Advice please

[Cammie Doodle]

Carolyn has a little boy of 2 1/2 who constantly hurts the other mindees, ie biting, scratching etc. have spoken to mum who says "he knows he shouldn't bite/scratch" Its gettting a bit embarrassing having to keep apologising to other parents, any ideas what my next step should be?

Thanks Carolyn and June:crying:

[loopylu]

Hi June,

I'm sure others will be along with advise for this one. Personally, I think at 2 & 1/2 I would take him out of the group when he 'attacks', and tell him why he has been taken out. Give him some timeout to think about it. Then, get him to apologise to the other child for what he has done. Bringing him back into the group.

It needs to be dealt with quickly, as the others are at risk. Maybe a little meeting with the parents, to discuss how you can all work together on this? Emphasising on how important it is, due to you having other children with you that are being hurt.

Some parents don't think its a big problem, but I do - they even think its funny sometimes when they do it at home! But, its certainly not when it involves other children, sometimes being younger ones.

If it continued, I would have to consider ending a contract to be honest.

Good luck, and let us know how you both get on?

[sarah707]

Carolyn needs to talk to the parents urgently about this one, or she'll lose customers. She needs to make it clear the behaviour is not acceptable and they need to work together to find a solution. The working together has to involve everyone who looks after the child and be totally consistent... otherwise the child is in control of her business(!) Think of it that way...

I agree with Lisa, time out should work for a 2 1/2 year old, so take him away, tell him why he's being taken away, ask him to think about his actions, ask him to return to the play area when he is ready, don't leave him too long thinking... it's not punitive this way, it's positive - he is thinking about what he has done and being taught a way of calming himself down at the same time. Maybe give him a teddy to stroke or a label to suck - whatever calms him...

BUT make sure you have a clause in your behaviour management policy that says you can terminate if all else fails (after working closely with parents etc)

Good luck!

[Twinkles]

I agree with what's been said already, maybe also use positive re-inforcement
i.e; constant praising when he does play nicely, you can't be too over the top with this, every few minutes tell him how pleased you are that he's playing nicely,sharing,being kind.
Good luck with this one I had one like this ages ago but wouldn't give up he turned ok in the end.:D

[Raggydolls]

a special reward chart for when he has been good all day and not hurt another child and a big hug to go with it and telling mummy and daddy how proud you are of him - usual ideas but since no one else said them i thought i would. good luck with this :-)

[Pauline]

Carolyn - it might be worth trying some observations - sit and watch him, see if you can spot when/why he attacks, does he feel threatened? Is it because another child is near him? is another child taking something from him? Does he do it when excited or part of rough and tumble play?

It could be something simple at that age, something that could be watched for and diverted before it happens. It might be a case of keeping him closer to you rather than out in the group so that you can step in easily.

Or it could be an attention seeking action in which case (as others have said) remove him calmly and quietly from the group, give a firm 'don't bite/scratch' then return to the group and give them the attention before letting him return, again with a firm 'no more biting/scratching'. But let that be it, don't push for the apology or go on about his behaviour because then you are giving him what he wants, attention, and that's the last thing you should do - try to pretend that you are not interested in what he's doing. Except for removing him try, to give no other attention.

Unfortunately there won't be a quick answer, but with time and patience you will get there.

Good luck :)

[Cammie Doodle]

Thanks for advise girls, I think the problem is the Parents not wanting to admit there is a prob, all I get(from Mum Dad and Nanny is) "he is a handful, but does not meann to hurt people!!!!" Anytime I speak to Mum she starts crying and I feel awful. They have had him at hospital re not sleeping at night, he has been on medication (to try to regulate a sleep pattern) he seemed to be behaving better whilst on this, but he is no longer on this and his behaviour has gone back if not worse than before. He is large for his age so when he sits on or lies on the others he hurts them. He also squeezes when he cuddles them and can't understand why they cry. June and I work together a lot so we give him 1 to 1 but even with 2 childminders he still manages to hurt someone. :rolleyes:
Carolyn

[John]

I had a little boy of the age of 2 1/2 years who bites what i done and worked for me was. i asked the child to bite a teddy bear and he did, so we done a roll playing game: saying to the child now look at teddy he is very upset and crying and now he needs to put a bandage on his arm as it's very sore and hurts bad. I asked the child to put the teddy in his arms and give the bear a cuddle saying to the child when you bite or hurt anyone it's not good as this will hurt a child and that child will cry or be upset.

This took a two weeks of roll playing every time i seen the little one bite or hurt another child. But now theis as stoped and he gets on well with all the children how he plays with.

John.