SCREAMER UPDATE

[marjie b]

OH GOD....

Some of u may have read my thread last week, if not I will cut a long story short....

Got a screaming 7 month old baby @ the mo, parents never put him down.
Tried my hardest to comfort him on fri but to no avail, anyway, was out in town with double buggy and 2 older children, the screamer is still going for it,
out of a restaurant sprint his parents crying "omg omg, what have you done?" and proceed to make a huge fuss of the fact the baby was crying, they made me feel awful, if looks could have killed....

anyhow they scooped the baby up and took him outta my care there and then saying they would see me this week.
All weekend I ve been stewing about it, I feel they embarassed me in the middle of town and made me feel like I did something wrong.

I texted them yesterday and said if they were not happy they were welcome to cancel as still in settling in period- no answer!!

This morning I braved it and picked up the phone, the conversation was very difficult, I told them they made me feel uncomfortable, they told me they are "paying me to pick him up"!!
I calmly explained that I also care for other children and it was physically impossible to always pick him up and said perhaps they should employ a nanny if they wanted undivided attention for him. this they did not like!

They have insisted they will be uncomfortable with any "stranger" they leave him with and will definitely be back tomorrow then put the phone down!!

OH GOD IM DREADING TOMORROW!! Its making me feel really worried, what can I do????:panic:

[sarahlou]

I'm really sorry u feel so bad. i can't believe someone spoke to u like that. I would probly suggest they take him out of your care, as your always going to be stressing what they will say or do next. If they feel that strongly then they should stay home with him. I know it's difficult and it must be hard - sorry i can't be any help:)

[Lady Haha]

If you don't need the work, I woud terminate! If it's still in settling in period, you don't need to give them notice either! Sounds like they will be a nightmare to work with!

[marjie b]

How can I word it?
Ive already spoken to parents this morning who are insisting on bringing him back and saying they will be unhappy with anyone.

I dont mind a screaming baby, that I can deal with but parents who treat u like crap coz u wont pick up, ahhhhhhhh!!

I feel guilty but not sure I can keep worrying bout it, dont wanna let the parents down but they obviously wont trust me ( or anyone) wiv their baby x

[FizzysFriends]

How about having a meeting with the parents and come up with an action plan about his crying, so you can try and get the parents to stop picking him up all the time?

[haribo]

i would have a talk with them giving them a chance to see your point of view which is you will do your best for the child and he will be well cared for but you cannot keep picking him up and if they cant accept it then terminate and at least you have done your best. they must trust you or otherwise they wouldnt come back would they so maybe you could get through to them- thats if you want to continue lol after that experience it mustve been awful . good luck

[CCJD]

Oh poor you! They really have handled this badly. It's so hard and am sure if I saw my child screaming with a another person (particularly if it had been my first), I would have been heart broken , BUT they reacted badly . I think they need to be realistic about what they want and expect from childcare. I think a chat is in order if you are going to continue. Ask them what their expectations are - in terms of what they want for their child - do they want him less clingy, do they want him playing and then be honest about what sort of care you can provide in terms of ratio's and the advantages their child will have if he will join in rather than wanting to be held. You are right to point out other forms of childcare that will give them different things - I think childminders help make very social children without the institutional feel of a nursery but if these parents cannot envisage their child playi g happily alongside other children and needing constant one to one adult attention, then they need a nanny. They need to do some honest soul searching as to what they need and can handle themselves.

[sarahlou]

U have reassured them as much as u can if they still don't trust u then it's their problem. Do u really need the hassle?

[marjie b]

This is a polish family, they have told me they will pick their baby up full stop and thats what "theyre paying me for"
Im not sure I can win really as I have made it clear I cant always pick up but their making it clear they will....

I think there is a cultural divide, not so much they dont understand but more they dont want to listen, I feel hurt by their thoughtless comments, I have 3 children, none of which has ever cried themselves into any harm lol!

