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CCJD
20-02-2009, 04:01 PM
I am at that painful stage of growing up with my son where I need to start letting him have some independance. He is nearl 11 and I think I have done quite well so far.. He now cycles to school, may cycle to his close by friends house, is allowed ,witha friend,to walk up to our local store. Today a friend from school came round , doesn't live far away but I have never met or even seen parents and asked if my son can go round to his dad's house. I have saidno as I just don't feel comfortable with my son being in a house where I don't who or what is there. Am I being overprotective - after all how much can anybody really tell from meeting somebody once anyway. Oh it was all so much easier when he was five!!!!!!!

sarah707
20-02-2009, 04:40 PM
I found that once mine got to high school there wasn't much I could do to stop them going out or meet new friends who I didn't know. Ds started going off to the nearest big town on the train when he was 12 and it was scary but I had to let him go.

I will never forget little people in uniforms with caps going off to school on the tube when I lived in London... I think I cosset mine too much compared to that! :o

venus89
20-02-2009, 04:43 PM
I agree with Sarah - mine are too little to be at that age yet but I'm resigned to knowing a lot less about where they are or who they're with when they get to secondary school. I think so long as the kid seem basically OK then you should go with it - perhaps get an address/contact phone number or something?

Jules12Wed
20-02-2009, 04:49 PM
It's very difficult my son is almost 15 and is off doing his own thing most of the time, especially after two weeks work experience in London at the end of last year its pretty hard to say he can't get the bus to local town and meet friends.

Bananabrain
20-02-2009, 04:53 PM
I am at that painful stage of growing up with my son where I need to start letting him have some independance. He is nearl 11 and I think I have done quite well so far.. He now cycles to school, may cycle to his close by friends house, is allowed ,witha friend,to walk up to our local store. Today a friend from school came round , doesn't live far away but I have never met or even seen parents and asked if my son can go round to his dad's house. I have saidno as I just don't feel comfortable with my son being in a house where I don't who or what is there. Am I being overprotective - after all how much can anybody really tell from meeting somebody once anyway. Oh it was all so much easier when he was five!!!!!!!

HI CCJD<I also have a son nearing 11 and have asked myself the same questions.{The first time he walked home from school on his own,he forgot his lunchbox and was 15 mins late.I was walking the streets!!}

Does he have a mobile of his own? You can get them for as little as 20 pounds nowadays.That might help put your mind at rest.

God only knows how I'll feel in September.He's already been briefed about remembering bus passes,homeworketc and taking a little more responsibility for his things,but you know what they're like when they get with their friends.

I'm dreading senior school.:laughing:

mandy moo
20-02-2009, 08:35 PM
HI CCJD<I also have a son nearing 11 and have asked myself the same questions.{The first time he walked home from school on his own,he forgot his lunchbox and was 15 mins late.I was walking the streets!!}

Does he have a mobile of his own? You can get them for as little as 20 pounds nowadays.That might help put your mind at rest.

God only knows how I'll feel in September.He's already been briefed about remembering bus passes,homeworketc and taking a little more responsibility for his things,but you know what they're like when they get with their friends.

I'm dreading senior school.:laughing:

My 'LO' will be 11 in september so wont be moving on until sept 2011,
as above, hes allowed to go to his best friends house,
he goes to the village shops for me, and he's allowed to walk home from school this year, not to school tho, as they are not allowed to take mobiles to school, so if any thing was to happen on the way, I actually wouldnt find out until 9.30 ish that he wasnt in school, a bit late by then if you ask me but thats their rules.
And yes Ive found it difficult letting go too..

beerheaven
20-02-2009, 11:02 PM
Have to say that I too would feel uncomfortable letting my child at that age go to a friend's house whose parents I didn't know.
My eldest is nearly 9 so I have this all ahead of me! :(

marion123
21-02-2009, 09:26 AM
mine ds is 14 and i still like to now where he is going and whos house it is and what are the parents like im lucky as dd knows quite alot of his friends as they have either brothers or sisters who were in her yr at school but it is a worry you just cant be to carefull mine were not aloud to walk to school on there own or back again my excuse was im going anyway with the mindees it seemed to worry but then you have to let them walk to high school very scarey when they come home 30mins late as teacher was late doing register :angry:

Schnakes
21-02-2009, 10:02 AM
When my daughter got to eight I started to let her walk to school on her own. Although we actually live on the road the school is on I still got some raised eyebrows!!

She doesnt feel confident enough to go round friends houses on her own yet, but when shes ready I'll let her do it. When we were kids we were out all day wandering the streets and nearby fields and parks all day long and going to each others houses. I would hate to deny my kids the freedoms that I had as a child.

I think some kids have got less street smarts than others though. My daughter has two best friends - L & C. If L was my daughter Id be happy to allow her the same freedoms as my actual daughter has. C, on the other hand, hasnt got a ****** clue, and she would need a lot more time and help, I think.

