NAUGHTY

[Peppa]

Now this word I really don't like! I never said it b4 i started minding and sice I have M 2 1/2 i seem to ahve picked it up from him. He says it all the time, J is naughty, l is naughty, not naughty, daddy naughty mummy naughty!

I need help,

He came from another childminder who had two other boy mindees. Apparently he use to terrorise them. (I found this out after a while) They use to be scared of him, because some days he is like a bull in a china shop.

He lives with mum dad nanna and grandad. He is a bright little boy. Who is struggling to cope with his feeling and communicating.

He never tells me anything. like if hes hungry, tired, needs a wee, hurt,. Nothing he won't tell me nothing. I'm wondering if it is because of his home situation. They do everything for him and not give him a chance. If he want something he snatches and hits, if he's tired its the same. He will rather wee himself than tell you he needs a wee. He doesn't say if hes hurting just cries then goes off.

For the first time yesturday i had to put him on the naughty step (need a new name for it please as want rid of the naughty word!) he was jumping on my daughter who was screaming but wouldn't get off. I explained calmly why he was there and how long he was staying there and he did it brilliantly. I spoke to him afterwards why are you here? what did you do? what do we say? All the reight answers. Then we hugged, all fine. But he wouldn't move off the step. He started to cry and say m naughty, m naughty, I said no m all finished. and gave him a hug explaining he sat in time out beautifully. and how We are going to have tea and play, but he didn't want to move. I left him for a couple of mins to see if he could help himself. I then went back and asked him to come off the step as we had finished with the step and we are going to have tea.

All was fine after that.

Mum phoned me today saying he doesn't was to go to pre school and what shall she do. He was shouting off to donnas no pre school. I said i'm out at the mo i will meet you there if you have trouble getting him settled. she said no, but i met them anyway as mum had to rush off to work and I didn't want m distressed at pre school. He settled fine and i reasurred him that i would pick him up.

mum said that this morning he was jumping on the bed and she said get off the bed and he stopped and lip quivered and started saying m naughty m naughty.

I told mum that the naughty word has to go. He uses it all the time. He gets it from somewhere. when he gets collected dad says has he been naughty! liek first thing he says.

If M eats a healthy meal and is good dad says well thats unusual, don't know whats wrong with him.


Well got some stickers today and was gonna make some behaviour charts, (My son keeps wetting the bed) thought I might make mindee one, what do yyou all think.? Sorry to rush mindee about to wake up.

[fionamal]

I have a little 20 month old boy who everyone according to him is bad and I hate that word and would rather use the word naughty as its not such a harsh word.

I dont have a naughty step but a time out step

hope the reward scheme works for you

[FussyElmo]

We use thinking step.

I always find the reward charts do really well.

naughty is such an easy word to use but as no realy meaning - what is naughty to one person is acceptable to another. I try not always successful to use that disappointing T does like you doing that:)

[Mrs.L.C]

we just use time out instead of naughty step. Its very important to explain why the behaviour is wrong and you need to make sure parents do explain why they dont like him doing something rather than just saying "no" or "get down" or "naughty"

I have recently advised a parent to use a time out spot at home but after 2 weeks she was saying it wasnt working anymore and when she showed me what she did, turned out she just put the child there but hadnt been explaining to them why they were there

Im sure if you and parents can work together then you will be able to turn things around for the better.

Maybe you could work on his speech whilst he is in your care by using flash cards and some basic sign like makaton


Hope you get there

[Helen79]

we have time out aswell.
If he is being called naughty by someone else instead of being told that the behaviour is naughty then he will end up believing he is naughty & that's how he will act.

I would try makaton to help him communicate or flash cards. That way if he's shy he can tell you want he wants without having to talk.

[OrlandoBelle]

I have a thinking step too. I have no problems with the word naughty. At the end of the day, they need to understand that if they hurt someone, it is wrong, and naughty is a word that little ones can understand. I have a 21 month old midee at the moment who keeps hitting the other mindees (even the 8 month old baby). I get down to her level and tell her that it's naughty to hit other children as they will get upset. I think it is beginning to sink in a bit. Now she just screams when another child has got something that she wants!:rolleyes:
I think you need to praise him for good behaviour as often as you can and reward him with stickers as clearly the parents do not do this.

