help - struggling with difficult child

[smiler]

I had such a terrible day yesterday - I look after 3 siblings, 1, 4 and 7, and whilst the youngest and eldest are lovely the 4 (nearly 5) year old is so disruptive and im dreading the rest of the holidays! He will not join in any activies, sulks, is bad tempered and rude and wont even put his own shoes on or even wipe his bottom by himself, although i know he does at school so why not here?! Yesterday was so exhausting and he will be coming for 3 whole days every week during the holidays. How do i deal with this? ive been minding for 5 years and have never experienced such a disruptive child. The obvious thing is to speak to the parents but i feel slightly intimidated by them because they are a very 'bolshy' sort of family and i know they will be defensive. please help!! x

[sarah707]

I have moved your post to the minding chat area of the forum where more members will see it to answer! :D

Welcome to the forum!

I really think you need to speak to the child's parents. If he is being deliberately disruptive, you must tackle it head on before the situation gets worse.

Plus if he is ignoring you there's a chance he will run off when you go out or dash into a road and that's a risk not worth taking.

I imagine like many children in the holidays, he is resentful that he has to be 'minded' while his friends at home play out etc. It can be tough, but he has to learn before he does something dangerous.

I hope you manage to sort it out quickly.

[mushpea]

I had one that refused to put his own shoes on so i threatend to make him walk to the park with no shoes on, he still refused so once everyonne was ready off we went, he sat in my hall gobsmacked that eveyone was leaving and so i said come on we are leaving NOW, he walked about 4 steps without his shoes on then i asked him if he was ready to put then on now and yes he put them on straight away and i never had any trouble again, although each night his dad turned up and they had major rows over shoes and everytime his dad gave in and did them for him which i found quite funny cause he always put them on for me after that time.
as for wiping the bum you could use the same idea but are you sure he wipes it at school, coudl it be that he just dosent bother and wont ask the teacher but will ask you as he knows you will do it? migh be worth showing him how and making sure he knows how to do it then going with the well if youdont wipe it no one esle will thing.
when i hve new little ones and we go out i always take a spare wrist strap, if they run off or dont listen to the rules then i make them wear it, dosent take long for them to realise they must listen and not run off.
as long as you dont give in and are consistant with these things it dosent take too long to turn them around.
as for the parents you could say you have been having xxxx problems with the child and tell them how you are going to deal with it and then at the end say are you happ with this or is there another way you would like me to deal with it. be strong and upfront and confident to begin with and you should be ok.

[breezy]

Good answers already, just try to be very firm and consistent

[Helen79]

I had one that refused to put his own shoes on so i threatend to make him walk to the park with no shoes on, he still refused so once everyonne was ready off we went, he sat in my hall gobsmacked that eveyone was leaving and so i said come on we are leaving NOW, he walked about 4 steps without his shoes on then i asked him if he was ready to put then on now and yes he put them on straight away and i never had any trouble again,

I've done exactly the same with my dd & it worked aswell. Same with her pjs in the morning, when I say you'll be going to school with them on if you don't get dressed now she knows I'm not joking lol

I would speak try to the parents. He may be feeling upset that he can't play with his friends in the holidays.

I wouldn't make such a big deal over the toilet issue though. I still help dd with bottom wiping as she can't do the job properly. I encourage her to try but still help. I know a lot of 4 year olds still need help with this too so wouldn't get stressed over it.

[tammerisk]

had simalra thing with my own boy but he refused to get dressed so i put him in the garden naked in the middle of winter

need less to say he put his clothes on and we don't have that problem any more