Please help advice on smelly kid!!

[theatrelover]

Hi
I am new here but I really need some solid advice.I am mind a 2 year old boy I have concerns over his hygeine. The child comes to me really dirty he has no change of clothes his bibs are always smelly when I think they might be clean ones, they dont provide milk anymore and told me not to worry about giving him any,his toenails are so long they are curling up.In the past his shoes didnt fit him for ages. The child cant talk he just grunts everything. How do you approach parents with issues like this.The child goes home cleaner and my house stinks. The worse one is when I change his nappy when he arrives the child has at some point had a poo and his nappy been changed but his wee bum hasnt been cleaned its disgusting for the poor wee soul. Are these parents neglectful or uneducated any ideas ????
Thanx x

[Blaze]

You need to officially note down your concerns...if you use NCMA paperwork there is a section in the back of the accident incident folder for this...tbh I would be contacting the local safeguarding children board if it was me...sounds like classic neglect rather than ignorance...it's hardly rocket science to change a nappy properly & wash a child etc when needed!.:(

How long have you cared for this LO? have you spoken to his parents re your concerns? TBH I am really concerned about his speech...what's being done about this?

[sue m]

Hi and welcome. I agree with Blaze. Good luck.

[Blaze]

This may help you:

http://www.everychildmatters.gov.uk/resources-and-practice/IG00182/

[tinkerbelle]

tbh my nephew didnt speak until he was over 2 hes now 2 and a half and his speech is starting to improve this was in no way a reflection on how my sister cared for him he has 2 older sisters aged 11 and 4 and 6 older cousins on our side and 7 on his dads side he didn't need to talk the other kids did it for him he is the youngest on both sides so the others spoil him
as for dirty clothes remind mum about spares etc as per contract
the nappy issue i would be concerned about though i would write in my incident/ concerns book outlining how often this was happening
speak with your development officer outlining your concerns but dont name him they will advise you further

[angeldelight]

Crikey

What a situation for you to be in

At least he has you to look out for him have you spoke to the parents about this ?

I agree with Blaze though

Let us know how you get on

Angel xxx

[Blaze]

tbh my nephew didnt speak until he was over 2 hes now 2 and a half and his speech is starting to improve this was in no way a reflection on how my sister cared for him he has 2 older sisters aged 11 and 4 and 6 older cousins on our side and 7 on his dads side he didn't need to talk the other kids did it for him he is the youngest on both sides so the others spoil him
as for dirty clothes remind mum about spares etc as per contract
the nappy issue i would be concerned about though i would write in my incident/ concerns book outlining how often this was happening
speak with your development officer outlining your concerns but dont name him they will advise you further

In your nephew's case the reason was because the talking was being done for him, this is not always the case & regardless of the reason it is something that clearly needs addressing ...Below is a link of roughly what a child should be doing speechwise & at what age, as you can see the child in question should be beyond grunts & if neglect is suspected as it is in this case, it could be a further "symtom" of this:

http://www.kidsdevelopment.co.uk/LanguageDevelopmentStagesYoungChildren.html

[Minstrel]

that is a really good website blaze thanks for posting it.

[Rubybubbles]

Hi
I am new here but I really need some solid advice.I am mind a 2 year old boy I have concerns over his hygeine. The child comes to me really dirty he has no change of clothes his bibs are always smelly when I think they might be clean ones, they dont provide milk anymore and told me not to worry about giving him any,his toenails are so long they are curling up.In the past his shoes didnt fit him for ages. The child cant talk he just grunts everything. How do you approach parents with issues like this.The child goes home cleaner and my house stinks. The worse one is when I change his nappy when he arrives the child has at some point had a poo and his nappy been changed but his wee bum hasnt been cleaned its disgusting for the poor wee soul. Are these parents neglectful or uneducated any ideas ????
Thanx x

hello there and welcome to the forum.

I am in a very similar situation, I now use all my own bibs and often have to wash them when the arrive, I honestly don;t think it is neglect by my parents more lack of knowledge, I have had my 2 brothers for 6 months now and it has gotten much better! Mine are also both under the HV for development issues. My parents use cotton wool at home (cost) but I said I need to use wipes (which I buy) as we are out and about alot therefore easier for me (not a problem with this,I honestly believe it's a cost thing:( ) sometimes I can tell if they have had a poo when changing a nappy.

I would firstly go for uneducated, my sil is a HV and although in confidence I told her, she said they were lucky to some of the people she sees:( Often mine spill;) things so I need to give things a quick wash:littleangel: (not so much now, but in the beginning!

It has been lovely to see how much they have grown with me, the baby was 20 months when he started and saying nothing, now he has started to make baby sounds and is coming along brilliantly (for his own development)

good luck, it is hard but well worth it

[theatrelover]

Thank you all so much for your brill advice. I will go and check these websites out cheers;)

[Bananabrain]

Really sympathise,'cos I had a similar prob{and it was the firstchild I'd ever minded}.Such a difficult situation,poor,poor child.

