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View Full Version : had a week of criticism from mum



newandlearning
10-07-2009, 05:47 PM
I've come to the end of my week feeling fed up, emotional, and stressed.

I had a lovely day today and have tried to be as good as I can be all week..

firstly the mum said I shouldn't ask the dad if he is happy to pick up from me
rather than me dropping off next week.. I really thought as I'd already tentitively spoken to mum about this it would be ok to spontaneously ask..

then she tells me she wants a break down of summer invoices now as if this
isn't possible she may not get TC and so then may not be able to bring LOs

I give her the breakdown which took me 2 hours to do and takes her through
to mid sept.. and a newsletter asking for a permission form to be completed re
playing in my new pool.. (after her request for me to start writing things down rather than asking her):panic: :panic: ..

today I take everyone to the local paddling pool and phone before to find out if she's happy with this and to ask if she's happy with me putting LO in a swim nappy and towel from my resources.. she says she didn't know there was a permission form attached to newsletter :panic: :panic: (which makes me feel like this is my fault)..

kids have had a great day followed by a cheekie icecream and LO feel asleep 40 mins. before pickup .. which she says 'oh.. really!!' to and has made me feel that once again I've done something else wrong...:panic: ..

I don't know what is going on here.. am feeling rather attacked .. was feeling really nervous when she picked up and then nearly gave her my son's sandels (just like hers) etc etc..

I don't know what to do.. I'm getting worried that I have enough on with the summer hols and really can do without whatever this is...

what would you do?? I'm feel scared of approaching her for some reason.x

PixiePetal
10-07-2009, 06:00 PM
It's the weekend, have a rest, re charge your batteries and hold your head high next week if you know yourself you have done nothing wrong.

Some parents are just like that, hope things settle down for you.

nannymcflea
10-07-2009, 06:02 PM
Can you cope financially without this child? If so I'd give 4 weeks notice, if not you need to have her in for "a chat". Tell her you are a childcare professional and although you appreciate her input you find it rather demoralising being spoken to like that. Ask her if she is happy with your service and ask her to write down what it is she exactly wants from you. She sounds a bit like a bully and if you stood up to her she may well back down.

Let us know how you get on, you sound like you are bending over backwards, but some parents will never appreciate this whatever you do.

Tatjana
10-07-2009, 07:20 PM
I would say she has other problems and is taking the stress she's feeling out on you out of frustation:eek:

xx

Twinkles
10-07-2009, 07:27 PM
Can you cope financially without this child? If so I'd give 4 weeks notice, if not you need to have her in for "a chat". Tell her you are a childcare professional and although you appreciate her input you find it rather demoralising being spoken to like that. Ask her if she is happy with your service and ask her to write down what it is she exactly wants from you. She sounds a bit like a bully and if you stood up to her she may well back down.

Let us know how you get on, you sound like you are bending over backwards, but some parents will never appreciate this whatever you do.

I second everything said here.
She is a bully don't take it anymore sorry to shout but I hate to see people being treated like this.

miffy
10-07-2009, 07:29 PM
Try and forget it this weekend and give yourself a break

Miffy xx

Tippy Toes
10-07-2009, 07:33 PM
I hope next week is better for you. If she carries on with snide remarks then you really do need to have a chat with her. You should not feel nervous in your own home! You are providing her with a service and she should respect you.
Hope things work out for you x

sunnysmile
10-07-2009, 07:34 PM
It sounds to me like she thinks she is your employer and is being a bully. I would make it clear that you are self employed and a sevice provider.

georgie456
10-07-2009, 08:01 PM
Try and forget it this weekend and give yourself a break

Miffy xx

I agree. Easier said than done, but try and get her out of your mind for a couple of days and you'll start next week re-charged and ready for her!

TheBTeam
10-07-2009, 08:41 PM
I think if she is getting you that worked up and you are worried everytime she sees or contacts you then if at all poss to manage without the money i would get rid! I had to do this to a new mindee mum, she was a nigerian princess and behaved literally like one as though i was her servant, i was terrified everytime the phone rang or she appeared!:eek: I was lucky that it was not critical to our finances and felt such a weight off my mind when i said that i could not continue, also lucky was in initial four week settling!:eek:

If the money is critical i would do as suggested above and have a frank discussion with her about how you feel, what she expects and where you can go from here.

I think the one thing you can not do is continue as you are!

Good luck! Let us know how you get on!

Chatterbox Childcare
10-07-2009, 09:26 PM
What a great day. Why are you asking for permission to go to a pool and using a nappy? Just do it.

