PDA

View Full Version : DD struggling with me minding



LeeAnn
13-07-2009, 07:59 AM
Hi all, last week was my first full week of childminding. Overall I think it went great, we had some great fun!

I do think my DD is struggling a bit, she is 3 and quite a mummy's girl. She always gets a bit out over the holidays as she likes her normal routines.

This morning she was sad when she asked to go to playygroup and I told her it was the holidays, then she asked to go to Granny's and I said we were getting C (a mindee) well she keeps saying she doesn't want C to come says C isn't nice to her and pushes here. BUT it is actually the other way round, my DD has beena bit pushy.

I think deep down I know she will get over it and settle into it but I don't want her to feel pushed out, I feel guilty about making DD share me with other kids (I have a 10 Yo DS , so she is used to sharing me a bit) but I know that at least I am here all the time even though she is sharing me, as a pose to being out at work.

Is this common? Do you have any advice to help me settle my DD?

thanks xx

cs01
13-07-2009, 08:21 AM
Hi

I also have a 3 year old daughter who sometimes struggles with me minding. I look after 2 boys (age 1 and age 2) 3 days a week and sometimes most of my days are spent stoping her from snatching toys and moaning at me all day! She often says she does not like the children and doesn't want them to come and play. However, 6 months on, it is defintely easier and she now quite often asks why they are not here, on the days I do not work. I have 2 older children as well and I think thats partly where my problems lie, she is used to being the youngest in the family and therefore getting her own way, too many times! When I am minding, she is the oldest one as my bigger children are at school.

I also remember when I 1st started minding feeling terribly guilty. I knew that my children where benefiting from me still being at home but all of a sudden, my youngest had to share me and her toys and then it doesn't help when they start playing up as well! My feelings of guilt did not make any sense to me as I was still at home and not out at work. 6 months on, I am glad I persevered. I do so much more with my daughter now because we do crafts, group etc and the time we do have on our own is so much more precious to me.

If you can, try and get out and about more so you are not so much on her terrritory. Try and get her to help you with planning out activities when you are home and ask her which toys/games you should get out each day. My daughter always happy when she feels involved and "important". Other than that just grit your teeth and carry on smiling!

Good luck!

singlewiththree
13-07-2009, 08:24 AM
With me its my 2 1/2yr old she pushes the mindee and sits on my knee, she hates them coming near me. Its only natural that they don't want to share mummy, and mine has 2 sisters! I'm sure they will get better, well thats what I'm hoping!

LeeAnn
13-07-2009, 08:59 AM
aww thank you so much. I have been trying to get out most days and you are right it is slightly better at those times.

I did buy some "minding toys" especially so DD didn't have to share everything and she has all her stuff in her room which she can go to play in whenever she wants to get away.

I will definitely involve her in some planning of activities etc.
I am glad I am not alone, sorry you have all been there too though but glad it is not just me!

x x x x

CCJD
13-07-2009, 09:10 AM
Parental guilt is an amazing thing. You are providing an income for your family in a way that means you don't have to leave your children in childcare and can be with your lo all day and still they make you feel guilty!!!
You have to be strong. Your lo is benefitting in so many ways from you doing this - more organized activities, Learning to share and take turns and is benefitting from extra income in the house.
Yes there are some sacrafices to be made but nothing she can't live with. Children often dislike change and may use a number of tactics to get this childminding thing to go away. Once she realizes it's here to stay she'll enjoy having someone to play with and the activities you lay on.
Unless you don't need the money (and don't mind her dictating your life) - stay strong and she will adapt.

Daftbat
13-07-2009, 09:19 AM
I think that all minders with children of their own go through this at some stage. Change is always difficult to manage but i am sure that things will be fine soon. My eldest was 6 when i started minding and she did resent sometimes that although i was here i had to attend to other people too. It seemed to help by talking to her about making sure we had some special one to one time built in. We still do it to this day and she is 16 nearly now!

tigger
13-07-2009, 09:21 AM
I still struggle with my two sometimes with minded children. I try not to get the ages of mindees too close to my children so there is no competition. Obviously it doesn't always work but I only have one mindee at the moment who only comes to me when the children are at school so it doesn't have too much of an impact on them. Not quite sure how long it will last when I get new children but we will just wait and see.:)

cs01
13-07-2009, 09:39 AM
I think that for me, childminding would be one of the easiest jobs in the world, if it weren't for my own children! It's always nice to know you are not alone and that there are loads of others going through or have been through the same issues.

The Juggler
13-07-2009, 12:18 PM
I think that all minders with children of their own go through this at some stage. Change is always difficult to manage but i am sure that things will be fine soon. My eldest was 6 when i started minding and she did resent sometimes that although i was here i had to attend to other people too. It seemed to help by talking to her about making sure we had some special one to one time built in. We still do it to this day and she is 16 nearly now!



It is hard but the alternative for me was full-time work and never seeing my kids so them having to share me was a compromise I was prepared to make. Now they are older I can tell them me being at home means other children here or I would have to go to work somewhere else.

georgie456
13-07-2009, 12:27 PM
I've been minding since DD was 10mths (she's now 4 and a half) and she has always been ok as she never knew any different.
However, I took 9 months off last July for maternity leave and since I've been back, I've had my first full timer start. DD has really struggled, especially as the new mindee (18mths old)has needed an awful lot of help settling in and has shown some really challanging behaviour towards the other children (and particularly towards my two own children)

She started playing playing up at pre-school and her behaviour at home was terrible. It was only when I sat her down for a chat that she said she hated this new child and hated me childminding. I felt SO guilty, but explained that for mummy to be at home for her, I needed to do this job, and that instead of hating the new child, why didn't she try and help him feel at home.
So far it seems to have worked, and hopefully we are over the blip!

SO in answer to your question - yes it is common!!!

Curly Quavers
13-07-2009, 12:54 PM
Reading your post was like I had written it!

I have a 4 yr old dd and 3 yr old dd and the younger one had big problems with having a young child in the house that was not family.

The first 2 weeks were the worst and slowly things got better.

It's easier if we go out and do things rather that staying in and playing.

Hope things get better.

:)