PDA

View Full Version : my mindee changes to a different child when hes mum collects him



sammy
08-04-2009, 09:25 PM
i care for a 15 month old full time.

Now he has been a nightmare since he was 6 months old as he was soooooo clingy/wingy and crying constantly anyway he has only JUST stopped winging for the past 2 weeks (actually since he has learnt to walk) He is an only child who gets carried constantly and every winge or murmur mum gives attention too!

Anyway now he comes to me in pull ups as she cant get him to lie down she (then they then leak as he does a poo every morning) she chases him around the house to get him dressed - ive just witnessed all this this afternoon and its just made me think no wonder he has been a nightmare with me, she lets him get away with everything and has never said no and called him back, she chases around him like a servant.

The main thing is when she collects him he will have a tantrum straight away throwing arms around, winging, screaming etc, so we cant even talk about our day! Now i know everyone does things differently but she makes it so hard for herself, i couldnt believe she was letting him manipulate her so much.

He can be so good when i have him he lies still for nappy changes, will sit still when changing his clothes etc. Just shows how bad a child can behave if someone lets him.

He had done a poo when she collected him he wouldnt lay down for her, so she said i suppose i better change you standing up!!! my god he fills hes nappys full! I did offer and he layed quite still for me, but as she was in the room he was still playing up!

ORKSIE
08-04-2009, 09:34 PM
Had a similar experience myself....thats why i use a daily diary, everything mum needs to know is in the diary.
If the child kicked off while we were talking, i would say, i have written his diary, all is in there. that worked for us.

angeldelight
08-04-2009, 09:38 PM
Sounds like a nightmare

I think you should have a chat with her - maybe call her on the phone when the little one is in bed
She really needs to work with you on this its no good the child doing one thing at home and another with you it is just confusing for the child

How on earth can she change a full nappy with him standing up? This child is wrapping her around his little finger by the sound of things

I would also make notes in his diary and ask her to comment

Good luck keep us posted

Angel xx

Pipsqueak
08-04-2009, 09:39 PM
All kids turn into a different child when parent turns up - it a very strange (but common) phenomena!!!!:D
James turns into a hyper whinge bucket when i collect him from his minder:rolleyes:

Pipsqueak
08-04-2009, 09:41 PM
Sounds like a nightmare

I think you should have a chat with her - maybe call her on the phone when the little one is in bed
She really needs to work with you on this its no good the child doing one thing at home and another with you it is just confusing for the child

How on earth can she change a full nappy with him standing up? This child is wrapping her around his little finger by the sound of things

I would also make notes in his diary and ask her to comment

Good luck keep us posted

Angel xx

What the lady says above. (clicked post before I could add anything else:blush: )

sammy
08-04-2009, 09:54 PM
the thing is ive already had a big discussion about him being clingy and basically said dont pick him up if he is demanding you. As he was a proper nightmare and wanted me wrapped around his little finger! but oh no i am not fooled (having 3 boys myself) i see the signals on a little monster in the making!!

She did start to leave him be when he winged and demanded her attention as he wouldnt winge as much with me (he literally used to cry continously without a break (no tears though) if he wasnt touching me, so if i stood up from the floor - wahhhhhhhhhghhhhh!! all day long.

Anyway this did work as she knew i would end the contract if she didnt co-operate. But i did say to her today, its so strange watching him with you he just has tantrums all the time, then she said "maybe its because i give in to him"!!!!!!!!! HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD!! the thing is ive told her before that he is like a 4th child to me and im not treating him like an only child.

I do write what we do in the dairy and how he has behaved, hes not had a tantrum with me and doesnt bahave like that as it would get him no where.

She feels guilty for leaving him to go to work so will give in to him. Doesnt make my job any easier, although he is starting to understand, be good for sam and be bad for mummy!

haribo
09-04-2009, 08:39 AM
i think you hit the nail on the head there , she feels guilty and doesnt want to be firm whe shes wih him,ive one the same,shes good as gold with me now but when mum comes she turns intiio another child. i was chatting to mum about our day recently and out the corner of my eye saw lo pick up my shoe from the porch (we had just come back from park ) and it go to her mouth .i said gently but firmly - no put it down thats a good girl , mum was horrified id dared say no to her liitle girl and said but its ok youre not in any trouble !! i couldt believe it lo was too young to know the meaning of trouble so im sure the remark was aimed at me. i said no of course not but she was about to put my shoe in her mouth.. ayway i give up as long as they know how to behhave with me i now think they deserve what they get when theres a little tyrant in their house i do try and help them see saying no doesnt mean the child wont like them but dont lose sleep over it :panic:

sammy
09-04-2009, 09:41 AM
but she has seen how much difference he has been since our "last chat" regarding winging and leaving him she thanked me no end that i had changed her life and that he started to sleep through again, its strange as i know when she gives in to him as he trys to play me up.

I taped nappy changing time earlier just to show that he can lie down still, he actually crawled onto the mat and layed down himself!! lol - she will be shocked when she sees that, i will probably just add - "this is the result when you bring them back to the mat and not chase them around the room doing acrobatic nappy changing moves" lol.

