Has anyone else lost their confidence at some point?

[vix84]

Hiya, I started back childminding today for a little boy that I have been babysitting, he is almost 1 and is a happy chap and doesnt cry very much etc. When Ive put him to bed at his house he has only ever done a little cry and soon stopped if I replaced his dummy and stroked his face.
My son Max is a different story - he is almost 9 months and is the hardest little baby that Ive ever cared for.
When he was born, he screamed for about an hour afterwards - and then during my first night in hospital I wasnt able to put him in his cot without hom waking and screaming - and it all went from there! I tried leaving him to cry - but he used to get hysterical and was so hard to settle that after a while I decided to stop trying all the different sleep techniques and go with the flow.
Eventually he went from being rocked 24/7 to just a quick cuddle to sleep and then let me put him down.
He sleeps in the cot for the first couple of hours - and then in our bed for the remaining of the night as he wakes every couple of hours and needs his dummy popping back in quite often etc.

Anyway - since having my adorable but difficult boy - I seem to have lost some of my confidence in myslef. So when I put the little one to bed today he got really upset - so I didnt really know what the best approach was - so I stroked his face, gave him a cuddle - still didnt settle so I got him up for 10 mins and tried again later. He did cry again but went to sleep with me stroking his face.

If I hadnt of had Max, then I would have probably just given him his dummy every few mins. and left him to it. But Max seems to have thrown me and me worry that I wont be able to settle the lo's I care for. Luckily none of them are like Max - they settle quite easily.


Does anyone else have lapse's in confidence? Do you worry if you put a new mindee to bed and they get really upset?

[Twinkles]

I have a ten minute rule - if they're clean , fed , watered and tired I leave them to cry for ten minutes. Then go in to them and reassure them and go out again for another ten minutes and so on. Very few have not responded to this.

Just a thought have you tried cranial osteopathy for Max ? It sounds like it could have been a birth trauma that started this off.

[vix84]

I have a ten minute rule - if they're clean , fed , watered and tired I leave them to cry for ten minutes. Then go in to them and reassure them and go out again for another ten minutes and so on. Very few have not responded to this.

Just a thought have you tried cranial osteopathy for Max ? It sounds like it could have been a birth trauma that started this off.

Yeah - I used to do exactly that before I had Max - I think that is why I have lost my confidence - because I know all the 'do it this way' etc. and feel as though I have sort of failed by having a baby that sleeps in bed with me etc.

We didnt try cranial osteopathy - wish we had of done now though - as looking back and talking to about 10 others that had babies at the same time, he has been the most unsettled. He used to wake at 4am screaming and I had to rock him for about half an hour before he would settle, up untill he went onto formula at 6 months. He used to also get the odd bit of blood in his soiled nappies - but as soon as we got reffered this stopped. So maybe that effected him - who knows - but now I have the lasting effects of me having to rock him etc. and those are that Max will only let me put him to bed and comfort him when upset, and likes my attention day and night!


I seem to worry now that all my mindee's will end up getting hysterical like Max does if they are seen to pretty instantly. Although Im sure they will all settle quickly - and I need to go back to adapting the same sort of attitude I had pre-Max!

[sarah707]

I was thinking about cranial osteopathy as well. A friend's daughter was the same from birth and it worked wonders for her. She went private in the end and if I remember rightly needed 3 sessions.

As for your confidence, you will soon get back into the swing of it. I'd cry at someone else's house in a strange bed with different smelling bedding if I was tiny. Plus might as well try it and see if the kind lady will cuddle me to sleep...!

You'll be great just give yourself some time xx

[rickysmiths]

Yeah - I used to do exactly that before I had Max - I think that is why I have lost my confidence - because I know all the 'do it this way' etc. and feel as though I have sort of failed by having a baby that sleeps in bed with me etc.

