View Full Version : older child

25-03-2009, 10:38 AM
i look after a 12 yr old child, and she is a rather typical teenager in the making, i childmind 2 younger children who are 3 yrs old and alot of my attention goes to them- which she doesnt like, she throws strops if the attention is not on her as looking after the 3yr old is rather demanding at times as all kids are. sometimes when she takes her strops she wont talk to me, she shouts at the younger children and only this morning she kicked my cat up the bum cos she got her breakfast last, i can only give 2 children breakfast at a time as it makes it easier.

her mother has messed me about with meals too one week she wanted her on hot dinners then she wanted her on just a snack and this haopoened for ages until i said stop messing me about make up your mind its either snack or hot meals, her mother then trew a strop and wouldnt talk to me for 4 days. (its the same oif i disagree with something and she agrees with something the mother goes in a strop and doesnt speak to me for days, one instance of this was when she didnt pick her child up until 6.35pm i shut at 6pm and i chargered her for being late and she went in a strop, i explained that i have a long day working from 5.45am til 6pm and once 65pm comes i want some 'me' time.

the most recent problem is that she arrives and goes to and from school independtly, the other day she opened the door (she got the keys out of my bag) to go to school without telling me, she didnt say anything to me that she was going i was on the toilet at the time, luckly i didnt have any younger children at the time, i told her mother what she did and i said it was unacceptable and she didnt even back me up saying that it was dangerous etc etc. her mum keeps asking me to talk about puberty and periods with her (as she always tired and ratty and comlaining of tummy pains) but i dont feel that its my place to do so.

25-03-2009, 11:27 AM

I sympathise. Firstly it is not your role to talk to her about her periods etc. I have looked after several older children including one who i think is about to start hers. I would be prepared to speak to her but only because i know her mother would also be doing it - but again i would not think its my responsibility. I have made older girls aware that i am happy for them to come to me and shown them where i keep sanitary towels etc. but thats as far as i normally go.

Although we go on about hormones in teenagers it is not an excuse for basic bad behaviour which is what this girl shows - its obvious she gets it from her mum judging by what you have said about her behaviour too. You need to lay the law down and tell the girl that you have other responsibilities and the younger children come first. Make her understand that if she shows patience then you will as soon as opportunity arises be prepared to give her some time one to one - perhaps she likes baking or would like to just sit down and talk to you. I have often given older children responsibilities which they tend to like e.g. helping prepare food, getting toys or equipment out, writing a menu plan for the next week or activities for holidays etc.

The real problem here i think is the mother. Hopefully you can manage to get some change in the girl but be prepared for no change from mum i am afraid.

I really hope that you get through to her - your stress levels must be high. Keep your chin up :thumbsup:

25-03-2009, 12:05 PM
My half-sister is eleven and wouldn't dream of behaving like this :eek: :eek: :eek:
She sounds very spoilt and immature to me. I deal with Megan (my half-sister) by saying she is helping me (instead of being minded). She helps sort our meals and helps getting them ready etc.
Its not your job to talk to her about periods though I agree that if you have a good relationship with another adult other than your mum it can be easier for a girl to talk about this sort of thing. Megan talks to me very openly and loves the fact I will answer anything. Her mum has a very open policy with her - if you mature enough to ask the question your mature enough to hear the answer.
I would also add my step-mum would knock seven bells out of her if I told her Megan had been behaving like this :laughing:

25-03-2009, 12:11 PM
Don't forget if a child in the older years group is adversely affecting younger children's care you are legally obliged to put the little ones first.

A child opening doors without telling you is a risk to everyone in the house - thank goodness nobody was hurt.

A child behaving like that is not good for younger ones.

You need to reassess this child's care urgently with parents... no point mother sulking, she needs to talk to you! NOW! :D

25-03-2009, 12:12 PM
if someone kicked my cat im sorry they would be out the door pronto. at 12 yrs she should know better:eek: :eek: . seriously , thats not acceptable behaviour and i would have to sit down with her and mum and explain if that happened again i would give notice.

