Tantrums and Tears...argh!

[Cheeky Chops]

ARGH!

Had a bit of a hard day today! My 2yr mindee did nothing but tantrum aaaaaalllllll day! She is used to our routine now and so I wasnt sure why she is still tantruming, she has done this since I started, but has recently calmed down. She wants her own way a lot of the time and is purposefully destructive to books and other materials and toys. If i ask her not to do something (e.g not screw up a book) then she will stop, look at me, and then do the same with more force and ruin it. I dont know what to do because I do not tell her she is naughty, I say we dont do that and we have to have respect for our things, but i feel like she is ignoring me as she does it soon after!

what are people's feelings on sitting her in a corner for 2mins while she cools down as she often then tantrums if i take things off her and works herself up!!.

what does everyone else do when children misbehave?!

I always over praise for good behavior and tell her well done that was great and she knows she has done great, but im finding the misbehaving taking over at the moment and its wearing me down to have to try and fight just to put her shoes and coat on or change nappy! xx

[Banana]

Oh dear,

doesnt sound like a good day!!

I use time out for misbehaving. To be honest though if they are tantrumming then I tend to ignore them and let them have their little paddy on the floor - they get bored after a while and get a grip of themselves.

Hope you can relax this evening

x

[Cheeky Chops]

thanks! im going to have a nice hot bath and have some galaxy and bubbles!!


I was thinking about time out, but wondered if it was ok to use it if they have just misbehaved and not actually tantrumed. a lady i know only will use time out if they are upset and need to calm down, she says she wouldnt use it for misbehaving as she didnt believe in putting them on a naughty point, or time out etc, which is why i wondered what all you lovelies thought of it!


xx

[katickles]

Sounds like you've had a wonderful day:panic:

I can't realy give advice on this one as I'm yet to get some mindees, but saying that I plan on using the "Time Out" method.

Have you asked her parents what method they use, perhaps you could incorporate this, as long as its an ofsted friendly method :laughing:

[HilaryT]

Hi there,

You've got some challenging behaviour going on! Have you talked to the parent about how the child behaves at home, and also how the parent deals with the tantrums? It's always a good idea to have a joint approach - the parent may be ruining your good practice!

Also, have you considered having a star chart for times when she does what she's asked to do? Or a smiley face chart?

Good luck!

Hilary

[crazybones]

I use time out for misbehaviour (4 yrs old mindee today telling lies - 3 chances to tell the truth then 4 min on bottom stair). My own just turned 2 year old has a tantrum I just ignore it till he calms down then give a cuddle because he wouldnt understand time out just yet and would just follow me and wrap himself around my legs wiping snot all over me because he has candlesticks at the moment. He seems to be coming out of tantrums quicker in the last couple of days so hope this method is working.

Annie x

[westby]

Feel sorry for you, I had just the same kind of day last week.
I look after 3 children on a Tuesday and we had a problem with sharing toys. The eldest who is 3yrs old just would not share and kept taking toys away from the younger ones. I took the toy off him and gave it back to the wee ones explaining we must share but no we started with a huge tantrum. He ran around the room screaming and shouting and still took away the toy.
Finally I took the toy away from the scene and explained nobody was going to play with the toy, this really upset him and more tantrums started.
I do have a naughty chair in these situations which I feel works for me and my children. They realise that until they behave and chill out there will be no more fun. This little boy went into another room on the chair and he had time to stop, think and be quiet.
When I feel the time is right I let him come back in the room and he said sorry to everybody and said it wouldnt happen again. Luckily that day it didnt!!
I dont actually do quiet time or time out as we do that after lunch, we have what I call quiet time and the children just relax, with no tv, they lie down and if they feel like it they go to sleep for an hour. So for me to have time out when naughty would just confuse the little ones, if you know what I mean??? This quiet time after lunch is great for me it revives the children and allows me to recharge my batteries!!
Good luck, there is no right way to deal with these situations in my mind, everyone does what works for them.
Sorry to go on and on and on!!!!!!!!
Carol:clapping:

[westby]

Feel sorry for you, I had just the same kind of day last week.
I look after 3 children on a Tuesday and we had a problem with sharing toys. The eldest who is 3yrs old just would not share and kept taking toys away from the younger ones. I took the toy off him and gave it back to the wee ones explaining we must share but no we started with a huge tantrum. He ran around the room screaming and shouting and still took away the toy.
Finally I took the toy away from the scene and explained nobody was going to play with the toy, this really upset him and more tantrums started.
I do have a naughty chair in these situations which I feel works for me and my children. They realise that until they behave and chill out there will be no more fun. This little boy went into another room on the chair and he had time to stop, think and be quiet.
When I feel the time is right I let him come back in the room and he said sorry to everybody and said it wouldnt happen again. Luckily that day it didnt!!
I dont actually do quiet time or time out as we do that after lunch, we have what I call quiet time and the children just relax, with no tv, they lie down and if they feel like it they go to sleep for an hour. So for me to have time out when naughty would just confuse the little ones, if you know what I mean??? This quiet time after lunch is great for me it revives the children and allows me to recharge my batteries!!
Good luck, there is no right way to deal with these situations in my mind, everyone does what works for them.
Sorry to go on and on and on!!!!!!!!
Carol:clapping:

[sarah707]

Like Hilary says a lot of it is down to consistency - if parents are giving in and you're not, it can really mess up a good routine... so first I'd talk to them.

Then, you just have to do the same thing in the same way every time - eventually they give up! Speak calmly and quietly, say you're not interested in the tantrum and so long as they are safe, walk away and leave them to it... they do get bored, especially if you are doing something exciting and they think they're missing out!

