11 year old mindee stealing from me

[essexgirl1967]

I currently look after several children before and after school, as well as my own 4.

Over the past few months, I have often noticed odd bits of change that have been left on the side table in my hallway by my teenagers, seem to have disappeared, but had no real proof that anything was being taken. I also used to have a loose change pot on my kitchen window ledge, and frequently found that money that I thought was there, suddenly disappeared.

Anyway, this week decided to put temptation out of reach and hid the change pot, but left £3 in coins in full view in the hallway to see if any disappeared and sure enough on Tuesday, £1 went. This now confirmed that I wasn't imagining things!

So last night I needed to give a parent £7.50 in change so left it out on my hallway table and kept watch. An 11 year old who I have minded for years and would have been my last suspect, slipped it into her coat pocket as soon as we walked through the door! About 30 mins later the parent who I owed the money too knocked, and I made a big thing of looking for the money, and then having to ask my teenage son for £1 out of his money box as I was stuck without the money.

The mindee proceeded to help me look everywhere for the missing £1 but it was no where ( obviously as I knew it was in her pocket!). Then when I went to the kitchen to make food, she went to the coat rack, took the £1 out of her pocket and put it back, in full view of myself and son who were both watching. She then called out " look I've found it, we must have been looking in wrong place".

I know her parents are very short of money at the mo, but she is certainly not been kept short of things at home. She also knows that we are really struggling money wise and has heard me count out all the loose change in the mornings simply to pay dinner money etc.

Am I wrong in feeling quite let down by this especially as my own 13yo daughter has gone out of her way to give her really nice things that she no longer wants or fit her. Also how would you all deal with it now? Don't really want to mention it to mum, as although we saw her, it is still my word against hers.

Thanks for reading and helping to keep me sane! x

[angeldelight]

Difficult and not a nice situation to be in

Maybe her friends have money at school but she does not - I know the 10 year old I mind never has money and he moans every day about it maybe she is in the same situation?

No excuse though and very unfair on you and your family

I think I would do what you have already done and catch her in the act - and come out of hiding ( you know what I mean haha ) So she knows you have seen her and will not be able to lie to you
Otherwise you have the stealing and lying together and one of them is bad enough

I just feel that if you just say you have seen her rather than catch her in the act then mom and child might become all defensive and deny it

If you can catch her you can chat to her and tell her you are upset etc.
Then take it from there - does she trust you what are her parents like ?

Depends on the child and your relationship with them too I feel

I know the older boy that I mind would want me to chat to him first before going to her parents ?

Then have a chat with mom and explain to the child why you are doing that

Hope you sort things out but whatever its not acceptable is it?

Good luck

Angel xxx

[huggableshelly]

it is disappointing so no you are not wrong, your trust has been broken.

I had a child take from me, I had put fees on the side that a parent had just paid me it was in a sealed envelope. once i had closed the front door I went to set snacks up then remember the fees. The envelope was opened and on the floor empty. £130 gone!

i did make a fuss and questioned my own children infront of my mindess but I too has an idea who it may have been as he has taken coins from the role play area his mum has aways checked his pockets before leaving my home as he used to take toys too.

when his mum came I showed her the envelope, we have a good relationship, I explained that I had questioned my own children. She checked his pockets he didnt have it ... she went through his book bag it wasnt there either so she escorted him to the bathroom. She found the fees in his sock!

she was so embarrassed, now I put everything away, the role play has play money not real money and I do not trust him. The money has never left my home and mum is really good so I've never pushed the theft issue.

i did include the issue in my newsletter reminding parents to check their childrens pockets as toys and coins are going missing from my home stating games can not be played with if peices are missing. The child can read, he will have known thaht I have informed all parents.

if its any consollation it does stop, I do not know what makes a child steal some seem to do it as a phase just to have something in their pockets.

I would include it in a newsletter, if the issue continues then I would talk to the parents unless you ahve an open relationship with them and you can discuss it on the phone out of the childs earshot.

I no longer have the problem, the child stills comes and I do not leave anything around. Even my childrens money boxes are kept upstairs so temptation is not there. He doesnt take toys anymore either.

[Saranotts]

Don't want to read and run and am sorry this has happened to you, it is something I worry about. I definitely think you need to speak to the child's mum about this, it doesn't matter if it is your word against the child's, I would hope that the parent would know you well enough to know that you wouldn't lie about something so important.

Good luck

Sara

[singlewiththree]

Thats a tricky one but at least you have seen it with your own eyes so you know it is definately her. The fact that she was so cunning with it I doubt if you spoke to her she would confess. I can only suggest keeping temptation out of the way and speaking to the parents.

My DD had some local friends round from school last night for the first time, they knocked and asked if she wanted to go out and play. It was 6pm and getting dark so I invited them in. One girl left early and my DD then noticed her tooth fairy money was missing. I know the girl and her mum but without proof I can't say it is her. However, the excuse she gave wasn't what the other girls said who came with her was why she had to leave. I can't do anything only hid temptation and not let them come in.

goodluck if you decide to speak to her or the parents.

[angeldelight]

it is disappointing so no you are not wrong, your trust has been broken.

