Thinking of giving up a full timer!

[nicole_kirsty]

Hi,

I am a new childminder and i have my first EY's child starting soon. I have had him for 4 full days spread out throughout May. He is 10months old and seems to be VERY clingy (which i understand could be his age and the fact its a change and all different!) The only time he is really happy is when i carry him around, which causes big problems with my own LO, as i cant show him any attention or give him cuddles on his own. When i had him last time it was awful, he whinged ALL day continuosly, i was beyond tired/knackered and exhaused but the time his mum picked him up!! If i put him down, outside the kitchen where he can still see me he crys and crys till i come out and pick him up.

He is starting full time monday to friday 9-530 next week, i just honestly feel that i'm going to be the walking dead by the end of the week, and im completely dreading it!!! When i had him last i had decided by the end of a very awful day that i am 90% sure i am not going to keep him on. Thought i'd give it a chance next week and see how i feel but if im not happy next friday will tell his mum - then im on holiday for a week so will give her time to find another CM i have a 4week cooling off/no notice period (starts 1/6 finished 1/7) but i will tell her im happy to have him till she finds another CM.

I'm really hoping that this isnt what its like with all the kids, (i have before and after schoolie and i love them and they love coming!) I think if i do let him go i have 2 options - a) concentrate on more before and after schoolies and not have EY's yet. b) Have only a p/t EY's of around the same age (or older) than my own LO - 16months.

I do feel like i am failing as a CM by not being abe to cope with this LO full time.

Just looked up and seen what i've written so best stop now! Sorry for the long post!!

Not really sure why i have done this post as nobody can tell me what to do or help me to decide whats best for me and my family. Think i just wanted to see it written down!!!

Thanks!
Nic x

[youarewhatyoueat]

You might be right to not have this child full time or you could stick with it and try a different strategy, instead of putting the child on the floor have you tried putting them in a buggy with a book and a few toys if you need to go in the kitchen, they sometimes feel more secure. Perhaps try a different routine, get out in the morning to a toddler group they may nap on the way, have a play ,home, lunch and then go for a walk until the 2 of them are asleep or just the 10 month old then time to play with yours or have a break. Have a think about adapting the routine to suit you all, 10 months is a clingy age but they can be distracted with music or mirrors and try the buggy as I find it really useful if I can't hold them all the time rather than putting them down, especially to listen to stories as theyre at the right height but not crawling all over me. good luck. Caroline

p.s don't think youre failing as I and others also don't choose to care for the same child full time, it's a lot of hard work especially with your own.

[nicole_kirsty]

You might be right to not have this child full time or you could stick with it and try a different strategy, instead of putting the child on the floor have you tried putting them in a buggy with a book and a few toys if you need to go in the kitchen, they sometimes feel more secure. Perhaps try a different routine, get out in the morning to a toddler group they may nap on the way, have a play ,home, lunch and then go for a walk until the 2 of them are asleep or just the 10 month old then time to play with yours or have a break. Have a think about adapting the routine to suit you all, 10 months is a clingy age but they can be distracted with music or mirrors and try the buggy as I find it really useful if I can't hold them all the time rather than putting them down, especially to listen to stories as theyre at the right height but not crawling all over me. good luck. Caroline

p.s don't think youre failing as I and others also don't choose to care for the same child full time, it's a lot of hard work especially with your own.

Hi

Thanks for your help and reply.

We went out in the buggy last time and he cried most the time, so dont think he's keen on that either!! We have toys out and i try to sit down with him and my DS but R is just not really interested. I go to Toddler groups so will see how that goes. I did take him to our local leisure center to a bounce and roll session and although he crawls wouldnt let me put hime down which i put down to being daunted as lots or people there and kids running around! So maybe next time he might be a bit better! Maybe by the end of next week he will be more settled and a less whingy.

I can see why you dont have full timers now (and baby under 1 year old, i know alot of CM's in my area dont take babys full time!).

I do think i have made my mind up, so the full week i have him i think would have to be very different to the last 4 times i have had him!

Thanks again for your reply.

[miffy]

Oh poor you - it's horrible when you're dreading a child coming.

Ten months is a difficult age to separate from mum/main carer and 4 days in a month is not long to form an attachment/settle with you - I know it seems a really long time when you've a child that won't even let you put him down.

You've got to do what's right for you and your ds though. Hope next week is better for you.

Miffy xx

[balloon]

Perhaps things will improve this week for you both.

It takes time for some babies to form attachments and (as Miffy already said) 4 days spread over a month really isn't going to do that unfortunately (if the child was 4 or 5 it may have been fine but a ten month old is very dependent on its primary caregiver and may not yet have come to the phase of 'if it's gone it may come back' so it's harder for them).

Maybe it would be worth giving the child a couple of weeks to see if there's an improvement, full time contracts do not come along every day and you may find that after a couple of weeks baby has been able to form a bond with you and feels safer and happier. Baby will pick up on your mood though so if he senses that you don't want him there he will become even more clingy so maybe worth trying to look on the positive side, lol! ;)

good luck x

[melanieabigail2004]

I sympathise with you as I have recently served notice on a 1 year old who behaved very similarly. It was effecting everyone and I was beginning to dread him coming. I would give it a few weeks to see if things improve but if not then explain and give notice. I felt awful when I did it and thought I was failing but to be honest it was the right decision for both myself and the child and my setting is once again a happy place. 10 hours of screaming a day sends you bonkers!

Good luck

Mel

[Daftbat]

I think you may find that things actually get easier if you are having the child full time. You will both get used to each other and the child will form a bond with you and get used to not being carried around constantly - thats the theory anyway!

Hope it works out whichever road you decide to go down.:)

[Pudding Girl]

4 days over a month isn't really an awful lot of time for him to settle, I think you need to give it longer and then make your decision, most people say a fortnight or month to settle which is about right I think, 4 days is not enough time imo to decide you are not capable/not right for the child/child not right for you.