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Adiamond
29-07-2009, 08:23 AM
Hi, I don't know if you will remember I had an enquiry about 6 weeks ago from a mum wanting childcare for her 2 children from Sept a girl age 3 going to nursery for 2 1/2 days a week and a boy age 2 . Mum wanted me to take and pick up the girl from nursery (different school to my son :( ) and keep her until 5.30 and to have the boy 2 1/2 days from 8-5.30pm, she wants me to give them both a cooked meal at tea time.
Anyway this was 6 weeks ago she came round first thing she said was that she was going to another minder straight after me :angry: (she was my very first enquiry!!!) something didn't feel right even at this time.
I asked what time the girls school opened ?she couldn't tell me!!! it turns out she starts exactly the same time as my son and the schools are a good 10 minutes apart in the car, I said I wouldn't be able to do the drop off because of this she then said it didn't matter if the girl was late.
My son has swimming on one of these nights and I just couldn't manage all of them and he comes first.
She has never rung me only had text messages from her, I rang to arrange a second visit but she would not commit to making a date, I asked her for a deposit but she said could I do something about the deposit as she as just come back from hols and couldn't afford the full months deposit :angry:


So I have held these places open for 6 weeks up to now with no deposit paid,no contact, no settling in period.
Something just didn't seem right with all this, is this how the mum will be??
I spoke to my co-ordinator and she said to go with my gut instinct so I told this woman yesterday that I am unable to offer her these places.
I then had my co-ordinator on the phone saying this woman had rung and was frantic she had given notice at the nursery they are at, she has bought school uniform and she tried talking me into doing it:( I said I just couldn't do it and she knows why. I feel really bad but I cannot be in 2 places at the same time.
Well I received a text message last night from this woman and OMG it was awful saying she had heard that my reasons were not true and she is really disappointed by what I have done, I was so upset by this, I text her back saying that I was sorry and as I am sure she will understand that my family comes first and I said that I dont appreciate her sending accusations to me on hearsay!!!!
She replied saying that the Family Information Service had told her that it was because she didn't pay me my deposit!!!!!
I feel so angry and upset that my co-ordinator has told her this even though this was part of the reason it was mainly to do with my son and his after school activities.I thought what we told them was confidential????

This has put a downer on everything I was just beginning to get my confidence with all this and now this has happened :(

Thanks for listening :) sorry it's long :) x x x

Pipsqueak
29-07-2009, 08:29 AM
Oh thats hard - don't be to tough on yourself at the end of the day you couldn't do it - your family comes first and your gut instincts were right about it 'feeling off'.
If she sends any more texts don't reply - keep the messages if you can and then go to see your co-ordinator and ask why she has passed on confidential information and put you in this position.
If the messages become abusive or uncomfortable then make sure you keep them and inform someone.

This lady should have arranged her childcare in adequate time (although perhaps she might not have been able to afford a deposit and thats why she was trying to hang on). and its not your problem.

She is showng her true colours and you certainly don't need someone like that in your life

Polly2
29-07-2009, 08:43 AM
Thats awful...tbh I would be most annoyed with my co-ordinator for breaking my confidence.

I think you need to have a word with her because that is not on.

Good advice from Pip also

Mouse
29-07-2009, 08:54 AM
I'm not sure I quite understand. You say you couldn't do the hours as you can't be in 2 places at once, but were you still offering her the place even though you couldn't do it?
I can see both sides here. You are understandably upset & annoyed by the way this has been handled, but the mum must also be upset that she thought you were keeping a place open for her, when in fact you couldn't do it? If you knew you couldn't do the hours she wanted, why did you keep asking her to come for a second visit & to pay a deposit?

You definitely need to speak to your co-ordinator to find out what she said & why.

Helen79
29-07-2009, 09:06 AM
I'm also confused why you kept a place open for her if you couldn't actually do it?
Has the mum swapped her dd's school so she is at the same one as your son so that you can do the morning drop off?

It does sound like the mum has messed you around with not committing to the contract & not returning for a second visit but if she's gone to the trouble of swapping her dd's nursery so that you could look after her like you agreed then I can understand why she is cross.

I would also be upset with your co-ordinator & would give her a call.

Gherkin
29-07-2009, 09:27 AM
Don't let it upset you. I've been minding since 2007 and it has taken me a long time to learn to trust my gut instinct. It's been a bumpy ride in parts but it is worth it.