Hes away for 2 weeks so im hoping he wont turn into a monster when he comes back to me as i feel i keep him on the straight and narrow - lol

But i agree as long as he does behave for me thats all that matters, but i dont like to see people struggle when they dont have to, god knows what he will be like when hes 3 or 4 with full blown tantrums.

FussyElmo
09-04-2009, 09:49 AM
My mindee came in her pyjamas last week as mum said we couldnt get her out of them and knew you would. I despair and wonder who is the adult:)

cherry
09-04-2009, 09:53 AM
I always tell my new parents that I have a magic doorbell and when they ring it their child changes from someone that has played lovely all day to a child that has tantrums and won't do a thing when asked.

nannysue
09-04-2009, 10:41 AM
I have a 5yr old who changes into the child from hell when mum arrives, jumping on sofa, turning lights on and off and trying to open front door. He does not even attempt any of this at other times. Mum just stands there with a "bless him" smile not saying a word. Last week he threw his school bag at her which hit her in the stomach,:eek: her face was a picture when i told him to pick it up and say sorry,. I do know he is like it all the time at home but just a "Sue look" is enough to stop him here. :D

tammerisk
09-04-2009, 11:24 AM
i have two like that and they are 7 and 8 they were a night mare when they first started and i waited a few weeks to see how mum would react when she picked them up but they didn't listern no matter what she said so i took charge and untill they are in there car i tell then how to behave.

they are so good for me and mum don't know how i do it but again they make her feel guilty for going to work and they are very spoilt(have every thing and if they decide my kids have some thing they want they demand it off mum and low and behold the next day they come with the thing they wanted!!)

i feel guilty for my kids having to share me but i don't make up for it by buying them things.

i have my belives that even my 9yr old is still a little girl and only this year has she been aloud to wear make up and heeled shoes which are no mor ethat an couple of centemeters and as for short skits not with out leggings on.

they have one computer consal a playstation 2 and only because my mum gave it as a christmas present a few years ago.

they get one present a christmas of there choosing and that it

for birthdays they only get a few and they most def not got a mobile phone and don't play out to all hours ofr the night like some kids i know

Deb
09-04-2009, 01:57 PM
I have a couple like this, so difficult to know what to do best - I ask the older ones to choose how they want to leave the house - either being good, or crying. Difficult with younger ones tho, and soooooo wearing. You have my sympathies:(

sarah32
09-04-2009, 02:10 PM
All 3 of my mindee's play up when their parents turn up.

3 year old turns on the tears and tells her parent what I havent let her do for have for that day. Like today I didnt give her a fruit bar.

2 year old brother runs and clings to daddy which isnt too bad but wont let his mum go in the morning

And finally other 2 year doesnt want to go home when mum comes to collect, wont go to her to get shoes on and when she gets hold of him and tries to dress him he smacks.

I just try to get them as much ready as I can like shoes and coats on if I know what time they are collecting. Try and speed collection up as much as possible.:laughing:

haribo
09-04-2009, 02:28 PM
haha ive been known to have a difficult mindees coat on at expected pick up time as its just easier to get them out that way! someparents can be funny and say "oh in a rush are we" lol but im past caring :panic:

cara1235
09-04-2009, 03:24 PM
ha ha, i am the same if i know what time they are coming to collect shoes and coats are put on before the knock on the door because otherwise they start playing races up and down the hallway because they think they can get away with it when parents are here! but oh no they get a shock when they are told cara is still in charge and they must do as i say in the house, always have little chat at contract signing to say it is me in charge until they leave the premises!

sammy
09-04-2009, 10:48 PM
ha ha, i am the same if i know what time they are coming to collect shoes and coats are put on before the knock on the door because otherwise they start playing races up and down the hallway because they think they can get away with it when parents are here! but oh no they get a shock when they are told cara is still in charge and they must do as i say in the house, always have little chat at contract signing to say it is me in charge until they leave the premises!

Yes i should say im in charge but as soon as she comes in she takes him straight away, then he will start his tantrums, i dont think ive ever just passed him over then said bye, she always comes in and i normally tell her about the day - she reads it in the book too but not daily.

I was thinking i could say as he doesnt let us talk then to strap him in the car whilst we quickly have a chat outside the car, that way we are not giving into his tantrums and can ignore him. As its getting silly now as he has done it everyday for the past 2 weeks.

Also today she came early to collect him, he was eating his lunch so she observed him from around the corner whilst he ate, he heard her then started to winge and tantrum!! so she said shall i go for 15 mins, so i agreed then he stopped as soon as the door closed!! He ate his dinner, pud and nappy change no problems, then when she came back he started again.

I made a comment about yesterday and said - i cant believe that tantrum he gave when you tried to change his nappy, she replied i know he does it everytime, he nearly fell off the pull out changing station as he was thrashing around. I just said "thats dangerous, if it was one of my children i wouldnt actually change him until he layed down still and give a firm no to make him realise you mean business". She said i do say no but he doesnt listen.

He also gets angry all the time and has tantrums! he is going to be a handful