View Full Version : Thinking of giving up!

15-01-2009, 01:38 PM
Hi guys,
Not a great way to start my first post on this forum, but found it in desparation. I started childminding in march 07 and to begin with it was fantastic, I enjoyed every single day. I had one full timer who was 18 months and a 3 year old once a week plus my own DD. I then took on another full timer who for the longest time was fine, settled well and has been great. Lost the wednesday boy and took on another full timer. The third full timer had been let go from another childminder who said she was wearing, and I have found her exactly the same and since she has started I am permanently naggy and tired all the time. So despite finding it very hard, I told the parents it wasnt working out and found her a place with another less busy childminder with no little ones of her own at home. She is due to make the switch soon. However since she started the second of my fulltimers who is now 13 months has started with the most horrendous seperation anxiety I have ever known. Not just from his mum but from me too. He screams blue murder at the door every morning, the mum is very good at doing quick goodbyes and she herself is absolutely exhausted with it so cant wait to leave in the morning! If I put him down ( he is not yet walking) he screams for ages, if I stand up he screams, if I leave the room to go in the kitchen or bathroom he screams, if I hug my own daughter he screams. I am finding it so exhausting, the other mindees are suffering as I literally cannot do anything with them and half the time cant even hear them. My own DD wants mummy back and even my own husband says Ive changed and that he preferred me before I started minding.
Yesterday I just burst into tears infront of them all and just want my life back and to enjoy my daughter again, instead of yelling at her "not now mummy's busy". I have no idea how to tackle this seperation anxiety as he has been fine for the last 6 months so it's not like he needs settling in. I have a new starter in March she will be 6 months and thinking of just giving them all up and keeping her ( she has been on my books since 6 weeks conception)so that it will be easy to take her and my daughter out together and there will be less fighting over toys due to the age gap and dd will feel she has her mummy back to some extent. I feel awful however just saying to this little boys mum I cant have him as she herself is at the end of her tether with it too as she cant move a muscle at home without the screaming and tears starting. I have tried comforting things, photos allsorts, he calls me mummy and seems to think we are both his mummy and will only go to the two of us, an aunty and a nan. I have become very good friends with his mum and feel I am letting her down, but Im not sure I can take much more. Any constructive advice would be so gratefully recieved.

15-01-2009, 05:05 PM
Oh poor you I really feel for you

I am sure lots of us here have suffered like this in the past and you do sometimes wonder why you carry on.

It can be such a hard job being a childminder - you are finding that out

To be honest I would forget about the children for the moment and think about you and your family

What would you like to do?

What would work best for you ?

Then go with what is best for you and your family because that is the most important thing here

If it means just minding one child for now then that is what I would do for your own sanity and so your family " can have you back "

You can always go on to have more children later on when your own daughter is a little older maybe

Good luck keep us posted

Angel xx

mandy moo
15-01-2009, 06:04 PM
Hi, & welcome, didnt want to read and run.
Brilliant advice from those who have been doing this particular job longer.
I think Angel is spot on when she says you gotta do what right for you and yours.
Even if that means mum has to find another minder with more time & prehaps older mindees so as to give the attention the LO seems to need at the mo.
Not sure what to suggest about the 'wearing' mindee, prehaps she also needs some one with older mindees, so she also can have moreone to one from the childminder,
Keep us posted

15-01-2009, 06:18 PM
what i've come to realise from my short time minding - is my son is the most important thing to consider - the same with your daughter. i'm guessing like a lot of us you started minding to stay home with your dd so do what you need to do to make life good for you and her. if that means just taking the baby and her for a while - go for it. perhaps you can think about supplementing your income with after schoolers as they are less demanding (to a point, as long as you keep them occupied they're happy.)
don't worry about letting mum down - you don't want to get to breaking point altogether.

good luck with your decision and let us know how you are doing.

anna x

15-01-2009, 06:21 PM
Put yourself and your family first xx

Chatterbox Childcare
15-01-2009, 06:30 PM
Has mum spoken to the HV about this as it sounds like something has happened outside of your setting?