25-03-2009, 12:16 PM
i said to her mother that it was totally unacceptable opening the door adn that anything cud have happened and she didnt seem bothered!

as for kicking my cat this morning the poor thing is still in hiding so i dont know if hes ok or not

25-03-2009, 12:24 PM
i try to get her to help with things meals, getting stuff out etc but she wont.
the other day one of the kids (a 3 yr old) was playing on the wii and he turned it off cos he was finished with it and she sat and looked at the tv (when i was turned off for a hour and 20 mins) she refuised 2 do anything, she said she just wanted to sit

25-03-2009, 12:44 PM
i try to get her to help with things meals, getting stuff out etc but she wont.
the other day one of the kids (a 3 yr old) was playing on the wii and he turned it off cos he was finished with it and she sat and looked at the tv (when i was turned off for a hour and 20 mins) she refuised 2 do anything, she said she just wanted to sit

Notice, Notice NOTICE!!! :laughing:

No way would I put up with that, let her be a little madam somewhere else :thumbsup:

I hope the poor cat is OK :( get him something tasty from the fridge to coax him out

25-03-2009, 01:14 PM
time to give notice she is putting your younger mindees in danger.

i presume this is the same family that you discussed in your other post regarding weekends. you do not need mindees and parents like that showing you no respect.

you have good reason to give notice dont back down to begging either once you decide to give notice stick to it.

25-03-2009, 01:19 PM
I am sorry but any one who kicked my cat would be out on their ear.:angry:

Also i would explain to the mother that its no wonder her daughter acts the way she does when she has the mothers as an example to follow.:panic:

25-03-2009, 04:50 PM
well she came back to my house and i blasted her about kicking my cat which hasnt even emerged since she left at 8.15am this morning. she said it was cos he was tryting to bite her shoes which was rather unlikely since she had them on her feet!!!

i gave her the 'snack' that she has for tea and then had the cheek to ask for some chocolate cake that the younger kids made this afternoon for pudding, when i said she was talking to herself under her breath and now wont speak to me, this is after i told her that she was on snack and didnt get pudding!!!

:censored: :censored: :censored: :angry: :angry:

if its not one thing with this kid its a ****** another!!! i have a few dauys off next week and no doubt i will be given the guot treatment for it too!!!:mad:

25-03-2009, 05:04 PM
Like mother like daughter! :mad: What on earth is she like with the teachers at school? Why does a 12yr old need a childminder (no offence) but at that age i used to look after my brother who was 8yrs old. Now i know why most childminders don't cover children over 10yrs old.
Seriously, if she continues to be nasty to the other children and your pets then you need to give notice and get yourself a nicer child and parent :)
Do you have an over 8's policy? Make sure the child and the parent read it again.

25-03-2009, 05:13 PM
Doesn't sound like she is open to compromise at all and wants it her way or no way!

If you are happy that you have tried everything i would give notice. Its not worth the upset. At the very least give notice OF giving notice, iykwim?

Good luck

25-03-2009, 05:15 PM
well i said to her mam i felt she didnt really need to come to a childminder but her mother insisted i took her, (i had a key wen i was 10 and used to look after my lil brother who was 6 at the time)

my oevr 8's [policy was updated last week which she supposly read and signed (I HAVE IT FILED IN HER FLIE)

her mother was off fri, sat and sun last week and she txtred me saying she cudnt cope with her behaviour (her mother cliams its so she is getting her period which i should talk to her about) and wanted me to take her for a few hours, i just said sorry no way im in newcastle having some me time. what a loody cheek!

im gonna go nuts i she dun summit to my cat!!!!

25-03-2009, 05:19 PM
EVEN IF she is getting ready to start her periods it is no excuse for bad behaviour. My eldest is 15 and i have never let her get away with anything just because of hormones. Tell her mum that and just say you are not preparede to accept it anymore for her OR HER MUM!

25-03-2009, 05:23 PM
have you checked your cat over yet? hope its ok i would seriously lose my rag if someone hurt mine. cruelty to animals by kids can be a sign of serious problems :(

25-03-2009, 05:30 PM
That mother can't be serious! No wonder the child is acting up, if her mum is too scared to deal with her :eek: Don't you wish you could be a fly on the wall at their house? :rolleyes:

25-03-2009, 05:32 PM
no charlie (cat) hasnt come out of hiding yet and i cant find him, i know he's in the house but i dunno were, i even made him some sardines upo which are his fav n they nt been touch =( :(

25-03-2009, 05:33 PM
is he normally like that? i mean does he hide away? if not i would be worried he may be injured - if he doesnt venture out when the house goes quiet there may be some injury poor thing. how hard did she kick , did you see ?