And if she's breaking your things, ask parents to replace - that will make sure she sees you are all working together.

<<<hugs>>> :D

[Cheeky Chops]

thanks for your advice ladies! I have tried to bring this up with the mother, though with her being a young mum replies with " oh i dont know what to do with her, she is always like this for me" her mum just says i will give you some crisps/gingerbread man etc and then the LO is quiet of course! the other day she was fine for most of the day but when mum arrived she didnt want to put her shoes or reins and i sat her on my knee to put her shoes on, she retaliated by going "rigid" and as stiff as a board, her head went straight into my jaw and i bit my tounge (owwweee!) her mum said thats enough, but not in a way that made her stop !!


I will continue to try and sit her out of activities if she misbehaves but as for the tantruming, she often does it near her 7mnt sis and its dangerous as she lashes out, so I think i will continue to put her somewhere! til she calms down!
Until she does Im going to tackle this head on and be consistent!!!


I am hoping she grows out of it and her sis never grows into it!!! hehe x

[sarah707]

I like your location CC! :laughing:

[Cheeky Chops]

hehe!! ta chuck x

[Pipsqueak]

I can be really hard to ignore a tantruming toddler but for it to work you really need to do it.

If she is exhibiting behaviour that can be deemed dangerous to herself or others then the mother needs to be aware of it and you both need to tackle it head on.

Either all move away from her and "have a good time without her", put her away from the situation/time out but where you can keep an eye on her and that she can cause no damage to herself, others, or property.

Use time out, reassurance afterwards, calm and brief explanations of why her behaviour is unnaceptable.
The thing is the approach needs to come from all adult parties in the childs life.

Dr Chris Green's Books Toddler Taming are good.
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/mentalhealthandgrowingup/3dealingwithtantrums.aspx

[Cheeky Chops]

I have this book, maybe I should READ it!!:laughing: I bought it ages ago when I was first interested in childminding, cos I thought I might have some troublies in the future, so I guess I should dig it out and have a good read!! I might try and tackle the mother as the father seems to get no misbehaving, so I might ask the mother what she does and decide upon an agreement to sign so that for my own peace of mind I know we are tackling it! does this sound like something good??! just an idea x x

[Pipsqueak]

Think thats a good idea CC.

I would print out/ copy some information re tantrums and dealing with them for her as well so you are both working from the same page. And then see what she feels comfortable dealing with. It could be that she lacks confidence. Its amazing how many people are scared of a tantruming toddler.

[Pipsqueak]

Oh and do some obs (gather evidence) as to what triggers the childs response, ie/ tired, hungry, not getting own way.... (particular time of day, person etc)

[Cheeky Chops]

oo yeah I hadnt thought about doing obs! thats a great idea!! I send home a parents letter each month Im sure that I could put this issue in there but until then I can def do obs and talk to mum!! great stuff!! x

[Pipsqueak]

I am useful for something <heaves a sigh of relief!!!> lol

If all else fails CC - throw a tantrum yourself (great distraction technique) as in the advert where the mum throws herself on the supermarket floor.:D

[Cheeky Chops]

hehe, I tried this when I worked in a nursery, the littlies found it most amusing as did all the other workers..... hehe and it let me let off steam!! i might just try that one!! hehe xx

[Rubybubbles]

hehe, I tried this when I worked in a nursery, the littlies found it most amusing as did all the other workers..... hehe and it let me let off steam!! i might just try that one!! hehe xx

I have taken all the children out into the garden before and we all screamed and stomped out all our frustration, and it honestly made me feel better anyway:D

[Pipsqueak]

Yes but did your neighbours call the men in white suits????:D

[jaz]

Ok this may sound mad, but once when I had lots of my children's friends round (before I started childminding), they were all kicking off and arguing over toys. I sat down in the middle of the floor between them, crossed my legs, closed my eyes and starting humming! It stopped them completely in their tracks, and they got down on the floor with me, and also started chanting - guess they thought it was a good game.

Distract them - works every time :thumbsup:

[merry]

If distraction doesn't work then I ignore tantrums, I wouldn't bother with time out for a 2 year old, they're not old enough to understand it and won't learn anything from it. I just put them somewhere safe and carry on as usual, they do eventually learn that it won't get them what they want and grow out of it. It's more difficult when parents aren't consistent, but even young children are capable of learning different behaviour for different places.

:)

[Cheeky Chops]

hehehe!! I will have to try the chanting one.... thats funny!!! It is hard as parents are not consistent with her, but i do feel lik I am getting somewhere and Im armed with loads of tips!!! hehe so thanks ladies !!!



and for your information...... this is my 100th POST!!!! HURRAY! green here I come!! x x

[jaz]

Hey Cheeky - congrats on going green!!! :clapping: :clapping: :clapping:

[Sandie]

I have a mindie that absolutley screams when you tell her no, as she is only 1yr old its to early to do the naughty step, she can scream for up to 10 mins and its very hard to ignore but that is what I have to do, she is getting better it doesn't happen so much now.

~Sandie~

[mamapink]

hi
for a short time my dd belived we could turn her volume down with the remote control
after my eldest pointed it at her one day and said she was going to turn her down while she was having a strop and that what we did for quite a while
i would say ok you have a strop but i am going to turn you down as it hurts my ears or i would say i am turning my ears off so when you are going to come back and join in you will have to have a big smile so i can tell as i can not hear you .
I would also hold her hand and get her to jump up and down with me it usally tired her out too much to scream

pink:o
xx