[haribo]

surely they can understand that its not possible when you have other children -if they insist hes to be picked up explain he will need one to one care and suggest they employ a nanny who to an extent could do as they ask:rolleyes:

[Bushpig]

This is a polish family, they have told me they will pick their baby up full stop and thats what "theyre paying me for"
Im not sure I can win really as I have made it clear I cant always pick up but their making it clear they will....

I think there is a cultural divide, not so much they dont understand but more they dont want to listen, I feel hurt by their thoughtless comments, I have 3 children, none of which has ever cried themselves into any harm lol!

On that sentence alone I would let them go, you don't need this x

[Daddy Day Care]

Your relationship with the parents is just as important as your relationship with the child, the way they have trated you and made you feel is bang out of order.

I think you need to terminate the contract I dont think you will ever feel comftable with this child.

Gareth

xx

[marjie b]

I can see your right hun, just h8 the confrontation and dont like letting ppl down but feelin sick with worry over what to say.... xx

[uf353432]

ok, going against the grain here.

See if I have a crying baby - my instinct is to pick up the child and soothe. If it means for the first couple of weeks I will be carrying the baby alot then I would to ensure that the child is settled and then start working on moving the child to be a bit more independant.

I keep thinking of maslows hierachy of needs here - and you can't begin to deal with all this childs needs until you have the bases covered at the bottom and thats safety and security.

I would be open and honest about how you feel about the situation with the parents find out what they expect and see if youcan meet their expectations comfortably together. This is not forever - he's only 7 months old - its a really difficult age - between now an 9 months they have all kinds of separation anxiety going on. He could be overtired, over stimulated - your home environment, noise, language, routine - its all so different from what he knows.

I don't think the answer is simply - not to pick him up and think your original idea of sling wearing is a good one.

[marjie b]

UF353432, I can totally see your point and I can assure u I have done everything to comfort this child, Im not totally heartless, but short of carrying him around all day, my hands are tied!!

I just want u to know I will always offer a crying child comfort but on the day when this baby comes I also have a 13month old and my son 22 months and I feel it would be unfair to them to give constant attention to a screaming baby...

Thankyou gareth u r totally right about relationships with parents, Im easy going and friendly and have gr8 heart to hearts with all my other parents, but if someone is unwilling to listen or meet me half way what can I do??

I must admit if I had no other los here during the day I would def be willing to dedicate more time/attention to this baby but feel it will affect the environment the other children are playing in xx

[Helen79]

I would get a sling too, pop the baby on your back & you won't even know he's there :) If they baby is used to being picked up at home then I'd cuddle him as much as possible which I know is difficult with other children.

I'd give it a few weeks before trying to get the baby used to not being picked up all the time. Let him settle with you first & deal with the picking up.

With a toddler I'd start it sooner but he's only a baby & needs to have his basic needs met.

[Bananabrain]

How about having a meeting with the parents and come up with an action plan about his crying, so you can try and get the parents to stop picking him up all the time?

That sounds like a brilliant idea Fizzy.

Then you can kind of put the ball in their court,instead of them 'dumping' the problem on you.

[vix84]

That would have really upset me too, them taking him in town etc.

I can understand them not wanting their baby to cry though, but unfortunatly they have to realise that sometimes this will hapen untill you are free for cuddles.

My little boy is very cuddly, and sometimes will only sleep on me and wont tolerate being in the buggy for long so I have a baby wrap sling which is fantastic. When he was poorly I carried him all round the zoo in it.

It sounds like they need to find a Childminder that maybe cares for older children and can therefore dedicate more time for cuddling etc. untill the baby is crawling.

I look after my son, 11 months and 2 others, 1 of 11 months and the other 15 months and it is hard when they all need that 1 on 1 attention, but its great when we have the good days where they are all content.


I think maybe a meeting about there expectations, and you explaining that if you have school runs/dinner to prepare etc. or another child to comfort that you wont be able to pick the baby up all the time.

[The Juggler]

How about having a meeting with the parents and come up with an action plan about his crying, so you can try and get the parents to stop picking him up all the time?

