View Full Version : Help - very clingy baby....

30-01-2008, 10:32 PM
Hi - I am minding a 10mth old, 18 mth old and my own son who is nearly 2 and half. My problem is mainly the 10mth old. He is such a clingy baby! I cannot put him down without him getting hysterical, and I mean hysterical!!!! As soon as I pick him up he is ok. I think alot of the problem is he doesn't get a good sleep - at night he is up every hour needing breast feeding - his poor mum is exhausted! Then with me I am lucky if he sleeps more than 30 mins! I had him before Christmas and used to have him in a sling, but he is a very big baby for his age - and he is far too heavy now. He was 'expelled' from nursery as they couldn't give him the attention he needed - so his Mum asked me, the thing is with the other 2 it is very hard to give them any attention and do anything with them unless the baby is sleeping!

My own children were very content at 10 mths but this child isn't - unless I am holding him. He seems to be getting worse and now I am having to give him his lunch with him on my lap or else he screams to a point I have never seen before in a child!

Any advice....?



30-01-2008, 10:46 PM
I have exactly the same problem so I'm no use! :laughing:

He screams and screams and screams... maybe he's a little better now he's eating more solids so he's not hungry.

Does this mother not realise that by feeding him every hour she is making him fat and unhappy? No baby needs that amount of milk in the night! He is not waking up hungry... all babies wake up, they need ignoring or a stroke... if you pick them up and comfort them with milk every time, they will just get worse!! What is the poor woman doing to herself? :eek:

Sorry, not helpful, off soapbox now! :D

30-01-2008, 10:49 PM
Sorry Gemma the baby I mind is the same

But in my case it is the parents fault they hold baby constantly never allowing him to go down on the floor or be left alone in a room

It has got to the point that I am worried that they are holding back his development

Sorry no help you need heaps of patience or you need to speak to the parents and work together on how you plan your day with baby

Good luck

Angel xx

30-01-2008, 10:58 PM
Well at least I am not alone!!! This baby cannot crawl yet - I think it is because of always being held!!! I am trying to get him crawling when he is happy (but that seems to be hardly ever!) he is extraordinarily large for his age - he looks like a sumo wrestler! He gets very excited when he arrives in the morning though so I guess I am doing something right - I just feel I am letting the other 2 down - and feel extra bad as I went into childminding to be with my son who is now subjected to either a screaming baby or an exhausted mother!

I keep saying that it can only get better....

if you find any solution let me know though! Or any ideas of activities to do with 2 toddlers whilst holding a giant baby!?


30-01-2008, 11:01 PM
The baby I have is very slow and will not stand at all I also think this is because they hold him all the time

He is 14mths now and his development has not changed much since he was about 9ths

I know how you feel

I had to end a contract last year due to a screaming baby but it was a bit different to this one

This one is more clingy and just likes to be held all day long

I just involve him in everthing and if he cries he cries

Good luck


30-01-2008, 11:03 PM
i've had the same problem. i tried not to pick him up but would sit on floor beside him and sing. i have a baby swing that rocks and plays music i would have put him in this somewhere where he could see me. this let me spend time with the other kids. it's hard but he did get there. he to was a breast fed baby and i think that was a lot to do with it. wanting comfort from mum.

good luck:)

30-01-2008, 11:09 PM
My dd went through clingy stage for several months, she wouldn't even stay with her dad. She did get over it when I minded another baby.

This mindee also got clingy at about 10 months

My ds is also very clingy to me and he is 2.

I think most children go through a stage when they are clingy.

My own children spend 24 hours a day with me so it isn't surprising really

I really hope they grow out of this, mine have

Carol xx

30-01-2008, 11:18 PM
i've had babies like this in the past , all I can suggest is that you introduce to mum the concept of controlled crying- it's not cruel ! And she's not doing herself or the baby any favours by constant feeding. During the day try to wean him off being held by sitting next to him and still giving physical contact i.e arm around him, but not actual holding all the time. He will get used to the idea ( eventually ). If you can get mum to work at this too - she must realise that it's a problem - then I'm sure you can resolve this.

p.s is he still in her room at night? I'm sure this doesn't help the night thing. Though of course I realise this is what parents are being told to do.

31-01-2008, 08:05 AM
some good advice given already, my d was the same for a while but ot at 10 months think it must be a stage they all go through hope gets better soon x

31-01-2008, 02:30 PM
I have a three month-old who is heading the same way.. Apprently nana is visiting OFTEN and then constantly holding the baby, I know he is only 3 months but he is not interested in anything else than being cuddled. It is new for me as I have always been firm with my two boys in terms of cuddly times and "now you just need to entertain yourselves"- times. We can play together or just cuddle up and watch TV, but they are also happy to get on with their own stuff when I got hands full of other things. I am trying to do this with the mindee baby, today I put him in the baby rocking chair and took him in the kitchen with me while I was cooking lunch for my boys. He scremed, I just kept talking to him while cooking and once I had hands free I picked him up and gave him a cuddle to calm him down, then his bottle, and then back in the chair again. My household can get rather noisy sometimes so I have managed to develop selective hearing !! :D

Maybe you could talk about it with the mum, I agree at 10 months he does not need night and defenately not hourly feeds ! If it's her first she maybe doesn't know that? Maybe you could suggest that she tried controlled crying=sleep school? There's plenty of info on the net about it, but also recommend she spoke to Health visitor about it?
All my symphaties, I hope it will get better soon !

