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View Full Version : what does being professional mean to you?



newandlearning
24-07-2009, 08:05 PM
am just having a bit of a think in my own mind about what this means to me..
am wondering how others find trying to be professional whilst quite closely caring for another's child.. so it seems to me .. we are meant to be kind, caring & nurturing but at the same time maintain professional hats.. is the professional hat with the child or parent?

What do you do which helps you keep your business a professional one rather than one where you maybe secretly think you are 'friends' with the parents...

any thoughts would be warmly welcomed as am just trying to explore how to get better with this.. rather than always wearing my heart on my sleeve.xxx

I suppose I'm trying to ask how do you maintain a professional distance from parents whilst working closely in partnership with them?

Thanks alot!:)

Pauline
24-07-2009, 08:17 PM
In my experience I think you do keep your distance to begin with, but the longer you have a child in your care the harder that gets.

We have some fantastic parents who are now really good friends and I wouldn't want it it be any different. You can't care for a child for 14 years or longer and not become friends. (Not if you do a good job anyway, in my opinion) :)

FussyElmo
24-07-2009, 08:33 PM
Think it is very hard not to become friends with the parents when as Pauline says, you care for their children over a long period of time.

My full time mindee doesnt come to me in the holidays but I have meet up with mum and mindee today just to go to the park and I wouldnt have it any other way and we keep on touch via text and internet.

Professionally she pays me on time, signs all the paperwork (not complaining) takes time to read the diarys and learning journals. She was seething when busybees paid me late turned up with the money as she didnt want to leave me short.

To be honest I have got very lucky have had bad experiances before but wont change the way I am and think the goods appreciate me:)

Mouse
24-07-2009, 08:39 PM
In my experience I think you do keep your distance to begin with, but the longer you have a child in your care the harder that gets.

We have some fantastic parents who are now really good friends and I wouldn't want it it be any different. You can't care for a child for 14 years or longer and not become friends. (Not if you do a good job anyway, in my opinion) :)

I agree with Pauline. With new parents I definitely keep my distance to start with. I make sure everything is done on a professional level from the beginning and that from the outset it is clear what is expected from both sides. Everything is done by the book.

I don't initially talk much about myself or my family, other than the basics that parents need to know. I listen to their worries & woes, but would never tell them mine and I am very careful to always greet them with a smile and warm welcome, no matter how tired or fed up I might be. I have a cm friend, who from the first meeting, will tell parents all about herself & her family woes. She is often crying about one thing or other when parents drop off or collect the children and she'll tell parents at the end of the day that she is exhausted. I consider that unprofessional.

After a while though, you can't help but open up to parents. They have a genuine interest in my family & I will tell them when my children are doing something special, though I would still never tell them my problems. I still keep the business side of it purely professional. It's not a conscious decision to change, but over time it just happens naturally.
Like Pauline, lots of the parents are now real friends and we keep in touch well after the children have left.

Playmate
24-07-2009, 08:57 PM
I agree with Pauline. With new parents I definitely keep my distance to start with. I make sure everything is done on a professional level from the beginning and that from the outset it is clear what is expected from both sides. Everything is done by the book.

I don't initially talk much about myself or my family, other than the basics that parents need to know. I listen to their worries & woes, but would never tell them mine and I am very careful to always greet them with a smile and warm welcome, no matter how tired or fed up I might be. I have a cm friend, who from the first meeting, will tell parents all about herself & her family woes. She is often crying about one thing or other when parents drop off or collect the children and she'll tell parents at the end of the day that she is exhausted. I consider that unprofessional.

After a while though, you can't help but open up to parents. They have a genuine interest in my family & I will tell them when my children are doing something special, though I would still never tell them my problems. I still keep the business side of it purely professional. It's not a conscious decision to change, but over time it just happens naturally.
Like Pauline, lots of the parents are now real friends and we keep in touch well after the children have left.

I think mouse has pretty much summed up how I am with our parents. I think because I have decisive policies and keep my distance in the begining, I'm rarely put in a position where people take advantage of me, use me as a shoulder to cry on, or generally get to invoved in each others lives. We have 15 sets of parents on our books and I just wouldn't have enough emotional energy to deal with it all, trying to keep up with my friends is hard enough!
I think it is possible to build professional relationships which are friendly without being to involved. We are going to the wedding of one of sets of parents tomorrow, I shall probably learn more about that familiy through people watching at the wedding, than I have through conversations over the last year :laughing:

Winnie
24-07-2009, 08:59 PM
being professional.... there is a line that i do not cross (well almost never-see below) its between being friendly and friends. I'm first and foremost there for the child, i consider the parent to be a partner not a friend-like a business partner, we have things in common (they probably choose me because of those common links- thoughts on behaviour, lifestyle etc). I think its easier to talk about tricky subjects if you keep a professional air, i'm warm, friendly but i do not tell the parents what is going on in my life..my life is outside of working hours..parents might ask my advice and i give it as part of my work.
I'm focused on my work and the child, i'm not in it to make friends or expand my network of friends ;) if i wanted to do that i would have joined the NCT :D over the years i've become friends with a handful of parents, it didnt happen overnight their children were longstanding mindees.
you never know what is really going on in the mind of a parent (unless you've known them for a very long time) sometimes the first real glimpse you get of exactly where you stand is the day you get the invoice wrong or you have to send a child home sick....thankfully i've had lovely parents :)

Chatterbox Childcare
24-07-2009, 09:01 PM
Being a professional to me covers a lot of different angles:

Parents - providing a well structure, organised, well trained setting. Being positive about what I will and will not do, will and will not accept and knowing what I want from my business, allowing them to go to work with the security that their child is safe and secure.

