Help r.e new parent..

[Jelly Baby]

Hope this is in the right area wsn't sure..if not please feel free to move!
Right..
Ok just had a new mum round (who forgot she was coming yeterday!) and im feeling very confused r.e it all!

Basically it started at full time before and after school as child is 9..it dropped to less and less and less as she 'forgot' she had this club and that thing after school so we have ended up with mon and wed 4-6pm! and tuesday alternating each week

I had done 3 contracts by the time i started thinking something was not quite right and she was rather scatty as was trying to combine holiday and term time and decided not a good idea so have done all seperate.. she was in the middle of filling all concent forms out so didnt interupt too much! half way though she said she needed to see me in private as she needed to tell me something..

So we start on the holiday one and she says ''oh mon to fri 8-6pm' im like great..so do it all then says 'oh she wants to go to so and so and so and so' etc so i cancel one day and ammend another leaving us now with mon,,wed,thur and fri all 8-6 then alternate tues the same...i think lol

This child will be walking from school to my house from 4-6pm where she wil then wait for her mum..(they live literally behind us) fridays in the hols cut short as she is going to some club so will leave mine early and walk,,it's miles..

SO!! what i am concerned about is the fact that she is going to be sat outside her house waiting for mum and on the friday walking miles on her own..i have obviously pointed this out and said the origional times were better but no..i have also done a disclaimer to say that once she obviously leaves here etc i have no duty towards her as such..but i will worry! Just feeling like it was a long struggle, she wasnt keen on my half paid holidays even though i assured her i dont go away a lot..and that her dad turns up out of the blue and did she still have to pay..i said yes...

THEN..as she was going out the door she told me that this child had been sexually assaulted in a park where they used to live and does strange thigs..i said 'such as' things like wetting herself and just being a bit odd at times ( i have dealt with this before so not overly concerend but feel she should have told me before not after and as she was going out the door like it was nothing...oh and i havent met the child that is due to turn up at 4pm after school on monday as she didnt come with her as was at home....what if she doesnt show on monday? omg what have i done?

I should have taken the completely changed times and got back to her..HELP..

[Daftbat]

You need to insist on seeing the child before monday and i would make aout a disclaimer completely separate from the contract stating that you have advised the parent about the situation regarding the child being alone and walking long distances.

I personally would not take the child unless i had met her before monday and i probably would have negotiated something to remove the need for the child to be waiting at home for parent to return.

[Jelly Baby]

Hi thanks for the reply. Well she sounds like a very independant child and nice as seen her over our fence! she currently walks to and from school on her own and waits for her mum in the park so didnt think much of it at first but am going to ring her in the morning and ask if i can pop round and just meet her dd as i would feel better and so proably would the child.
My discalimer basically says i am not responsible for her after the agreed hours..and she will make her own travel etc..

[michellethegooner]

oh wot a mess!!! Firstly I would call her and explain that you will have to meet child before monday, as you wouldn't feel comfortable, could this be arranged over the wkend? either you go to her house or she comes to you.

I would def put it in writing regarding her leaving yours unsupervised, I would also stress you are not happy with this arrangement, not sure but perhaps you could ring Ofsted or someone for advice on this.

I would be more concerned that if the child has been sexually assaulted in the past she would be more vulnerable especially if as the mum says she does strange things

But really if they are the hrs mum wants then not a lot you can do except get it all in writing. But def I would be meeting the child b4 she starts, although tbh I probably wouldn't take it all on sounds complicated

Hth

[Tatjana]

I must say i'm gobsmacked this mum allows her 9 yr old daughter to walk miles on her own, but the worst bit is that she lets her wait in the park for her, after she's been abused in the park....:eek: :(

xx

[haribo]

i cant believe she lets her daughter wait in the park where she has been abused / assaulted is the woman right in the head?? i would be very careful and if you go ahead get everythig i writing . not being funny but what kind of mum would do this .was the matter investigated etc . i would need to know more before agreeing to anything .

[Hebs]

I must say i'm gobsmacked this mum allows her 9 yr old daughter to walk miles on her own, but the worst bit is that she lets her wait in the park for her, after she's been abused in the park....:eek: :(

xx

i was just thinking the same thing, i'd be having words with social services about this child before something else happens :panic: :panic: :panic: poor kid this is neglect

9 is NO age to be left alone or allowed to walk long distances esp after what has happened

:angry: some parents really annoy me

[Jelly Baby]

HI..its not this park, nowhere near to us and a long while ago actually BUT yes it is a bit odd..everything is signed as she only told me this while going out the door..

[Lady Haha]

Sounds far too complicated!!! I wouldn't take this on if you don't need to! Plus the fact that it will be difficult for you to fit in anyone else around these odd hours.

And another thing I don't understand is why she doesn't just leave her daughter with you til she gets back if she lives so close by rather than make her wait outside her house! Unless of course, you don't want to work past 6pm which is obviously your choice.

All that quibbling over hours and money would send me running!

