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Blue Boy
27-03-2009, 01:21 PM
This is my first thread, it may be controversal, so please be gentle:)

Both Sally and myself go to a particular childminding group and there have been issues with me attending. As the token male it was almost as I was not there. No one would speak to me and even asked Sally questions about me when I was standing next to them:angry: Then whilst arranging a childminders' xmas meal Sally was asked if she wanted to come as I could look after our own children. Needless to say my nearest and dearest told them in no uncertain terms that our children are well able to look after themselves and why was I not asked, the answer was they did not think I would like to be out with a load of women (That's an offer that does notcome along very often;) ) she would not be going.

I decided that I would not go to the group anymore as I was starting to feel uncomfortable and did not want to get into an argument that was waiting to happen.

The head of the children's center asked Sally why I was not going, as did some of the other minders (I could be nasty & say that they had to keep an eye on their minded children and not get me to did it):rolleyes: Sally advised her of what the problem was and she was shocked. She called a meeting of the group to cover other issues and apparently mentioned what was happening. Some of the others seemed to understand and some not. I eventually went back to the group after some 6 months to see have things were and I must say they have improved.

I was just woundering if anyone else had encountered this problem where a male at a group is seen with some horror, unease or any other word you want to use.

It is hard enough being accepted by parents, let alone your fellow professionals.

Sorry to rant but had to ask the question.

Mick

Mrs M
27-03-2009, 01:28 PM
I think it's a terrible shame that men in this profession get treated badly. I'm sorry you've received negative treatment from female minders.
I don't know of many male childminders but I did attend a lovely childminder drop in at a children's centre which I don't usually go to. There was a male childminder who walked in with one child. He was lovely. He was great with the child and I assumed he was there alone. Next minute his wife walked in who was equally as lovely. He was a knowledgable, hard working childminder who, as far as I could see, was respected by both the other minders and the network co-ordinator - that is the way it should be. Who cares what sex you are? The point is, are we good at our jobs and are the children happy? Some people need to get a life!

Pipsqueak
27-03-2009, 01:28 PM
That is disgusting behaviour from colleagues. In this day and age that is totally unacceptable and well done for Sally and the childrens center for tackling it.

I would go back to the groups and hold your head high and make your presence be felt - you have every right to be there - bloke or not - it should not matter.

We have two male minders in the area - one attends the drop in occasionally and tbh he is not treated any differently to anyone else. But then again perhaps thats just my take on it - think I am going to have to ask him if he feels awkward - just to make sure he isn't. he is a top bloke and a fab minder.

hmmm you have made me think now - just want to make sure he is comfortable!

huggableshelly
27-03-2009, 01:30 PM
hi mick

the closest I've come to that was an xmas party from nursery, the male nursery nurse was not invited which i wasnt aware of at the time so when i asked him how he was getting there as we lived close to eachother he said he didnt get an invite so i decidd not to attend.

after the party i was asked why i hadnt been and told them outright that i wasnt happy that a collegue had been left out. he and i were close as we worked a room together as a team with another member of staff, whispers shot round so fast it was crazy, the girls and him were all invited to my hen night ... the girls didnt turn up!

he and me handed our notice in the following day, I refused to work with a bunch of sexist ladies and he was made to feel uncomfortable.

last i saw him he was settled in a nursery as head nursery nurse running the preschool room preparing his own wedding.

I hope you do not have to go through feeling pushed out again its just wrong, you are a proffessional just like anymore else in this job. i'm shocked to be honest that other minders gave you the cold shoulder, i dont know you but i sort of know sally she did my induction a few years ago.

keep your head up be who you are xxx

Twinkles
27-03-2009, 01:34 PM
It's a shame you were made to feel like this. I think the profession would benefit hugely from more male minders.
I'm glad the childrens centre has addressed the issue now though.

A few years ago I used to feel sorry for the 'stay at home ' dads who picked up from school - they were virtually ignored in the playground.:(

Polly2
27-03-2009, 01:41 PM
I think its awful you were treated that way. I think male cms bring a lot to the job that we as females need to recognise.

I don't go to a cm group but attend toddler groups where there are dads present and I have to say they are welcomed.
Well I hope they feel welcome - I have seen them all having good chats etc but you never know, like pip said until we ask.