We didnt try cranial osteopathy - wish we had of done now though - as looking back and talking to about 10 others that had babies at the same time, he has been the most unsettled. He used to wake at 4am screaming and I had to rock him for about half an hour before he would settle, up untill he went onto formula at 6 months. He used to also get the odd bit of blood in his soiled nappies - but as soon as we got reffered this stopped. So maybe that effected him - who knows - but now I have the lasting effects of me having to rock him etc. and those are that Max will only let me put him to bed and comfort him when upset, and likes my attention day and night!


I seem to worry now that all my mindee's will end up getting hysterical like Max does if they are seen to pretty instantly. Although Im sure they will all settle quickly - and I need to go back to adapting the same sort of attitude I had pre-Max!

There is no reason why you shouldn't try it now its never too late. A young lad in my sons class at school was having it at 6yrs old.

[vix84]

There is no reason why you shouldn't try it now its never too late. A young lad in my sons class at school was having it at 6yrs old.

Max doesnt seem to cry hysterically anymore unless he doesnt get his own way - so Im thinking that whatever it was has passed, and Im now left with a baby that has learnt to cry louder if Mummy doesnt pick me up etc.:laughing:

Sarah - yes I was thinking that too - I always try to put myself in the shoes of my mindees, and although I have been babysitting the little one for a while it must still be scary to go into a new cot in a new room. Im sure the mum thinks Im a right softy though as she see's how much Max gets picked up straight away, and she is the type of mum to not pander too much. But she has admitted that she is spoilt as her baby is so easy going.
I keep battling the 2 theories of 'you will make a rod for your own back' and 'you cant spoil a baby' etc.

The next baby (I swore for the first 6 months no more and now I want 3 lol!) we will def. try cranial osteopthy if we have another screamer!!


Out of interest, has anyone else ever came accross a little one with small bits of blood in their stools? My helth visitor had never seen this before but we have know a few mums who have experienced this.
We did go to get it all checked out, but it wasnt regular, and it cleared up too

[TheBTeam]

For a different reason but I struggled big time last year after my ds had a very nasty accident whilst out with me dh and other cm's for day, I am still struggling with outings as it would have been horrific if the accident had been to a minded child and not my own. I have felt guilty for being grateful that it was my son and my confidence in making risk assessments has been knocked as my son wasn't doing anything that anyone considered dangerous and he was 9 3/4! The thought of having to ring and give any parent the news that I was dealing with for my own son would have been enough to make me finish!

I have also had odd days where for some reason the enormity of the responsibility of driving around other peoples children has weighed heavy!

The first few outings after were very difficult and even now I am very conscious of dangers and my confidence is battered!

[vix84]

For a different reason but I struggled big time last year after my ds had a very nasty accident whilst out with me dh and other cm's for day, I am still struggling with outings as it would have been horrific if the accident had been to a minded child and not my own. I have felt guilty for being grateful that it was my son and my confidence in making risk assessments has been knocked as my son wasn't doing anything that anyone considered dangerous and he was 9 3/4! The thought of having to ring and give any parent the news that I was dealing with for my own son would have been enough to make me finish!

I have also had odd days where for some reason the enormity of the responsibility of driving around other peoples children has weighed heavy!

The first few outings after were very difficult and even now I am very conscious of dangers and my confidence is battered!


Sorry to hear that Lynn - I can imagine that if I ever had an incident where the safety of a child was involved then I would be really shaken up. I get shaken up when a child has a little choke on a bit of food and it makes me realise the delicate position I am in!
It does kind of make me think back to the security of working in a Nursery with other people - but accidents can still happen there etc. I suppose.


I suppose having Max was a little traumatic for me in the sense that I had very little support, alot of love for my baby and wanting him to be safe and content, so it really pulled at my heart strings when he cried and I associated crying with sadness, and still do I suppose. And its true though, crying is associated with sadness, so maybe that is why I try to bend over bacwards to keep them all happy and as cry free as I can possibly make them. But that means I need to be in more than one place at once and need 3 pairs of hands!

[TheBTeam]

I was very lucky with my two kids, both didn't cry! However have a couple of mindees that cry lots and both mums are happy for them to cry if there is no unattended reason, that doesn't stop me from swinging between despair that they don't seem to have a problem and desperately trying to get them to stop or on the other hand thinking that I have done all i can, and maybe they just want to make a noise! I am getting better at not letting it really get to me over the years, but dh finds it hard to listen to them! I think you have to accept that some children cry endlessly others don't but often have found those that seem to be miserable as babys seem to turn into really happy toddlers, heres hoping!

[vix84]

I was very lucky with my two kids, both didn't cry! However have a couple of mindees that cry lots and both mums are happy for them to cry if there is no unattended reason, that doesn't stop me from swinging between despair that they don't seem to have a problem and desperately trying to get them to stop or on the other hand thinking that I have done all i can, and maybe they just want to make a noise! I am getting better at not letting it really get to me over the years, but dh finds it hard to listen to them! I think you have to accept that some children cry endlessly others don't but often have found those that seem to be miserable as babys seem to turn into really happy toddlers, heres hoping!

I think I may buy myself some ear plugs! Im having a break from Max's whinging now - he was been fed, Ive tried sitting and playing with him, having a dummy and cuddles, teething gel - and he still moaned - untill he found his beaker which he is now happily shaking!

Oh well - in 5 years time I bet I will be wishing foir the baby years again lol!

[happytotschildminding]

I read your thread and reminded me of my eldest (now 13) she wouldn't sleep in her cot - only in our bed like a wedge between me and hubby. In the holidays we'd try to "break" her so to speak with leaving her to cry in the cot for 10 mins before going to see her again - and doing this till well after 1 am!! She could go for hours. Only for her to go back to her old ways a week or two afterwards. We were both drained but I can only reassure you it gets easier. She did eventually sleep in her own bed but not until she went to school! We went on to have another three children and none of them have been like that again (thank goodness!) She was the only one I breastfed (for 10 months) so don't know if that's anything to do with it. But now she is now the most beautifully well behaved good mannered and sensible child I could ever wish for.
Hang in there!
Carol

[vix84]

I read your thread and reminded me of my eldest (now 13) she wouldn't sleep in her cot - only in our bed like a wedge between me and hubby. In the holidays we'd try to "break" her so to speak with leaving her to cry in the cot for 10 mins before going to see her again - and doing this till well after 1 am!! She could go for hours. Only for her to go back to her old ways a week or two afterwards. We were both drained but I can only reassure you it gets easier. She did eventually sleep in her own bed but not until she went to school! We went on to have another three children and none of them have been like that again (thank goodness!) She was the only one I breastfed (for 10 months) so don't know if that's anything to do with it. But now she is now the most beautifully well behaved good mannered and sensible child I could ever wish for.
Hang in there!
Carol

Thanks for that - nice to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel lol! Max is a very smiley and cute little boy (Im his Mum so would say that - but lots of others say that too) its only that he is very head strong. But thats a good quality I suppose for when he is older!
And its great to hear that you had 3 more who wern't the same.
Out of interested did you do anything different apart from breastfeeding? When I tell people about Max etc. they seem to put it down to First time mum syndrome - but actually I just dont like hearing babies get hysterical so we would do the same with number 2 I suppose.

[Chatterbox Childcare]

I have a routine which starts on day 1 - no settling in on this otherwise they pick up on it and play up.

Lunch, nappy and bed. They are so tired from the mornings endeavours to be noisy for long and by 10 minutes on the first day they are asleep and by the end of the week not a murmur.

I think they understand from a very young age how to ready our body language and pull strings, so be strong and let the little one know your rules and they will soon decipher between yours and the parents.

You are a capable person, otherwise the parents would not have chosen you.

[vix84]

I have a routine which starts on day 1 - no settling in on this otherwise they pick up on it and play up.

Lunch, nappy and bed. They are so tired from the mornings endeavours to be noisy for long and by 10 minutes on the first day they are asleep and by the end of the week not a murmur.

I think they understand from a very young age how to ready our body language and pull strings, so be strong and let the little one know your rules and they will soon decipher between yours and the parents.

You are a capable person, otherwise the parents would not have chosen you.

I might send Max to you for a week then lol!:clapping: