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View Full Version : NIGHTMARE parent and mindee....please help!



charliegee
04-08-2009, 06:52 AM
hey guys

I know I'm very lucky to be having enquiries in this credit crunch we're in....and I've been lucky enough to sign my first mindee yesterday (yippee!!)

however - I also had another parent who came to view yesterday (before my one who signed) and to be blunt - this little one was a real handful - more than I've ever seen before - upset my own little one (screamed in their face!) and jumped all over furniture - threw toys at baby etc....I'm sure they wouldn't get on with my other mindee who's just signed.....

I REALLY don't want to take this person on but they've emailed me this morning to say parent is interested...

what do I do?!!! Am I being discriminatory in not taking them on (ie not inclusive?!)

silly question but how do I politey say no?! and er...am I allowed to?!:(

x

LisaMcNally09
04-08-2009, 06:55 AM
I would politely say that someone came after them and took the place!!!

I think you can turn them down if you think they will have an impact on your family/other mindees!! If he is a handful and you dont think you can spend enough one to one time!!!

Others will be along to clarify what ive said! Im sure its right though!!

Lisa

miffy
04-08-2009, 06:55 AM
It's your buisness and yes you can say no.

E-mail back and say the vacancy has been filled - keep it simple and wish them luck with finding childcare

Miffy xx

Chimps Childminding
04-08-2009, 06:58 AM
I agree, if you don't think it would work out it is better not to start, just say that you are really sorry but the vacancy has been filled. It is easier to let people down before you get to know them :thumbsup:

The Juggler
04-08-2009, 07:15 AM
No, no and no. If you have a bad feeling from the start, your gut instinct is usually right.

Just tell her that the other hours suited better, someone asked first etc. Don't have a bad experience with your first one.

charliegee
04-08-2009, 07:22 AM
thanks everyone - yes, I really don't want to take them on...got a funny vibe from parent (I imagine she would be a real difficult one...) and honestly - litttle one was a total bundle of hyperness! ....my own little one was quite unhappy!

.....I'm going to say no but scared as we live in a small area with few childminders so I feel awkward in still advertising for spaces when this parent will def see my adverts after I say "sorry I'm not able to take on your little one"

ahhhh - has anyone else said no to parents before for similar reasons - I honestly don't want my first minding experience to be in a situation I'm not comfortable with really

x

LisaMcNally09
04-08-2009, 07:39 AM
thanks everyone - yes, I really don't want to take them on...got a funny vibe from parent (I imagine she would be a real difficult one...) and honestly - litttle one was a total bundle of hyperness! ....my own little one was quite unhappy!

.....I'm going to say no but scared as we live in a small area with few childminders so I feel awkward in still advertising for spaces when this parent will def see my adverts after I say "sorry I'm not able to take on your little one"

ahhhh - has anyone else said no to parents before for similar reasons - I honestly don't want my first minding experience to be in a situation I'm not comfortable with really

x

How many hours have you signed for and how many did the others want???

I ask because if you have just signed a part timer and the other is a part timer aswell you could just say you only have full time vacancies left!! Explain it isn't cost effective to have lots of part timers as they take up your numbers and stops you offering full time spaces????

Just a thought??? Might not work????

charliegee
04-08-2009, 07:49 AM
How many hours have you signed for and how many did the others want???

I ask because if you have just signed a part timer and the other is a part timer aswell you could just say you only have full time vacancies left!! Explain it isn't cost effective to have lots of part timers as they take up your numbers and stops you offering full time spaces????

Just a thought??? Might not work????

Thanks for the replys!

I've signed for a full time before / after school who I'll also be having in the holidays - really happy about it as LOVELY family and little one :clapping:

This other family who I really don't want to take on are wanting the same - (pick up from same school - infact this nightmare / difficult little one and my new mindee will probably be in the same class!!)

ahhh what to do, what to do!!??!! - I hate situations like this!

thanks for all your support and advice guys!

x

CCJD
04-08-2009, 07:52 AM
I have only ever had it once where I really didnt want to take on a child. It was a little girl and mum wanted just one day a week so that "I could socialise the child".