31-01-2008, 05:46 PM
I would have a talk to mum, it sounds like you are trying hard but you need some back up from mum. Obviously you don't want to "expel" him but the mum needs to realise that its a problem they are contributing to if all they do at home is hold him. Devise some strategies with mum to counteract this adn reassure her that controlled crying techniques are safe to use.

Good luck,, I really feel for you, my youngest son was like this for a while.

31-01-2008, 06:43 PM
cant offer too much advice i'm afraid as i've not been in this situation, but i do feel for you, must be very draining for you.

I can only suggest that you have a chat with the mum and tell her that its not viable for you to be constantly holding him all day and perhaps suggest the stratergies suggested on here on how it can be resolved but you will need her support at home too - perhaps if the mum approaches her health visitor too for guidence and ask her to let you know how she got on. The mum must be shattered! but it doesnt sound as though she knows how to break the habit baby has got himself in to.

good luck x

31-01-2008, 07:16 PM
I would advise, like others have, that you need to work with mum on this. I had a little one of the same age who did this and the parents were the same regarding feeding at night and carrying around. He cried all the time and made me very miserable, but as I had no-one to talk to I felt I was failing and so was too afraid to tell mum ( I was new to minding).
Anyway it took little one til he was well over 2 to play independently at my house, still a pickle for mum and dad though. He is now a very confident 3.5 yr old with me but still being bottle fed at night!

Please talk to mum and explain it is not cruel to allow baby to cry, he should be learning to play independently and sleep independently

Best of luck xx

Sarah xx

31-01-2008, 08:13 PM
Oh Gemma - Poor you!! I am feeling your pain!! Or at least I was up until a week ago.

I have an 8 month old that I mind and she started the first week in december. The first few days I had her were bliss, no problem. Then disaster struck. I have had 7 weeks of solid screaming EVERY SINGLE TIME I put her down and did not cuddle her. I had to feed her on my lap too, as she would scream so much she would start choking on her food in the chair. It was very stressful and I have spoken about it on the forum before -I was considering giving notice but being my main earner I had to persevere and pray that the situation got better.

I am pleased to say that last friday we turned a corner and since then she has been much better. Although the last 2 hours today were a bit of a nightmare. I had this for 7 weeks, 3 days a week, 10.5 hours a day, it doesnt sound a lot but Im sure you will appreciate a baby screaming for that length of time is mind numbing and even made me feel ill at times.

All I can say is if you can stand it then persevere a bit longer... How long have you been minding him? Is he like it all the time or can he be disracted? I really do appreciate what you must be going through, especially having other children there. My daughter (3) resorted to staying in her bedroom for most of the day because the baby 'upsets her with all the crying' but again im pleased that this week she has been downstairs playing with us all.

All I have done is just let her cry. At first I carried her around so she wouldnt cry but that fast became impossible and wasnt helping her settle. Now she is used to being put down and she will play contently. I hope this can work for you... you just need to be able to put up with the noise! As suggested to me in another post.... try some ear plugs. :D

Good luck with it and I hope it gets better for you.

Big hugs

31-01-2008, 08:15 PM
Oh Lana I am soooo happy for you! That is wonderful news! :D

31-01-2008, 08:17 PM
Me too :D


Clever Clogs
31-01-2008, 08:42 PM
I feel for you - it must be hard having 3 so close in ages and having to entertain them. Unfortuantely I can't offer much advice apart from what the others are saying and trying to involve mum into not being so 'cuddly'.

I'm still in process of registering and that has been one of my worries if another child is clingy and upset easy. At the moment I have a 7 month old son who has started screaming every time I leave him and it really pulls on the heartstrings. My daughter was the same and only recently have we started chucking her out of her bed (she's 6). She hardly every plays indepen
dently which I am positive stems fromconstant holding, letting in to her every whim and picking her up when she cried. I swore I wouldn't do the same with my second but sometimes you just can't help it. Tuija brought up a good point, with your boys you had cuddle time and time to entertain themselves - just where do you draw the line? I feel so bad if my son is crying when I leave the room (and I know that's all it is) so go to get him but then scold myself cause I think - 'he's just going to end up a clingy baby'. It can be so hard and frustrating.

Hopefully for you Gemma it will just be one of those 'clingy stages' what is it separation anxiety? and will pass.

Good luck

03-02-2008, 04:56 PM
How are things going with this Gemma

Is it getting better?

03-02-2008, 09:00 PM
Just catching up and read this. I really feel for you, and I would also feel guilty for the other children (and have done in the past with the same problem).

I used to sit on the floor, with the baby starting off on my lap, but at least you can have your hands semi-free so you can interact with the other children. Eventually, try moving baby to sitting next to you, still with some contact - try to get him involved in what you are doing with the others.

I agree with everyone that this baby doesn't need night feeds every hour! It sounds like its a comfort thing, but its also making him very fat, and sounds like its hindering his physical development too. Does he have a dummy? Maybe if he doesn't then Mom could try one - to at least try and keep him off the breast in the night? Maybe he's not getting enough from the breast now at 10 mths, and waking up due to hunger? Although, he is obviously not lacking is he!!

Good luck!