10 month old crying the place down - any advice?

[andreaschildcare]

Hi all

This is her 3rd week and she comes twice a week for afternoons. She is fine if I was to carry her about all day, but she cries when put down and is currently screaming the place down as I refuse to carry her everywhere!

Any advice? :(

[littlestar]

oh gosh that takes me back yes i had a screamer i found myself outside walking with her in the buggy all the time she seemed to like it most off it was down to tiredness that she got from crying then she go worse cos i hadnt settled her before yes buggy is the way go for a walk let her dose then if you can take her into the house still in the buggy let her sleep in it so when she wakes she wakes on her own in your home good luck :)

[Zoomie]

IS the LO an only child, and do the parents carry her around all the time ?

[andreaschildcare]

Hi, she wont sleep as she sleeps before she gets here at 1pm

Yes an only child and yes they are constantly giving her attention:panic:

[Pedagog]

Have you tried sitting her safely where she can see you, then ignoring her and doing something interesting like playing with musical instruments.

I used to look after my niece and she had to be carried everywhere, ignoring her worked great.

[andreaschildcare]

yes when I first ignored it she cried for 45 mins full on! then I held her for a bit but gradually moved her from being held, to sitting on my knee, to sitting in frtont of my knees. Now Ive put her down totally and she screams on and off but is showing interest in some ride ons now

[madasahatter]

I had a screamer (a sibling, who I had for a few hours a week to try and get her ready for mum returning to work) and I found that having her for only a few hours each week wasn't helping her settle. I agreed with mum that we would do a few full time days to see if it made any difference and it did.
I think 9 to 12 months is about the worst time for babies to start at a new childcare setting. They are at a developmental stage where attachment figures quite highly and they miss mum more than they often do at other ages.
Unfortunately the only thing to do is persevere. I would consider asking mum if there is any way she can up the number of hours or days that LO is with you even if it is temporary. If mum is claiming childcare tax credits then she just has to inform them of an increase in fees (if it is over £10 per week they are supposed to change it immediately).

[The Juggler]

I had this with a child. 2 weeks in the house and for a good 3 or 4 months if we were out at playgroup etc. So from 8 months - 12 months really. Now the child is very confident and independent. The parents did not carry her a lot but she was very insecure in strange places and seeking comfort.

I did not ignore the crying but also refused to pick LO up all the time. I talked to her a lot, picked her up/bending down frequently for lots of hugs but put her straight back down telling her she could have a cuddle whenever she needed but I couldn't carry her all the time. I found myself saying this over and over to her during the day but felt she needed to hear that.

I sat very close on floor when she played. My LO would cry if I so much as moved my hand at first, as if she thought I was leaving her. I would give her a cuddle and put her back down. After a while the crying only happened if I stood up if she thought I would leave the room without her.

If I walked to kitchen or wherever, I would (in the early days) carry LO then put her down in the kitchen. When she was more settled and crawling confidently I would say, I'm going here...... are you going to come with me then wait and walk slowly so she could follow. She would follow me crying whilst crawling. If she cried hysterically when we got to other room, I would say OK you need a hug pick her up/bend down to cuddle. By the end of a few weeks, the crying stopped as soon as I stopped moving without picking her up. And a week or so later she followed without crying.

As I said this worked well in the house in a few weeks. It definately seemed to be the fear of me being out of sight that did it. Not surprising since Mum had just started disappearing out of sight every morning when she dropped off!

When we were out it took much longer. Funnily enough after a while, she would crawl away from me happily if I sat on the floor and explore on her own but it took much longer before I could move from her or stand up. As long as she knew I was in one place she felt much happier.

Don't let crying coerce you into carrying LO everywhere (even for the sake of your ears!) but give her lots and lots of verbal reassurance and lots of quick cuddles so she knows you're acknowledging her fear/request for contact. Bending down for cuddles rather than picking up obviously distances LO from the carrying habit sooner.

Hope it helps. Good luck

Nx