Sx

angeldelight
21-02-2009, 10:06 AM
I am at that painful stage of growing up with my son where I need to start letting him have some independance. He is nearl 11 and I think I have done quite well so far.. He now cycles to school, may cycle to his close by friends house, is allowed ,witha friend,to walk up to our local store. Today a friend from school came round , doesn't live far away but I have never met or even seen parents and asked if my son can go round to his dad's house. I have saidno as I just don't feel comfortable with my son being in a house where I don't who or what is there. Am I being overprotective - after all how much can anybody really tell from meeting somebody once anyway. Oh it was all so much easier when he was five!!!!!!!


I think you have to do what you feel is right for you and your son with out seeming mean
I was always the over protective mom - well I still am and they are over 20 now but im actually proud to admit it because it never did my children any harm at all in fact its made them the adults that they are and now they are like it with their own little ones

Why not invite your sons friend to your house a few times to play / have tea etc so you can get to know him more
When you feel happy about the situation then you can move to the next step by letting your son go to his house ?

Good luck I know its difficult

Angel xx

RedDragon
21-02-2009, 10:46 AM
Myself and husband are very protective. We moved from London to a village in the East Mids mainly for this reason. I know children can get hurt anywhere in the world but we both agreed that we could cope better bringing up children in a village atmosphere.

My eldest is 16 (17 in Oct) and I still want to know who he is going out with, where he is at any time and time he will be back.

If he wants to see a band it's 1 I usually want to see too so he takes a friend, I take a friend, I go in the seats and he goes in the mosh pit (the bit where they all jump around in).

He is allowed to invite friends on sleepovers and he is allowed to go too.

He is allowed in the City Centre but when it starts to get dark I start to cluck.


Our other son who is 14 has the same guidelines but before he goes on a sleepover I discretely chat to the other child and get a feeling for what they are like.


I suppose I am a bit extreme in my views as 16 is a big age to be still getting asked to be in at a reasonable hour but the kids are ok with it.

At 11 I personally wouldn't allow my child to sleep over. When mine were 11 they had to be waved off to a friend's house (while it was light), no further than 10 min walk and they had to ring me as soon as they got there - if they didn'tring me I was taking the route as fast as my legs would carry me and husband would be phoning to check.

LOOPYLISA
21-02-2009, 10:53 AM
Your not a meanie, i don.t know one of my dd friends mum etc very well and she doesnt go over to hers, they live quite a way from us and the d always walks to shool on her own its got to be 45 mins away:eek:
She gets the bus back on her own so im not happy for my dd to go round there this little girl is 10,
She also walks home from a youth club in the dark, its awful.
We let dd walk up our shop usually with step dd and its only 2 very quiet roads and they are very grown up for 11, they stay home together for a little while the rules are, don.t awnser landline, they have mobiles, don.t awnser the door, don.t cook, put kettle on, its so hard to cut the apron strings, but its because we are good parents we worry x

Oh and dd only sleeps over one frinds house- i am very good riends with the mum !

mushpea
21-02-2009, 05:01 PM
My daughter turned 10 last october and my son 8 (expensive month!). She got a mobile phone for christmas and i now let her out with her friends but only if they knock, I don't let her go to their house to knock for them as i don't want her out on her own yet, saftey in numbers i always think. the mobile was only £10 and I think i will be putting no more than £10 a month, if she uses all the credit the she won't go out.
My problem is my son who wants to start going out too, i feel he is too young both age and imaturity and i dont feel it fair to ask my dauther to stay with him so he gets the right hump when she goes out and he cant. I also feel safer letting my dauther out as her friends sister goes with them and she is a very resoponsible 14yrold.
I guess you just have to go with our gut feeling of when you think they are ready and set some ground rules of where they can go and who with.

mandy moo
22-02-2009, 04:31 PM
My daughter turned 10 last october and my son 8 (expensive month!). She got a mobile phone for christmas and i now let her out with her friends but only if they knock, I don't let her go to their house to knock for them as i don't want her out on her own yet, saftey in numbers i always think. the mobile was only £10 and I think i will be putting no more than £10 a month, if she uses all the credit the she won't go out.
My problem is my son who wants to start going out too, i feel he is too young both age and imaturity and i dont feel it fair to ask my dauther to stay with him so he gets the right hump when she goes out and he cant. I also feel safer letting my dauther out as her friends sister goes with them and she is a very resoponsible 14yrold.
I guess you just have to go with our gut feeling of when you think they are ready and set some ground rules of where they can go and who with.


Expensive month, yep know that one, my own two boys are in September and my neice, nephew and brother in law are October!
As mentioned before, have only this last summer holiday, given my 10 yr old a bit more freedom, but I know my youngest, hes 7 at the mo, will want to play out this summer holiday as his brother was allowed to at 7.
We live in a Close so its not too bad, and hes not allowed past next door but 1s house..
My eldest has a mobile, the youngest will have the walkie talkies
But yes its hard knowing to start giving them that bit more freedom.

Hebs
22-02-2009, 04:56 PM
my kids are 9 and 12

daughter has been walking home from comp, about 20/30 min walk
son can play out with friends, go to friends house but know he has to be home in the winter when the street lights come on (easy visual clue for younger kids :thumbsup: and normally on by 5pm!!)
in the summer i text him or ring him to tell him it's time to come home.

also, this is a good way to keep check without them knowing, giving us peace of mind and them a little bit more independance :thumbsup:

http://www.childlocate.co.uk/