My three mindees sat on the sofa in complete silence as this little one rampaged through the playroom, throwing toys and piling up things that were then "MINE". Mum wanted her to start at 8 am and could I give her breakfast and make her porridge as she likes her to have a good start to the day.
I explained that at that time, what with mindees coming in and getting my own 2 ready for school, porridge really couldnt be on the menu.
I will never forget the looks on my mindees faces though - they just stared at the child and then at me as if to say "OMG". I have never seen them so quiet or gobsmacked!

When mum emailed I emailed back and said sorry the space was filled now .

In your case I wouldnt give excuses relating to the child- you dont want to get drawn into that conversation for a couple of reasons - you have only had a snapshot of her child, and whilst your opinion may well be right (and probably is) , it might not be and then you could be critisized. Also - what can you say that wont offend mum - we all love our children (good and not so good) and whilst we can critisise them, it's hard to take from somebody else and certainly not from somebody who hasnt spent much time with them.

Absolutely go with your instinct - the key to childminding being fun and successful if having a good blend of children who work together well.

As already advised a simple - sorry the space is now filled, good luck in your search will do the job perfectly and cause no upset or misunderstanding.

Good luck

Hebs
04-08-2009, 07:54 AM
i would be honest

and say...

It was lovely to meet you and your child, however after the meeting you don't feel you could provide the care required for the little one.

Ripeberry
04-08-2009, 07:57 AM
OMG! That girl sounded like a nightmare. I would not stand for it. I would have told her in a firm voice "We share in this house and those toys are for everyone"
No wonder the mum wanted to 'socialise her' :panic:

devoncm
04-08-2009, 08:11 AM
Could you not try the child for a settling in session first, say to parent you do this with all your children when they start and if doesnt work out then it doesnt, OR what age is the child? could you not say you cant take on any more children in that age group?

I have a 5 yr old after school and in hols full time and any other enquiries i have for after school and holiday children i say i havent got the space as i dont want to give away spaces that an under 3 could take up full time iyswim

Toothfairy
04-08-2009, 08:14 AM
Always go with your gut feeling, it is so much harder to give notice when they have started with you.

Good luck :thumbsup:

deeb66
04-08-2009, 08:19 AM
The idea of the first meeting is so that you can meet the family and see if they will 'fit in' as well as them getting the chance to meet you nd see if they would be comfortable leaving their child with you - it really is a two way street.

You have 2 ways of doing it.

You can tell them honestly that you do not think that yours is the best setting for their child and you are not sure that the child would settle there (you are basically telling them in a polite way that you don't want the child and don't feel you can work with them)

or

You say that you have been seeing other parents at the same time and that unfortunately the place has been taken so you cannot offer it to them. In this instance you don't need to worry that they will find out cos you if questioned at a leter date you could always say that it all fell through.....no one is going to know!

In the past I have used both options to refuse a family - it really depended on how strong I felt at the time and how I thought the parents would react to me telling them that I didn't think it would work out.

It really is up to you to decide which way to deal with it.

Hope all goes well

Dee

Alibali
04-08-2009, 06:00 PM
Could you try some settling in sessions and see how it goes, children frequently behave differently when parents are around. Just a thought.

mushpea
04-08-2009, 06:17 PM
i have had children come that are a nightmare with their parents but after a couple of weeks and some realy strict rule and boundries they have settled down and been no problem, however when parents are there they change back in to little monsters so i have had to say to parents that when they come its still my rules and if i feel the child is breaking them then i say somthing to the child.
it may well be that you can pull this child in to line quite quickly, they may have been showing off for parents and get on fine with you.

nannymcflea
04-08-2009, 07:13 PM
Thank you for you enquiry, at this time I am not able to offer a place to your child in my setting.

short sweet and no reasons needed.:D

Zoomie
04-08-2009, 08:19 PM
If I have read correctly you have just signed a FT child, and this other child also wants a FT place.

In that case, I would say that I am not currently willing to take on two FT children, and if they query why you are still advertising you could either say the ad is old or that you have now settled first mindee in, and feel more confident to take on another ....

charliegee
05-08-2009, 10:35 PM
I have only ever had it once where I really didnt want to take on a child. It was a little girl and mum wanted just one day a week so that "I could socialise the child".