Children - offering a variety of stimuli to enhance their development and to keep training so that I am able to do so, giving them the best start that I can.

Myself - to be abreast of what is going on around me (that does not mean being better than everyone else) and being confident in my own ability. Completing and recording all relevant documentation and paperwork and lodging tax returns on time.

As to being friends with parents - I set the rules at the beginning and then there is no misunderstandings.

There is bound to be more but my brain has switched off for the weekend.

zillervalley
24-07-2009, 09:04 PM
I find it hard too, I start off being professional and yes the longer you have children , well you cant help being friends

ziller

newandlearning
26-07-2009, 09:41 AM
thanks for all the replies.. I agree it can sometimes feel tricky being professional whilst looking after children who are meant to be included, unique, loved yet at the same time I'm not meant to get drawn into their families lives, buy spare clothes such as rain coats/hats/swimwear.. offer a service and ask mindees to our kids parties as my kids consider them friends but then have no invites back as there is a boundary coming from the parents side... :panic: :panic: ..

also like most Sundays.. I'm doing accounts, re-doing the menu for the week.. doing the shopping on line.. now some 2 hours later .. I feel like my personal time is being sucked up by my childminding week.. I feel I need to some how allot time for this side of the practice too which gives me my family time back...

what do you do? how do you keep your work in work time or do you accept that two nights/weekend mornings are needed for the childminding?

huggableshelly
26-07-2009, 10:10 AM
its hard to keep work to work time/hours only as that would mean doing paperwork whilst caring for the children.

Some cm's are lucky yo have their mindess sleep and that gives them time to catch up on paperwork ... or relax.

I tend to do paperwork on a monday evening when my Hubby takes our kiddies swimming and on wednesdays as I have no minded children during school hours. I aim to keep wkends formy time and family time though the past 2 wks I've been updating learning journals ready to hand over to parents and share with school.

This wkend apart from coming into here i've done nothing cm related at all, even turned off my mobile as a parent has this habbit of calling me on sundays for a chat but never calls the house phone.

Mouse
26-07-2009, 10:18 AM
thanks for all the replies.. I agree it can sometimes feel tricky being professional whilst looking after children who are meant to be included, unique, loved yet at the same time I'm not meant to get drawn into their families lives, buy spare clothes such as rain coats/hats/swimwear.. offer a service and ask mindees to our kids parties as my kids consider them friends but then have no invites back as there is a boundary coming from the parents side... :panic: :panic: ..

also like most Sundays.. I'm doing accounts, re-doing the menu for the week.. doing the shopping on line.. now some 2 hours later .. I feel like my personal time is being sucked up by my childminding week.. I feel I need to some how allot time for this side of the practice too which gives me my family time back...

what do you do? how do you keep your work in work time or do you accept that two nights/weekend mornings are needed for the childminding?

I suppose it's slightly different for me now in that my children are older (the youngest is 8) and I only mind under 5's, so my children don't see the mindees as friends who they would want to invite to a party.
What you have to accept is that many parents will see your children as 'the childminder's children', not as their children's friends.

I also buy sunhats, wellies etc to keep at my house, but I do this to be practical, not because I want to be part of their lives. From my point of view I am very invloved in the children's lives, but often from the parents' point of view I am just the person they send their children to. Does that make sense? I know the parents respect me & love me looking after their children, but I'm not part of their family. You have to accept that the children become part of your life & your family, but you don't become part of their family.

As for paperwork, I do as much of mine as I can during working hours. When parents come to visit I explain that I have to do a certain amount of paperwork & that I do this during working hours when the children are sleeping or playing happily. I don't play with the children 100% of the time - they need time when they're amusing themselves. Obviously, I am always aware of what they're doing & supervising as necessary, but I see nothing wrong with doing paperwork while they play.

Playmate
26-07-2009, 01:22 PM
I certainly think it is easier to be more business like as your own children get older, mine are 9, 13 & 17 and I have to honest I do enjoy my work much more now than I did when my children were younger.