Let her comments glide over and put a smiley face on.

newandlearning
11-07-2009, 07:29 AM
I thought I'd better get the permission form as I wanted her to feel happy with me offering the pool at home and other paddling activities just in case there was an accident or something at one time and I over stepped the mark by doing something else that she didnt approve of.. am going to go do some deep breathing me thinks and enjoy my time off.xx:)

angeldelight
11-07-2009, 07:33 AM
I thought I'd better get the permission form as I wanted her to feel happy with me offering the pool at home and other paddling activities just in case there was an accident or something at one time and I over stepped the mark by doing something else that she didnt approve of.. am going to go do some deep breathing me thinks and enjoy my time off.xx:)

I would most def enjoy your time off

You only have to see this parent at drop off and pick up times so grin and bear it and smile when she arrives and thank your lucky stars that you will not see her all day

Dont take things to heart you are doing a good job and some parents like to fuss

Enjoy your weekend and relax you deserve it

Angel xx

Pipsqueak
11-07-2009, 08:24 AM
I've come to the end of my week feeling fed up, emotional, and stressed.

I had a lovely day today and have tried to be as good as I can be all week..

firstly the mum said I shouldn't ask the dad if he is happy to pick up from me
rather than me dropping off next week.. I really thought as I'd already tentitively spoken to mum about this it would be ok to spontaneously ask..

then she tells me she wants a break down of summer invoices now as if this
isn't possible she may not get TC and so then may not be able to bring LOs

I give her the breakdown which took me 2 hours to do and takes her through
to mid sept.. and a newsletter asking for a permission form to be completed re
playing in my new pool.. (after her request for me to start writing things down rather than asking her):panic: :panic: ..

today I take everyone to the local paddling pool and phone before to find out if she's happy with this and to ask if she's happy with me putting LO in a swim nappy and towel from my resources.. she says she didn't know there was a permission form attached to newsletter :panic: :panic: (which makes me feel like this is my fault)..

kids have had a great day followed by a cheekie icecream and LO feel asleep 40 mins. before pickup .. which she says 'oh.. really!!' to and has made me feel that once again I've done something else wrong...:panic: ..

I don't know what is going on here.. am feeling rather attacked .. was feeling really nervous when she picked up and then nearly gave her my son's sandels (just like hers) etc etc..

I don't know what to do.. I'm getting worried that I have enough on with the summer hols and really can do without whatever this is...

what would you do?? I'm feel scared of approaching her for some reason.x

Right first of all, stop being scared of her - she has picked up on this and is trying it on with you. She is bullying you and you must take a stand.

If you can get rid - then do it, if not (and I don't mean this to sound harsh) stand up for yourself. She is trying to undermine you and so far suceeding.

Lots of good advice already given xx Just wanted to lend my support. I have been in this situation when I first started, I wanted to please the parents and thought I was being professional by going along with what the parent wanted and said... it ended up making me extremely unhappy personally and professionally, the PFH was being dictatorial - it was MY business, MY service that they chose to use and I was good at my job. In the end I got shot of them - it wasn't worth the hassle.

Schnakes
11-07-2009, 09:18 AM
Ive got a mum like this. She gave me notice around February because she is sending her daughter to the poshest nursery in this town, and ever since has been a complete :censored: to me. I cant wait to get rid now. It makes it easier that I am losing the little girl in a way, cs I just cannot wait to get shot of the mother.

I think you will always find people who think that a) you are a lowly childminder so shouldnt be treated with respect and b) they employ you so can act as they please. Balls to them.

Sx

MelBeck
11-07-2009, 10:35 AM
i agree with the comment above

i had one like that and they didn't want to pay for the service in the end i wrote a very nice letter saying that i do a good job and enjoy their child's presents however i felt that the parent was being unfair and not giving me respect that i show to them and their child, the contract came to an end and i then found out she had done the same to other just make sure that if they are claiming anything on your name and ofsted number that you contact wftc and let them know what date the child finished with you.

Pipsqueak
11-07-2009, 11:02 AM
b) they employ you so can act as they please.[/B] Balls to them.

Sx

And often I think this is the crux of the matter - people think that they employ us, and we often behave as if they do. We are not employed, we are self employed (as we have all often mentioned lol) and we set our own t&c's, parents choose to use our service based on how we present ourselves/business to them. The minute we start letting them dictate the terms (as always there is room for compromise on both parts) and ride roughshod over us, we have lost our position. Often I have found is that some of our first mindees/parents because they are the first - think they are onto a winner as well - their child is getting one -on-one time much like a nanny and when we get other children it wets their fireworks.