Also the wetting himself, etc sounds like classic insecurity to me. Start asking him reguarly if he's hungry/thirsty. Does he need a wee... would he like a drink... etc. Don't wait for him to come to you. Perhaps he is nervous being in a new setting and is still coming to terms with moving from his last childminder, starting pre-school, etc. It's still all new to him.

As for the mum calling you asking you what she should do as he says he doesn't want to go to nursery (did I read that right??).... firstly, can't she handle her own child??... and secondly, whether he wanted to go or not, he should've been made to go. He is going to run rings around his parents when he's older. Sounds like they give in to whatever he wants. I'm sorry if I misread that but if the child wasn't contracted to come to you that morning, then why is it your problem that he won't go to nursery? Surely It's the parent's responsibility to get him there.

Poor you. I hope he gets better for you soon. I'm sure he will be better once he feels secure. Good luck. xxx

[georgie456]

Didn't want to just read and run, but we use a big brown cushion by my hallway that we call the Thinking Cushion where they go and have a little time to think about things!!!! Works great.

[Mollymop]

I use the word Time out. I say "GO and sit in time out" and point to the hallway, they then sit in there for a few minutes to think about what they have done.

One thing I do not do that you do, Donna, that is hug them afterwards. If they have been disruptive they sit in timeout, we have a chat afterwards, but I am not nicey, nicey with them until they have started to behave again.

I must admit, I use the word naughty.

[Minstrel]

I have to admit I do hug my own sons. They are both sensitive little souls and get very upset when told off. I know they shouldnt be happy but I like them to know that when they've said sorry ( for example if they hurt someone ) and they're forgiven. I dont like holding grudges and hope they dont either.

[Peppa]

the word is used all the time by mindee and now my children, its just driving me mad!

He can be such a lovely boy, so loving, he can talk really well just chooses not to. He already runs rings around mum and dad and nan and grandad. I know they are always saying he is naughty. Its not his fault if they choose to tell him to do everything instead of doing things with him.

I will not be nicey nicey after time out. I am going to do some reward charts and if anyone can recommend a good site for printing someinfo off for parents, gonna have a meeting with them.

Like the brown cushion in the hallway, may try near my back door. Gona have to a behaviour plan with parents i think. I know he had problems at the other choldminders but i dont just want to give up without trying all i can. It is affecting my children at the moment so need to nip it in the bud now.

[flora]

We use thinking step.

I always find the reward charts do really well.

naughty is such an easy word to use but as no realy meaning - what is naughty to one person is acceptable to another. I try not always successful to use that disappointing T does like you doing that:)


Was gonnna suggest this too :clapping:

I generally don't say anything just "go and sit on the step !!!!! "

It's so easy to "label" kids as one thing or the other.

I worry dd will get this as she can be a bit 2 full on too :blush:

[Pipsqueak]

We have the thinking step - even I use it!!! lol

[Gizmo]

My dd puts herself on the step and her dolls and usually mum too:laughing:

[emler]

We have a thinking step here too :thumbsup:

[balloon]

I usually say 'that's not a very kind thing to do is it?' or I don't like it when you behave that way because...

My stairs are blocked with a safety gate so we have a thinking cushion where they sit quietly for one minute very year of their age.

[Winnie]

I'm the odd one out because i do not use a naughty step or place or anything. I remember years ago-probably 6- i had a teachers child & they wanted me to put him on the stair if he was 'naughty'. Poor child was put there once but when i told the parents they went on & on at him for being 'naughty'....i felt he was being punished twice for some small misdemeanour that he didnt understand anyway. I use example, positive attention, mediating and reminding.

[The Juggler]

I have thinking step/corner/chair - depends where we are and sometimes I give them a choice of where they want to sit. I tell them its for thinking or calming down.

I think you handled the time out expertly and he obviously understood. I don't like the 'n' word myself but it's not so much the word that is a problem but that he is calling himself naughty rather than the behaviour.

In my behaviour policy I explain what I do and why I do it and explain why I don't use labelling and physical reprimand and why (i.e. point out what it does to child's self esteem in bold type). That way I hope the message might sink in.

In this case, I think it's time to sit mum and dad down and explain how more positive praise or calling his behaviour naughty instead might help improve his self-esteem and behaviour for them. sounds like you are handling it fine though.

Happy for you to have a look at my policy if you want to PM me.

LOL and good luck