Also, could be that mindee is frustrated or it hurts to stand.

Overall, your family must come first.

15-01-2009, 06:36 PM
Oh you poor thing ( it's posts like these that make me wonder if I'm doing the right thing in registering :( ). Amyway for what its worth, I totally agree with debbieS26 in that the childs parent/s need to get some outside expert help - HV or doctor. It certainly sounds as if there are underlying problems that need addressing. I also agree that you need to put yourself and your family at top of your priority list. Nothing is more important then that!

Wishing you good luck and sending relaxing vibes your way :)

Jo x x x

15-01-2009, 06:46 PM
Poor you! It sounds like you have your hands full! I would agree with everyone and put your needs and your families first.

I'm sure mum will understand if she is going through the same thing with him. Do you know any other minders you could give her details of to help her out?

Good luck with what you decide xx

15-01-2009, 06:47 PM
Ditto,,,,, unfortunatly i was in no persition to give up as im a lone parent with no other job and bills dancing infront of me lol

but if you can reduce to one child and you feel for the moment that is better for you go for it and in the future move on to more children

have a hot bath with some nice smellies and a good think then put your foot down and keep to your dission

good luck hun xx

15-01-2009, 07:02 PM
I would speak to the parent to see if you can come up with a workable solution, she obviously realises how it is for you.

Give yourself a time to get it under control and think of your own family first.

I minded a biter early on in my childminding career. She (18 months) bit my son (10 months) at least once a day even when I was right near. I spoke to the parents, agreed to be firm and remove from play( sit in buggy when out at toddler group etc) and gave myself 4 weeks to get it under control or give notice, for the sake of my placid son, my sanity and the whole family.
It worked, she stopped and stayed till starting school.

If it would be better all round to give this one notice at least you can say you tried. Sometimes you just have to.

Good luck :)

Jen x

15-01-2009, 07:05 PM
First of all (((((hugs))))), one thing that is pushed with this job is how easy it is to stay at home with your own children, i actually feel like i spent more time with my older 2 who i went out to work with than my youngest who i stayed at home with :eek:

Can you book a long weekend to give yourself time to think about what you would want to do, i know your saying the baby is only 6 month but whats to say he will not be unsettled and need lots of tlc??

this job has too be one of the hardest jobs to do ;)

15-01-2009, 08:35 PM
If it all gets too much, make sure he is clean and fed and in no pain, then just pop him in his cot for 30 minutes to give yourself time to calm down. It will not harm him.:panic:

15-01-2009, 09:38 PM
hi Lushy 78. Dont give up, The problem may lie at the home of the child. u yourself said "Mum could not wait to say goodbye".
1.Speak to mum and ask her, her routine with child each morning.
2.Ask her if it would be possible to follow that routine each morning.(for example child wakes @6.00am, bath dressed given breakfast.While she doing the routine with the child talk to child about attending your setting and ask the mum to be happy(u know baby happy-like she will say we going to what ever baby knows u by and clap her hands the child will evenually be excited to be part of his mum day and will get use to being at your setting.
3.All the way to your setting mum should encourage child, still be excited for the child-like singing we going to lushy we are going to lushy. if mum is happy child will evevtually get happy and understand his/her routine.
4.Not all children are suited to all childminders if that does not work then mum needs to find another mindee. BUT DONT U GIVE UP. U MUST HAVE DECIDED TO CHILDMIND FOR A GOOD REASON.JUS HAVE TO GET IT RIGHT.GOOD LUCK. TINYHANDS(AKA SHERON).:)

15-01-2009, 11:18 PM
I really feel for you. I'm not going to repeat what others have written. At end of the day you and your family come first - go with your gut instinct.

16-01-2009, 08:11 AM
Sorry you're having such a tough time

Childminding is not an easy job especially when you have small children of your own.

You need to put yourself and your own family first

Good luck whatever you decide

Miffy xx