bit of advice

[angel9199]

Just wondering if anyone could give me some adive i look after 3 children 10, 8 and 2 1/2 from the same family.
I have had a few problems with the oldest boys behaviour it is terrible but the parents just watch him when they come to collect him and he is playing up, it is terrible all day with my and does not listen when I try and talk to him the latest was peeing in my back garden- when I told the parents they said they would talk to him but the little boy came back the next day and said his dad didn't really care.
The daughter has a bit of a hygiene problem its as if she has wet herself I approached the parents to be told she leaks when she laughs, at 8!!! the next day she is in the same uniform and the smell is worse! I am finding it hard to sit in the same room as her now.
And the youngest boy can not talk or interact I am a little worried about him if i try and get him to play he starts to shake his head saying no no no he would just stand and stare at everyone, I have tried to talk about this but the parents just say about smart he is.

My partner has told me to give notice but I would feel I was giving up on them, but I am starting to feel so stressed every day.
What would you's do??

Sorry about the long thread

[little chickee]

This is a tricky one. All 3 kids sound like they have problems of some sort - must be a very trying day for you when you have all 3.

i could be wrong but to me it sounds like its all to do with the way they are being raised. Parents obviously dont have a problem with the kids behaviour so i doubt it will ever change. the girl who wets when she laughs should be taken to the doctor as she could have a urine infection or something simmilar ( maybe shes already been).

with regard to serving notice this would probably be the easy solution for you and what i myself would consider but maybe these kids need someone to help them and maybe that person is you. the wee boys behaviour certainly flags up a few issues.

i would arrange a proper meeting with the parents without the kids being present and present your concerns in a proffesional manner. suggest ways that could help these kids ( timeouts for eldest, doctors and regular bathing and clean clothes for the girl and maybe doc or heatlh visitor for wee one etc) and see how you go.

if after a few weeks there is no change call another meeting and try to suggest more professional intervention.

Its going to be tough but think about how you could improve those kids lives.

Good Luck and keep us informed.

[Pipsqueak]

I think I would be writing up these incidents and the attempts you have made to approach the parents and any comments made by parents/children.
I would also be making a formal appointment with them and making it clear that you are writing up as an incident.
Sounds like this family need some help and support. Could you talk to your local safeguarding team in confidence (make it clear that you are not making a formal complaint - yet) and get some advice.

At the end of the day though if you are getting no back up from parents and you feel like you can't carry on like this then give them notice.

[angel9199]

Thank you very much for everyones advice- I think I will follow the advice given, there has been so many other incidents with the children, I have kept a record of them so if things come to a head i am able to show the parents evidence, but I do keep them up to date as things happen (not that it does much good)! The parents are so laid back so the kids only get discipline when they come to my house.
I will let you know what happens.

[angeldelight]

Thank you very much for everyones advice- I think I will follow the advice given, there has been so many other incidents with the children, I have kept a record of them so if things come to a head i am able to show the parents evidence, but I do keep them up to date as things happen (not that it does much good)! The parents are so laid back so the kids only get discipline when they come to my house.
I will let you know what happens.

Oh poor you it sounds like a nightmare if they all have problems

At the end of the day you can only do so much and if you are getting no support from the parents then there is not a lot you can do

I do find the older boys behaviour in your garden unacceptable though and I think you need to sit down and have a really good chat with these parents

Hope you work things out but if not you have to do what is right for you and your family

Good luck

Keep us posted

Angel xx

[wendywu]

I myself would give notice as i think they could cost you the other mindees you have. I would not want my children around a 10 year old who pees in the garden.

If the parents cannot be bothered to change clothes or care what they get up to you are on a hiding to nothing :( Its such a shame for them.

[angel9199]

I had a good think about it last night and I'm going to give them notice tomorrow, I have started to notice a decline in my daughters behaviour and I'm not going to have that, i have always tried so hard to teach my daughter right from wrong and I'm not having a mindee ruin it!! I had four phone calls yesterday they are all coming out this week so fingers crossed.

A friend childminder said to me you don't have to give notice if you are giving the child up because of behaviour? Have you heard of this?

[LittleMissSparkles]

I was in a sililar situation when i fist began childminding but decided before the start date not to have the child it did upset me as on the one hand i was thhinking maybe i could be the constant love and happiness for the lo but on the other hand he was uncared for and unclean smelled and was not looked after very well and as much as iw ish i could have been strong enough to have been that person for him i decided it wasnt fair on my family or the other children i was looking after and becasue it was only 10 hours a week. Now some of you may be disgusted at that and i did feel really bad and depending at the circumstances might take a different decision next time but you have to do what is right for you, and your family at the end of the day if these children are not being cared for at home properly they may need some help from social services or other agencies.