I had a child take from me, I had put fees on the side that a parent had just paid me it was in a sealed envelope. once i had closed the front door I went to set snacks up then remember the fees. The envelope was opened and on the floor empty. £130 gone!

i did make a fuss and questioned my own children infront of my mindess but I too has an idea who it may have been as he has taken coins from the role play area his mum has aways checked his pockets before leaving my home as he used to take toys too.

when his mum came I showed her the envelope, we have a good relationship, I explained that I had questioned my own children. She checked his pockets he didnt have it ... she went through his book bag it wasnt there either so she escorted him to the bathroom. She found the fees in his sock!

she was so embarrassed, now I put everything away, the role play has play money not real money and I do not trust him. The money has never left my home and mum is really good so I've never pushed the theft issue.

i did include the issue in my newsletter reminding parents to check their childrens pockets as toys and coins are going missing from my home stating games can not be played with if peices are missing. The child can read, he will have known thaht I have informed all parents.

if its any consollation it does stop, I do not know what makes a child steal some seem to do it as a phase just to have something in their pockets.

I would include it in a newsletter, if the issue continues then I would talk to the parents unless you ahve an open relationship with them and you can discuss it on the phone out of the childs earshot.

I no longer have the problem, the child stills comes and I do not leave anything around. Even my childrens money boxes are kept upstairs so temptation is not there. He doesnt take toys anymore either.

Oh my goodness that was a lot of money to steal

Why would a child want to steal so much money ?

Glad to hear you sorted it out though

Angel xx

[huggableshelly]

in his case it wasnt the amount of money as he didnt understand value, it as a case of see it want it just like counters from games and toys especially new shiney cars and lego is another thing he used to take.

he isnt a child who goes short at home so its not a case of stealing as he has none of his own.

it does make me wonder what he will do when he is older, I can just see him as a police officer ..."come on lad turn out your pockets" these are words he hears often.

[donnadoo2004200]

Should we really have to hide our own money in our own home? I would def talk to child first to let her know you have seen her and explain if it continues you will talk to her parents. Nip this in the bud as next time it might not just be £1 it could get worse. Sorry you are having to deal with this. Goodluck with whatever you decide.:panic:

[kindredspirits]

i personally would confront the girl, at 11 she is old enough to understand - tell her you saw her do it and if you catch her in the act again you'll call the police. should scare her enough not to do it in your home.
anna xxx

[amirose]

I completely understand your reluctance to talk to mum, the conversation is going to be hard enough if she believes you but if she doesn't that's going to make it a whole lot worse :(

I agree with the others, sit down and talk to her. Thinking back to myself at that age I am almost certain after a few minutes of questioning and then you admitting you had actually seen her do it that she will get very upset and confess everything. If she does confess the likelihood is she will tell mum herself.

It is highly likely she is stealing at home too. I am not proud of it at all but its something that I did, at around this age, from my own home. In the end my mum caught me took all my money (the money I stole and the money I had saved from Christmas) and I was devastated, I never did it again.

This highlights an interesting issue, perhaps we should all be a little more careful with our handbags and money when we have pre-teens around, its a difficult age and they often do some silly things we would not expect of them. This issue is actually really common.

[Alibali]

My gut instinct is that now she knows that you know the money is going missing she will be unlikely to try again, or am I just beine naive?

[amirose]

My gut instinct is that now she knows that you know the money is going missing she will be unlikely to try again, or am I just beine naive?

I would guess she will be wary for a couple of days then go back to old habits but you never know, you could be right :thumbsup:

[Bushpig]

My gut instinct is that now she knows that you know the money is going missing she will be unlikely to try again, or am I just beine naive?

I disagree.... she will think she's gotten away with it and has been *clever* in not being caught. She will do it again unless she is taken aside and spoken to about this. I think you need to chat to the parents asap about this and let them deal with it. Stealing is stealing... nip this in the bud now as goodness knows what she will think she can get away with later in life :(

[Ripeberry]

Makes me want to get a mini safe and keep it in the kitchen! At least temptation is out of the way. Or just put money in your pockets. Even with my 6yr old i won't leave coins hanging around and she and her friend took some coppers once (only about 10pence) but they thought they were really rich and tried to walk to the shops 2 miles away :panic: Heard the door slam as they went out and saw them heading for the fields, at least they did not try to walk on the road as there is no footpath.
We do needs eyes in the back of our heads!

[haribo]

i really think it should be confronted it will be hard but to let them think they can get away with it isnt doing them any favours .

[singlewiththree]

It is highly likely she is stealing at home too. I am not proud of it at all but its something that I did, at around this age, from my own home. In the end my mum caught me took all my money (the money I stole and the money I had saved from Christmas) and I was devastated, I never did it again.

I did too at that age, my mum had a pot of spare change on the side which was for buses etc. I used to take extra if I fancied something nice, I told myself at the time it wasn't really stealing just giving myself a treat, but I still never told my mum. It did make me feel guilty though when she blamed my sister for taking all the money. After that I worked in a newsagents at aged 13 and never once even took a penny sweet without putting the penny in the till!

