I feel physically sick . . .

[melanieabigail2004]

For the first time since registering in 2005 I have served notice on a mindee. I have had the 1 year old on my books since Feb but he has never settled despite my best efforts and he actually prevents me from caring for the other children in my care due to his constant screaming and wanting to be picked up.

Just saw the mother and father and they were not too happy. I feel like a bad cm but its been making me ill. He has been on hols for 3 weeks and was due back today but my dd has chicken pox so they decided not to send him and I have to be honest and say I was relieved. I have actually even had a bad dream about it this week. My children are fed up with the constant screaming and I am not able to look after them properly.

I am not one for throwing in the towel and do feel like a complete failure but as I told the parents my first priority is the happiness and welfare of all the children in my care and I do not feel that I can meet their child's needs at the moment.

Mel :(

[emler]

You mustn't feel bad Mel - you have done your best. At the end of the day you and your family must come first. Sending hugs

[RainbowMum]

You've done the best thing, you've given it long enough and the fact that you feel bad about it shows what a caring person you are. Well done for being brave enough to what had to be done xx

[avril]

Sorry to hear you are feeling sad and a little down at giving notice to this mindee but as you say all the childrens feelings need to be considered and if it is making you feel ill I think you have made the right decision.

A few yrs back I minded a little girl like this she cried as soon as she was put down and stopped when picked up :( Parents use to carry her around all the time so she wouldn't cry! My own little boy use to get so upset when he knew she was coming that I had to given notice as he obviously came first.

Chin up and enjoy the party :thumbsup:

[PixiePetal]

Sometimes this is all you can do when you have tried all ways to settle a situation.

We need to be able to do our best for ALL children in our care and if it is stressing you out this much you must be drained.

Good luck with finding a replacement

[uf353432]

Mel the parents were probably hacked off because they have to go do some work finding alternative childcare - they should have been happy that you recognise that he isn't happy, isn't thriving and its not fair on him, you or your family to continue the relationship. Don't beat yourself up about it - not all relationships work out - sometimes its with the parents and sometimes the kids - we all go into it hoping for the best, but sometimes the best is still not good enough. Take a deep breath, get through you last few weeks and enjoy looking for a new mindee with your new perspective.

[FussyElmo]

Good for you. Sometimes it is for the best and when the care of other children is being effected it really is the best thing.

The fact that you are feeling bad about this shows what a good cm you really are.

Sending hugs:group hug:

[Daftbat]

You have done the right thing. Its hard to do but you have acted correctly and put the other childrens welfare first.

You can have a good weekend now knowing that your time having to deal with this child is limited.

Have a good one:clapping:

[sarah707]

I sympathise totally and know how hard it is.

You have done the right thing xx

[Chatterbox Childcare]

You have done the right thing - parents don't realise how hard they make things for everyone else when they constantly pick babies up

[Bushpig]

If the parents aren't working WITH you (ie: not picking him up at home...) then how is that good for the little lad and how are they working in partnership with you? You've done the right thing by the sounds of it! :thumbsup:

[CCJD]

Today you feel sick but on your first Sunday night after him going, normally when that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach appears, you will feel emense relief and and the knowledge that you HAVE done the right thing.
There is nothing worse than dreading work - after a good nights sleep you will feel better about this.

[Toothfairy]

You did the right thing.

Big hug :group hug:

[ORKSIE]

Bless your heart, you are not bad, you have to do what is right, you have done a very brave thing, I waited till parents gave me notice due to redundancy on an child which was making my life HELL but I was not brave enough to do it.
Now this child has gone my family and Mindees are so much happier.
The mother is now looking for another job and has asked if i have vacancies:eek:
I am Full Thank goodness:)
So dont feel guilty, you have done what is best for one and all:)

[Saranotts]

I agree with the others, you have given the lo plenty of time to settle in and it isn't fare on you, your children, the lo or your mindees. So don't feel bad, grab a party popper and enjoy the party.

Sara

[Trouble]

bighugs

now smile you did the right thing:clapping: :clapping: :clapping:

[The Juggler]

You have done the right thing. Be strong. It's difficult for them to feel someone has 'rejected' their child so how ever you said it was not going to go down well. No amount of soft soaping would have made them happy about it.

but you have to think about what's best for you and the other children.

Maybe if they find someone who can't start straight away you could offer to cover until the new person can start, as a good will gesture. If your ears can take it.

LOL and big hugs

[nannysue]

I'm so sorry you are feeling so down , a big hug from me xx. Please don't feel bad, you have done the best thing for you and your family.

[vix84]

Soon you will feel the relief:)
I had to do the same thing the other week, I had a 14 month old who was ok for the first few weeks but then for about 3 weeks he got worse and worse, and I had another 1 year old lined up to start that was my only full-timer (I also have my 11 month old son) so I knew I couldnt care for them all if this lo carried on getting so upset at the drop of a pin!
Anyway, I gave notice to the parents, and said I would give another 4 weeks trial peroid to see if things improved (this helped me see light at the end of the tunnel) and the following weeks was brilliant. He went back to being the cutie he normally is and was very happy. I put it down to illnesses which the dad didnt really recognise untill he had the full blown illness, and I didnt really know the child well enough to recognise if he was feeling under the weather or just not settled.


Anyway, someone on here pointed out that Ofsted would expect you to give notice etc. as you need to think of the welfare of all the children, including the un-happy mindee.
That comment really helped me to see that I was doing the right thing that was in the best interest of everyone:)

[Blackhorse]

I actually think that what you have done makes you a good childminder..not a bad one.
if a child doesn't settle and is upsetting your family, other mindees and yourself and you feel you can't do your job properly it is probably best for all involved that you have given notice.
even for the lo and the parents

Don't fell bad about it. I think you have done the right thing even if it must have been very hard!!

:group hug:

[ChristineF]

Mel the parents were probably hacked off because they have to go do some work finding alternative childcare - they should have been happy that you recognise that he isn't happy, isn't thriving and its not fair on him, you or your family to continue the relationship. Don't beat yourself up about it - not all relationships work out - sometimes its with the parents and sometimes the kids - we all go into it hoping for the best, but sometimes the best is still not good enough. Take a deep breath, get through you last few weeks and enjoy looking for a new mindee with your new perspective.

I think this is so true. You shouldn't be feeling bad at all, you definitely did what was best for both yourself and the baby, not to mention the other kids in your care. Hope you're feeling better now :)

[nemo97]

You've done the right thing. I've never been in the same position
but i'd like to think I too would be strong enough to give notice. :)
Have a good weekend and look forward to a quieter future. :thumbsup:

[melanieabigail2004]

Thank you all so much for your comments. From reading them I am sure that I have made the right decision for all involved. Where would we all be without this fab forum!

Mel