[Hebs]

HI..its not this park, nowhere near to us and a long while ago actually BUT yes it is a bit odd..everything is signed as she only told me this while going out the door..

you have 4 weeks "grace" anyway so not bound by the contracts (if you have the 4 weeks settling in period)

x

[Jelly Baby]

Hmm i will deff ring the mum tommorw and insist i see the child, i feel for her as much as me as she will be coming to a strange house to someone she has never met etc..i will also stress the fact that i was a bit took aback by the park chat and see what she says .re her waiting there and that the walk to the club is a fair way and see again how she reacts..
I would have not taken this on as soon as i did IF i had known BUT she told me leaving the house AFTER everything had been signed..hence me asking..

[Jelly Baby]

you have 4 weeks "grace" anyway so not bound by the contracts (if you have the 4 weeks settling in period)

x

No i dont, i do my own.. plus the 4 weeks is not a prob as my notice period is 4 weeks so will have a feel for it after monday i figure/hope and go from there.

[wendywu]

Alarm bells were ringing in my head as i was reading your post. It just does not sound right or the mum does not sound right. I think if it was me i would leave well alone:panic:

The mum forgot to tell you her daughter has been abused and wets herself. Yet she not at all over protective !

She comes to meet the new CM and yet does not insist that the child comes to meet you as well.

I bet you a pound to a penny that in the future, the child will get lost on the way to you, be late, not turn up at all. I bet Mum will forget to tell you if she changes the plans at the last moment.
Or she will leave your house only to have mum knocking on your door a few hours later to say she is not outside, and do you know where she is.:panic:

[Jelly Baby]

Hi Wendy thanks for your reply.
To be fair she did tell me she had something to tell me not long after she came in and wanted to tell me in private as my dd was there but still think she should have told me BEFORE we signed everything (tbh it wouldn't have chnaged my mind i don't think over having her but still)..AND i gave her a copy of her contract which i don't normally do straight away..typical hey..

I rung her this morning and she said she was just about to ring me. I explained i was wanting to see her dd before she turned up on monday, she said this was fine and she will pop round with her at 6pm tonight, she said her dd had been walking down the rd when she left last night as wondered where her mum was and i said she should have just rung the bell quickly so i could say hi, apparantly she didn't want to bother me again as it was getting on..and her dd hadn't had any tea and needed a bath! She has also seen me and dd in the garden a few times but i did say id'e like to see her!

She said she had rung tax credits to sort all the money and they had asked who i am approved by? i said i had never been asked that before but i figured Ofsted or she asked if it was my local council..i'm not sure but she said she would ring them back.

I asked my old c-minder this morning for some advise as where we live our local association has stopped so we have no support to a certain extent but we do now have some ppl to ring but obviously not till monday so i willl ring her and explain the situation..i do not use NCMA either so can't use them..

At the worst scenario i can give 4 weeks notice and won't have her a great deal within that time apart from the school hols where i can keep an eye on her! I just hope she is a bit confused and disorgonised and it works out ok.

Any forgetting etc is not my prob at the end of the day BUT of course i am going to worry if she is supposed to be with me..i can see it either going ok or being a total nightmare..i guess time will tell!

[tinkerbelle]

i would not touch this contract for any amount of money it has trouble written all over it
i have a nine year old and a ten year old who walk home from school themselves but im always in for them they only cross one road (crossing lady is there) and go through the park opposite my house which is very open and other families go that way too
i would never let my kids walk miles unsupervised sorry but thats my honest opinion

[Tatjana]

It doesn't matter which park she was abused in or which park she's now hanging around waiting in...no 9 year old should be doing this, especially one that's been abused, the mum does not sound normal to be allowing this.

This girl is vulnerable and her mum should be more responsible.

xx

[Jelly Baby]

Hi ok well i rung her as at 7pm she still hadnt showed with her child and i was not happy as she was due at 6pm..i rung her and left 2 messages one on home and one on mobile saying that basically it was saturday and i wasn't impressed waiting in for her AGAIN, i wanted to see the child and she had tonight to bring her round as not available tommorow..she showed as soon as i started dinner and in they came..they had been at a play area?!..great

Child very nice, friendly and fine, bit hyper but still!

I asked mum what happens if god forbid she does not show on monday and she said to ring her straight away on her mobile (she works very nr to me) and if any probs her emergencys numbers she had given with a particular one being first as her childs best friends mum and they will walk home together.
I then said did she realise how far this club was and she said no as when she starts it is done via the school so they take them..fine i said but what about in the hols when she is with me and she said she wasn't again sure how far and i said far!..she is looking into it but the child is walking with 3 friends either way which she didnt tell me so feel slightly better..

The only thing niggling me still is the fact that she said it was ok for her to stay at the park if she got back early..she has now said she has to come straight here to mine and wait.

I just felt like i was telling her what to do as such which is not right! I asked my friend r.e this mums job as my friend used to work there and she said they were very strict on admissions etc and she must be on the ball as such..just scatty! She got the job out of 50 ppl so must have something i guess!

We will see on monday..fingers crossed..