If the parent texts you again I would just say that you are unable to correspond with her but if she wanted to meet in person you would be happy to explain the situation. In person meets mean less confusion all round I always find.

I do see that the parent is upset as it appears she was banking on you.

I always find that the best bet is to be totally clear at the start saying what you can and can't do so that nobody builds up unrealistic expectations.

I also never worry if parents are going to see other minders and recommend that they do compare me to other minders as I then know that if they come to me it is because they want to come to be and not because I am the only one available.

Adiamond
29-07-2009, 09:59 AM
Thanks everyone, when she first came to visit me I told her I was unsure if I could do the drop off if the school timings clashed! When she rang to say she wanted to use me and she said that she didn't mind the daughter being late for school that was fine, no problem I thought but as the weeks have passed she hasn't clarified that she definatley wants me, only verbally and when I rang her she now wants me to keep the children 1/2 a hour later which clashes with my sons swimming lesson and wants me to cook a hot meal 2 nights.
Believe me I have had sleepless nights trying to work out how I can manage all this and I just cannot do it.
I became a childminder to make my familys life easier not to make it more complicated which this definatley would of done, I feel really bad but as it worked out was not what I agreed to in the first place and she seemed to just arrange things without okaying it with me first!!! She just presumed(sp) I would do whatever she asked.
I am not a bad person it was just sooooo complicated.

She hasn't swapped schools she got her daughter into nursery at a main stream school she was at a private nursery across town from my sons school and I could do it until she made all the changes!!!! x x x

zillervalley
29-07-2009, 10:11 AM
Hi

this lady has crossed the line , i see both sides but i do think you have made the right decision,

you must talk to your co=ordinator and show her the text, she is out of line

ziller

twinkle3005
29-07-2009, 10:34 AM
It's awful when parents aren't clear with you from the start.

In future make sure you tell parents you can only keep a place for their child if a deposit has been paid and contracts signed otherwise if another parent wants the place and is willing to pay up then you will take on that child instead.

As for your co-ordinator telling her things you've said i'd have a word with her and ask what she actually said, it could be that she's tried to explain on your behalf that most childminders won't hold a place unless a deposit or retainer is paid.

Goatgirl
29-07-2009, 11:10 AM
Hi Jessiebessie,
Sorry to hear you've had parent trouble. My first booking was similar, but I was paid a deposit, I had alot of trouble with communication and continuously put off visits with the family to sort out the details and in the event, they didn't need the space, but as they'd paid a deposit, they just didn't make that clearavoided signing contracts etc and expected me to do a month so they could 'use up the money they'd paid'! Cheek! I'd been turning down under ones and clashing hours for months... anyway, I learned my lesson and am more careful these days.
It sounds like you've done the right thing by listening to your gut instinct :clapping: but you can't be held responsible for the parent's lack of clear communication, so try not to feel bad about it. Maybe she'll be more aware of her own actions from now on.
I personally would write the facts clearly in a letter, with no personal recriminations, stating the reasons you couldn't do it, reminding her that no deposit was paid, so there was never a guarantee of the place etc, and wishing her well. I'm not so good in person; always forget everything i wanted to say :rolleyes:

Then you can put it down to experience and move forward.

bws,
wendy:)

youarewhatyoueat
29-07-2009, 03:27 PM
Bit odd that you wanted a deposit but couldn't do the work!!! and then you say that you kept a place open, I think everyone was a bit confused by the sounds of it. Chalk it up to experience and be a bit clearer next time, if you want a deposit, get the contract signed and do everything properly then everyone knows where they stand.

Lady Haha
29-07-2009, 04:30 PM
A couple of the replies here are a bit harsh! This cm has said right from the start that she told the mum she couldn't do the morning drop off, but mum said didn't matter if her daughter was late, so obv cm kept the place open then. She also said she could do the evenings and kept that place open. Mum then changed the pick up time so that it now clashes with swimming for cm's son. She has told mum all of this, mum obv still wanted the places kept open for her (picking up early I assume on sons swim day?), but then not paid deposit.

Also, this is the cm's FIRST booking!!! Give her a break!!! It seems to be she has done everything she can for this mum who is at best, very vague!!!!

Yes, the cm can now put it down to experience, NEVER hold places open until you have received the deposit!! If they can't afford a whole months deposit, make it a week or a fortnight.

Good luck, you will get a good one soon!

And I would be very annoyed at the co ordinator too!!!!