As for paper work, I find it impossible to do any when the children are here, even though there are 2 of us. My husband and I aren't very good in the evenings either usually to shattered after working a 12 hour day with 5 -6 under 5's :laughing: We tend to spend time at the weekend catching up and the worse thing is most of our holiday time is spent doing background work too. I must admit though for us we are running a joint business, have the same goals and enjoy working on alot of it together. Both of us have had previous experience of running other small businesses and have recieved quite a lot of training in this and know that in order to be successful, thats what we have to do. Obviously we do appreciate that not every one can see it from our point of view and I always feel for those childminders who have partners that oppose to everything they do! it must be extremely hard. I'm lucky I have a supportive, like minded hubby and children.

Winnie
26-07-2009, 02:23 PM
thanks for all the replies.. I agree it can sometimes feel tricky being professional whilst looking after children who are meant to be included, unique, loved yet at the same time I'm not meant to get drawn into their families lives, buy spare clothes such as rain coats/hats/swimwear.. offer a service and ask mindees to our kids parties as my kids consider them friends but then have no invites back as there is a boundary coming from the parents side... :panic: :panic: ..

also like most Sundays.. I'm doing accounts, re-doing the menu for the week.. doing the shopping on line.. now some 2 hours later .. I feel like my personal time is being sucked up by my childminding week.. I feel I need to some how allot time for this side of the practice too which gives me my family time back...

what do you do? how do you keep your work in work time or do you accept that two nights/weekend mornings are needed for the childminding?

I've just sat down to do a bit of cm stuff :( . This morning i had coffee out at a garden centre that just happens :rolleyes: to stock toys too :laughing: And no, i do not have young children.

Bananabrain
26-07-2009, 02:46 PM
I agree with Pauline. With new parents I definitely keep my distance to start with. I make sure everything is done on a professional level from the beginning and that from the outset it is clear what is expected from both sides. Everything is done by the book.

I don't initially talk much about myself or my family, other than the basics that parents need to know. I listen to their worries & woes, but would never tell them mine and I am very careful to always greet them with a smile and warm welcome, no matter how tired or fed up I might be. I have a cm friend, who from the first meeting, will tell parents all about herself & her family woes. She is often crying about one thing or other when parents drop off or collect the children and she'll tell parents at the end of the day that she is exhausted. I consider that unprofessional.

After a while though, you can't help but open up to parents. They have a genuine interest in my family & I will tell them when my children are doing something special, though I would still never tell them my problems. I still keep the business side of it purely professional. It's not a conscious decision to change, but over time it just happens naturally.
Like Pauline, lots of the parents are now real friends and we keep in touch well after the children have left.

I agree with Mouse, I try very hard to always open the door with a big smile on my face no matter what!!! Think it backfires sometimes because I'm sure my parents think my life is a bowl of cherries and I don't have any stress like they do!!! I've been told lots of times that I am calm and have a calming influence on the children:laughing:

I nearly had my house repossessed last year and not one of my parents had any idea!{things are better now thank goodness}

I have one parent that I feel is a little too informal and try to keep her at arms length.

Also wherever possible I call the parents Mr so and so rather than using their first names. Probably because I am always complaining that childminders get little respect and I'm trying to be a little more formal.

I currently have a couple of parents that I would consider being friends with outside of childminding,but generally I think I would rather keep it on a less 'chatty' basis.

Playmate
27-07-2009, 03:22 PM
I agree with Mouse, I try very hard to always open the door with a big smile on my face no matter what!!! Think it backfires sometimes because I'm sure my parents think my life is a bowl of cherries and I don't have any stress like they do!!! I've been told lots of times that I am calm and have a calming influence on the children:laughing:

I nearly had my house repossessed last year and not one of my parents had any idea!{things are better now thank goodness}

I have one parent that I feel is a little too informal and try to keep her at arms length.

Also wherever possible I call the parents Mr so and so rather than using their first names. Probably because I am always complaining that childminders get little respect and I'm trying to be a little more formal.

I currently have a couple of parents that I would consider being friends with outside of childminding,but generally I think I would rather keep it on a less 'chatty' basis.

Gosh, now that it is being formal, do they call you Miss /Mrs? I don't think I could do that, I can't pronounce half of my mindees surnames and no one can ever pronounce ours correctly (unless the're irish!) so I think I will stick with first names :D

Polly2
27-07-2009, 03:35 PM
I think it depends on the parents.

I have one full timer whose mum stays for a 10min chat every night. I enjoy it, she enjoys it...its mostly about her son but she is interested in me and my family too and I share info with her because she is a nice person and she cares.

Her son speaks 3 words...Mum, Dad and Holly! She loves it that he knows my name and she tells me often. So although I do feel I have a professional relationship with her I am probably developing a friendship there also. She has even invited my family over to her home for a pottery lesson with her hubby...it was great!

Other parents just drop off/pick up and we exchange a few words about the day and thats it.

But like everyone has said its important to be cheerful and friendly with all.

I am wary about becoming overly friendly though because its hard then when you have to talk about money or if any probs come along.

Chatterbox Childcare
27-07-2009, 04:15 PM
I am on first name terms with all the children and parents and sometimes grandparents too.

I think if you start off knowing your business and that means doing your homework it will all fall into place. With every new parent or interview you will become more confident.

Practice and patience - maybe try out on someone you know