[Jelly Baby]

Ok..have rung someone official this morning and got a lot sorted out as far as they are concerned which has made me feel better already! I explained it all to the woman and she rung me back asking me to basically do a detailed letter to the parent outlining my concerns and get her to sign for them. She said it wasn't out fo the ordinary to ahve children like this BUT the after school bit worried her and although like i said i wasnt responsible for her if she never showed at the club i would never forgive myself.

I have done one part for the walking to and from school, i have done emergency numbers for IF she doesnt show up after school. I have requested that somone ring me when she reaches the after school club in the holidays, what if the club isnt on..frined doesnt go??etc and basically set each day out in back and white so there is no mistakes with anything..with signatures for each bit

I have also been asked to ask a couple of questions r.e the 'incident' she told me about and get some more info.

The lady said it was very hard as really i should go with what mum wants but its not always that easy!

I have just taken the mindee up the park before she goes and this mum in questions car is sat on the drive..this means that when this child leaves mine at 6pm tonight she will be home at prob 6.02pm! and mum is not likely to be there as she finishes at 6pm..so unless she is getting a lift we will see..

[estrelas]

I must say i'm gobsmacked this mum allows her 9 yr old daughter to walk miles on her own, but the worst bit is that she lets her wait in the park for her, after she's been abused in the park....:eek: :(

xx

Thats what my first thought was :eek:

[Jelly Baby]

well Monday was fine..i was kind of blaze about the girl in a way as just had a feeling it was going to be pretty hard and she was going to be trouble due to what ive been told BUT she was good as gold, very polite and lovely all round (hope it lasts!) BUT it got to 6pm and i didnt feel happy just letting her go so walked her round (only a min out of my way) my dd rung the doorbell and nothing..this girl dropped all her stuff and asked if we wanted to play in the park..she is quite clingy so decided to go on the way i mean to and said sorry but we had things to do and then waited for the door still..this girl then said 'oh well mums not there' and ran off down the rd saying she was calling for someone?? i was calling after her when the door opened and mum was stood there calling her too..she apologised and said she had been in the garden..so child in and me happier but did say what happens if it happens not to be like that and the mum isnt there..she never really responds properly and i gave her a letter i had done with loads of questions like that and all needed signing (my disclaimer i got advice about) and asked back for asap. That night were sitting there and something comes through the door, its this form ive given her all signed and complete so ill give her that shes efficient!..SO i have tonight to go and will see how it goes and am keeping a diary to keep track of events. The detailed letter i have been told to do is fine as a disclaimer so feel slightly better and we will see.

Oh also she didnt explain the 'park' very well and it wasn't a play park and i have details on this too..so the staying in our park is different yet still not a good idea as far as im concerned!

[Ripeberry]

Well done! Sounds really watertight, now you can enjoy just minding her :)

[wendywu]

I just think the mum has no respect if she can be an hour late for an visit. Just make sure you pull her up if she messes you about at all :(

[Jelly Baby]

Ripeberry my side is watertight i wont vouch for the parent! but yes i do feel 10 times better and all seems ok so far!

Wendywu i know what you mean but she is not the first parent to be late and prob not the last..now i dont have to meet her anyway so hey!

[Jelly Baby]

OK well knew it was too good to be true..just got a call off her and not happy! she said she was confused why i had invoiced her and i said i worked she paid me..she said i had her child tommorow and i said no my next day is now the holidays next week and ide se her on monday (she forgot her child was at violin tom grr) so she then says 'oh no im off monday theres no way im paying you when im at home?' so i said well you have signed for holidays and thats what i do..but nope shes only needing me tuesday and that's it 8-6pm..she will need me more in the summer..?
So i say right not impressed etc and see you tuesday..she then says 'oh if so and so cant take to club this friday ill send her to you..no asking just telling me..i then put my foot down and said nope sorry but not contracted so forget it.

Why oh why did i do this? wish i could just say no to it all now and give her very quick notice!

[Lady Haha]

Oh dear! Do you do your own contracts then? As with ncma ones, there is a settling in period where you can end the contract with no notice in that time. People usually put around 2-4 weeks settling in.

I hope some one can help you out here! There must be a way for you to get out of this legally! You are only in the first week. Nearly every legal agreement has a cancellation policy by law.

[Jelly Baby]

Hmm reading her contract i guess she could wriggle out of it if i turned round and said no as one week she does a fullish week and the next a tue so alternate, i just figured that when she filled out a holiday contract and days etc it was for the holidays BUT it does say on it alternate days and unluckily it is a tue not the full week...grrr she said in the summer hols so i guess that's what she means..i doubt we will get to the summer tbh!

[Jelly Baby]

Hi black and sparkly..yes i do and never had any probs..and tbh i had to do 3 with this woman (2 done 1 screwed up) so can you imagine how much that would have cost!! but yes i do and there is no settling in period but i am deff going to add my own now i have had this..see post ablove as to whay i think she can get away with it! sigh..

Does anyone who does their own contracts let me know so i cans ee if there are any useful bits i may have missed please..i am not a member of ncma and our local association does not run anymore so cant get them from there..
Thanks