Maybe like has been suggested have a formal meeting with the parents and be totally honest with them, weeing in the back garden is really not acceptable i would be soooo :angry: especially due to his age.

didnt really help did i lol sorry, good luck though in whatever you decided to do xxxx

[LittleMissSparkles]

I had a good think about it last night and I'm going to give them notice tomorrow, I have started to notice a decline in my daughters behaviour and I'm not going to have that, i have always tried so hard to teach my daughter right from wrong and I'm not having a mindee ruin it!! I had four phone calls yesterday they are all coming out this week so fingers crossed.

A friend childminder said to me you don't have to give notice if you are giving the child up because of behaviour? Have you heard of this?


we must have posted at the same time lol

I would follow your termination notice rules you have in place or they may be entitled to loss of earnings from you if you terminate with immediate effect for all 3 children, speaking from experience here ! xxx

[miffy]

Good luck with the prospective parents - hope you get some work from it.

Miffy xx

[jeanybeany]

I had a good think about it last night and I'm going to give them notice tomorrow, I have started to notice a decline in my daughters behaviour and I'm not going to have that, i have always tried so hard to teach my daughter right from wrong and I'm not having a mindee ruin it!! I had four phone calls yesterday they are all coming out this week so fingers crossed.

A friend childminder said to me you don't have to give notice if you are giving the child up because of behaviour? Have you heard of this?

My first ever mindee's behaviour was terrible to the point that my own daughter was going to school with bruises etc where mindee had hit or pushed her into something. I gave notice but then a couple of days later mindfee's behaviour was so bad to the point where my neighbours were coming out in the street to see what was going on. Afriend had to help me to school so I wasn't late for my children and other mindees!

Any way I gave notice again when the parents collected the child and returned payment for the rest of the week and told them not to bring the child again.

They threatened me with Ofsted etc. I rang them and NCMA to be told as long as I had returned payment there would be nothing they could do.

I now have a statement at the end of my behaviour policy which states that if I feel a child's behaviour is putting the other children or myself at risk etc then I reserve the right to terminate the contract without notice.

Parents then sign a policy form to say they understand and agree with the conditions.

Hope this helps

Jeanybeany :)

[LittleMissSparkles]

My first ever mindee's behaviour was terrible to the point that my own daughter was going to school with bruises etc where mindee had hit or pushed her into something. I gave notice but then a couple of days later mindfee's behaviour was so bad to the point where my neighbours were coming out in the street to see what was going on. Afriend had to help me to school so I wasn't late for my children and other mindees!

Any way I gave notice again when the parents collected the child and returned payment for the rest of the week and told them not to bring the child again.

They threatened me with Ofsted etc. I rang them and NCMA to be told as long as I had returned payment there would be nothing they could do.

I now have a statement at the end of my behaviour policy which states that if I feel a child's behaviour is putting the other children or myself at risk etc then I reserve the right to terminate the contract without notice.

Parents then sign a policy form to say they understand and agree with the conditions.

Hope this helps

Jeanybeany :)


I termianted a contract with immediate effect on 2/3 occasions adn you have to be really careful that they dont take you to small claims court for loss of earnings due to no notice given think its section 25 on the back of the contract , I have a case in court at the mo that has been going on for nearly 20 months now where i gave notice and she is claiming potential loss of earnigns for her mother who had to stay home and look after the child ( unless court says i have to pay i dont think i should especially as my contract was with her not her mother, if she had taken time off to have her ds then i may have concided i was wrong and it is only potential earnings !!! )

xxx

[The Juggler]

I terminated with notice at first but things got worse during notice period with abuse from mum (cos of notice given). In the end spoke to NCMA and they advised that as child's behaviour impacting on others, I could terminate immediately. Not that I would be apparently if a child's behaviour is ever so bad during the day that it's hurting/affecting others you can ring and ask for them to be collected.

Personally I would offer the notice saying due to reasons you could have terminated straight away but you don't want to put them in difficult position. Then say hope you can work amicably. If you can't then think about ending immediately. Not nice (in fact awful) but you need to think about you/family.

LOL and good lcuk.

[Andrea08]

I termianted a contract with immediate effect on 2/3 occasions adn you have to be really careful that they dont take you to small claims court for loss of earnings due to no notice given think its section 25 on the back of the contract , I have a case in court at the mo that has been going on for nearly 20 months now where i gave notice and she is claiming potential loss of earnigns for her mother who had to stay home and look after the child ( unless court says i have to pay i dont think i should especially as my contract was with her not her mother, if she had taken time off to have her ds then i may have concided i was wrong and it is only potential earnings !!! )

xxx

OMG:eek: 20mths...and you gave them notice? oh hun that must be worrying you so much ,,(((huggzz)))

[LittleMissSparkles]

OMG:eek: 20mths...and you gave them notice? oh hun that must be worrying you so much ,,(((huggzz)))


yes court date has been changed several times due to her being pregnant and then having baby in april so we go begining of august now x

[Rach30]

Just wondering whether you should mention all this to social services ? Could it be seen as neglet by the parents ? Hmmmm i'm not sure what i would do tbh.:(

[katickles]

Oh sounds really hard - glad that you have made a decision that suits you & your family :)


Just wondering whether you should mention all this to social services ? Could it be seen as neglet by the parents ? Hmmmm i'm not sure what i would do tbh.:(

I have to admit I feel the same as here - I once cared for a lo who had obvious signs of the autistic spectrum, however his parents were adament that there child was perfectly normal (sorry I hate that phrase!!) anyway, I found out from other minders who had cared for the child that if/when they raised any issues with the parents, the child would be moved on, finally onto me. It was such hard work very very tiring. Anyway - with the help of my network co-ordinator, I was able to raise my concerns & contacted the nursery where we together raised our issues. The nursery were able to then contcat the SEN co-ordinator.

