pick him up and walk with him to the front door, where mum takes over and carries him to the car..

09-08-2009, 01:46 PM
i have also had this problem in the past. one lo would be screaming in her mums arms "eelp me arah eelp me" as mum carried down my garden path at home time. mum found it very upsetting but i explained to mum that it was better to get it at the end of day than at the beginning. it proved that she enjoyed herself at my house and has happy to be here. also she had no one to play with at home as she was an only child where at my house there was always someone to play with. i think eventually she just grew out of that phase. having said that when she was here yesterday and mum said home time she didnt want to go. shes 3 now but mum no longer takes it personally!