View Full Version : Am Doubting My Abilities

03-06-2009, 12:04 PM
Hi all
I took on a 10 month old little girl on Monday. She is my first proper mindee although i looked after my friends little boy for 5 weeks- with no major hastles. Anyway, monday was bad, yesterday a bit less bad, this morning dad arrived with her (10 mins early), brought her inside asleep in her car seat and said he was gonna put her outside cos thats where she liked to sleep. I suggested just putting her on the floor inside the door - but no he wanted her outside. So he trailed through the house, and I unlocked 2 sets of doors and she woke up screaming. He eventually left and all was calm for about half an hour when she started screaming again. Anyway, basically she has done an awful lot of screaming. She stops when picked up! She even screams when she chooses to crawl away and then realises I am not around. She screamed all around Waitrose this am (where DS1 insisted we went) to the interest of nearly everyone in the shop who seemed to insist on standing in front of my double buggy saying "Oohhh she's not happy is she!". At the moment she is upstairs in the travel cot screaming - I go up, she stops and as soon as I walk away she starts again. DS1 thinks she does not like him and is getting quite upset about it!
I know there is nothing anyone can do, but I am sat here wondering why I made such a stupid decision and thought I was capable of looking after other peoples children when I am not even making a very good job of looking after my own at the moment. HMMM am now wallowing in self pity :blush:

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
03-06-2009, 12:07 PM
It is not you I can asure you of that, I have an 11 month old little boy and he is the same and he screams and whinges all day but if i pick him up he is fine, but this week I have managed to get him to sit on the floor and play without crying he does cry if I walk out but as soon as I come back he is fine.

It will get easier I promise it will take time but you are doing a brilliant job and don't think you are not.

I could have written your post myself.

Chin up :)

03-06-2009, 12:10 PM
Dont panic, maybe she just didnt like being woken up, if she was already asleep when dad brought her in how would she know if she ws in or out? maybe next time you can tell dad that you will place her outside if she needs to be as if she wakes up all she does is scream from then being over tired, not much help i know but things do usually get easier

03-06-2009, 12:10 PM
Thank you! Her Dad even reminded me this morning that there were bibs in the changing bag and they would appreciate it if i used them so she did not get food on her clothes - honestly - bibs are the last thing on my mind when she is screaming in the high chair and I am trying to make lunch for the 3 of them and me. Today she is wearing one of my sons old tops :rolleyes:

03-06-2009, 12:12 PM
This really isn't you!!! I would not let the dad walk all the way through the house to put the baby outside, explain to him that she will be okay and you will deal with her when he goes (leave him on front door step), i would say that outside is not suitable whilst you are indoors sorting out things for the day and as soon as you are able you maybe will take her outside!

mandy moo
03-06-2009, 12:16 PM
good advice all ready given, just wanted to add my 2psworth :)
Im sorry your not having much fun:( all i can say she only been with you a few days and I guess you and yours are still a bit strange to her, also shes at that age when they can be a bit clingy?
Give it time, persevere and she will catch on:)
As for Dad, well I think I would explain to him whats happened to day :) and prehaps say 'in future if shes asleep when she arrives I will take her from you at the door' in a nice firm voice.

sue m
03-06-2009, 12:53 PM
Don't doubt yourself. It's not you. I've been minding for many years and most lo's when they get to 7/9 months do the screaming I found, scream to be carried around and scream if you even look like you might leave the room for one second, even when they can still hear you. Hopefully she will improve, if she doesn't, I'd have to give notice after a while trying. I hope she does stop cos I know how you feel.

03-06-2009, 01:06 PM
Thanks all
Am feeling a bit better after a cup of tea and half an hour of half peace! Am gonna go and get her now - she will prob fall asleep on me after all this :panic:

03-06-2009, 01:17 PM
Stick with it - you are doing fine!!! It's very early days and she probably doesn't know whether she is coming or going at the moment, and even if you try and keep her routine similar to home, you WILL be doing things differently so she will protest.

However, it doesn't last!

My first ever mindee started at age 12 months for 2 days a week and had only ever been cuddled to sleep during the day. I advised parents (politely as poss!) that I could not do that as I had my own young child plus two more about to start so due to logistics and care of the other children, he would be put in the travel cot. Well at nap times he screamed my house down for 4 long weeks only stopping when I picked him up until one day he just went to sleep - it was a wonderful moment!
Needless to say, he is now 4 years old, still comes 2 days a week and is one of my easiest mindees!!:D

03-06-2009, 01:44 PM
It is still very early days for both of you so dont soubt yourself.

As someone else said, I would say to Dad "I will take her from you at the door if she is asleep and allow her to continue her sleep". Do not say whether you are putting her outside or keeping her in. It just isnt possible to have different children in different parts of the house/garden, especially when they are so young.

I would also try the sitting on the floor with her playing or just sitting next to her rather than picking her up when she cries. You are being close to her and reassuring her you are nearby without actually picking her up and rewarding her for her crying.

Persevere and be strong and postive!! They have chosen you to care for their child so they obviously have faith in you - now you have to as well!!

03-06-2009, 02:49 PM
You've been offered so much great advice already, I just wanted to say I hope the lo settles down soon.


Princess Sara
03-06-2009, 03:19 PM
I know there is nothing anyone can do, but I am sat here wondering why I made such a stupid decision and thought I was capable of looking after other peoples children when I am not even making a very good job of looking after my own at the moment. HMMM am now wallowing in self pity :blush:

I have been wallowing for the past few weeks and probably will until I get my first mindees. I'm sure it gets better, no advise though I'm afraid. :(

03-06-2009, 03:22 PM
Am wallowing a lot less now. After I got mindee up she played fairly happily along side me and then dad came to collect her about 40 mins early. Am now outside with my 2 boys :clapping: :clapping:

03-06-2009, 03:26 PM
hoping your day has improved

03-06-2009, 03:32 PM
:group hug:

I really feel for you, and I hope that LO settles down soon.

:group hug:

03-06-2009, 05:16 PM
No wonder the parents put her outside;) Hope you had a better day.
Maybe you could try going to see her when she is quiet and giving praise and if she screams make sure she is safe but ignore.
Then when she starts to quieten down, go to her. This is what i used to do with my daughters, but then they used to have a tantrum in the kitchen or somewhere i could not see them, so that made it easier..i think :rolleyes:

03-06-2009, 05:17 PM
They used to take themselves away to the kitchen to have a tantrum, never followed me around.