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View Full Version : you can't scare me,I'm a childminder.



Bananabrain
02-04-2009, 12:40 PM
That always makes me giggle when I see it on here.Sorry but I can't remember whose posts it's on.

Well as of this week,I am well and truly scared.

I think I am very patient,tolerant and reasonably worldly-wise but I had a new child start on Monday and I have no idea what to do with him.

He is 21 months and his mum is quite young and doesn't appear to have a clue.

He has been hitting other children,and me.Squeezing other children's faces and generally being awful.I have tried everything and had to resort to physically restraining him.If I take my eyes off him for a second,he will destroy my house!{and my sanity}

He doesn't want to play,he just looks around for things to get a reaction from me.

I am totally at a loss,please help guys.

Will continue further but I'm worried my computer will freeze.

Bananabrain
02-04-2009, 12:46 PM
Have taken him to town today,he has kicked customers in shops,pulled stuff off shelves etc etc.

He won't eat anything,throws everything on the floor,but tries to steal other children's food.

Mum says her family think he has behaviourial probs and she should take him to the health visitor.I think she has given in to him for too long,for an easy life.

Any advice guys,I'm pretty desperate with this one.

i want to persevere but not sure I'm strong enough.

haribo
02-04-2009, 12:59 PM
sorry youre having to deal with this. first of all make sure he eats no junk food or additives they can make a child wild if theyre sensitive to them. im sure you give healthly food but what he has at home will have a bearing on his behaviour,so maybe try and guide mum in the right direction. ive a lo who came to me the same, a few months on shes as good as gold, i let her get away with nothing its really hard work but worth persevering. if she got too
bad i would strap her in the buggy and let her watch the others, she soon got the message that it was not on to touch the others,she too used to squeeze faces and take away everything the others had. never got so bad as to kick strangers though:eek: not much more advice sorry but in this case too it was a much longed for child mum literally cant say no to! i had to make it clear its very different behavior expected at my house and thank goodness we get on fine now . wishing you lots of luck with this one:) :) x

FussyElmo
02-04-2009, 01:08 PM
It could be settling in probs ( a bit severe).

Definatley sounds like he has behavioural probs. Insist on mum talking to the health visitor.

Have you considered a caf - these can't be done without mums permission but will get you and her some help. Also ring your DO for some advice.

Do reward charts, try to ignore the bad behaviour (easier said than done) and really go over board on the good. Find out what he is good at and concentrate on that. Discuss with mum what she does and try to work together on it.

If none of this works how long is your settling in period not as I would normally recommend giving up but do have to give serious consideration to the other children in your care.

Pipsqueak
02-04-2009, 01:45 PM
Think you need to sit mum down for a chat and agree on a behaviour management scheme that both of you will follow, so the LO is getting consistent rules and boundaries.

To me it sounds like he is attention seeking and getting it the only way he knows how. Time to flip it on its head - make a fuss about good behaviour from other children and when he does, try to ignore the behaviour he does where possible, a firm no and removal from the situation.

If he is destroying property and hurting other children it needs to be nipped in the bud now and mum has got to be onside with you.

A trip to the HV won't hurt but behavioural problems or not (I do think its all too easy to say that to excuse bad behaviour or lack of parenting skills - it does need to be diagnosed first before labelling him - think I have just explained myself badly there sorry), this child has got to have some rules and boundaries in place.

melanieabigail2004
02-04-2009, 03:44 PM
I agree - a trip to the HV will make sure it isn't a behaviour issue. Sounds to me like bad diet (too much sugar etc - one of my mindees is dairy intolerant and if he has any he goes off the scale behaviour wise) and the little imp has no boundaries. Reward charts, time out, reward positive behaviour etc and do not let him get away with anything. It is tiring (another one of mindees needs watching every second) but in a short while you should see some improvement. What he needs to understand is what is acceptable when he is with you. It does not matter what he does at home but it would be useful if you could develop a plan of attack with the parent. I have found that this does not always work as my parent always gives in however they have at least agreed with me on what the plan will be inside my four walls.

Good luck

Mel

breezy
02-04-2009, 05:12 PM
be incredibly firm and make sure he knows the boundaries and dont allow him to cross them, talk to mum and get her onside, and as said before steer clear of junk food.
It might be worth talking to hv with mum and work out a behaviour management plan.

Bananabrain
02-04-2009, 06:33 PM
I'm soooo grateful for all your replies guys,and it's really good to know that I am on the right lines.

have spoken to mum today and said I am willing to persevere but she has to be committed to our plan.She tells me that they have noticed a difference in him since he's been with me!!!Bless her,she was in tears this aft.

I've also spoken to a couple of childminding friends and they have said the same as you guys.

I know mum gives in for an easy life,and I have been quite blunt with her today.Told her that this nonsense about giving a 2 yr old sweets and fruit shoots every day has to stop. She has to stick to 3 proper meals and not deviate. I really care about my job {sometimes hubby says too much} and want to feel that mum knows I am on her side and not telling her off.

However,it does strike me that some parents can't recognise what they are doing .I mean it's not rocket science is it? If you feed your child rubbish,it's not going to do them any favours,is it?:laughing:

Once again,forum people,Thankyou.

I couldn't do this without you!!!

Bananabrain
02-04-2009, 06:37 PM
Think you need to sit mum down for a chat and agree on a behaviour management scheme that both of you will follow, so the LO is getting consistent rules and boundaries.

To me it sounds like he is attention seeking and getting it the only way he knows how. Time to flip it on its head - make a fuss about good behaviour from other children and when he does, try to ignore the behaviour he does where possible, a firm no and removal from the situation.

If he is destroying property and hurting other children it needs to be nipped in the bud now and mum has got to be onside with you.

A trip to the HV won't hurt but behavioural problems or not (I do think its all too easy to say that to excuse bad behaviour or lack of parenting skills - it does need to be diagnosed first before labelling him - think I have just explained myself badly there sorry), this child has got to have some rules and boundaries in place.

Thanks so much Pip, it's so good to have reassurance that I am doing the right thing. I know exactly what the problem is, it's getting it across to mum that's hard.