25-03-2009, 05:33 PM

25-03-2009, 05:38 PM
So sorry about your cat, i've got a Bengal cat called Charlie and i tell you if any child hurt my Charlie i would be livid as well! She must have really kicked him for him to be so scared, have you checked that he's not locked in somewhere or hiding under a bed or cupboard?
If your poor cat is hurt i would present the mum with the vet's bill. As for not letting the child have dolls, i take it she must be an only child? Mother is bitter about something......sorry i'm being very judgy! Slap! there told myself off :p

sonia ann
25-03-2009, 06:28 PM
just checking if your cat has turned up yet?:ohdear:

26-03-2009, 10:19 AM
charlie finally emergaed last night at 7.30pm, feeling rather sorry for himself and wanting lots of hugs.

i spoke to mum about her kicking my cat and her mum just said in a rather sarcastic voice oh that nt very good, it was like she wasnt even bothered, i told her that her contract is on the brink of being terminated, i aslo said to mum last night that i would not tlk to her daughter about puberty and periods etc and that its her job 2 do it not mine!!! she wasnt amused and has gone in a strop

26-03-2009, 10:31 AM
glad charlie is ok, i wouldnt let her anywhere near him again:angry: how did mum react when you said about the contract ? id be tempted to end it asap with her attitude what hope is there of getting through to the child. good luck with everything , let us know how you get on x

27-03-2009, 08:09 AM
:panic: :panic: :mad: help!!!

ok the charlie situation may have changed again! he is now limping :panic:

all day y'day he lay down and didnt move and last night/this morning he started limping :(

what do i do?? does my insurance cover the vet bills?

27-03-2009, 09:14 AM
poor thing, take him the vets as soon as you can. not sure about insurance covering it. if not think would try and get it from parent.:angry: did you record the incident? maybe you could do it retrospectively- some one else will know better than me . x

27-03-2009, 09:19 AM
I would get the vets report then ask the mum to pay the bill.

When i had the money i would send them both packing.

Mum wants her to come to you because she does not trust her at home on her own.

I would also tell the mum at the first sign of any trouble with her you will phone for the parent to collect her.:censored:

27-03-2009, 09:25 AM
Ring your insurance company for advice
If your cat is really hurt and mum still doesn't take this seriously then there is something actualy wrong with her.
Please take Charlie to the vets it sounds as though the poor thing is in pain and animals really don't show pain unless they are really in pain :(

27-03-2009, 11:13 AM
i rang the insurance line and explained the sitaution n they said that they cant do anything about it.

i rang the vets and asked for some advice. i now have to take him oin on saturday at 11.20am to get thinks checked out. all becasue of this horrible b**t of a child. i hate peopek who hurt animals for no reason people eho hurt animals intellionally are sick in the head!!

:censored: i dont think i have ever been so angry my cat is my baby

27-03-2009, 12:27 PM
good luck at the vets. couldnt they fit him in tonight? dont mean to scare you but he could have internal injuries. i would be so angry if anyone hurt my cat :angry:

27-03-2009, 02:48 PM
thank god i managed to get him into a vets near the arnison centre, just hope hes gonna be ok, im a wrek with worry aboiut him

27-03-2009, 03:49 PM
I'm sorry your cat is not well. That is why i was concerned when you said he ran off and was not seen, cats do that when they are hurt :( . Get him checked out asap, if you feel his belly if it is hard then he needs to be seen urgently as that could indicate bleeding.
That mother and daughter sound like hell on earth and i'm so sorry you're having all this trouble :mad:

27-03-2009, 03:53 PM
As Wendywu said the daughter sounds more unhinged than the mum. I don't like anyone being cruel to animals and certainly not my own. Boy is she going to be a handful when she is a proper teenager :eek:

27-03-2009, 04:50 PM
well if anything to go by what she is like now i dread to think wot she will be like later on in life, she came in from school and i told her that i am telling her mother n she pleaded with me not to tell her i said no way.

i said that her behaviour is disgusting and that no animal deserves to have that done to them!!! she just smerked. roll on 6pm the fireworks will be going off in my house!!!!

then she has the cheek to ask me if she can go on the pc, i said sorry no its broken (its not but i cant be bothered tolet her on it i have so many other things on my mind!!) and if luks cud kill i would be dead!!! :ohdear:

i feel like crying :'(

27-03-2009, 08:29 PM
Sending (((((((hugs))))))) your way :) . Let us know what the vet says and if i was you i would terminate this contract straight away due to their unreasonable behaviour and cruelty to an animal. Hope you find a MUCH nicer familly in the future.