Unsettled child

[carlo]

I have been looking after a 2 year old for 5 months. Took a month to settle in then was fine. Problem is when any other adult is in my house!. She is not just shy with them but almost terrified. She is very clingy with me. If my husband is at home or for instance my mum visited for a week she just cried on/off all day. Had a quick chat with her mum a few weeks ago but she never mentioned it again. Then had a long chat with her dad today who seems concerned but not sure how he can deal with it. I dont want to give notice as she is generally a lovely child but dread going anywhere with her as she cries when approached by an adult. Help!!!

[tigger]

I feel for you. I have a similar thing with one of my mindees. Painfully shy. I only had her for two mornings for a total of 6 hours, this was reduced to one morning in January. My main goal that was given to me by her mum was to get her used to different situations as she would be very clongy with mum/dad and when with me just bury herself in a grobag for anything up to 40 mins at a time without even moving. She has a fear/being very cautious of other people but even after 7 months she is still very weary of others. She is alot better than she was and as I have prepared her for nursery I have now been given notice. It is very hard going and it can wear you down at times but all you can do is persevere. Keep doing what you're doing as I'm sure you're doing a good job but don't give up going out as you need other contact and it is good for the child, even though you are worried how she will react she will get used to it.;)

[Daftbat]

I had a child who was unsettled by adults and one that never liked men (can't say i blame her!) but one thing that worked was that when my husband came home from work we would make a big deal of giving eachother a hug in front of the child and any other visitor who was a friend I did the same thing with. I was trying to let the child know that i was friends so it was ok for them to be too. Obviously its difficult if the visitor is someone you can't do that with but its worth a try with those that are. Hope it helps:thumbsup:

[singlewiththree]

My DD is like that unless she is in her beloved pushchair, if she is walking she clings to me so inevitably she is a rubbish walker as its easier to leave her in the pushchair :blush: Even when prospective mindees come into the house as soon as she sees them she clings to my leg and I have to explain that once she gets to know people she is fine. Perhaps if she has a special comforter she might feel more at ease?

[carlo]

Thanks for your reply,s. I wouldn,t put her down as being shy! She seems generally terrified around other adults. Before she came to me she had a 2 day settling in at a nursery as her parents thought she was really outgoing and would be better in a nursery than with a childminder ! . She cried the whole time she was there and apparently was having nightmares after. Is it possible that a 2 year old could have been affected by this? Her parents say she was fine before this. My husband tries to make a fuss of her but doesn,t seem to work. Even when my mum stayed she didn,t get use to her for the whole week. Her parents are talking about perhaps speaking to a child phsycologist to see if she has been affected by the nursery incident but perhaps this is a bit extreme. When i drop my 4 year old at preschool my mindee cries as soon as we go in the building. I really worry that she's not going to grow out of it and this will escalate and will be worst when she start,s preschool.
Sorry folk's Didn,t mean to write a book on the subject!

[angeldelight]

Poor you

Hope things start to calm down for you soon

The little one sounds so upset have you had a good chat with parents how is she at home ?

Let us know how it goes

Angel xx

[lucytownsend]

What is she like at toddler groups etc?

I had this with one of my mindees - painfully shy - the first few weeks of toddler group she clung on to my leg and cried and screamed if anyone looked at her.

I persevered - went early each week so as others came in she got used to gradually increasing numbers. Introduced her to other adults and I found that asking her to stay with them while I went over to another mindee helps build up her confidence.

Now she runs round all over the place and is so happy and confident in group situations that her mum cant believe that it is her!

So persevere - introduce her to as many adults as you can one on one and then in slightly larger groups. Ask her to look after the adult and to show them things - increase her self confidence.

HTH!:)