Yes, definiately a chat/meeting. Tell them 'if we are going to make this work, then this is how I will care for him.....to let him know he is safe but so I can also care for the other children.' if they don't go for it all get out now.

He obviously feels insecure but it's his first time away and there is comfort lots of cuddles versus constant carrying. There are other forms of reassurance that will help him know that he is safe without him being surgically attached.

Good luck

[youarewhatyoueat]

God how awful for you, the only thing I would suggest is if you can offer times when it is one to one care and charge double,see how they react they may be willing to pay more and with a bit of luck as the child settles and gets more used to not being picked up by you they could move to a shared session and the cost can then go back to normal.
Caroline

[HENNY]

They sound awful and very rude if you can manage without the work I would wait for a better set of parents to come along.:mad:

[marjie b]

after all that fuss mum just called to terminate!!

she said she would trust a nanny even less as she would be "alone all day with my child and could do anything"!!

God, give me strenghth.........

[loocyloo]

big hug to you

xxxxx

[sunnysmile]

I think you have had a lucky escape :laughing:

[vix84]

after all that fuss mum just called to terminate!!

she said she would trust a nanny even less as she would be "alone all day with my child and could do anything"!!

God, give me strenghth.........

very lucky escape I think!!!

[ChristineF]

I think you have had a lucky escape :laughing:

Just read through this thread and I have to agree. I think it's for the best that you dont look after this baby anymore, I dont think the parents are ready to leave him with a childminder. Hope you're feeling okay.

[Lady Haha]

Hate to say it, but I think it's for the best and at least you didn't have to do the terminating!

[childmind04]

Sorry they made you feel like this but believe me you had a lucky escape, i am just praying for the phone to ring with a fulltimer and my nightmare parents (who sound very similer to these) are gone, they have this ability to make me feel like poo without even saying much :)

Hope something else turns up soon

xx

[Demonjill]

O well after all that worrying about what to do and the decision is taken out of your hands.

Good luck finding a replacement!!:thumbsup:

[Daddy Day Care]

I've got to agree with the above, sounds like a lucky escape to me, just hope you dont need the money to badly and that you find a replacment pretty quick

Gareth
xx

[CherryBlossom]

UF353432, I can totally see your point and I can assure u I have done everything to comfort this child, Im not totally heartless, but short of carrying him around all day, my hands are tied!!

I just want u to know I will always offer a crying child comfort but on the day when this baby comes I also have a 13month old and my son 22 months and I feel it would be unfair to them to give constant attention to a screaming baby...

Thankyou gareth u r totally right about relationships with parents, Im easy going and friendly and have gr8 heart to hearts with all my other parents, but if someone is unwilling to listen or meet me half way what can I do??

I must admit if I had no other los here during the day I would def be willing to dedicate more time/attention to this baby but feel it will affect the environment the other children are playing in xx

Hello,

You say if the baby was the only child, you would give him more time. Perhaps, it is too much for you to have 3 young children. If you can't give the baby the full attention it seems to need than maybe they are best finding a new minder.
On the other hand, I am sure you are more than competent to look after 3 young children - it just seems that you are a bit unlucky with one very who is always upset!
I agree with what you say, maybe they need a sole charge nanny who can give the baby undivided attention. Or they need to trust you and your skills as a Childminder. As a mother yourself, you wouldn't leave a child crying or upset if could be avoided. If they don't trust you to make decisions like this with there child then it seems you are going to have a difficult relationship with them.
On the one hand as a parent, they want what is best-and for any loving parent to see your child upset and crying would make you worry..but then they did employ you knowing you had other children. They can't really expect you to spend all you time and attention on this one baby.

Its def a hard one!
I would have felt exactly the same as you-it must be hard to stand back and watch somebody else look after your child but at the end of the day they choose to hire a Childminder, if they are that protective and as they say untrusting of anybody, then why don't they look after the baby themselves.

Hope you can sort it all out

xx

[CherryBlossom]

Sorry a bit slow there!
See the mum has already terminated contract..well I guess at least you don't need to worry yourself sick over it now!
x