It was inferred by the school to social services that my standards were too high!!!!!

Call me picky but I thought that was the point.

You absolutely must keep a detailed diary.If you do end up speaking to social services now or in the future,do not take no for an answer!!!

Just remember your first responsibility is the child's welfare.

[ChocolateChip]

What an awful situation for you :(
Good advice from the others, hope it gets better, he is lucky to have you looking out for him. :)

[Pipsqueak]

some sound advice already given. Note all your concerns and if you think you can approach the parents perhaps a delicate conversation? Note any details of conversations you have with the parents. Think you certainly need to raise the issue of his lack of communication - is there an underlying problem - perhaps his hearing? perhaps you can start the communciations with the parents with this???

good luck

[flora]

Brilliant advice already given so nothing to add,

hope all comes good eventually :thumbsup:

[miffy]

Didn't want to read and run

You've had great advice already so just wanted to wish you luck

Let us know how you get on

Miffy xx

[jacky]

some sound advice by all but why not try another take on it. maybe its a really busy time for parents and they gat stressed in the mornings. why dont you suggest that they bring him in his pjs and you will gat him washed etc. sympathise that you understand how stessful it can be getting everyone out in the mornings etc.say that youve noticed his nails are long and could really do with a cut. i put all of this in my diaries that go home with the parents. do you claim milk vouchers for him as at least then you wouldnt be out of pocket by giving him milk every day.
i have had a similar problem and when i spoke to parents they were quite relieved that i could help ake some of the stress.
still keep a record of what you do for the child and make sure if possible you get the parents to sign it. maybe difficult though:eek:

[breezy]

excellent advice already, hope it works out ok, let us know how you go

[Heaven Scent]

How old is the mum and is she in a marriage/partnership with the dad? Do either she or the dad have family or parents around who would give her help/advice or do they live what I would call an alternative type of lifestyle. - Like Hippies/New age travellers - I'm not saying all hippies or new age travellers are dirty but sometimes they don't have the facillities nor am I saying all single mums can't look after their children but sometime these can be factors so can the age of the mum - does she appear to be coping - could she have post natal depression or could money be tight. Whats mums appearance/personal hygiene like. If you feel that she could do with some support or guidance you could always have a confidential word with the health visitor - and perhaps they could call on mum to visit the children or ask mum for permission to visit the children at your house and she could see for hereself what you are talking about. If the child doen't apear to have recurrent unexplained injuries and is not displaying evidence of neglect such as listlessness or difficulties with relationship or being overly clingy then it just might be that the mum may need some help with parenting skills and there are people at the childrens centre who may be able to help with these.

I had two children who would come in the same clothes for a week and parents were very well educated. I have mentioned this before - I no longer have the children - In the end I would stop putting a bib on the children so that they would spill food on their clothes and the parents would have to wash them. These were not bad parents but I just didn't ever know why the mum didn't bath the children or change their clothes - their coats used to be filthy but were never washed - I couldn't decide whether it was an ecological objection and they wanted to save the planet by not using water and electricity. - The dad told me that the mum no longer used washing powder in the machine she just put a ball (or balls) in like the ones that people put in their dryers to speed up drying time - they used them too or if she just didn't have the time to wash or if they were too mean to run the washer - I just know that the children never smelt fresh - it wasn't awful - just not fresh. They were just very strange parents - thats all I can say all of the childrens clothes were either hand be downs ( I don't have a problem with this so long as they are clean and in good condition - my own had hand me downs) or bought in Tescos - even clothes for special occasions like family weddings - nothing wrong with Tescos clothes - my own two had them too but they also had clothes from Adams, Mothercare, Primark, Debenhams, Asda, Next, TJ hughes, John Lewis. Sainsburys, Ethel Austens, Peacocks, avariety of shops in Dublin that are not here in the uK etc etc - They did go shopping at the week-ends but they never bought the childrens clothes when out then mum just got them with the food shopping on her way home from work??? It just used to intrigue me why??? Again there is nothing wrong with it - I just always felt the parents never went that extra mile for their kids. They were the same when it came to their eczema - they never fully treated it or took them to the doc when it got bad again not would they tell me when they dropped the children off that they had bad patches under their clothes. I once took them to the doc with me when having some holiday jabs and the nurse passed comments on how bad it was and asked what I was using on it - I just told her that they were not my children and were registered at that surgery so I didn't feel that I could discuss it - I did however say it was an over the counter cream made from advocat that the parents used sparingly and instructed me to do so too. - I had these two LO's full time and loved them to bits especially the youngest and I just felt really sorry for them they weren't bad parents just in my opinion they lacked something which meant to me that they weren't the best - it wasn't just me who noticed - other minders would comment even ones who I didn't spend much time with.