[wendywu]

If it was my daughter that was stealing then i would want to be told. It may stop her going on to the next step of petty shop lifting. You have seen her and know it is her, it is wrong, she knows it is wrong. You are not doing the child a service by letting her get away with it.:panic:

[mushpea]

i used to mind a little girl that would take things, mainly toys though, I bought a load of those crazy bones for them to play with and when i went to clear them away there was hardly any left but this girls pockets were bulging , when i confronted her she said she liked them and wanted to take them home, so i explained that toys here are to say here so everyone can enjoy them and that it is not nice to steal from others. the next day she put a barbie doll in her bag to take home, what she didn't realise was that as she was putting it in her bag i was watching her so when mum came i turned to her and said 'dont forget to put the doll back in the play area before you go please' she turned bright red and put the doll back, mums face was a picture but i though if she felt emabaresed it would stop which it did and also it was nicer than saying to mum that she was stealing from me.

[Blaze]

Nothing really to add,just that legally as she is over 10, she is past the age of innocence & could be arrested etc, as she is considered old enough to know right from wrong....it is because of this that shoplifters/drug dealers etc often use v. young children...however in these instances SS are involved...you really need to address this with Mum & daughter because if she trys stelaing elsewhere she could get in v. hot water!

[essexgirl1967]

Hi again, thanks to all those who replied.

Although I have friends in 'real life' I can speak to about things, it is really nice to come on here and talk to other people in the same situation.

Decided to speak to all of the children I mind tonight, whilst they were sitting down eating and I had their attention. Explained that I knew that someone in the room had been taking money from me and that it had been going on for a while.

Said that we had deliberately left money around to 'trap' the person responsible and that I now knew who it was, and expcted the person responsible to come and talk to me privately and we would discuss what should happen next. Most of the children listened and after the initial 'who can it be' questions, just carried on playing/ eating etc.

However, the guilty party must have asked about 50 questions in the next half hour, demanding how did I know, what was I going to do, etc, but not actually admitting anything? I stayed very calm, just getting on with my normal playing, tidying etc. I didn't come out and say that I knew it was her, simply repeating that I knew, without any doubt who it was, and just needed some sort of apology from that person.

I've told all the children that we will discuss it again on Monday after school and if no one has confessed, I will decide what we should then do. My teenage son offered, in front of them all, to help install a CCTV camera in the hallway but explained with a very serious face, that if we did that, any crimes would then be out of our hands, all evidence would have to go straight to the police! My guilty mindee's face had to be seen to be believed, at this point.

Still no confession, but I think I may have made the point that I am taking it very seriously. Still don't feel I can speak to mum without a confession, as mindee is very dramatic and will probably have screaming hysterics that she couldn't possibly have done it, and how dare I make up such stories about her.

Seriously thinking of another job at the mo, as v.bad week all round. My own youngest DS has chickenpox ( still minding as all mindees have already had it, he caught it from them!), another DS has a burst ear drum and hasn't slept more than an hour since Monday night so really really fed up.... xx

[Saranotts]

Good for you, it sounds like you have got her thinking and it will probably do her good to have to stew about it over the weekend.

Sorry to hear about your children being ill but please don't give up, some weeks are harder than others and I certainly think Feb is a hard month but once the sun starts to shine and your children are feeling better things will get easier and you will be glad you are still childminding.

Sara

[essexgirl1967]

Hi again, I currently issue a newsletter to all the parents during the first week of every month so am working on March's one now.

Do you think I should mention the fact that one of the children has been stealing in it, so parents are aware of whats going on and can remind children not to leave money etc lying around ( they are all school aged children, so usually have their own dinner money etc in their school bags).

My OH thinks its best not to mention it as it may give the wrong impression to parents, almost as if I can't control what goes on in my own house! Any views, or opinions, please.....xx

[miffy]

I've just been catching up on this thread - what a horrid week for you.

I wouldn't put anything about the thefts in a newsletter atm - I think all that will achieve is a lot of speculation and nothing positive.

You know who is thieving and have let them know that you do - wait and see what tomorrow brings. I hope you get an apology from the mindee.

Personally, I would have to speak to her parents now. I wouldn't feel comfortable saying anything more to the mindee without speaking to the parents.

Good luck whatever you decide to do and I hope you have a better week

Miffy xx

[angeldelight]

Hope you are ok ?

I think by letting the child know that you are aware of who it is will hopefully stop them from doing it again

Hope your son is feeling ok ?

Keep us updated

Angel xx

[Mollymop]

Just seeing if you are ok. Sorry to hear about this happening to you.

[huggableshelly]

how are things ? I hope your children are feeling better and you are having a better week xxx

[Polka Dots]

This is a really delicate one. I think your OH could be right, I wouldn't put it in the newsletter because it may concern some of the parents. Plus how would the parent feel if they found out afterwards it was their child.

I personally would discuss the matter with the child's parent [and as a parent I would want to know if my child was stealing] but I'd do it in the friendliest way possible because they are likely to be embarrassed. There's nothing to say these incidents are confined to your home, the child could also be stealing from home, school, relatives etc.

Good luck and hope things pick up whatever you decide. :)