Some cms can be clicky anyway - other toddler groups I went to after newly registering they totally shut me out just because I was
"new"

Sounds like your experience was down to you being male though - please don't let it put you off. Keep going and sort em out :thumbsup:

If women were treated that way they would complain loudly! :D

TheBTeam
27-03-2009, 01:46 PM
I am replying on behalf of Kevin in that we have been very lucky with our cm group, but only i think because a core membership of it were more than happy to support him and indeed provide references for him. He initially came on days out with us as my dh and then assistant and it made it easier for some of my cm friends to have another pair of hands that the kids really took to. When we told them he was registering they offered to give references and made comments about how really useful he was and that some outings just could not have happened without him. He is always welcome on our days out and there is often comment about is he skiving if i am at groups without him when numbers permit!! That said there is the odd one or two that are not so keen and i think he occassionally feels that he is a bit on the outside. I guess this is inevitable being the only male that on occassions the conversation is a bit girly and it is odd for me having him there and indeed for him to be there.

It is always assumed that if we are doing a night out at christmas then i go and he doesn't but that doesn't seem to bother him or me, as it is more my thing than his, he was never one for the works do!

I think that it is dreadful that men are not treated equally as professionals and admire any man who is prepared to do this job, i know my friends have no qualms having a male cm, some family think it is good that he is prepared to do what it takes to earn money to support his own family and others think he should get a proper job!! But they are the ones that think i should too!!
If a woman has a problem with it that is their problem and men should be applauded for doing it as i can imagine and my husband knows all too well what some people think, but equally we find as many who admire him, because it is not the easy option and they think he is really good with kids and so why not use that to make a living!

Wow got finger ache now, but thought you would appreciate his input through my fingers!:laughing:

Shar
27-03-2009, 01:49 PM
At the group I run (at a new childrens centre) there is a family community worker who is a man. He joins us for meet and greet sessions, playing with the children, reading stories and talking to them. At first some of the childminders were not too keen on him interacting with the children but after a few sessions everyone loves him and he is great at what he does. I'm covinced that if these women got off their backsides and did more with the children instead of chatting about colleagues they would see the benifit having a male role model within the group.:thumbsup:

tulip0803
27-03-2009, 02:34 PM
That is an awful way to behave.

We don't have any male childminders in our group but I wouldn't have a problem. I work part-time at a Family Centre (not a children's centre and independant charity) and some of the Mums have problems when Dads come with their children. I think it is thoughtlessness and not understanding that things have changed from the olden days:rolleyes: . We now have a male co-ordinator and so attitudes are changing:clapping:

Fee
27-03-2009, 02:35 PM
Hi,
I haven't been on in a while and am playing catch up with the posts, but this one caught my eye. In our childminding drop in group we have a Man child minder and he is very welcome, I joined after him and it did not even occur to me that it was different if he does not come I or someone else will ask where he is. I think it is a very sad person who does not welcome anyone to their group be it male or a newbie.

sarah707
27-03-2009, 02:38 PM
My partner is registered to work alongside me (part time) and he has usually been welcomed by other childminders although there were some teething problems.

I hope they are all resolved now and those childminders he has met off here have made him more than welcome.

I think your local lot are missing out if they do not see the benefits...

Or maybe they are jealous of Sally for having such great support. :D

Daftbat
27-03-2009, 02:42 PM
Hi,

I concur with the others that this is appalling. We don't really have a childminding support group near me but for years i have run a toddler group and whilst its been mainly mums and female childminders who have attended we have had a few men join us. I hope that they have felt welcome - in fact i know they have - one even came and asked me for a reference for a job he was applying for! I would personally like to see more men childminding and attending parenting groups and feel embarassed as a woman that you have been made to feel like this.

Please please keep getting involved - these small minded individuals must not be acknowledged - its they who are the problem and not you.

Pudding Girl
27-03-2009, 02:56 PM
Some CM groups can be cliquey and weird at the best of times, esp dare I say :blush: it with the older CMs who have been doing it for years n years.

angeldelight
27-03-2009, 03:02 PM
This is my first thread, it may be controversal, so please be gentle:)

Both Sally and myself go to a particular childminding group and there have been issues with me attending. As the token male it was almost as I was not there. No one would speak to me and even asked Sally questions about me when I was standing next to them:angry: Then whilst arranging a childminders' xmas meal Sally was asked if she wanted to come as I could look after our own children. Needless to say my nearest and dearest told them in no uncertain terms that our children are well able to look after themselves and why was I not asked, the answer was they did not think I would like to be out with a load of women (That's an offer that does notcome along very often;) ) she would not be going.

I decided that I would not go to the group anymore as I was starting to feel uncomfortable and did not want to get into an argument that was waiting to happen.

The head of the children's center asked Sally why I was not going, as did some of the other minders (I could be nasty & say that they had to keep an eye on their minded children and not get me to did it):rolleyes: Sally advised her of what the problem was and she was shocked. She called a meeting of the group to cover other issues and apparently mentioned what was happening. Some of the others seemed to understand and some not. I eventually went back to the group after some 6 months to see have things were and I must say they have improved.

I was just woundering if anyone else had encountered this problem where a male at a group is seen with some horror, unease or any other word you want to use.

It is hard enough being accepted by parents, let alone your fellow professionals.

Sorry to rant but had to ask the question.

Mick

That is a real shame Mick sorry to hear that

But in my area it does not matter if you are male or female you do not feel welcome and have the same problems that you have had

I only went twice and hated it so never again

Glad to hear things have improved for you

Angel xx

Demonjill
27-03-2009, 03:08 PM
Im not aware of any male CM's in my area but would not have a prob if there were.:thumbsup:
However there is a male nursery teacher at DS nursery(he is actually DS keyworker) and he is brilliant, cant fault him in any way! And he is very popular with all the kids. As far as i know no one has any problems whatsoever with him. He has really helped DS and keeps me informed on everything too so does his job more than well :clapping:

Graham
27-03-2009, 03:25 PM
Hi Mick

I am an assistant working with my wife, I don't go with her to the group meetings as I stay home and do the hoovering, ironing, cleaning etc., while the kids are out of the way.

I have been on a few outings and did feel a little awkward being the only male present.

The main thing is that the parents all accept me without question, so I have no problems there, when I started I was a little unsure how they would react but the feedback we get is 100% positive and the kids just think I'm another playmate.:D

Graham

Blue Boy
27-03-2009, 03:50 PM
Hi Graham,

It nice to know that us men are good for somthing;), but one day we will rule the world ( if the women let us that is !!):thumbsup:

regards

Mick


Hi Mick

I am an assistant working with my wife, I don't go with her to the group meetings as I stay home and do the hoovering, ironing, cleaning etc., while the kids are out of the way.

I have been on a few outings and did feel a little awkward being the only male present.

The main thing is that the parents all accept me without question, so I have no problems there, when I started I was a little unsure how they would react but the feedback we get is 100% positive and the kids just think I'm another playmate.:D

Graham

Chatterbox Childcare
27-03-2009, 03:56 PM
I am sorry to hear of your bad experience but it is warming to think that the centre took the matter in hand and dealt with it appropriately

Hope you enjoy going now

Roseolivia
27-03-2009, 05:44 PM
Hi Mick

I am an assistant working with my wife, I don't go with her to the group meetings as I stay home and do the hoovering, ironing, cleaning etc., while the kids are out of the way.

I have been on a few outings and did feel a little awkward being the only male present.

The main thing is that the parents all accept me without question, so I have no problems there, when I started I was a little unsure how they would react but the feedback we get is 100% positive and the kids just think I'm another playmate.:D

Graham

Wow can i have one of you. I wish my partner would help with cleaning etc, we've had to get a cleaner as it's too much for me to do. I'm waiting for partner to whinge about cost of cleaner but then i'll answer back he should help.

Roseolivia
27-03-2009, 05:47 PM
Such a shame you've been made to feel uncomfortable by grown woman. I think there's only 1 male minder in our area but i've not come across him yet. I wish there were more male minders around as the children get just as much out of it as having a female minder. Glad you've gone back to the group, show them how much better you are than them at minding.

manjay
27-03-2009, 06:07 PM
We don't have any childminding groups by us so we just attend toddlers groups. Just asked dh this question and he says he has never noticed or felt anything like you have although he is so thick skinned and outgoing he would just be of the opinion it was their problem and not his:rolleyes: I agree with Angel in that I have experienced lots of times when I have felt unwelcome at groups so I only go back to the ones that make me feel welcome.

All our families are very happy that dh is around so much and as we look after mainly boys they think he is great!

ps: sorry he couldn't reply himself but he is not allowed on here;)

huggableshelly
27-03-2009, 06:09 PM
Location: Where ever my wife tells me!
Location: Under the thumb!


lol these locations just tickles me, my Hubby though not an assistant nor a cm would agree with you both, i use him alot when it comes to DIY, he also checks my large play equipment weekly making adjustments/repairs where needed and takes our own children to swim club whilst I work.

he is a great help on days out as he is incharge of our own two leaving me with those left in my care.

I've asked him to become an assistant but he said NO I do enough for your buisiness already and dont need to making me do more! sheesh lol guess I've not got him quite as trained as i thought I did YET

huggableshelly
27-03-2009, 06:11 PM
ps: sorry he couldn't reply himself but he is not allowed on here;)

LMAO!! not saying anything more!

Pauline
27-03-2009, 06:36 PM
Wow can i have one of you.

NO! He's mine, and I don't know how he got out of his cage :laughing:

Pauline
27-03-2009, 06:38 PM
Location: Where ever my wife tells me!
Location: Under the thumb!


lol these locations just tickles me,

Obviously Sally and I know how to rule the roost (or perhaps we just think we do!) :laughing:

huggableshelly
27-03-2009, 06:43 PM
Obviously Sally and I know how to rule the roost (or perhaps we just think we do!) :laughing:

according to my Hubby (I just read your comment to him lol) he says he only does what I request as whilst he is busy doing a job he cant hear me nagging him so its easier to get on with it, keep the peace then maybe I'll leave him alone for a bit ......... NOW I KNOW lmao

singlewiththree
27-03-2009, 09:03 PM
The only experience I have had of men in a childcare role was when I was assistant manager of a holiday club, we hired a 19 yr old lad who I didn't take to from day1, he seemed to think he was above the rules and regulations, I had serious concerns about leaving him alone with the children and I told my manager so. In the end we had to give him notice as he was taking the girls into the toilets on their own and had brought in lipstick and was giving it to them to try on, the girls were 9yrs old.

It has just made me cautious but I'm equally cautious with women. The dads at the local toddler group just get surrounded by children and I chat away to them usually apologising for my daughters jumping on their knee (i have friendly children) I dont know of any male childminders around here, however my friend hired a male nanny and she found it difficult as her DD's were 6 and 3 and when they went to parks etc they had to go in the ladies by themselves as he didn't feel he could take them in the men's. For some reason its more acceptable for women to take boys into the ladies than it is for men to take girls into the mens.

Playmate
27-03-2009, 09:13 PM
Wow can i have one of you. I wish my partner would help with cleaning etc, we've had to get a cleaner as it's too much for me to do. I'm waiting for partner to whinge about cost of cleaner but then i'll answer back he should help.

I can't speak for Grahams Partner, but sorry I'm not letting go of Mick ;)

John
27-03-2009, 10:16 PM
Sorry to hear this as being a male childminder myself and i've not come across this in my local Groups (play groups, toy library etc) I thought i might of got some stick being the only male childminder in my area. I just join in with the others and play with the children but the children think i'm silly:) as i get down to there leavel of play, on my hands and knees, playing trees or i'll be anything that we are playing.

John.

huggableshelly
27-03-2009, 11:57 PM
yep men are better at being silly wherever they are without getting all embarrassed.

i save my silliness for my home LOL unless ofcourse I'm at the soft playzones then well I cant resist the slides and I dont care how silly i look then as i'm busy having fun ... err supervising the children.

Pauline
28-03-2009, 09:14 AM
yep men are better at being silly wherever they are without getting all embarrassed.

i save my silliness for my home LOL unless ofcourse I'm at the soft playzones then well I cant resist the slides and I dont care how silly i look then as i'm busy having fun ... err supervising the children.

Like Graham said the children see him as a playmate. Once when we did some cover for another childminder, one of the children asked Graham when his (Graham's) mum was coming for him! :laughing: How sweet is that.

Blue Boy
28-03-2009, 10:11 AM
Hi ya, Thank you all for your comments and support. Things have changed at the group as a lot of the people who blanked me no longer attend:clapping: It is a far better place now! If I don't go for some reason they ask Sally where I am for the right reasons.

At the group that Sally and I run all the ladies are great. We are all currently doing are NVQ Level 3 CCLD and help each other where we can. The whole episode is now in the past. I look forward to my day with the children and who cares ifall the effort you have put into a planned activity goes belly up when they only want to do it for a while. It beats going to work.

People say how can Sally & I be in each other company all day, its easy we have a laugh and a joke. By the way don't take any notice of what she said earlier, I am always willing to offer my services;)

Once again thanks for all your support and kind words it means alot. But remenber one day the likes of Graham, John & myself will rule the world (if our other halfs let us that is!!!):thumbsup:

Love Mick xx

Pipsqueak
28-03-2009, 02:52 PM
But remenber one day the likes of Graham, John & myself will rule the world (if our other halfs let us that is!!!):thumbsup:

Love Mick xx


:ROFL1: :ROFL1:


:ohdear: poor deluded soul you are!!!!;) :D

TheBTeam
28-03-2009, 08:42 PM
Now men ruling the childminding world, you are completely deluded!!! Kevin will most definitely not be allowed to!:laughing: :laughing: :ROFL1: :ROFL1: