View Full Version : mindees parents

26-01-2009, 01:06 PM
Hi havent been on for a while....sorry
One of my mindees parents split last year and are now divorced. Kids live with mum at the mo but stay overnight with dad 1 nigth a week at his parents house. When dad gets his own place he will be having them 3 or 4 nights a week. Mum has asked me today to take dad and paternal grandparents off as emergency contacts. My contract is with mum but does this seem right? Also dad has become a close friend to me and my hubby and would be gutted if he knew. It just seems wrong :( Alsolast year i had to take my ds to hospital urgently and it was mindees dad i had to contact as he was closest to come collect his son. Any advice greatly appreciated please?

Heaven Scent
26-01-2009, 01:39 PM
Oh gosh I don't know its a difficult one. At the end of the day the contract is directly with the mum but if dad will be dropping off and collecting when you have them then you cannot take his details off. Plus if he has joint responsibility for parenting his children the you need to keep his details.

If you are quite friendly with him then without telling him what mum has said could you not ask him to confirm his legal responsibility to the children and discuss under what terms he has access to the children.

You can used the fact that you are updating your paperwork and must have all this in writing for you reason for asking.

His parents don't need to be on there if the mum doesn't want it to be. It all seems like she is cutting off her nose despite her face. She may be going through a bad time with the dad and his parents but she should be making sure that she is not endangering her children - she may find that she does need to involve the dad in this.

Its all difficult to comment on when you don't know the circumstances and the terms of the divorce. I'd speak to the dad but maintain the mums confidentiality at all times.

Pudding Girl
26-01-2009, 01:48 PM
I think you need to give the NCMA/SCMA a call about this one tbh. Very tricky area.

26-01-2009, 02:20 PM
You should have confirmation of who has parental responsibility for the children anyway (required under EYFS) so both the responsible parents should have signed that for you.

Have you asked why she wants these names removed from the emergency contact list? Has she given you new emergency contacts?

Is the father still nammed on the contract as a person who can collect the child?

It sounds as if you need a good chat with the mum. If there is a rational explaination, I'm sure there will be. I would advise that if the father is still going to collect the child that he signs the new contract as well.

I would definately have a chat before you phone someone like NCMA.

26-01-2009, 04:45 PM
i would have a talk to mum - if dad will be having kids 3/4 nights a week then she's obviously not worried about him doing a runner with them. i think perhaps if you say you would like to keep dad as an emergency contact, for emergencies - but you will always try all her numbers first!

26-01-2009, 08:57 PM
Speaking from someone who's children went to a childminder when my husband left me and he didn't have them in the week only at weekends. I left my ex-husbands (well not officially still waiting) mobile number as an emergency contact and just stressed she was to use it as a last resort. As afterall if your child is seriously ill and needing hospital treatment its better if me or my parents can't be got hold of that at least the child has someone they know. It sounds like the mum hasn't thought this through and is obviously being blinded by her feelings for the man and not common sense.