My three mindees sat on the sofa in complete silence as this little one rampaged through the playroom, throwing toys and piling up things that were then "MINE". Mum wanted her to start at 8 am and could I give her breakfast and make her porridge as she likes her to have a good start to the day.
I explained that at that time, what with mindees coming in and getting my own 2 ready for school, porridge really couldnt be on the menu.
I will never forget the looks on my mindees faces though - they just stared at the child and then at me as if to say "OMG". I have never seen them so quiet or gobsmacked!

When mum emailed I emailed back and said sorry the space was filled now .

In your case I wouldnt give excuses relating to the child- you dont want to get drawn into that conversation for a couple of reasons - you have only had a snapshot of her child, and whilst your opinion may well be right (and probably is) , it might not be and then you could be critisized. Also - what can you say that wont offend mum - we all love our children (good and not so good) and whilst we can critisise them, it's hard to take from somebody else and certainly not from somebody who hasnt spent much time with them.

Absolutely go with your instinct - the key to childminding being fun and successful if having a good blend of children who work together well.

As already advised a simple - sorry the space is now filled, good luck in your search will do the job perfectly and cause no upset or misunderstanding.

Good luck

Gosh!! Thank you for your advice (and everyones advice too!) - that sounds a nightmare with that little girl! - bless your mindees looking at the girl and then looking at you!

I've taken the option of emailing to say "sorry space has been filled" and the parent got quite shirty with me - saying "you know I wanted the space" and that she is going to "report me to Ofsted and the council"!!

I'm not sure what she can report me for as we never signed contracts, never took a deposit and she said she was going to have a think about it and let me know (said as she left....) - that was it!

Really don't want to get in trouble - any advice as I'm new reged and really scared now!!

(it was the NICEST email I sent too saying "sorry but since we met I've had another parent come and sign contracts so wont be able to offer xxxxxx the place. I don't have details of any other childminders with vacancies at the moment but I know other parents have found good childcare through the childcare link website....best of luck with your childcare search...apologies again....." nice as anything I thought!)

have I done something wrong here?

x

Goatgirl
05-08-2009, 10:58 PM
You haven't done anything wrong, so try not to feel bad about it. The best thing you can do in almost any situation is to go with your gut instinct which is exactly what you've done here. And very nicely too.
Well done, I say!
I have had both brilliant and very rude parents and I know I'm the same person, so I put any rudeness down to a problem they have, not something I've done. If I was you, I'd be proud of the way you handled a very tricky situation.
best wishes,
Wendy :-)

charliegee
05-08-2009, 11:07 PM
Oh thank you Wendy - that's really kind.

I know rationally that it was the right thing to do and from the reaction I got - I'm glad I didn't go ahead and sign contracts with this person.

I decided to enter childminding fully aware that I'd have challenges from little ones and parents I worked with but I just got scared with this situation that I'd done something wrong - especially being new and everything - this forum is a godsend!

You've really reassured me though, thank you! :)

x

Goatgirl
05-08-2009, 11:20 PM
You're welcome :) I know how personal it feels, even though your head tells you different. I had a couple come round who asked to see my 'registered areas', then followed me round my house in complete silence.They left with a stack of policies which they never returned and never spoke to me again. I see them in the street often but whatever friendly greeting I offer they just look away. Very rude.

anyway, glad you're feling better about it :thumbsup:
take care,
wendy :-)

Bushpig
06-08-2009, 06:48 AM
I'm very fussy re who I bring into my setting... I have a happy home of kiddies, who are like a 2nd family to eachother... and there's no way I am going to allow a child and/or parent to disrupt this. I had a child who was very difficult (was a short term contract - that's all I had avail)... he got better with me, but was the same difficult child when mum arrived... and as she is one of the most ineffective and passive mothers I have come across I realised quickly that I was fighting a losing battle... and he was really wearing me out, demanding so much time and energy. We have to work in partnership with parents and if they aren't playing ball... I am afraid I don't want to have them in my setting, which happens to be my home, a place of laughter and fun with RULES and RESPECT for eachother ;)

You've done the right thing in saying no to them. ALWAYS go with your gut instinct.