View Full Version : breathing policy

01-02-2009, 03:41 PM
hi all my sister sent this to me as a joke i hope
i just thought i would share this with you all
hopefully it will make you all laugh at the legnths that maybe ofsted and the govenment think we should go to

Breathing Policy

If your child breathes I will ensure that the air around him/her is clean and free from dirt and suitable to breathe. I will do this by carrying out a detailed risk assessment, every hour on the hour. Air will be checked against my current 4 point risk assessment:

1. Is the air at the correct temperature?
2. Is the air contaminated with dust or other things? (Flying insects will be excluded as they come under my Insect Risk Assessment)
3. Is there enough air for each child and adult in the room?
4. Would it be possible for a child to lose their air at any point? If so what action would need to be taken?

My current short term plan is to breathe as often as possible, this is also reflected within my medium and long term plans. Once your child shows interest in breathing my future plans is to encourage them to continue with regular practice.

If your child arrives having breathed dirty air you will be required to sign an 'existing contamination form'. These will need to be completed in triplicate. One for my file, two for the bin. (This is to comply with current Ofsted paper wasting criteria)

Children will be encouraged to breathe at all times and their experienced noted and recorded against the 6 Early Learning Goals.

If your child refuses to breathe I will have to notify Ofsted and you must collect them immediately. Again triplicate recording will be required.

I must ensure that all breathing meets the EYFS; therefore we will practice breathing at all minutes of the day.

Please discuss breathing with your child and encourage them to breathe while in my care.

Coughs and sneezes will be considered acceptable forms of breathing; however you must sign a form to say that you will allow this.

You must also sign a parental permission form that allows me to let your child breathe during his/her time in my care, failure to do so will result in me not being able to allow your child to breathe and this could be detrimental to their care. (As this will not meet the Welfare Requirements you will therefore need to confirm (in triplicate) that you want to withdraw your child from EYFS).

This is my breathing procedure: in, out, in, out, in, out. However, if after completing regular observations I feel this doesn't meet your child's particular interests and they would prefer out, in, in out, out (or similar) I will speak to you to make other arrangements.

If you have any concerns regarding this policy please do not hesitate to contact me. Thank you for your understanding.

01-02-2009, 03:43 PM
Didn't Pauline write that?

01-02-2009, 03:45 PM
Yes it's Paulines....wonder where your sister got it ?

01-02-2009, 03:46 PM
She should put her name on it!

01-02-2009, 03:47 PM
i like that very funny.... well done Pauline!! :clapping: :laughing:

01-02-2009, 03:54 PM
is you sister a minder tammerisk?

wonder if she got it of of here.

Pauline first penned that way back when - it is so funny isn't it

01-02-2009, 03:55 PM
i think she did get it from here i just thought it was very funny a got a nappy changing one to she sent me prob came from here she on her all the time as she still getting registered and has the time as i don't have the time i not on here much

01-02-2009, 03:58 PM
ooh who is your sister????:D (welcome by the way)

its is a really funny and clever piece of writing isn't it! Its still makes us laugh even now (and I am sure the newbies appreciate it too).

Its spooky because the original thread has just been "revived" again for the umpteenth time and all because we were talking about skipping ropes!lol:D

01-02-2009, 04:01 PM
just read that out allowed to my two lads (12 and 13 yrs) who've just had their weekend filled with my cm paperwork and they roared their heads off!:laughing:

great stuff, thanks or sharing

01-02-2009, 04:07 PM
here is one an updated version of the original thread


01-02-2009, 04:10 PM
my sister is princess sara

01-02-2009, 04:24 PM
thats great, just what i needed :)

01-02-2009, 04:34 PM
Very good :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

01-02-2009, 04:37 PM
my sister is princess sara

aha !!!!!

welcome anyway tammerisk

01-02-2009, 06:22 PM
PMPL - might put a copy in my file and see if its noticed at my pre-reg visit:laughing:


Princess Sara
01-02-2009, 07:46 PM
Haha yeah I got it from here Em! These ladies are very funny and a great help. That nappy changing routeen was from here too, but I can't remember who origonally(sp?) wrote it.

01-02-2009, 09:57 PM
Very Funny :laughing: :laughing:

Carol xx

mandy moo
30-04-2009, 10:13 AM
PMPL - might put a copy in my file and see if its noticed at my pre-reg visit:laughing:


Brilliant idea, going to do it now:laughing: :laughing:

30-04-2009, 12:34 PM
:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
how I know what sarah was going on about :laughing: