how to deal with a screamer!

[katie75]

hi hope you can all help!!! I have a new start, well its 7 weeks now, for 2 days per week, he cries all day to the point where he vomits he gets so upset! I have tried all kinds of things with him to settle him, but nothing works and I feel I am at the end of the road with him, his mum cannot believe her child is so upset! The problem now is he cries so much it has an impact on the other children in my care who have now become unsettled etc, and the whole day is up in the air! I have even managed to juggle my other mindees days around to give him "quieter days" to help with the settling in process, questions are

1. How long would you let this situation continue?

2. How to break the news that this is no longer working?

many thanks guys!!

[Mouse]

How old is he?

I had a screamer once & it was incredibly tiring. Luckily it stopped after a couple of months (just as I was on the point of giving notice due to the disruption it was causing).

How you deal with it depends on the age of the child.

You could go & visit the child at home, so they see you in an environment where they are comfortable. It might help to make them more relaxed in your company.

You could ask mum to send some sort of comfort item from home (could be a favourite book, toy or blanket)

In the past when I've had children upset coming in I've put them in the pushchair if they don't settle. I've put them in the room with us so that they can see what we're doing, but they seem to feel more secure being in the pushchair. More often than not they quieten down & ask to get out after a while. It just seems to give them a bit of security to start with.

If you really don't think you can go on any longer with him, I would explain to the mum how much it is disrupting your day and tell her everything you have tried to help him settle.

[Saranotts]

How old is the lo?

Sara

(someone just beat me to it!)

[amirose]

My situation was never that bad but the baby I looked after screamed for ages on his first day (despite fantastic settling in sessions). I was just about to ring his mum and say he wasn't settling (45 minutes in) but thought as a last ditch attempt I'd take him out in the buggy for a walk. He calmed straight away we got back and he started to grizzle so I laid him on me and rubbed his back and he fell asleep :)

Next day when he come I asked mum to stay longer (she left very quickly first day) and she also bought his comfort blanket. He cried for about 10 minutes and then settled.

Now, about 4 weeks later, he sought of makes a protest noise as mum leaves sort of like "erghhhh!" (lol) but no tears and the noise stops before mum is out the door.

[candy cat]

My friend has just given a mum notice as her child cries from the moment he arrives until he goes home.....she has been a cm for 20 years.She has his brother who is an angel but,when the other parents starting questioning how much time their children were getting because of the crying. So she had to make that descision.She feels dreadful but,she has tried for 6 months and she can't do it anymore and it's not fair on the other children....

[katie75]

How old is the lo?

Sara

(someone just beat me to it!)


he is 1 year old, however I forgot to add I have a 15 month old and a 9 month old the same days as him!! So the crying really does interfere with the day, especially when he vomits etc with the crying, it takes so much time to change him etc and clean up the other 2 are left to the side, its been 7 weeks now and no change, mum just cant understand, but when I pressed her for more info she told me he had never been to toddler groups etc and she never left the house with him at all as he had his sleeping routine etc, so he has never been socialised and never been left with a babysitter or even a relative alone without her! She took a full year off work to enjoy him, but its produced lots of issues for him!

[Polly2]

I think only you can decide how long you can tolerate it. You have had some good suggestions. I was wondering - have you tried using a sling?

It worked for my screamer and even though I was carrying her around for a couple of weeks now she will sit and play and doesn't cry when dad leaves!

[Schnakes]

No advice really, just wanted to say you have my sympathies. I have got two screamers at the moment and they are driving me mental!! Its not fair on the other kids either, is it?

Dont know how much longer Im going to be putting up with it either...

At the moment I am dreading getting up for work because of these kids.

Sx

[kelzunique]

No advice really, just wanted to say you have my sympathies. I have got two screamers at the moment and they are driving me mental!! Its not fair on the other kids either, is it?

Dont know how much longer Im going to be putting up with it either...

At the moment I am dreading getting up for work because of these kids.

Sx

I had this about 6 months ago. It made my working day miserable, and that of my other mindees. I had to give the child up in the end. Theres only so long you can take it for. Especially if its because the child is spoilt at home, as was the case in my situation. :mad:

[her8y]

Well......fingers crossed and I am hoping not to tempt fate but my screamer has stopped screaming!!! He is now 13 months and although not an angel (who is?) he is gorgeous and happy and participating. He used to scream from the moment he arrived to the time he left.

I really did get to the stage of does he stay or do I give notice but the help I got from here was great.

We tried everything including involving the health visitor but what worked for us was another settling in. Mum was great which always helps. She brought him and stayed for an hour then they both left, then the next time she stayed a while and left him for half an hour. We continued increasing his stay and decreasing mums stay until hey presto it worked.....

Good luck but at the end of the day you know your tolerance levels and what is right for you and your family.

[katie75]

Well......fingers crossed and I am hoping not to tempt fate but my screamer has stopped screaming!!! He is now 13 months and although not an angel (who is?) he is gorgeous and happy and participating. He used to scream from the moment he arrived to the time he left.

I really did get to the stage of does he stay or do I give notice but the help I got from here was great.