I have no idea what happened to the lo as they left me due to mum having another child. i often think of the LO & hope that hey child & family recieved help.

I guess what I am trying to say, is that if there is anybody you can contact - maybe your DO or network co-ordinator if you have one, then this family may get the help it sounds as though they need.

x

[helenlc]

I am with MM and use my own contracts.

I have in my behvaiour policy that I have the right to terminate effective immediately and without notice if the child's behaviour is dangerous/threatening to me, my children or the other children in my care. If a child was that bad, I would not want to keep bringing them back into my home and around my children.

I think you have made the right decision. Yes you could choose to continue and try to improve things for them but without Mum and Dad on side, in my opinion, you will not achieve much. They may show slight improvements with you but that would all be undone the minute Mum and Dad showed up.

Well done on making such a big decision and hope all goes well for you with the other enquiries.

[angeldelight]

Have you decided what to do now ?

Have you had a word with parents are you def going to give notice ?

Let us know how it goes

Angel xx

[angel9199]

I am going to say to the parents on monday I have parents coming tonight, in the morning and saturday morning.
Yesterday was the first day of the holidays and I had such a headache the kids were mad, the headache disappeared at half five as soon as they left, I def think I am doing the right thing and feel a sense of relief even thinking about it.

[angel9199]

Well i had two od the parents out to see me, and both asked if I could take their kids on, the twins are so sweet they are not starting until September, the second child is going to be 5 in December so i rang social services to ask could I have a lap for two months an extra under 5 but none over but they said no it was against child protection, so i am going to have to phone her to say that i can't take him.
I will have to wait and give my children their notice in August I would love to do it now but I don't think I could survive without them.

[ORKSIE]

This has to be put into perspective, we are not running nursreies where our children are not affected by other children.Because we are child carers in our own homes our families are being affected by negative behaviour, therefore we have to deal with this in a way that is best for our families. Hope this makes sence.

[miffy]

the second child is going to be 5 in December so i rang social services to ask could I have a lap for two months an extra under 5 but none over but they said no it was against child protection, so i am going to have to phone her to say that i can't take him.



Sorry, I don't understand that?

Pleased you've got some new work coming up and can give the others notice

Miffy xx

[manjay]

Sorry, I don't understand that?

Pleased you've got some new work coming up and can give the others notice

Miffy xx

Maybe Angel9199 is not in England? Not sure!

I think you have done the right thing. I have only ever had to do this once and it was within my settling in period so no notice needed but it has made me put procedures into place (after checking with NCMA) so that I can terminate immediately if it were to happen again. In my situation the behaviour put not only the mindees but myself and my children in danger and I will not tolerate that in my own home.

Hope you manage to make it through to September without too many problems

[FizzysFriends]

I have never given notice but have read on here parents giving minders trouble because of the notice letter, I think the advice is to keep it very breif and not mention the bad behaviour. May be look over old thread when writing it and look at other peoples suggested letter.

[Chatterbox Childcare]

I would definately talk to your DO as something isn't ringing true. it maybe that the parents just need help. I can understand problems with one or 2 but all three just doesn't seem right.

There is help out there and it will be for you, the children and the parents.

Keep us posted

[angel9199]

Yes sorry i'm not from England, so think there are a few things done diff here.

I am going to tell the parents that I am going to reduce my numbers, which is tru because i am cutting from 4 to 2.

What is your policy for lateness, every day the mindees day was about 5 mins late but every day it was almost 20 and he wasn't working. Would I be better sending out a letter stating that after 15 mins I will charge an extra hour per child.

[PRINCESSDAISYFLOWER]

hi guys
im new to this site but have a similar problem. I look after a 10 year old boy who is very quiet and withdrawn. I try to involve him in activites as much as possible but he tends to withdraw and play by himself but never with children of a similar age. He is also very clingy with the younger mindees constantly trying to "mother" them. However i went into the garden the other day and the 10 year old and a 4 year old mindee were in the play house. On approaching i heard the boy ask the girl to lift her skirt up so he could see her knickers.

I explained as best i could that we dont do things like that but once again he just closed up. I told his mum (she babies him). She laughed it off and said "boys will be boys". This so far has been a one off (as far as i know) but im not sure if i should just keep and eye on the situation or take things further. Any advice will be greatfully recieved

Tania

[angel9199]

Yipee the twins are starting with me in September, they are lovely little boys I am so excited!! The mum came round to sign all the forms