We tried everything including involving the health visitor but what worked for us was another settling in. Mum was great which always helps. She brought him and stayed for an hour then they both left, then the next time she stayed a while and left him for half an hour. We continued increasing his stay and decreasing mums stay until hey presto it worked.....

Good luck but at the end of the day you know your tolerance levels and what is right for you and your family.

thank you all for your advice, its been very difficult for me personally to decide what to do, I think sometimes the job we are in messes your head up so much, with the daily routine! that you cant think straight! We have had some financial difficulties with my dh job, hours being cut etc with the good old credit crunch so the extra money this child would bring us would be great, but I am running out of patience! We have our holiday coming up in 12 days for 3 weeks to Florida, so this would be an ideal opportunity for me to clear my head and think about it seriously! and get some rest!

[sarah707]

I have just taken on a new little one who is going the same way :rolleyes: and one who is a total sweetie :D

I had a little screamer for months who is now 2 and absolutely brilliant.

It really is about how much you can take.

Good idea to think during your holiday :D

[miss mopple]

I took on a screamer a little while ago. He screamed the place down, nomatter what I did, from 7.30am-6.15pm. It was a living hell and did impact on the others too.

BUT

I hung in there (mainly as I was too chicken to give notice as his parents work with DH :blush: ) and I am so glad I did. It took about 4 months, but now he is an absolute darling who is so much fun to be around :clapping: He still has his moments (dont they all!) but he brings so much to the setting now and the kids adore him :D

The key for him was being able to walk. He changed almost overnight as soon as he found his feet :thumbsup:

Just wanted to let you know it may not be all doom and gloom if you hang in there as they do come through it

[Schnakes]

Thats true actually, Miss Mopple - Ive had two kids who I had from 6 months and they got really screamy just before they could walk, even though they had been with me for ages. They are both fine again now. I suppose with parents going back to work later and later - first you get the seperation anxiety and then this funny - prewalking frustration!!!

Sx

[Lady Haha]

Just wanted to say that I too had a screamer that screamed all day long, but as others have said, as soon as he started walking, the screaming stopped! So, if yours is 12 months, by the time you get back from holiday, he might be toddling about and alot happier!

Mine used to scream if I put him down, he only ever wanted to be carried around or cuddled on my lap etc, so putting him down was a nightmare, even if he could see me, he still screamed and screamed! But once he was walking, he could follow me around which seemed to suit him just fine!

[The Juggler]

I too had one who took about a month to settle in the house and 4 or 5 when we were out.

Lots of talking, told her everywhere I went, going to.xxx, just getting xxx, I'm coming back, lots of cuddles but did not carry her everywhere. It is hard, I sympathise. If someone has given up on one after 20 years it shows its not down to experience in dealing with it but purely due to how insecure the child is.

I think you have to go with how it's affecting you, the other children and your family life. If it's starting to get you down it's time to think seriously.

LOL

[Gizmo]

I was given notice by a cm for my dds screaming she also stopped when she started walking, what used to annoy me about the cm tho she put my dd in a buggy which is fine then put her in the conservatory facing away from the other kids and shut the door, she would also put her on the "naughty step" for screaming, she was only one, she just beat me to giving her notice I was looking for another place, it really upset me leaving her there as I knew she was so unhappy, changed her to the nursery she is in now and she is like a different kid

[katie75]

I was given notice by a cm for my dds screaming she also stopped when she started walking, what used to annoy me about the cm tho she put my dd in a buggy which is fine then put her in the conservatory facing away from the other kids and shut the door, she would also put her on the "naughty step" for screaming, she was only one, she just beat me to giving her notice I was looking for another place, it really upset me leaving her there as I knew she was so unhappy, changed her to the nursery she is in now and she is like a different kid

thats awful, the thing is I cant see the child so distraught to the point of vomiting, I have contacted the mother almost every day he has been here to come pick him up, he is walking, but I personally feel its down to being picked up a lot at home, he is an only child and very much loved and wanted, but he is pulling the strings! Its a very difficult situation! I pick him up and soothe him then put him down and play with them all on the floor but so far its not working

[twise]

Hi

have just read this thread. I too have a screamer 11 months old 4 days a week who has such ear piercing screams that she makes the other children I look after cry. I have had her for 2 months and she is more than happy to come to me but it's whenever i put her down or move out of her sight that she becomes distraught...i have tried the carrying approach and then putting down, the ignoring approach ...none of them work unless she is in my arms all the time.

Today she would not stop and set of the 13 month old and the 3 year old therefore i phoned the mum and explained that she would have to come and get her as she is distraught and upsetting the other children.

Mum wasn't very happy when she turned up and I explained that i would have to give notice as she is upsetting not only the other kids but is also upset herself and that i feel bad that i can't keep carrying her all the time.

I have to say i feel much better now but did feel a bit of a failure but then i suppose you can't win them all. If i didn't have other kids to contend with i would probably put up with it but tbh it was really making the job unbearable and I think when you get to the stage of dreading a child turning up it's probably time to say goodbye

Tracy

[sarah707]

Hi

I think when you get to the stage of dreading a child turning up it's probably time to say goodbye

Tracy

Absolutely right!

Only you know your breaking point.

Good decision x